Re: me...truly

[Guest guest]

> My dad will never know me...and what's worse, he'll never even try.

> .......... I used to be so happy, and just the thought

> there he might change was enough to keep me faithful and intense

> about trying to help him. Ever since I came to the oh, so painful

> reality that he will NOT change, I've begun to do things I never

> would've dreamed of. I drink and get drunk every chance I get. I go

> too far with the boys and no longer take care of myself. My school

> work has begun to fail, and things I once took pride in no longer

are

> of any importance. I need counseling. I'm depressed all the time,

> sleep way too much, and eat too much also. I'm beginning to have a

> horrible attitude. And I think I'm taking most of my pain and agony

> out of those I truly that and they love me. My mother, brothers and

> sister, and my closests of friends. ...........

> I'm having a hard time getting through this emotional crisis. I

hope

> none of you have had to go through the same, but if you

have...could

> you give me some advice.

> I'd appreciate all prayers also.

> luvyamuch,

> Amora

Dear Amora,

We have all had our own problems and ways of dealing with them. In

one sense, we have all experienced the same thing, and in another

sense, each of us has an uniquely different experience to deal with.

But first, I would like help you see that you are taking your pain

and agony out most on yourself. All the things that you say you are

doing are hurting you more than anyone else. If you can believe that

you will get through all of this - AND YOU WILL! - then I am asking

that you stop doing all the things that are detrimental to yourself.

Counseling would help right now, so that someone with knowledge and

understanding can help you through this very difficult time. Can you

talk to someone at school who could help you find a therapist? Do you

have any kind of medical insurance that could help out with this?

In the meantime, please take advantage of this board. I am sure that

there are many people here who will respond and provide you with

suggestions in how to get through all of this.

I do not pray....that's another story....but I will keep you in my

thoughts. I believe that thoughts have energy, and that they can

affect what is happening to people.

Please take care of yourself. That is the best thing you can do right

now. I think this is very difficult for someone your age, because you

do not have very many years of experience to fall back on. That is

another reason to keep posting on this board. There is alot of

experience here. You are going through something very difficult, and

it is something that many of us did not experience until we were much

older than you. The good news? You will get through this sooner,

and have many more years to live in a healthy experience.

Take care of yourself! Sylvia

[Guest guest]

Amora,

Please talk to your mom and ask her to set you up with the counseling. There are

free programs to help you with that. Go for it. I wish I had enough sense to

know what I needed at that age. But I never even knew there were counselors who

could help. I thought it was only for crazy people. Thats what I was taught by

society anyway. Run for the counseling and away from the booze. If you find that

you have a problem leaving the alcohol alone, get help for that too. But

definitely talk to your mom and ask her to help you. I am sure that she will be

happy to do it.

Debbie K.

Subject: me...truly

My dad will never know me...and what's worse, he'll never even try.

It hurts really bad. And I've gotten to the point where I no longer

even attempt to please him, or do things to make him proud. It's

affected me dramatically. I used to be so happy, and just the thought

there he might change was enough to keep me faithful and intense

about trying to help him. Ever since I came to the oh, so painful

reality that he will NOT change, I've begun to do things I never

would've dreamed of. I drink and get drunk every chance I get. I go

too far with the boys and no longer take care of myself. My school

work has begun to fail, and things I once took pride in no longer are

of any importance. I need counseling. I'm depressed all the time,

sleep way too much, and eat too much also. I'm beginning to have a

horrible attitude. And I think I'm taking most of my pain and agony

out of those I truly that and they love me. My mother, brothers and

sister, and my closests of friends. I feel so disconnected from the

world. Sometimes at night I curl up into a little ball and cry myself

to sleep, singing songs of what could've been with my " daddy " . Even

though I see him every day, I miss him.

I'm having a hard time getting through this emotional crisis. I hope

none of you have had to go through the same, but if you have...could

you give me some advice.

I'd appreciate all prayers also.

luvyamuch,

Amora

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[Guest guest]

Amora,

There are a lot of things going on with you right now, but I see a

grieving process (over the symbolic loss of your dad - same thing as

if he died) going on. You need couseling NOW! Don't walk, RUN to an

adult you trust. If they won't help, keep trying until you find

someone that does. DON'T let this go on any longer. You mentioned

before that you have a good relationship with your mom, so I would

think that would be the best place to start. I have a daughter who

is not much older than you and when she told me about some of the

stuff she was doing that was dangerous, I didn't get mad, I got her a

therapist. The fact that you are telling us about it tells me you

are crying for help.

If you don't have any luck with the what I suggested, there are a lot

of organizations that help kids like you listed in the front of the

phone book.

One other thing, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE use protection when you are

sexually active. I can't stress that enough. I used to be a high

school teacher and I was/am amazed at the carefree attitude of people

your age today. You guys weren't born yet during the worst part of

the AIDS epidemic and the most horrific thing I ever witnessed in my

life was watching a dear friend of mine die of AIDS. If you want to

hear all the gory details, let me know and I'll tell you, but it's so

awful!!!!!

