Rant

[Guest guest]

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been

totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is

pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I

am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed

and I'm going over.

Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it

all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for

the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids

and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he

means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I

should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have

Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but

the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to

show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I

would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him

suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older

and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less

tolerant as he gets older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have

had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just

saying, " Now what. " Is this how his life will be, just one failure and

rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me

for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or

four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that

has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I

feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all

that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to

everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't

make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him.

My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in

his 11 years, all because of this condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

[Guest guest]

Hi there,First I want to say that I totally feel your pain. I know exactly what you mean when you stated that if you knew how it would be that you just would not have had a child. It's okay to think these kinds of things because we're all human. However we do need to realize that that is just the emotion that we are feeling at that time. It's not necessarily horrible because were just trying to let the stress out in some way, shape or form because we know in our hearts that we wouldn't change anything now. We love our kids and that's why it hurts so much. As far as how your son is being treated in scouting I would try to speak to a supervisor or maybe even the leader and discuss your feelings in an open and honest manner if you feel comfortable doing that. There has to be a way that a parent can file a grievance or express their concern about their child without retaliation. You know people usually act the way they do because of ignorance. Perhaps if you do feel comfortable speaking to the leader or whoever oversees this leader of the group, as in the supervisor, you both could collaborate and come up with a training of some sort to educate the leaders which are the adults and the kids on the topic of Aspergers and autism in general. I say this because I am a teacher but I have had to take this school year off to help my three-year-old son and my training and background has been centered around demystifying topics that could be uncomfortable. In fact, a teacher friend of mine whose grandson is autistic has always taught her class about autism using simple books that explain autism spectrum disorder. There are books that have stories geared to the age level of the group of children that explains the autistic child's behavior. It explains why they do what they do in simple terms and what the other children can do to help, understand, and how to interact with the autistic child. These simple types of books are even very helpful, I would imagine, to ignorant adults who act like children with their behaviors.I'm sorry I can't give you an example of a book because I don't have one but I do know there are some out there because this teacher showed them to me. I would imagine there are also similar types of books regarding Aspergers children. There may even be videos which are very helpful as well. These are just suggestions and I don't even know exactly where you could locate these type of resources but I'm sure someone here in this listserv could help or even if you Google it could point you in the right direction.Next, I don't know if you are already a part of a support group but this is also a very helpful resource to be a part of. When I say support group, I'm talking about groups that specifically are geared to families affected by autism spectrum disorder. Support groups that meet in person because as human beings we need physical human contact. This listserv is great however we don't meet in person. Meeting a support group in person could help you form friendships or be able to bounce back ideas regarding how other families deal with issues like you're dealing with. I'm sure you already know this but you also need to take care of yourself physically and mentally in order to take on the challenges that we face every day with our children. This may mean going to speak to a therapist which I do because for me it does help or speaking to somebody else that can offer support that you need in order to decompress and get the rest that you need. I hope that my suggestions and ideas offer some help for you in this situation and I truly hope the best for you and please take care of yourself so that you can take care of your son. Take care,Gladys

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.

Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

=

[Guest guest]

Hi again. One more thing, always make sure that you have a complaint in writing because it gives it more weight and if there were ever to be a legal issue then you have proof. I just wanted to remind you as most people know this but I just wanted to make sure that you did not forget. Gladys

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.

Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

=

[Guest guest]

I’m sorry you’re feeling terrible!! It was very sad to read

the Scouting group is giving him a hard time. Just know that you are doing your

best and you are NOT a failure and remember it is the ignorant who is failing

you and your son. You wrote “I can't change

how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging

kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this condition. I

am just so sad.†Can you try to focus on his brilliant, funny and

challenging side? With my daughter I don’t look at anything as a failure, but a

“well at least we tried†attitude. It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to slap some

of the ignorant non-supporters who look

at her funny or made/make comments into next week. What it does mean is she

will endure because she has tried and will succeed without shallow people deterring

her. You wrote maybe he is oblivious to everything, if he is maybe that’s not a

bad thing. I get sick and angry with people who judge my daughter but the fact

is there are jackasses out there who themselves are completely oblivious to

those around them. At least my kid has a “reasonâ€. If you want him to continue

in the scouts or any other group, you could compose a letter and give it to the

other parents/kids. Or perhaps have a day or couple of hours where they can ask

questions and get answers. It is usually the ignorant people who belittle. Let them in your world it will just take one person

to get it to make a difference in the whole group.

