Re: ADHD again...Deborah

[Guest guest]

Deborah,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but your response to Scout was

perpetuating the myths about adult ADHD. I don't doubt your niece

was/is ADHD, but ADHD in adults is very different than it is in

children. I have ADHD and the 'H' is manifested differently for me

than it is for your niece. Adult hyperactivity is more of a thrill-

seeking activity than constantly climbing the walls. Hyperactivity

in adults is seen as driving too fast, bungee-jumping, sky-diving,

wind-surfing and other high-risk activities. Most race car drivers

probably have ADHD. I crave stimulation all the time. I'm always

thinking about what I can do next to 'get my jollies' as I call it.

I'm not trying to criticize you, but one of the biggest frustrations

about having ADHD is that people don't understand it. There are so

many myths about it that simply aren't true. I should have been

diagnosed as a child, but most girls with ADHD are seen

as 'daydreamers' and are punished for it instead of being tested and

treated for it like they should be. Your niece is fortunate that her

problem is so obvious. At least with her, she can get the proper

treatment she needs as long as the people treating her know what they

are doing.

Tammy

[Guest guest]

Tammy,

I understand what you are saying and I didn't take it wrong. As you said ADHD it

is different for adults and children. I have never to my knowledge known an

adult with ADHD until you-- smile)

Ok, this is what I understand you saying. Your behavior itself looks no

different from the average adult except that you are all thrill seekers and

aren't happy unless you are doing things where the odds are more against you

than for you living? I say this because every activity you mentioned are ones in

which one mistake on your part or one mechanical or equipment failure means

death or permanant vegetable life for the person it happens to.

I used to be like that a lot as a teen. But one dune buggy accident a bummed up

leg that laid me up for a year and a hand that was out of commission for the

same length of time and a common sense husband broke me of my thrill seeking

except when I drive big trucks. I love to drive tractor trailers and I like to

go really fast in them. But I am also very aware that one mistake on my part

would kill someone else and I am very claustrophobic when put in jail. I could

not live with myself if I killed someone else just to get my thrills. So I have

put all those things away and refuse to get into another big truck, dune buggy

or anything else dangerous. I have 5 kids still at home and Its my job to live

until they are grown. If I don't do my best to live for them, then there is no

one else that can take care of them my way, except my 22 year old daughter.

Thats much too young to burdened with 3 siblings under 18. The other one is

leaving for boot camp next month.

And the state would remove my nephew and put him back in a state home. I have

got to survive until he is 18. Thats at least 9 more years.

So I guess I am not and never have been ADHD. I just had a death wish and did

everything in my power to make it happen. I am glad your meds work for you. By

the way, I took one Ritalin one time to see how I would react to it. I wanted to

know what my nephew went through when they took it. All that it did for me was

help me clean my house faster and kept me awake and alert. Not overly so, but

more like I was 20 years ago normally.

Debbie K.

Re: ADHD again...Deborah

Deborah,

Please don't take this the wrong way, but your response to Scout was

perpetuating the myths about adult ADHD. I don't doubt your niece

was/is ADHD, but ADHD in adults is very different than it is in

children. I have ADHD and the 'H' is manifested differently for me

than it is for your niece. Adult hyperactivity is more of a thrill-

seeking activity than constantly climbing the walls. Hyperactivity

in adults is seen as driving too fast, bungee-jumping, sky-diving,

wind-surfing and other high-risk activities. Most race car drivers

probably have ADHD. I crave stimulation all the time. I'm always

thinking about what I can do next to 'get my jollies' as I call it.

I'm not trying to criticize you, but one of the biggest frustrations

about having ADHD is that people don't understand it. There are so

many myths about it that simply aren't true. I should have been

diagnosed as a child, but most girls with ADHD are seen

as 'daydreamers' and are punished for it instead of being tested and

treated for it like they should be. Your niece is fortunate that her

problem is so obvious. At least with her, she can get the proper

treatment she needs as long as the people treating her know what they

are doing.

