any advice for a tired mom?

[Guest guest]

Hi

I am a single mom and I homeschool my 11 and 1/2 year old son. He is dx

with PDD/with Aspergers, dysgraphia, sensory intergration disorder, fine

motor delay, impulse control disorder, and I am just wiped out.

The holiday season has been hell. I have tried to keep things low key

but anything sets him off lately.. I am just at my wits end. I love him

dearly. I dont know of a good public school in this area that could work

with him. They are all very quick to label kids and put them in day

treatemnt or juvenile detention.

Like tonight for instance he begged me to have a friend come over so I

said ok, his one friend he " hangs " with the most said he could come over

for a couple hours. My son spent most of the time being annoyed with him

cause he wasnt doing what he wanted him to do and how he wanted him to

do it. I pointed this out to him but he didnt care. He doesnt have many

friends because he is too bossy in his play. When I try to gently

redirect he doesnt listen or gets angry and storms off.

So after two hours of hell his friend left. Then my son decided he wante

dto play Apples to Apples so we played with grandpa and the two of us.

Well grandpa was the judge and chose my card twice in a row so he storms

off and starts ranting and raving about how unfair it was and how he had

no chance of winning and kept yelling! what could i have done? hUh huh

nothing thats what! over and over. Finally I just went in my room and

locked the door.I tried ot answer, redirect etc but he didnt want to

hear anything. He decided grandpa picked my cards cause he wanted me to

win and there was nothing anyone could say to change his mind (this was

after 30 mins of yelling) then when I opened the door he grabbed me by

the back of the neck and started yelling that I locked him out and I

would " pay " for it. (it was my room) So i told him to remove his hand

from me or he would be staying with his dad because he couldnt live with

me if he was hurting me. We dont hurt people we love. He did but said i

deserved to be hurt because i hurt his feelings.

He gets like this sometimes, It used to be alot! and we wnet for like

ayear without it now in the month of december we have had more bad days

than good ones. He is impatient, rigid, demanding, agitated, I dont know

what to do? We are not on any meds for about a year and until this month

were doing better. We do some vitamin stuff. He has been sick on and off

with a cold/cough this month but sheesh its not an excuse to act this

way. He also has been very uncooperative with his school work too..

sorry to vent, Im just in tears, tired of being verbally abused and

tired of walking on eggshells too. It makes me angry that he refers to

the abuse he received at school when he is angry and they dont have to

take any accountablity. Also our insruance wont cover him to see his

counselor more than 15 visits a year! When working through anger issues

thats not nearly enough.

Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice?

Allie (central wi)

[Guest guest]

This is not immediate help but have you looked into a thearpy dog for autism. The dog senses when the child in getting upset and can also control rage issues and be a friend to talk to and play with.The dog can also be trained to protect your son from self hurting behavior to him and to others ( you) They are expensive but are well worth it. most people do fund raiser to pay for the dog. Most places have a year or more waiting list ( it takes a good year and a half to train the dog) I would look into and get on a waiting list as soon as possible. Have you also set up routines that are set in stone. We have poster board that has my sons routines on it He follows the routines or no priviledges period it helps him and helps me. Look into local agencies that provide counseling on a sliding scale basis, or have you looked into state aid for health insurance alot of them will provide coverage

even if you earn to much money you just have to pay a small monthly premium. Also contact your school district even if you home school they are required to provide certain services that your son needs. counseling, speech therapy, Occupational therapy etc. What about him taking just one class in middle school like shop or drama that would give you a break. Just some suggestions..... Hollyallie340@... wrote: HiI am a single mom and I homeschool my 11 and 1/2 year old son. He

is dxwith PDD/with Aspergers, dysgraphia, sensory intergration disorder, finemotor delay, impulse control disorder, and I am just wiped out.The holiday season has been hell. I have tried to keep things low keybut anything sets him off lately.. I am just at my wits end. I love himdearly. I dont know of a good public school in this area that could workwith him. They are all very quick to label kids and put them in daytreatemnt or juvenile detention. Like tonight for instance he begged me to have a friend come over so Isaid ok, his one friend he "hangs" with the most said he could come overfor a couple hours. My son spent most of the time being annoyed with himcause he wasnt doing what he wanted him to do and how he wanted him todo it. I pointed this out to him but he didnt care. He doesnt have manyfriends because he is too bossy in his play. When I try to gentlyredirect he doesnt listen or gets angry and storms