I hope you feel better soon and try to get some rest. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Thursday, May 3, 2012 9:27 AM Subject: Rant

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.

Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets

older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this

condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

[Guest guest]

You gave good advice. We went through due process with our school and had tons of paperwork we had saved with all correspondence between the school. My son was always compliant in school and because I told them he threw a pencil across the room when he was doing his homework, they tried to paint him as a violent child. From: Gladys Fanning

To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Thursday, May 3, 2012 12:27 PM Subject: Re: Rant

Hi again. One more thing, always make sure that you have a complaint in writing because it gives it more weight and if there were ever to be a legal issue then you have proof. I just wanted to remind you as most people know this but I just wanted to make sure that you did not forget. Gladys

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.

Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets

older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this

condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

=

[Guest guest]

I did a quick google search of scouting and aspergers. There are lots of scouting resources to help adult leaders. I find that the best way to approach someone when there's a problem is to have a solution or guidance in mind. I would find so resources that would help people to interact properly with your son and then schedule a sit down with the leaders.

You gave good advice. We went through due process with our school and had tons of paperwork we had saved with all correspondence between the school. My son was always compliant in school and because I told them he threw a pencil across the room when he was doing his homework, they tried to paint him as a violent child. From: Gladys Fanning

To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Thursday, May 3, 2012 12:27 PM Subject: Re: Rant

Hi again. One more thing, always make sure that you have a complaint in writing because it gives it more weight and if there were ever to be a legal issue then you have proof. I just wanted to remind you as most people know this but I just wanted to make sure that you did not forget. Gladys

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.

Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets

older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this

condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

=

=

[Guest guest]

I was the cub scout leader for my den for two years before we moved out of the area. There is a ton of info out there about leading Scouts with special needs. However, it takes a very special adult to embrace it! I feel just like you with my 9 year old. Seriously, kids can be so cruel and adults so oblivious. I want everyone to see and celebrate my Sammy, but people see how intense he is and they judge and never give Sammy a second shot. Sammy has no friends, never been invited to play and when he begs kids to play with him their rough housing he takes personally and it all falls to heck in the end. When our kids win the Nobel Prize, that'll teach those others!!! I have been known to use sleep medicine at night, just to stop the swirling thoughts.Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: scrappingmom3@...Sender: autism-aspergers Date: Thu, 3 May 2012 18:19:22 -0400To: autism-aspergers <autism-aspergers >ReplyTo: autism-aspergers Subject: Re: Rant I did a quick google search of scouting and aspergers. There are lots of scouting resources to help adult leaders. I find that the best way to approach someone when there's a problem is to have a solution or guidance in mind. I would find so resources that would help people to interact properly with your son and then schedule a sit down with the leaders. You gave good advice. We went through due process with our school and had tons of paperwork we had saved with all correspondence between the school. My son was always compliant in school and because I told them he threw a pencil across the room when he was doing his homework, they tried to paint him as a violent child. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Thursday, May 3, 2012 12:27 PM Subject: Re: Rant Hi again. One more thing, always make sure that you have a complaint in writing because it gives it more weight and if there were ever to be a legal issue then you have proof. I just wanted to remind you as most people know this but I just wanted to make sure that you did not forget. Gladys I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he getsolder. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of thiscondition. I am just so sad. Rant over.= =

[Guest guest]

