Mom to 19.5 year old Aspie guy.

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Hi everyone,

I'm a foster home provider (family home agency) for a 19.5 year old Aspie guy.

He just moved back to my house after 1.5 years away. For 1.5 years, he was in a

college program for kids on the spectrum and funding was pulled due to lack of

participation. Previously, he lived here for 6 months during his senior year of

high school so that he could graduate (his home/mom fell apart- he was

abused/neglected).

He has some very disabling qualities: poor hygiene, won't brush his teeth

without repeated prompting, wears the same clothes for days at a time, terrible

organization, very messy bedroom, sleeps with money, DVDs, food wrappers, dirty

clothes in his bed, computer addiction, reclusive, can't break bad habits (such

as living on junk food instead of healthy food), can't remember appointments,

has very little follow through with commitments, lies, incredibly stingy, loses

things, rarely turns on his phone or answers emails, shuts down for 7-10 days at

a time, recovers for 1-2 days and shuts down again, etc.

He's also hilariously brilliant, sarcastic, has a photographic memory for

details, knows everything about politics, economics, advanced math, etc...and

when he's " on, " he can be helpful and kind.

Here's the issue right now. I've known him for 3 years. He begged to get out of

his college program (supported housing with intensive staffing) and come back

here to live. He promised to get his act together and not be passive- to start

functioning like a normal adult. He wants to be treated like an adult. However,

he's completely unmotivated. Stays in his room with the door locked on the

internet 24/7 except when he is sleeping 12 hours a day (up all night, sleeps

all day). He also has a sister who he sees once a week. He's dropped out of

college 2 semesters in a row and refused to take summer school (something to get

him out of the house) or participate in any volunteer/community programs. He's

not doing his banking, he's not eating well at all (he refuses to eat healthy

food and goes to 7-11 to buy junk).

He's also into self bondage (since he was 12 years old) as sexual gratification

and I assume that he's been locking himself to the bed with cable ties and

leather cuffs and such lately because I find scissors and cable ties on the

floor.

He won't go to counseling because he doesn't believe he needs it. He won't

accept organizational/pragmatic help. He states he will " do it himself " but then

he won't or can't. He will not ask for help with areas of difficulty and he

absolutely resents/detests attempts at supportiveness such as schedules for

weekly chores, etc.

No clue what to do. He's lying to me, to himself, to his social workers, etc...

and he's just turning into a potato.

When I met him 3 years ago, he wanted to go to college and study engineering.

Now he just wants to troll around online and masterbate to Hentai bondage porn

laying in his own food garbage.

Advice?