not self injuring behavior but mean to other children

[Guest guest]

Hello,

My name is Marie and I have a 7 year old daughter, le, who is

High functioning. She is bright, talented, loving, and sweet. And

then she has that other side...She will push or shove another child

for no reason at all. The other day at a homeschool co-op she pushed

a little girl and as I was running toward her and telling her to stop

she looked right at me and did it again. She will stand there and

say I'm sorry and do it again. She runs from me when I try to

discipline her but she doesn't do this all the time. Can someone

help me to understand this. This is all new to me. Her pediatrician

never noticed she was autistic. She didn't even seem worried that

le wasn't talking at age three. She looks at you, smiles or

says...me shy maybe she will greet you today and tomorrow see you at

the store and hug you. We thought all these years that she was just

developmentally delayed but never autistic until I started reading

that symptoms are all over the place in varying degrees. But what is

heartbreaking to me is that she is so rough with the other kids and I

cannot trust her to be alone with my grandchildren just in case...but

she loves them so much and shows them affection and empathy but the

concept of sharing and not pushing are totally foreign to her. It

has gotten to the point that if she pushes another kid at co-op we

will be asked to withdraw which breaks my heart because I know she

looks forward to going. Can someone explain to me why some autistic

kids do this? How can I help her understand, is that even possible?

Should I even integrate her?

Marie

[Guest guest]

It sounds like she might have some bipolar tenndencies. Lois

not self injuring behavior but mean to other children

[Guest guest]

Marie,

My 4 year old used to do this. I had parents at his daycare running to

the director and demanding that he be removed. I felt awful and was

scared he would hurt someone since he would push them for no apparent

reason either. I think it was because good or bad,he got immediate

attention. He is high functioning and understands more than I realize.

He loves playing games on the computer. It is/was his FAVORITE activity

each night. I took it away when he did this. I made sure he understood

why and he screamed & had a tantrum for 45 minutes the first time I

took it away and he knew I meant business. I never gave in and I also

informed his teachers to let me know if he pushed, so I could take away

his privledges that night. He learned very quickly and doesn't do it

anymore. Try taking away a favorite activity consistently and see if

it corrects the problem. I hope this helps you.

[Guest guest]

My son is 11. and since he was young he has had the same tendency to push or hit others. It is sometimes so needed I would say it is like a tic. You cant really say for no reason because I believe there is always a reason...we just dont understand it sometimes. Be it a way to say hello or to get your attention or to get the other child's attention or to just say I have this power. We worked with a behaviorist to help me with different techniques for punishment, different ways to handle my son, methods for redirecting, methods for seeing it before it happens, etc.

My son also can be so loving and so smart and so amazing in so many ways...then he goes and pushes or hits someone and it just throws me for a loop. When in public I always keep him near me. I can never tell if he will lash out. Once on a line at an amusment park I saw he just reached a finger out and tapped a child once lightly...it was just to touch. Another time on a line at a public place he gave the biggest shove it almost sent the boy flying. O-my how I had to keep cool and look at the other parents and say I was sorry but my son has autism and just wanted to connect with their son...thank goodness they were nice and understanding. He has gotten better in recent years. But at 11, I look back and I see it goes in waves.

I have also needed to find replacement behaviors. I have learned some of his reasons...example, a boy on the bus who he kept going after repeatedly...we told the bus driver to have give him a high five getting on and getting off...this contact seemed to do the trick. He needed to make contact with that boy. I also learned acouple years ago that when he sees kids playfighting or roughhousing he thought they were really fighting and he was to protect one of them. o-that is hard...cause boys play fight all over the place.

I also knew of a boy with autism that went after people to hit them whenever they coughed. Or another boy that hit people when they laughed. Some hit themselves.

Like a puzzle, I think we need to try to figure it out. But at the same time, seek professional help too. Like a behaviorist. We also see a developmental and behavioral pediatrician (my son is on a low dose of medication), etc.

good luck!

Randi~

mom to mitch 14, ryan 11 asd, and danielle 9

Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail!

[Guest guest]

Randi, it sounds like you are doing a good job. Pat K************************************** See what's new at http://www.aol.com

[Guest guest]

Thank you very much for answering me, I appreciate and value your experiences. I will talk to my neurodevelopmentalist, and be more diligent about the behavior modification exercises she has given us to do with le. God Bless, mariegtodd504@... wrote: My son is 11. and since he was young he has had the same tendency to push or hit others. It is sometimes so needed I would say it is like a tic. You cant really say for no reason because I believe there is always a reason...we just dont understand it

sometimes. Be it a way to say hello or to get your attention or to get the other child's attention or to just say I have this power. We worked with a behaviorist to help me with different techniques for punishment, different ways to handle my son, methods for redirecting, methods for seeing it before it happens, etc. My son also can be so loving and so smart and so amazing in so many ways...then he goes and pushes or hits someone and it just throws me for a loop. When in public I always keep him near me. I can never tell if he will lash out. Once on a line at an amusment park I saw he just reached a finger out and tapped a child once lightly...it was just to touch. Another time on a line at a public place he gave the biggest shove it almost sent the boy flying. O-my how I had to keep cool and look at the other parents and say I was sorry but my son has autism and just wanted to connect with their son...thank goodness they were nice and understanding. He has gotten

better in recent years. But at 11, I look back and I see it goes in waves. I have also needed to find replacement behaviors. I have learned some of his reasons...example, a boy on the bus who he kept going after repeatedly...we told the bus driver to have give him a high five getting on and getting off...this contact seemed to do the trick. He needed to make contact with that boy. I also learned acouple years ago that when he sees kids playfighting or roughhousing he thought they were really fighting and he was to protect one of them. o-that is hard...cause boys play fight all over the place. I also knew of a boy with autism that went after people to hit them whenever they coughed. Or another boy that hit people when they laughed. Some hit themselves. Like a puzzle, I think we need to try to figure it out. But at the same time, seek professional help too. Like a behaviorist. We also see a developmental and behavioral

pediatrician (my son is on a low dose of medication), etc. good luck! Randi~ mom to mitch 14, ryan 11 asd, and danielle 9 Email and AIM finally together. You've gotta check out free AOL Mail!

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[Guest guest]

Thank you , I will take your advise and try this method. Mariexmen09 wrote: Marie,My 4 year old used to do this. I had parents at his daycare running to the director and demanding that he be removed. I felt awful and was scared he would hurt someone since he would push them for no apparent reason either. I think it was because good or bad,he got immediate attention. He is high functioning and understands more than I realize. He loves playing games on the computer.

It is/was his FAVORITE activity each night. I took it away when he did this. I made sure he understood why and he screamed & had a tantrum for 45 minutes the first time I took it away and he knew I meant business. I never gave in and I also informed his teachers to let me know if he pushed, so I could take away his privledges that night. He learned very quickly and doesn't do it anymore. Try taking away a favorite activity consistently and see if it corrects the problem. I hope this helps you.

Don't let your dream ride pass you by. Make it a reality with Yahoo! Autos.

[Guest guest]

Marie,

Good luck and let me know if it works.