I read your post and have a lot of thoughts, but I have to run- illCome back- but off the topOf my head- is there another troop you can join? Or something else? Can someone start a group for quirky kids and kids who accept them?Because even with my non autistic children- I have experienced groups or teams or places- where it's not a good match - and made changes.You should feel good about where your son is, he should be accepted and celebrated-And there are places out there that do- or start a place.Really? Why not teach him now that he may not be accepted everywhere- but he deserves respect and dignity- and shouldn't stay involved with people not evolved enough to know this -JaneSent from my iPhone

I was the cub scout leader for my den for two years before we moved out of the area. There is a ton of info out there about leading Scouts with special needs. However, it takes a very special adult to embrace it! I feel just like you with my 9 year old. Seriously, kids can be so cruel and adults so oblivious. I want everyone to see and celebrate my Sammy, but people see how intense he is and they judge and never give Sammy a second shot. Sammy has no friends, never been invited to play and when he begs kids to play with him their rough housing he takes personally and it all falls to heck in the end. When our kids win the Nobel Prize, that'll teach those others!!! I have been known to use sleep medicine at night, just to stop the swirling thoughts.Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: scrappingmom3@...

Sender: autism-aspergers

Date: Thu, 3 May 2012 18:19:22 -0400To: autism-aspergers <autism-aspergers >ReplyTo: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: Rant

I did a quick google search of scouting and aspergers. There are lots of scouting resources to help adult leaders. I find that the best way to approach someone when there's a problem is to have a solution or guidance in mind. I would find so resources that would help people to interact properly with your son and then schedule a sit down with the leaders.

You gave good advice. We went through due process with our school and had tons of paperwork we had saved with all correspondence between the school. My son was always compliant in school and because I told them he threw a pencil across the room when he was doing his homework, they tried to paint him as a violent child. From: Gladys Fanning

To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Thursday, May 3, 2012 12:27 PM Subject: Re: Rant

Hi again. One more thing, always make sure that you have a complaint in writing because it gives it more weight and if there were ever to be a legal issue then you have proof. I just wanted to remind you as most people know this but I just wanted to make sure that you did not forget. Gladys

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.

Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets

older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this

condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

=

=

[Guest guest]

Swirling thoughts. That's good. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Thursday, May 3, 2012 7:23 PM Subject: Re: Rant

I was the cub scout leader for my den for two years before we moved out of the area. There is a ton of info out there about leading Scouts with special needs. However, it takes a very special adult to embrace it! I feel just like you with my 9 year old. Seriously, kids can be so cruel and adults so oblivious. I want everyone to see and celebrate my Sammy, but people see how intense he is and they judge and never give Sammy a second shot. Sammy has no friends, never been invited to play and when he begs kids to play with him their rough housing he takes personally and it all falls to heck in the end. When our kids win the Nobel Prize, that'll teach those others!!! I have been known to use sleep medicine at night, just to stop the swirling thoughts.Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: scrappingmom3@...

Sender: autism-aspergers

Date: Thu, 3 May 2012 18:19:22 -0400To: autism-aspergers <autism-aspergers >ReplyTo: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: Rant

I did a quick google search of scouting and aspergers. There are lots of scouting resources to help adult leaders. I find that the best way to approach someone when there's a problem is to have a solution or guidance in mind. I would find so resources that would help people to interact properly with your son and then schedule a sit down with the leaders.

You gave good advice. We went through due process with our school and had tons of paperwork we had saved with all correspondence between the school. My son was always compliant in school and because I told them he threw a pencil across the room when he was doing his homework, they tried to paint him as a violent child. From: Gladys Fanning

To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Thursday, May 3, 2012 12:27 PM Subject: Re: Rant

Hi again. One more thing, always make sure that you have a complaint in writing because it gives it more weight and if there were ever to be a legal issue then you have proof. I just wanted to remind you as most people know this but I just wanted to make sure that you did not forget. Gladys

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.

Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets

older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this

condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

=

=

[Guest guest]

I'm a girl scout leader. In my troop we have my daughter (ASD) and another girl (PDD-NOS) and another girl with learning disabilities. We have seven girls total...so that means that almost half our troop is special needs. The other 4 girls are NT, popular, well behaved and so on. We don't allow bullying. Matter of fact a few years ago we took the troop on a trip. We had arrived at the hotel and within an hour of arriving the other girls wanted to 'vote her off the island' (my daughter). My co-leader came and got me and told me what was going on. We realized that this was a great time for education. My co-leader asked the girls if they would kick my daughter out of the troop if she was in a wheelchair. They we all mortified and said no way, that would be wrong. So she asked them how a physical disability was different than a mental disability. They were all shocked when they realized that they were discriminating against her. When I entered the discussion, I told them what her disabilities are and how they affect to behavior. I told them that she was not being malicious or bad. I told them that they needed to understand that she would act inappropriate sometimes but that they could help by nicely pointing out that it wasn't ok to say/do XYZ. That way she could learn from it. Now they encourage her and help her. Yes they get mad at her and we have to make sure that no one gets paired with her all the time...but they don't ostracize her either. It has been great for her and for them.

I know that girl scout leaders are given specific guidelines and instructions and training in dealing with all types of girls. I'm sure boy scouts does the same. Maybe look into a 'disability awareness' badge and offer to help teach it. Just don't focus on your son, focus on all disabilities. When you get around to mental issues your son could volunteer something about himself so the other boys see that he isn't bad just different. If that doesn't work, find a different pack/troop. Scouting is great and would help your son a lot if you find the right place for him.

As for your internal dialogue...that is normal. Many of us do that. Just think what your life would be like without him. Realize how wonderful and special he is and how much you love him. Yes, he may have a rough go of it but he will have happiness too. It may just be different than our version of happy. Help him to be comfortable in his own skin. Help him to learn and grow and the rest will fall into place. I would never wish this on anyone but I also wouldn't want to live my life without my daughter. She may never live a life like I would want to to have but she will live the life she was meant to have. She will find her own happiness and so will your son.

{{{Hugs}}}

  Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you;

Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.

One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.

-- Rant

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

[Guest guest]

Excellent advice from the Muehleisen Family. To: autism-aspergers Sent: Saturday, May 5, 2012 7:43 PM Subject: Re: Rant

I'm a girl scout leader. In my troop we have my daughter (ASD) and another girl (PDD-NOS) and another girl with learning disabilities. We have seven girls total...so that means that almost half our troop is special needs. The other 4 girls are NT, popular, well behaved and so on. We don't allow bullying. Matter of fact a few years ago we took the troop on a trip. We had arrived at the hotel and within an hour of arriving the other girls wanted to 'vote her off the island' (my daughter). My co-leader came and got me and told me what was going on. We realized that this was a great time for education. My co-leader asked the girls if they would kick my daughter out of the troop if she was in a wheelchair. They we all mortified and said no way, that would be wrong. So she asked them how a physical disability was different than a mental disability. They were all shocked when they realized that they were discriminating

against her. When I entered the discussion, I told them what her disabilities are and how they affect to behavior. I told them that she was not being malicious or bad. I told them that they needed to understand that she would act inappropriate sometimes but that they could help by nicely pointing out that it wasn't ok to say/do XYZ. That way she could learn from it. Now they encourage her and help her. Yes they get mad at her and we have to make sure that no one gets paired with her all the time...but they don't ostracize her either. It has been great for her and for them.

I know that girl scout leaders are given specific guidelines and instructions and training in dealing with all types of girls. I'm sure boy scouts does the same. Maybe look into a 'disability awareness' badge and offer to help teach it. Just don't focus on your son, focus on all disabilities. When you get around to mental issues your son could volunteer something about himself so the other boys see that he isn't bad just different. If that doesn't work, find a different pack/troop. Scouting is great and would help your son a lot if you find the right place for him.

