new name--fear of discovery

[Guest guest]

I just changed my email and info for this group, because I'm afraid

nada will discover that I'm using this and will read everything and

ruin me somehow.

I realize this may not be rational, but she is very smart. I think

if I just don't tell her or any of her friends that I use this

website, she would never know to check. But I'm afraid that if she

learns that I believe she is borderline she will snoop this out

somehow. And then she will go on a rampage. It has only ever been

emotional and psychological espionage with her--never physical--but

still.

Any thoughts?

[Guest guest]

I tend to think the same way about my nada except I am fortunate she is not too

swift at using email and definitely not the internet yet ! Otherwise, I would

feel exactly like you do. Nada never has time for anything but when it comes to

revenge and other strange campaigns she has plenty of time somehow.

Theresa

-- " tapahgirl " wrote:

I just changed my email and info for this group, because I'm afraid

nada will discover that I'm using this and will read everything and

ruin me somehow.

I realize this may not be rational, but she is very smart. I think

if I just don't tell her or any of her friends that I use this

website, she would never know to check. But I'm afraid that if she

learns that I believe she is borderline she will snoop this out

somehow. And then she will go on a rampage. It has only ever been

emotional and psychological espionage with her--never physical--but

still.

Any thoughts?

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[Guest guest]

> I just changed my email and info for this group, because I'm afraid

> nada will discover that I'm using this and will read everything and

> ruin me somehow.

Maybe you would be lucky and she would get so mad she wouldn't talk

to you any more.

- Dan

[Guest guest]

Hi tapahgirl,

Welcome to this board. Don't worry about whether or not your decisio

is 'rational'. Everything is in degrees, anyway. Your fear is a

common one among KOs (Kids Of Borderline parents. Many of us have

changed our name and set up a separate account for this board also.

Most of us have lived in fear of those rages, and were willing to do

almost anything to prevent them. Because of this, our needs were

rarely met, we often didn't even learn what we needed, or how to take

care of ourselves. We were too busy taking care of the needs of our

parent in order to prevent the rages and other behavior that would be

directed at us.

There is no reason to let your nada know you think she is

borderline. For one thing, an official diagnosis can only be done by

a mental health professional. For another, if nada doesn't think

there is anything wrong, telling her about BP won't get her to

believe it about herself. Many of us on the list have parents who

have not been officially diagnosed, but we know that they meet most

of the criteria.

As far as I can remember, my nada did not physically abuse me

(hitting, beatings), but there are times in my life that I have

little or no memory. I am pretty sure I was pushed around, hair

pulled, that sort of thing. When I was 16 I was beaten by my

father. He used two belts.

Most of nada's abuse has been emotional. I have been trying to

recover from it for almost 40 years! I think I am almost there!

Take care of yourself!

Sylvia

> I just changed my email and info for this group, because I'm afraid

> nada will discover that I'm using this and will read everything and

> ruin me somehow.

>

> I realize this may not be rational, but she is very smart. I think

> if I just don't tell her or any of her friends that I use this

> website, she would never know to check. But I'm afraid that if she

> learns that I believe she is borderline she will snoop this out

> somehow. And then she will go on a rampage. It has only ever been

> emotional and psychological espionage with her--never physical--but

> still.

>

> Any thoughts?