Re: Momster pulling out all stops on her distortion campaign!

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. How shamefull for your mother

to go through such drastic measures for control. How dare she sacrifice your

daughters mental well being by placing these lies around town about her own

father molesting her! It is also a slap in the face for real victims and its

because of people that lie like her that real criminals get away and real

victims get stigmatized!

BPD people are so chaotic and reckless there really is no explanation

for their disregard for other humans emotional well being. My nada wouldnt

beleive my fada was a molester , he was. Now even though they are split up she

tries to insinuate my fada wasnt really a molester because SHE doesnt want the

stigma of being someone that was married to a molester and continued to stay

married to one years after she found out! She evn tells people I admitted it

wanst true, despite I that I never did and two of my sisters were also abused.

These BPDs are so screwed up in their little minds that they cant wrap

their ideas around the horror of something like child molestation to realize it

isnt something you play games with the way they play with everything else.

When I was thirteen my nada actually tried to accuse me of molesting my

two year old sister!!! UGH. It was untrue and a very horrific experience to go

through and the next day she acted like nothing happenned at all, as though

she never accused me of one of the most vile things you can accuse a person

of. It was in her mind like accusing me of leaving the lights on behind me or

something, like borrowing a shirt without asking! Jesus.

She has also accussed my step father of wanting to be with my 14 year old

sister he raised and practically adopted! And thought both I and the middle

sister were out to seduce her man! YUCK...

That is also one of the many reasons I limit my daughter having anything

to do with nada because as you are learning they are capable of doing this

very type of thing to manipulate a situation. NOTHING is off limits to a BPD.

Im am kinda reluctant to have my own step son in our life as bad as that

sounds because I fear his BPD mother would make something like that up if she

got mad at my husband. she already had threatened to accuse him of rape if

he didnt let her get her way during the divorce. Of course he is innocent, my

husband couldnt rape anyone and she couldnt say NO the anything with a

penis!!!LOL. But she knew even an accusation would be enough to ruin his

military

career. Then another time she made a false accusation about him attacking her

during a visit to see their son, I was there. There was NO attack, not even

cross words. But you know how it is once rumors get started...

I dont mean to go on and on about me. I do that too much! I just wnat you

to know you are not alone in these awfull slanderous attacks. Though what

your nada is doing right now certainly takes the cake. takes the cake and the

icecream too.

Maybe you should threaten to take her to court for slander. Im sure a

doctors notice your child has never been abused will be enough to make any

judge shut her up. She has NO standing to take your daughter and NO standing to

threaten your career. In fact I would bet after a judge sees your record and

integrity as a social worker your nada will be roasted and toasted. She may

even be forced to get a pychiatric eval once it comes out she is making these

unfounded accusations.

The people you work with must know you are a good worker, a good mother

and give your child a good home. I think we give nadas more credit than they

deserve. If these people can SEE your daughter is fine and a doctor says your

daughter is fine then it is your nada that looks nuts.

I would really rethink allowing the seven year old be around her. There

are highly publicized cases of children making false allegations because an

adult CONVINCES these kids to believe they were abused. Sometimes a child will

imagine and remember abuse that never happenned if they are led to believe it

did by an adult. Your mothers instability is a direct threat your childs

well being.

And she has real nerve to try to recooncile after doing that to your

husband! I am so sorry you have to go through that added marital stress. A BPD

has

no real concept of love so they cant fathom how hurt you must have felt to

see the man you love attacked in this malicious manner. What a horribble and

hatefull thing to do to the man her daughter loves, to the man her

granddaughter calls Daddy!

Have you thought of just moving? You can find work as a social worker

anywhere. Just saving some money and not telling anyone your leaving and taking

your family and moving away? I know its drastic but sometimes you just do

what you have to do .

[Guest guest]

I have two words to say:

Strike first.

If you think that she could hurt you by talking to certain people

about you, talk to them first.

[Guest guest]

Welcome. First of all, how do you know you are dealing with BPD? How far do you

live from your mother?

This is a great site where we support and give ideas on how to cope with the

near to uncopeable, but the first line of defense is you. I know it is hard, but

perhaps in the future, meeting her at a public place where you can leave if it

gets crazy. You don't have to let her in. Even sitting on the porch gives you

the option of going inside if things get crazy. Both my parents were BPD, so I

know it is hard to stop the chaos roadshow, but for your own sanity, concider

not letting her into your personal space. Take care.

Otwoma

apeacefulife wrote:

Hello all, I am a newbie who has reached her limit and came looking

for validation. Gotta Love the internet! By the way I find the " Oz "

amusing since I actually AM in Kansas! LOL

My momster has BPD. Let me say this is a RELIEF! Then let me say I am

a nervous wreck!