Tammy

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Thrill seeking has always been a part of my life, but it is connected

with discipline. Do something inherently dangerous but do it as

safely as possible. Last weekend I made an important discovery - a

motorcycle shop that has a bike, parted out, of the same model as

mine. I got a few badly needed electrical parts and put my bike

together again. Feels great to ride, even in the rain.

- Dan

[Guest guest]

> Tammy,

> I understand what you are saying and I didn't take it wrong. As you

said ADHD it is different for adults and children. I have never to my

knowledge known an adult with ADHD until you-- smile)

> Ok, this is what I understand you saying. Your behavior itself

looks no different from the average adult except that you are all

thrill seekers and aren't happy unless you are doing things where the

odds are more against you than for you living? I say this because

every activity you mentioned are ones in which one mistake on your

part or one mechanical or equipment failure means death or permanant

vegetable life for the person it happens to.

Deborah,

Wellll, that's partially true. I don't think the average adult has

major issues with organization like I do. When I was a teacher, I

used to let filing chores pile up until the stack either fell over,

or I ran out of room to start a new one. My files were a mess

anyway, so finding something in a huge pile was no different than

trying to remember which file I put something in. The kids thought

it was a riot, but inside I felt totally defeated. I had so much

anxiety over trying to get it organized that I couldn't get started.

It made me feel stupid that I couldn't figure out a decent filing

system when I know I have an above-average IQ and I am so competent

when it comes to other things. I was a really good teacher, I just

couldn't keep up with the paperwork. The stress of trying was too

much for me. I just couldn't do it. All my life I've heard stuff

like, " you don't try " , " you don't care " , " all you have to do is apply

yourself, but you're lazy " , and the truth is, none of those things

are true. I'm not lazy-I'm just anxious to the nth degree.

As far as the thrill-seeking, I've never thought about the odds that

I may be killed or maimed. When I'm in that mode, all I'm thinking

about is the STIMULATION - it's such a rush! I don't understand why

we ADHD people NEED that stimulation, but we do. I'm a big NASCAR

fan and I've noticed that the drivers frequently say that they are

aware of the danger of their chosen profession, but when they're in

the car, they don't think about it that much.

Since I have children (my youngest is 11), I don't do that stuff,

either. Not that I wouldn't LIKE to, but like you, I know my kids

need me, so I don't take unnecessary chances.

But......someday......when he's grown.......I wanna drive an outlaw

car, skydive, hanglide, climb a mountain, adopt a dangerous exotic

animal (like a big cat maybe).....sigh......I could go on and on, but

I think you get the point.

I'm with you on giving meds to kids - not a good idea. When I was

teaching, I had several students with ADHD behaviors that weren't on

meds, and I used to give them a permanent hallpass to leave the room

for 5 or ten minutes in the middle of class to walk around, go to the

bathroom, get a soda, whatever. The classes were 90 minutes long,

and even I had a hard time staying focused for that long. Of course,

I didn't know then that my problem was ADHD. I'm kind of glad I

wasn't diagnosed as a kid because I wouldn't want to have taken a lot

of meds. I also think you're right about the problem with your niece

and nephew being FAS and not ADD. Makes sense to me. I've been

around FAS kids before - I had a friend in Virginia who adopted 3 of

them and their behavior is similar to ADHD, but it's not the same.

Anyway, I hope this helps you.

((((hugs))))

Tammy

[Guest guest]

Yes, I know it feels good to ride. I miss my motorcycles, go carts, and big

trucks. But I do still drive my car a little fast.

Sigh! that will just have to do me, I guess.

Debbie

By the way, Y'all please call me Debbie, It seems strange to be called by my

formal name. I never use it except on formal stuff. That is if you can remember,

thats sometimes hard to do with so many names and so much information. I guess

maybe I don't like it because any time my mother got pissed at me she always

called me Deb-or-ah- ann. I hated that.

Re: ADHD again...Deborah

Thrill seeking has always been a part of my life, but it is connected

with discipline. Do something inherently dangerous but do it as

safely as possible. Last weekend I made an important discovery - a

motorcycle shop that has a bike, parted out, of the same model as

mine. I got a few badly needed electrical parts and put my bike

together again. Feels great to ride, even in the rain.

