Re: Newbie asks : does this disturb anyone else?

[Guest guest]

liquidsunsh wrote:

>

> Is anyone else as bothered as I am

> about the 'Splitting' author's claim that BPs are rationally

> calculating in their distortion campaigns and they don't care about

> the consequences?

Hi Sunch,

I haven't read 'Splitting " but as far as " distortion campaigns "

are concerned, yes, BPs are rationally calculating and do not

care about the consequences.

Randi devoted a whole chapter to distortion campaigns in SWOE

(ch 11). Its an interesting read. Or, if you'd like to observe

the on-going drama in real life, sign onto the WTOdivorcing list

where all the guys are getting shafted by the BPs they're

divorcing, OR sign onto the WTOparenting list for those who are

co-parenting (after divorce) with a BP. Another interesting list

is the WTOparentsOfBPs list where you can read about the antics

of the next generation of BPs that are coming up.

<eyes rolled up>

> Am I being naive here? Was I previously being too

> forgiving? I'm just trying to learn how to protect myself...

Uhhh, what's for you to forgive? BPs never say " I'm sorry. "

Without a heartfelt " I'm sorry " from the BP (ie, nada/fada),

there's nothing to forgive.

So, with that bit of naivette out of the way, you can proceed on

through the recovery stages (SWOE, pgs 222-3).

My .05,

- Edith

[Guest guest]

yes, this is very disturbing to think it might be calculated. then it does get

scary. it sounds more sociopathic and with this kind of info, i don't know if

I'll go forward with any reconciliation with bp's--only those with fleas. eeks,

tiki

Newbie asks : does this disturb anyone else?

Hi all,

Below excerpt is from last night's post: " A textbook example " . That

was a long one, s-o-r-r-y. Maybe I'm obsessing (and if I appear to be

pls tell me) but I'm still curious. Is anyone else as bothered as I am

about the 'Splitting' author's claim that BPs are rationally

calculating in their distortion campaigns and they don't care about

the consequences? Am I being naive here? Was I previously being too

forgiving? I'm just trying to learn how to protect myself...

many thanks for insights,

sunsh

I wrote:

>>Finally, this stuff used to be a little easier to handle when I

thought BPs were so ill they didn't know what they were doing. But

according to the author of 'Splitting', they do in fact know what they

are doing; that's what differentiates BPD from, say, Schizophrenia.

Eddy (author) claims they *do* know right from wrong, they

*deliberately* engage in distortion campaigns, knowingly tell lies,

and they *don't care*. And that, frankly, scares the hell out of me.<<

Send questions and/or concerns to ModOasis-owner

" Stop Walking on Eggshells, " a primer for non-BPs, can be ordered via

1-888-35-SHELL () and for the table of contents, go to:

http://www.BPDCentral.com

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

> yes, this is very disturbing to think it might be calculated. then

it does get scary. it sounds more sociopathic and with this kind of

info, i don't know if I'll go forward with any reconciliation with

>bp's--only those with fleas. eeks, tiki

As my mother's 'good child' I knew this my entire life. I think

maybe that's why I had more fear of her than my brothers, because I

knew how calculating, cold, and unsympathetic she was. I would sit

there with her as she made plans, as she discussed what she was going

to do and how people would react. It was freaky for me because i

always went on to see her go through with it, and the desired result

would always occur. This is why even now when things aren't going

her way I still am fearful. I saw it way too much to think she could

ever be kept down for very long and when she was down she always came

back full force with a vengeance.

[Guest guest]

So am I understanding this correctly? There are times when a BPD

knows perfectly well that they are lying, and they just don't care.

And then there are other times when, for other reasons, the BPD will

say something that isn't true, but they think it is? This could be

due to disassociation at the time or the event, or because they have

to come up with a reason for what they are feeling, and they can't do

this in a rational manner. Therefore, they decide the truth is what

ever will explain their feelings.

And is there a way for us to know the difference?