As for your internal dialogue...that is normal. Many of us do that. Just think what your life would be like without him. Realize how wonderful and special he is and how much you love him. Yes, he may have a rough go of it but he will have happiness too. It may just be different than our version of happy. Help him to be comfortable in his own skin. Help him to learn and grow and the rest will fall into place. I would never wish this on anyone but I also wouldn't want to live my life without my daughter. She may never live a life like I would want to to have but she will live the life she was meant to have. She will find her own happiness and so will your son.

{{{Hugs}}}

  Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you;

Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.

One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.

-- Rant

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show.

Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I

can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

[Guest guest]

Wow your story was so touching , so wonderful that you used the moment and situation as a learning experience for the girls.

We had an experience yesterday when I was out bike riding with my grandson. He gets rather frustrated when bike riding anyway because he has to work hard and gets sweaty and tired can’t escape but just has to deal with it. Which I think is good for him. Anyway there were a few people out and about, and he outbursts a couple of times in front of them and would throw down his bike and kick it. I have learned to just let him express at times like this, and when he has cooled down a bit I try to teach him. One was how to lift the front of the bike up a curb on the other side when we crossed a street. He doesn’t like to follow instruction but finally did and it worked, but then he couldn’t figure out how to get the back wheel up and I said well it will just follow the front wheel, but he didn’t get that and threw the bike down.

At one time he yelled I was a bad person, he did not like me and I was not a good person. I was mean to him and he didn’t like me. On and on he went. Some people walking by to a dog park heard him, and it embarrassed me a little but I am hoping more and more people are getting educated that children with autism talk out like this. He is just frustrated and angry and is expressing it. I don’t get mad back because I understand he is just communicating what he feels and I think that is a good thing. Needs instruction though on what is appropriate and what is not.

Anyway once we were finally finished he was fine, I think felt good he’d made it and I told him I was proud of him.

We were sitting near a BMX track having snacks, actually why I had brought him and the other kids and their bikes there, but it was closed as they were grooming the track for a competition in a couple of hours. I didn’t care if he climbed on a hill near us but one of the guys told him to get off the track. Well then Lucas picked up a rock and said he was going to throw it at him because he hated him. I explained it was ok, he was just doing his job to clean the track before the races and he didn’t want kids on it right then even him if he was just walking. I thought the guy was a little strict but what could I say. Then Lucas picked up a bigger rock and said he was going to kill the guy. He tends to get quite hostile verbally like that when other people rebuke him but has never actually done anything violent to anybody, I think is just expressing his frustration.

Sigh.

Got to take them one at a time I guess, and just hang in there.

Right now I have some guys in my back yard setting up a new large swimming pool and Lucas is out there helping them, they have a couple inches of water in it and he is helping them to flatten it the sides out real good.

He is in heaven right now.

Carolyn grandma in Oregon ;o)

From: Muehleisen Family

Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2012 4:43 PM

To: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: Rant

I'm a girl scout leader. In my troop we have my daughter (ASD) and another girl (PDD-NOS) and another girl with learning disabilities. We have seven girls total...so that means that almost half our troop is special needs. The other 4 girls are NT, popular, well behaved and so on. We don't allow bullying. Matter of fact a few years ago we took the troop on a trip. We had arrived at the hotel and within an hour of arriving the other girls wanted to 'vote her off the island' (my daughter). My co-leader came and got me and told me what was going on. We realized that this was a great time for education. My co-leader asked the girls if they would kick my daughter out of the troop if she was in a wheelchair. They we all mortified and said no way, that would be wrong. So she asked them how a physical disability was different than a mental disability. They were all shocked when they realized that they were discriminating against her. When I entered the discussion, I told them what her disabilities are and how they affect to behavior. I told them that she was not being malicious or bad. I told them that they needed to understand that she would act inappropriate sometimes but that they could help by nicely pointing out that it wasn't ok to say/do XYZ. That way she could learn from it. Now they encourage her and help her. Yes they get mad at her and we have to make sure that no one gets paired with her all the time...but they don't ostracize her either. It has been great for her and for them.