I think most of you know my story as you have your own BPD person in

your life. The rages, the me me me, the manipulation.

About a year ago I finally said, " ENOUGH! " I have kept myself safe

and kept my distance spoke to her only when absolutely necessary,

being polite but not offering anything of myself. Then last night she

showed up at my door, asked if I was alone (I was) and came in and

told me to sit down. I actually thought she was going to try and

reconcile. Silly me!

And so, unprepared that I was, I sat there for an hour wondering if I

really am insane. I hate that she can still hurt me so much, right to

my core! Accusing my DH of molesting my DD, telling me I am " sick "

and need help, that I am not allowed to see my 15y/o sister or go to

my brother's wedding, that my DH is the sickest strangest man she has

ever met and that " everyone " says the same thing. That my family (I

am VERY close to my PATERNAL family) has called her and told her that

they don't want anything to do with me. God, it goes on and on. And I

actually sat there stunned and started thinking that maybe I am the

crazy one!

What is the most disturbing is the acusations of molestation. She has

nothing to go on except a 7 y/o drama queen's anger at having rules

to follow and telling grandma how " mean " her dad is and how she hates

him sometimes. However, she (momster) has apparently been talking to

anyone who will listen about how DH is doing " something " to DD. She

runs a popular restraunt in our city and so she has access to many

people, including people who are in the social services with me. (I

am a social worker) She is slandering me and DH, demanding that I let

her see DD or else she will have her taken from our home, and

threatening my career!

Well, DD being removed is rediculous, but the slander to the right

people really could hurt my career here.

I don't know what to do, I am a total wreck. I am terrified in my own

home for fear she will show up again.(I would not lether in, but just

her knocking and raging!) I was afraid to leave cause she might be

lurking. I kept flinching at people walking toward me today. (I am

being treated for PTSD and doing very well until last night)

How do I deal with this?

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the responses!

Otwoma, I am a clinical social worker, so though nada has never been

to a therapist, I am qualified to make Dx and have had a few BPD

patients, though substance abuse was my area, now I work with

children and adolecents. Nada is a " textbook " case meeting all the

diagnostic crtiteria for BPD. Thanks for asking.

I live about 10 minutes away from her. Trust me, i will be more

prepared next time it happens! I know it will happen again though she

will NOT step foot in this house again!

> Hello all, I am a newbie who has reached her limit and came looking

> for validation. Gotta Love the internet! By the way I find

the " Oz "

> amusing since I actually AM in Kansas! LOL

>

> My momster has BPD. Let me say this is a RELIEF! Then let me say I

am

> a nervous wreck!

>

> I think most of you know my story as you have your own BPD person

in

> your life. The rages, the me me me, the manipulation.

>

> About a year ago I finally said, " ENOUGH! " I have kept myself safe

> and kept my distance spoke to her only when absolutely necessary,

> being polite but not offering anything of myself. Then last night

she

> showed up at my door, asked if I was alone (I was) and came in and

> told me to sit down. I actually thought she was going to try and

> reconcile. Silly me!

>

> And so, unprepared that I was, I sat there for an hour wondering if

I

> really am insane. I hate that she can still hurt me so much, right

to

> my core! Accusing my DH of molesting my DD, telling me I am " sick "

> and need help, that I am not allowed to see my 15y/o sister or go

to

> my brother's wedding, that my DH is the sickest strangest man she

has

> ever met and that " everyone " says the same thing. That my family (I

> am VERY close to my PATERNAL family) has called her and told her

that

> they don't want anything to do with me. God, it goes on and on. And

I

> actually sat there stunned and started thinking that maybe I am the

> crazy one!

>

> What is the most disturbing is the acusations of molestation. She

has

> nothing to go on except a 7 y/o drama queen's anger at having rules

> to follow and telling grandma how " mean " her dad is and how she

hates

> him sometimes. However, she (momster) has apparently been talking

to

> anyone who will listen about how DH is doing " something " to DD. She

> runs a popular restraunt in our city and so she has access to many

> people, including people who are in the social services with me. (I

> am a social worker) She is slandering me and DH, demanding that I

let

> her see DD or else she will have her taken from our home, and

> threatening my career!

>

> Well, DD being removed is rediculous, but the slander to the right

> people really could hurt my career here.

>

> I don't know what to do, I am a total wreck. I am terrified in my

own

> home for fear she will show up again.(I would not lether in, but

just

> her knocking and raging!) I was afraid to leave cause she might be

> lurking. I kept flinching at people walking toward me today. (I am

> being treated for PTSD and doing very well until last night)

>

> How do I deal with this?

>

>

>

>

>

> Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

> " Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered

via 1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go

to:

> http://www.BPDCentral.com

>

>

>

>

>