- Dan

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Tammy,

You said you had a big problem with organization. Do/Did you have problems with

organization in other areas? You sound a lot like me in that area also. I cannot

seem to organize my house no matter how hard I work. I just can't seem to figure

out how to get it done right and I am bad about not keeping it done. I am not

filthy, but I see big areas where I could improve. I sit in here in my computer

room and boxes are piled all around me. Some have books in them that I will not

be using this year (to my knowledge) but others have important papers in them

and stuff that I just can't figure out how to place. My computer files, altho I

do try to keep them organized just never stay that way. Its not that anyone else

gets into them, they don't. I make lists for myself of things to do, but if you

have a hard time figuring out where to put things how can you get anything done

timely. Or if you can't remember where you put something how are you going to

use it? I do keep each rooms stuff in the room it belongs in, but not always in

the same place. I guess I am like a blind person, I need stuff put in a certain

place all the time so I can find it when I need it.

I get my thrills out of playing " Deep Space Nine " . Its a game I bought for my

computer. I got it because its a real challenge. Its not like the spider Man

games and such. You don't have to think with Spider Man, but this game makes you

think. You have to use your wits to get anywhere in it without cheating.

I constantly get ahead of myself in letters and sometimes in speech. I can be

doing one thing and thinking ahead and sometimes it will ruin what I am doing.

Nearly anything except mindless jobs like dishes or sweeping floors I really

have to concentrate on.

I was never home as a child anymore than I had to be as a kid. I went down to

the river quite a few times to climb the trees, swing out onto the rope into the

middle of river, and drop off. Sometimes we would have to get out until the

gators went by or the water moccasins left the area. But it was great fun. I

miss doing it and now I am afraid with all the damage I have done to my body I

will never get to do those things anymore. The want to is there. I just have

arthritis and bursitis, and fibromyalgia. It has been a big damper on every day

living, let alone to ever do the things I would like to do again.

Debbie k

Re: ADHD again...Deborah

> Tammy,

> I understand what you are saying and I didn't take it wrong. As you

said ADHD it is different for adults and children. I have never to my

knowledge known an adult with ADHD until you-- smile)

> Ok, this is what I understand you saying. Your behavior itself

looks no different from the average adult except that you are all

thrill seekers and aren't happy unless you are doing things where the

odds are more against you than for you living? I say this because

every activity you mentioned are ones in which one mistake on your

part or one mechanical or equipment failure means death or permanant

vegetable life for the person it happens to.

Deborah,

Wellll, that's partially true. I don't think the average adult has

major issues with organization like I do. When I was a teacher, I

used to let filing chores pile up until the stack either fell over,

or I ran out of room to start a new one. My files were a mess

anyway, so finding something in a huge pile was no different than

trying to remember which file I put something in. The kids thought

it was a riot, but inside I felt totally defeated. I had so much

anxiety over trying to get it organized that I couldn't get started.

It made me feel stupid that I couldn't figure out a decent filing

system when I know I have an above-average IQ and I am so competent

when it comes to other things. I was a really good teacher, I just

couldn't keep up with the paperwork. The stress of trying was too

much for me. I just couldn't do it. All my life I've heard stuff

like, " you don't try " , " you don't care " , " all you have to do is apply

yourself, but you're lazy " , and the truth is, none of those things

are true. I'm not lazy-I'm just anxious to the nth degree.

As far as the thrill-seeking, I've never thought about the odds that

I may be killed or maimed. When I'm in that mode, all I'm thinking

about is the STIMULATION - it's such a rush! I don't understand why

we ADHD people NEED that stimulation, but we do. I'm a big NASCAR

fan and I've noticed that the drivers frequently say that they are

aware of the danger of their chosen profession, but when they're in

the car, they don't think about it that much.

Since I have children (my youngest is 11), I don't do that stuff,

either. Not that I wouldn't LIKE to, but like you, I know my kids

need me, so I don't take unnecessary chances.