I know that girl scout leaders are given specific guidelines and instructions and training in dealing with all types of girls. I'm sure boy scouts does the same. Maybe look into a 'disability awareness' badge and offer to help teach it. Just don't focus on your son, focus on all disabilities. When you get around to mental issues your son could volunteer something about himself so the other boys see that he isn't bad just different. If that doesn't work, find a different pack/troop. Scouting is great and would help your son a lot if you find the right place for him.

As for your internal dialogue...that is normal. Many of us do that. Just think what your life would be like without him. Realize how wonderful and special he is and how much you love him. Yes, he may have a rough go of it but he will have happiness too. It may just be different than our version of happy. Help him to be comfortable in his own skin. Help him to learn and grow and the rest will fall into place. I would never wish this on anyone but I also wouldn't want to live my life without my daughter. She may never live a life like I would want to to have but she will live the life she was meant to have. She will find her own happiness and so will your son.

{{{Hugs}}}

  Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you;

Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.

One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.

-- Rant

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, "Now what." Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.

[Guest guest]

Wow !Carolyn at this moment wishing you were close to me, wishing you could be my ten year olds grammakeep on with the positives, you are a fortunate person having greankids, and such and they are very \lucky you are theirs.

williamsburg ontario canada

 

Wow your story was so touching , so wonderful that you used the moment and situation as a learning experience for the girls.

 

We had an experience yesterday when I was out bike riding with my grandson. He gets rather frustrated when bike riding anyway because he has to work hard and gets sweaty and tired can’t escape but just has to deal with it. Which I think is good for him. Anyway there were a few people out and about, and he outbursts a couple of times in front of them and would throw down his bike and kick it. I have learned to just let him express at times like this, and when he has cooled down a bit I try to teach him. One was how to lift the front  of the bike up a curb on the other side when we crossed a street. He doesn’t like to follow instruction but finally did and it worked, but then he couldn’t figure out how to get the back wheel up and I said well it will just follow the front wheel, but he didn’t get that and threw the bike down.

 

At one time he yelled I was a bad person, he did not like me and I was not a good person. I was mean to him and he didn’t  like me. On and on he went. Some people walking by to a dog park heard him, and it embarrassed me a little but I am hoping more and more people are getting educated that children with autism talk out like this. He is just frustrated and angry and is expressing it. I don’t get mad back because I understand he is just communicating what he feels and I think that is a good thing. Needs instruction though on what is appropriate and what is not.

 

Anyway once we were finally finished he was fine, I think felt good he’d made it and I told him I was proud of him.

 

We were sitting near a BMX track having snacks, actually why I had brought him and the other kids and their bikes there, but it was closed as they were grooming the track for a competition in a couple of hours. I didn’t care if he climbed on a hill near us but one of the guys told him to get off the track. Well then Lucas picked up a rock and said he was going to throw it at him because he hated him. I explained it was ok, he was just doing his job to clean the track before the races and he didn’t want kids on it right then even him if he was just walking. I thought the guy was a little strict but what could I say. Then Lucas picked up a bigger rock and said he was going to kill the guy. He tends to get quite hostile verbally like that when other people rebuke him but has never actually done anything violent to anybody, I think is just expressing his frustration.

 

Sigh.

 

Got to take them one at a time I guess, and just hang in there. 

 

Right now I have some guys in my back yard setting up a new large swimming pool and Lucas is out there helping them, they have a couple inches of water in it and he is helping them to flatten it the sides out real good.

 

He is in heaven right now.

