Book Recommendation

[Guest guest]

I just finished reading a book called "By The Iowa Sea: A Memoir". It's written by the father of a special needs child, and three other children, too. It talks about the stains on his marriage, and how his wife and he found their way back to reconnect and find joy in life again. It's a wonderful book. I do not know the author, and I'm not trying to drum up sales. It's just I found the book very inspiring and lovely to read. On the author's FB fan page, he posted this: "The divorce rate among parents of special needs children is hard to determine. Different studies put out different numbers. Some say 90%. Some say 80%. But percentages don’t matter much to those of us who have special needs children and marriages that are crumbling. We move mountains to ensure that our children have the care they need and the help they need from the agencies they need, and it’s ea...sy to justify what sometimes seems like our single-minded zeal. How can it be wrong? My wife Deb and I have a son named . He is severely and profoundly autistic. He needs 24-hour-a-day care. Before the Iowa floods of 2008, we believed we were too busy taking care of and his three siblings to address our failing marriage. As the waters broke free from their bounds that spring, our marriage followed suit. Deb and I prepared for divorce and began discussions with lawyers and realtors. Suddenly, and for the first time in ten years, our marriage took center stage, if only for the time it would take to end it. But somehow, it didn’t end. The Iowa Floods were a time for a recalibration of everything Deb and I thought we knew. Everything we held up as important and true. Our entire lives had been excused. And every act we committed was forgiven. We felt as though we had been released from all contracts. The old contracts applied to the old world. This was the new world. This was our chance to love one another again. To all couples whose marriage is on the edge of dissolution; to all parents of special needs children who struggle to maintain hope in your lives: I know that sometimes you feel alone in your moment of grief; in your moment of frustration and failure, but if you can take anything away from my memoir, By the Iowa Sea, I want you to take away this: You are not alone. Where you have been defeated, I have also been defeated. Where you have lost hope, I have also lost hope. I have been where you have been. And I want you to know that there is hope. We parents of special needs kids have been given the chance to have grace in the world. I know that you will fall down. We all do. But I also know that you will get back up again. You have the power to be exceedingly joyful in your life because you have, inside you, the unconquerable power to love. This is what your child can teach you if pay close attention. This is what will save you."

[Guest guest]

Thank you, Lora, for sharing this. I think I will read it. For some reason I've been feeling many emotions lately about my son's recent PDD-NOS/ Autism spectrum Disorder. It's mostly sadness. I never did let myself fully grieve because I was so caught up in trying to get a diagnosis so that he could qualify for any services. However, this diagnosis as of yet has been anti climactic. I am still fighting the school for better services & fighting state regional centers to qualify him for services as well as our health insurance that's a piece of crap being that it's under my husband's employer which happens to be the State of California whose massively in debt. Thus why this particular insurance offers the bare minimum and no special services my son needs except for speech therapy which I had to fight his pediatrician & audiologist to get him the referral necessary to get the speech therapy. Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is that your recommendation of this book has come at a very timely point in my life. Although I don't feel like my marriage is failing, I'm afraid we are drifting more and more apart because every waking moment is spent on helping our son. In that respect, we are working well as a team but we also need to decompress and forget about these issues if just for a few hours on a date. It's been since June 2011 since we've began this journey and there's more to be done so we both need to take a step back and evaluate our own relationship. Perhaps reading this book will inspire me to not take my marriage for granted & be able to discuss this important issue that plagues all marriages with special needs kids. It's nice to be able to share ideas and even vent on what's frustrating us. Writing this and knowing people really do care has made me feel a lot better. Believe me...I think I've cried 75% of today. Gladys

I just finished reading a book called "By The Iowa Sea: A Memoir". It's written by the father of a special needs child, and three other children, too. It talks about the stains on his marriage, and how his wife and he found their way back to reconnect and find joy in life again. It's a wonderful book. I do not know the author, and I'm not trying to drum up sales. It's just I found the book very inspiring and lovely to read. On the author's FB fan page, he posted this: "The divorce rate among parents of special needs children is hard to determine. Different studies put out different numbers. Some say 90%. Some say 80%. But percentages don’t matter much to those of us who have special needs children and marriages that are crumbling. We move mountains to ensure that our children have the care they need and the help they need from the agencies they need, and it’s ea...sy to justify what sometimes seems like our single-minded zeal. How can it be wrong? My wife Deb and I have a son named . He is severely and profoundly autistic. He needs 24-hour-a-day care. Before the Iowa floods of 2008, we believed we were too busy taking care of and his three siblings to address our failing marriage. As the waters broke free from their bounds that spring, our marriage followed suit. Deb and I prepared for divorce and began discussions with lawyers and realtors. Suddenly, and for the first time in ten years, our marriage took center stage, if only for the time it would take to end it. But somehow, it didn’t end. The Iowa Floods were a time for a recalibration of everything Deb and I thought we knew. Everything we held up as important and true. Our entire lives had been excused. And every act we committed was forgiven. We felt as though we had been released from all contracts. The old contracts applied to the old world. This was the new world. This was our chance to love one another again. To all couples whose marriage is on the edge of dissolution; to all parents of special needs children who struggle to maintain hope in your lives: I know that sometimes you feel alone in your moment of grief; in your moment of frustration and failure, but if you can take anything away from my memoir, By the Iowa Sea, I want you to take away this: You are not alone. Where you have been defeated, I have also been defeated. Where you have lost hope, I have also lost hope. I have been where you have been. And I want you to know that there is hope. We parents of special needs kids have been given the chance to have grace in the world. I know that you will fall down. We all do. But I also know that you will get back up again. You have the power to be exceedingly joyful in your life because you have, inside you, the unconquerable power to love. This is what your child can teach you if pay close attention. This is what will save you."

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