I know I sound like a mother or teacher here. Sorry, I can't help

myself. You are so young and strong in other ways and I have had

enough experience to know the road you are heading down and it's the

scariest one I know.

Yes, I did a lot of that stuff, too. My crutches were marijuana and

alcohol. The only reason I didn't get arrested was because I'm a

girl, but that was over 20 years ago and everything has changed since

then. If I was a guy, I would have at least three DUI's on my

record. Luckily for me, the cops just took me home. They don't do

that anymore, no matter how young you are or what gender you are.

I hope I have helped you. I hope I haven't been too preachy,

either. If I have, then I apologize.

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Love and Blessings,

Tammy

P.S. Not only will I pray for you, but I will get everyone I know to

pray for you also. Feel the love, kiddo, feel the love! Peace.

> My dad will never know me...and what's worse, he'll never even try.

> It hurts really bad. And I've gotten to the point where I no longer

> even attempt to please him, or do things to make him proud. It's

> affected me dramatically. I used to be so happy, and just the

thought

> there he might change was enough to keep me faithful and intense

> about trying to help him. Ever since I came to the oh, so painful

> reality that he will NOT change, I've begun to do things I never

> would've dreamed of. I drink and get drunk every chance I get. I go

> too far with the boys and no longer take care of myself. My school

> work has begun to fail, and things I once took pride in no longer

are

> of any importance. I need counseling. I'm depressed all the time,

> sleep way too much, and eat too much also. I'm beginning to have a

> horrible attitude. And I think I'm taking most of my pain and agony

> out of those I truly that and they love me. My mother, brothers and

> sister, and my closests of friends. I feel so disconnected from the

> world. Sometimes at night I curl up into a little ball and cry

myself

> to sleep, singing songs of what could've been with my " daddy " . Even

> though I see him every day, I miss him.

> I'm having a hard time getting through this emotional crisis. I

hope

> none of you have had to go through the same, but if you

have...could

> you give me some advice.

> I'd appreciate all prayers also.

> luvyamuch,

> Amora

[Guest guest]

Amora,

I am sorry to hear you are hurting so badly. It is very difficult and

painful to face what feels like rejection from a parent. It is easy

to turn the pain inward, against ourselves, but we deserve better

than that. Many of us have done that for years and can tell you it is

no good. Talk to a counselor, people who are safe and don't forget to

look yourself in the mirror and make a promise to treat yourself well

too. Just because your dad is unable to be the parent he SHOULD be,

doesn't mean that you should punish yourself. You need a safe outlet

to vent your pain and emotions and get guidance in moving in the

direction that is best FOR YOU! I will send lots of warm loving

empowering thoughts your way.

> My dad will never know me...and what's worse, he'll never even try.

> It hurts really bad. And I've gotten to the point where I no longer

> even attempt to please him, or do things to make him proud. It's

> affected me dramatically. I used to be so happy, and just the

thought

> there he might change was enough to keep me faithful and intense

> about trying to help him. Ever since I came to the oh, so painful

> reality that he will NOT change, I've begun to do things I never

> would've dreamed of. I drink and get drunk every chance I get. I go

> too far with the boys and no longer take care of myself. My school

> work has begun to fail, and things I once took pride in no longer

are

> of any importance. I need counseling. I'm depressed all the time,

> sleep way too much, and eat too much also. I'm beginning to have a

> horrible attitude. And I think I'm taking most of my pain and agony

> out of those I truly that and they love me. My mother, brothers and

> sister, and my closests of friends. I feel so disconnected from the

> world. Sometimes at night I curl up into a little ball and cry

myself

> to sleep, singing songs of what could've been with my " daddy " . Even

> though I see him every day, I miss him.

> I'm having a hard time getting through this emotional crisis. I

hope

> none of you have had to go through the same, but if you

have...could

> you give me some advice.

> I'd appreciate all prayers also.

> luvyamuch,

> Amora

[Guest guest]

--- In ModOasis , " smileygirl_so_fine "

Ahhhh smileygirl, we have all had to go through similar things --

that's why we're *here*. We're here for each other, and for you.

Please keep posting. In the meantime, maybe your mom can help you

receive counseling -- sounds like you have a close relationship with her.

You have a lot of courage to be able to recognize self destuctive

behavior. I was in a similar situation once. Unfortunately the

counselor wasn't too good at relating to a 15 year old kid, so it

didn't last. I wound up being lured into a cult, was impregnated (at

15) by an older member, left home, and by 21 years old I was doing

time in a maximum security women's prison. (drug related)

Pls reach out. (I'm reaching with you) If you feel the counselor can't

relate to you, don't be afraid to find another. You deserve

compassionate understanding.

Please take care of yourself (and protect yourself)

Hugs,

liquid sunshine