 

 

Carolyn grandma in Oregon ;o)

 

 

From: Muehleisen Family

Sent: Saturday, May 05, 2012 4:43 PM

To: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: Rant

 

 

I'm a girl scout leader. In my troop we have my daughter (ASD) and another girl (PDD-NOS) and another girl with learning disabilities. We have seven girls total...so that means that almost half our troop is special needs. The other 4 girls are NT, popular, well behaved and so on. We don't allow bullying. Matter of fact a few years ago we took the troop on a trip. We had arrived at the hotel and within  an hour of arriving the other girls wanted to 'vote her off the island' (my daughter). My co-leader came and got me and told me what was going on. We realized that this was a great time for education. My co-leader asked the girls if they would kick my daughter out of the troop if she was in a wheelchair. They we all mortified and said no way, that would be wrong. So she asked them how a physical disability was different than a mental disability. They were all shocked when they realized that they were discriminating against her. When I entered the discussion, I told them what her disabilities are and how they affect to behavior. I told them that she was not being malicious or bad. I told them that they needed to understand that she would act inappropriate sometimes but that they could help by nicely pointing out that it wasn't ok to say/do XYZ. That way she could learn from it. Now they encourage her and help her. Yes they get mad at her and we have to make sure that no one gets paired with her all the time...but they don't ostracize her either. It has been great for her and for them.

 

I know that girl scout leaders are given specific guidelines and instructions and training in dealing with all types of girls. I'm sure boy scouts does the same.  Maybe look into a 'disability awareness' badge and offer to help teach it. Just don't focus on your son, focus on all disabilities. When you get around to mental issues your son could volunteer something about himself so the other boys see that he isn't bad just different. If that doesn't work, find a different pack/troop. Scouting is great and would help your son a lot if you find the right place for him.

 

As for your internal dialogue...that is normal. Many of us do that. Just think what your life would be like without him. Realize how wonderful and special he is and how much you love him. Yes, he may have a rough go of it but he will have happiness too. It may just be different than our version of happy. Help him to be comfortable in his own skin. Help him to learn and grow and the rest will fall into place. I would never wish this on anyone but I also wouldn't want to live my life without my daughter. She may never live a life like I would want to to have but she will live the life she was meant to have. She will find her own happiness and so will your son.

 

{{{Hugs}}}

 

 

 

  Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you;

Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.

One died for your soul; the other for your freedom.

-- Rant

  

I just need to rant today. I think I am becoming depressed. I have been totally unable to concentrate on anything but my own inner dialogue that is pretty much on one topic, which is how mad I am at so many people around me. I am right on the verge of tears at all times, so anyone looks at me cross-eyed and I'm going over.Without going into any detail because the last thing I want to do is write it all out and run it through my head again, my son is in Scouting and has been for the past 8 months and has been given a very hard time by both adults and kids and it is all 100% because he has Aspergers and he can't communicate what he means to communicate and he can't relate how he wants to relate. I know I should not do this but I keep thinking, what would it be like if he didn't have Aspergers? Who was he meant to be? Such an incredible kid lives in there, but the Aspergers keeps making it so hard for all the good that might have been to show. Why must my child be the one to bear the brunt of this? Honestly, I would never have had a child if I had known how it would be. I hate to see him suffer for this, and I hate that it is only going to be worse as he gets older and the few places and people who tolerate an Aspie child will be less and less tolerant as he gets older. What a horrible thing to say, that I would not have had children if I had known how this would go. I feel like every day I am just saying, " Now what. " Is this how his life will be, just one failure and rejection after another? Is this how my life will be, with people judging me for his failure? I am so tired of this. And I haven't slept more than three or four hours a night for the past week because I just keep running everything that has happened through my head and can't fall asleep, and as soon as I wake up I feel so sad all over again. And on top of that, my son isn't even disturbed all that much by what has happened. I can't tell if he's just oblivious to everything, or if he just has so much faith that mom can make it right. I can't make people do the right thing. I can't change how other people perceive him. My son, my brilliant and funny and challenging kid, has had so much failure in his 11 years, all because of this condition. I am just so sad. Rant over.