Re: grief

October 17, 2004

Very true,yesterday my 4 yr old was sicko and got a bit upset at his

siblings, he cried and puked all over the family room (he really cried hard).

Then again, when one gets devastating news it is also very normal to cry so

hard that you would actually throw up. (It happened to me after a loss)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Kim

In a message dated 10/17/2004 11:16:00 AM Eastern Standard Time,

hellokitty435@... writes:

yes yes yes. Sadness for me was underneath my angry stuff. I feel this

sadness for my wasted childhood, the pain, the loss of mother, all the years I

walked around blanketed in her shame. I'm resting but it pops up whenever, and

these days I'm not afraid to feel anymore. I rarely cried before, and when I

did I would gag. I asked the therapist about it (last time I had cried before

healing was when they told me my son was dying and I sobbed and gagged until

the nurse at the hospital came in to ask me if I was ok) the therapist said

that was how children cried. Its true, too, my little one cries so hard he

thinks he's going to throw up sometimes, and I just allow his feelings and we

contain them and he feels them and he moves on. I was never allowed to be loud

or cry, so a lot of my grief is old, and the child part just lets go and

sobs. Its ok to feel sad.- jana

October 17, 2004

Sweet one,

To bad you did not vomit on your fathers lap- Similar situation happened to

me, even though a lot of misery happened in gandparents home, it was HOME to

me. Nada took off and left me/hubby to care for grandma + house + bills +

selling the house and she just put grandma in the ost horrible nursing home

ever. I made a stink over what she did, I fought like he** for grandma to be in

a

better place (YEAH!! and I did it)....When we finally sold grandma's house

(MIL owned a real estate co. and she handled the sale), I was so sad....For a

full year I had to drive past grandma's house (still do) and I would cry each

and every time.

I don't care about the $, but rightfully my hubby and I did all the damn

work, and yet the 3 sisters fought over ever stinking penny and article that was

left in that house. We were thanked only by nada's older sister, however all

the $ they recieved it ticked me off that they did not say anything kind to

hubby.

I am happy to report that a young couple moved in and made my grandparents

house a beautiful home, with children, a goregous back yard and OH they look so

happy =) That gave me peace-

I am sorry that your father was so unkind and took something from you that

meant so very much, and I know it had nothing to do with $, as it had nothing

to do with $ for me. It has more to do with happy memories, holidays, and

laughter- Happiness, something so many of us were not allowed growing up.

Luv,

Kim

In a message dated 10/17/2004 11:50:21 AM Eastern Standard Time,

hellokitty435@... writes:

Anyway, father ignored my begging and sold the duplex. It was my security, I

was counting on it as my place to go when I got old. He sold it (my

inheritance) which was actually against the terms of her will. Anyway I cried

till I

vomited then. - jana

May 23, 2005

Hi Anita,

I sometimes can't believe the things that people say to one another.

Please do yourself a big favor and ignore what this person said to you.

It was YOUR father that passed away and YOU will determine when you will

be strong enough to lend support to your mother or others. You need

time to mentally and emotionally digest your father's passing and get

used to your new life without him. There is no time limit on learning

how to live a different life. It can be just as happy in time but it

has changed. Why couldn't this person acknowledge this and leave you

alone?

So sorry you had to go through this Anita. Please know that we are

here.

Courage

Anita Corbin wrote:

> Hi to all,

>

> It has now been 1 month since my dad died from lbd. It has been one

> of the most difficult months of my life. My husband is wonderful and

> patient. My church family has been very supportive. However, I had

> someone come up to me tonight and tell me that, yes, my father was a

> good man but that I needed to get over it and be there for my mom. It

> hurt me so much. I cannot just get over not having my father. I am

> there for my mother. I live an hour away, am a fourth grade school

> teacher, have two boys-6th & 3rd grades, and support my husband who is

> a minister. What else can one person do? (While grieving!!!) I love

> my mom but she is not at the point where she is able to come and visit

> yet. She is just getting adjusted to being alone-and she has my

> father's sisters that come by everyday and check on her. am I wrong

> for being hurt and angry? I hope not because I am.

>

> Anita

>

> ---------------------------------

> Yahoo! Mail Mobile

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>

May 23, 2005

Anita - It's so hard when people you think are friends can be so insensitive.

I've seen first hand that you need to take your time to go through the grieving

process and it's different for every person. If you don't let yourself grieve

now, it will sneak up on you later. Take care of yourself and remember that's

it's okay to get angry. I'm praying for you,

grief

Hi to all,

It has now been 1 month since my dad died from lbd. It has been one of the

most difficult months of my life. My husband is wonderful and patient. My

church family has been very supportive. However, I had someone come up to me

tonight and tell me that, yes, my father was a good man but that I needed to get

over it and be there for my mom. It hurt me so much. I cannot just get over

not having my father. I am there for my mother. I live an hour away, am a

fourth grade school teacher, have two boys-6th & 3rd grades, and support my

husband who is a minister. What else can one person do? (While grieving!!!) I

love my mom but she is not at the point where she is able to come and visit yet.

She is just getting adjusted to being alone-and she has my father's sisters that

come by everyday and check on her. am I wrong for being hurt and angry? I hope

not because I am.

Anita

---------------------------------

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May 23, 2005

Anita,

I lost my dad 8 weeks ago today - I am still totally devastated.

Each day brings a little fresh memory or thoughts of some sort, I cry a few

times each day - although not in that gut wrenching way that I did in the

begining, but I still cry a lot, I have trouble getting off to sleep at night as

that's when my mind crowds in on me and my head is all full of emotion - fact

I'm really tired doesn't help this.

But what I'm trying to say is that I am FAR from 'over it all' yet and know it's

going to be some time yet. Strange thing about a parent with a prolonged

illness like Lewy Body - those on the outside looking in think there can only be

'relief' when that person has passed on and what's all the fuss about? The

relief will come I'm sure, there is relief of course that he is free of illness

and that we are free of the 'care' routine and all it brought.......but I

positively ACHE some days just to touch him or hear his dear voice or ruffle his

shock of white hair.......it's so difficult to grasp that will never happen

again. Some days the feeling of complete 'loss' just blows me away it's so

intense and so deep.

So to whoever told you you should get over it - please tell them to go mind

their own business and let YOU deal with your grief for your father in your own

way. Just because you are grieving also does not mean you are not able to

support your mom, I'm sure you call her and she knows you are there - but again

YOUR relationship with YOUR mom is YOUR business - not this other persons!

Stay strong Anita, I send you such a sympathetic hug because like lots on here I

know exactly what your going through and how raw it can all feel.

Kathleen - Scotland.