Sylvia

-- In ModOasis , Edith <psyprof@e...> wrote:

> liquidsunsh wrote:

> >

> > Is anyone else as bothered as I am

> > about the 'Splitting' author's claim that BPs are rationally

> > calculating in their distortion campaigns and they don't care

about

> > the consequences?

>

> Hi Sunch,

>

> I haven't read 'Splitting " but as far as " distortion campaigns "

> are concerned, yes, BPs are rationally calculating and do not

> care about the consequences.

>

> Randi devoted a whole chapter to distortion campaigns in SWOE

> (ch 11). Its an interesting read. Or, if you'd like to observe

> the on-going drama in real life, sign onto the WTOdivorcing list

> where all the guys are getting shafted by the BPs they're

> divorcing, OR sign onto the WTOparenting list for those who are

> co-parenting (after divorce) with a BP. Another interesting list

> is the WTOparentsOfBPs list where you can read about the antics

> of the next generation of BPs that are coming up.

> <eyes rolled up>

>

> > Am I being naive here? Was I previously being too

> > forgiving? I'm just trying to learn how to protect myself...

>

> Uhhh, what's for you to forgive? BPs never say " I'm sorry. "

> Without a heartfelt " I'm sorry " from the BP (ie, nada/fada),

> there's nothing to forgive.

>

> So, with that bit of naivette out of the way, you can proceed on

> through the recovery stages (SWOE, pgs 222-3).

>

> My .05,

>

> - Edith

[Guest guest]

Randi wrote about this stuff on pg 56 of SWOE, " Feelings Create

Facts " . The defense mechanisms that BP *unconsciously* use are

on pages 57-66. And, if you ask the BP if they're telling the

truth then they'll probably rage. After all, the BP is PERFECT!

And, the BP might not remember anything they did, of the above,

because BPs also tend to dissociate.

- Edith

smhtrain2 wrote:

> So am I understanding this correctly? There are times when a BPD

> knows perfectly well that they are lying, and they just don't care.

> And then there are other times when, for other reasons, the BPD will

> say something that isn't true, but they think it is? This could be

> due to disassociation at the time or the event, or because they have

> to come up with a reason for what they are feeling, and they can't do

> this in a rational manner. Therefore, they decide the truth is what

> ever will explain their feelings.

>

> And is there a way for us to know the difference?

>

> Sylvia

>

> -- In ModOasis , Edith <psyprof@e...> wrote:

>

>>liquidsunsh wrote:

>>

>>>Is anyone else as bothered as I am

>>>about the 'Splitting' author's claim that BPs are rationally

>>>calculating in their distortion campaigns and they don't care

>

> about

>

>>>the consequences?

>>

>>Hi Sunch,

>>

>>I haven't read 'Splitting " but as far as " distortion campaigns "

>>are concerned, yes, BPs are rationally calculating and do not

>>care about the consequences.

>>

>>Randi devoted a whole chapter to distortion campaigns in SWOE

>>(ch 11). Its an interesting read. Or, if you'd like to observe

>>the on-going drama in real life, sign onto the WTOdivorcing list

>>where all the guys are getting shafted by the BPs they're

>>divorcing, OR sign onto the WTOparenting list for those who are

>>co-parenting (after divorce) with a BP. Another interesting list

>>is the WTOparentsOfBPs list where you can read about the antics

>>of the next generation of BPs that are coming up.

>> <eyes rolled up>

>>

>>>Am I being naive here? Was I previously being too

>>>forgiving? I'm just trying to learn how to protect myself...

>>

>>Uhhh, what's for you to forgive? BPs never say " I'm sorry. "

>>Without a heartfelt " I'm sorry " from the BP (ie, nada/fada),

>>there's nothing to forgive.

>>

>>So, with that bit of naivette out of the way, you can proceed on

>>through the recovery stages (SWOE, pgs 222-3).

>>

>>My .05,

>>

>>- Edith