But......someday......when he's grown.......I wanna drive an outlaw

car, skydive, hanglide, climb a mountain, adopt a dangerous exotic

animal (like a big cat maybe).....sigh......I could go on and on, but

I think you get the point.

I'm with you on giving meds to kids - not a good idea. When I was

teaching, I had several students with ADHD behaviors that weren't on

meds, and I used to give them a permanent hallpass to leave the room

for 5 or ten minutes in the middle of class to walk around, go to the

bathroom, get a soda, whatever. The classes were 90 minutes long,

and even I had a hard time staying focused for that long. Of course,

I didn't know then that my problem was ADHD. I'm kind of glad I

wasn't diagnosed as a kid because I wouldn't want to have taken a lot

of meds. I also think you're right about the problem with your niece

and nephew being FAS and not ADD. Makes sense to me. I've been

around FAS kids before - I had a friend in Virginia who adopted 3 of

them and their behavior is similar to ADHD, but it's not the same.

Anyway, I hope this helps you.

((((hugs))))

Tammy

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

[Guest guest]

Deborah Kovak wrote:

> ... I cannot seem to organize my house no matter how hard I work. I just can't

seem to figure out how to get it done right and I am bad about not keeping it

done. I am not filthy, but I see big areas where I could improve. I sit in here

in my computer room and boxes are piled all around me. Some have books in them

that I will not be using this year (to my knowledge) but others have important

papers in them and stuff that I just can't figure out how to place. My computer

files, altho I do try to keep them organized just never stay that way. Its not

that anyone else gets into them, they don't. I make lists for myself of things

to do, but if you have a hard time figuring out where to put things how can you

get anything done timely. Or if you can't remember where you put something how

are you going to use it? I do keep each rooms stuff in the room it belongs in,

but not always in the same place. I guess I am like a blind person, I need stuff

put in a certain place all the time

so I can find it when I need it.

Ho ho Debby,

Sounds like you need FlyLady, the KO's friend.

http://www.flylady.net/

- Edith

BTDTAGTTSAH

[Guest guest]

IHo ho Debby,

Sounds like you need FlyLady, the KO's friend.

http://www.flylady.net/

- Edith

BTDTAGTTSAH

I used her once and it helped a little bit. I just have way more to do than is

on her lists.

My foster mom told me, when I was living with her, that you are to thoroughly

clean each room in the house once a month. Except the bathroom and kitchen and

they are to be cleaned thoroughly every day. Its not healthy to let those 2

rooms go. So I am extremely fussy about those 2 rooms. I also learned that

bedding was to be cleaned 1 time per week at least. And furniture in every room

was to be cleaned under 1 day a week. Well, I have my husbands tools all over

the house. He has promised to build himself a tool shed for the last 3 years and

he didn't. I am to the point that I am going to take his darn wood and build the

damn thing myself. He hasn't put the other motor in his truck yet, so I am

thinking about calling the junk yard and having it hauled off without his

permission. It took me griping about the snakes on my porch for him to get a

wood rack built. He really burns me up sometimes. I try not to nag him or the

kids about the little things, because a house is suppose to be a home above all

things. I just think that they are taking my mellowness for a lack of not

caring. I am about to blow up or say to hell with it all. I am not sure which

way I will go. I think that I am closer to saying to hell with it all. I can't

clean for their crap in the way and if I move it they raise hell. SO for

revenge, I am considering putting all of his tools all around his chair so he

will have to stare at them, and If I lower the point of where the tv sits at he

will have to look through them to see the tv. Maybe that will motivate him to

get them the hell out of my way. I have reached the point that if I see the kids

things in the living room, I just pick them up and put them in the garbage. But

that isn't getting the rest of the house deep clean like I want it. Then this

last winter I have been down to the point I just couldn't physically do a thing

except sit in a chair with the heating pad and take something for pain every 4

to 6 hours. It has just got to the point that its driving me crazy. I have just

gotten to where I can do some things without being on a heating pad. The weather

is warmer and that is helping. Now if I can just get rid of some of this rain,

that will take care of the rest of it and I can move again like I used to

without pain pills. I pray for sunshine.

Debbie K.

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com