off.So after two hours of hell his friend left. Then my son decided he wantedto play Apples to Apples so we played with grandpa and the two of us.Well grandpa was the judge and chose my card twice in a row so he stormsoff and starts ranting and raving about how unfair it was and how he hadno chance of winning and kept yelling! what could i have done? hUh huhnothing thats what! over and over. Finally I just went in my room andlocked the door.I tried ot answer, redirect etc but he didnt want tohear anything. He decided grandpa picked my cards cause he wanted me towin and there was nothing anyone could say to change his mind (this wasafter 30 mins of yelling) then when I opened the door he grabbed me bythe back of the neck and started yelling that I locked him out and Iwould "pay" for it. (it was my room) So i told him to remove his handfrom me or he would be staying with his dad because he couldnt live withme if he was

hurting me. We dont hurt people we love. He did but said ideserved to be hurt because i hurt his feelings.He gets like this sometimes, It used to be alot! and we wnet for likeayear without it now in the month of december we have had more bad daysthan good ones. He is impatient, rigid, demanding, agitated, I dont knowwhat to do? We are not on any meds for about a year and until this monthwere doing better. We do some vitamin stuff. He has been sick on and offwith a cold/cough this month but sheesh its not an excuse to act thisway. He also has been very uncooperative with his school work too..sorry to vent, Im just in tears, tired of being verbally abused andtired of walking on eggshells too. It makes me angry that he refers tothe abuse he received at school when he is angry and they dont have totake any accountablity. Also our insruance wont cover him to see hiscounselor more than 15 visits a year! When working through

anger issuesthats not nearly enough.Thanks for letting me vent. Any advice?Allie (central wi)

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[Guest guest]

Allie,

I live in Texas so I don't have any advice about programs, etc. where you are, but I do understand the stress you're under. Everyone here does. Just yesterday I had to put a 'hold' on my 9 yo ASD son, face-down on the bed, because he was mad about wanting to take Christmas cookies in his room and was fighting and stabbing at me with a plastic fork. He backed off after realizing he had gone too far, and was apologetic, but these type of scenarios are not cool.

All I can tell you is if you are reporting basically good behavior for the last year and suddenly it's gone bad, then maybe go back to square-one and look over all of his traits, habits, and (bad behavior) triggers for differences occuring in his lifestyle now. Extra stimulation, cold meds, new people, mommy busy, anything. Really look long and hard at his daily life.

Take time for yourself -I mean 'take' it. If you can get a few minutes with earphones on and meditate or listen to music or the computer or anything that relaxes you and reaffirms who you are then do it. That mess will be there regardless, and it's ok, just reenergize yourself somehow in the day and you can handle anything.

The Quiet Warriors Among Us,

Shauna

P.S. have you tried to find others in your area like you? they are out there...

[Guest guest]

Howdy Cousin,

I live in McKinney, Tx. It's 30 miles north of Dallas between Plano and Sherman. Last year it was the fastest growing city in the US. I could live much better and cheaper in a lot of other places but I stay here because the town and hence the school district has money and resources for my son. He has done so well with the help of many wonderful people and services. I know a few moms getting no help from the schools -but usually it's a little town with no special ed population and no money. My niece (in-law) has a five yo undiagnosed w/PDD/ADD issues and he gets suspended, yes, suspended, twice a month for 'not listening' and 'excessive hugging'!! It's ridiculous. They only have 4 spec ed kids in the whole school. My son's school alone has 5 autism classes -about 200 ASD's in the whole town. Even with all those students the autism director of populations knows my son very well. Sorry if I'm rambling and sound like a recruitment ad for McKinney -I just know how lucky and grateful I am and how hard it is for all of us -especially those with no help. I used to summer with grandparents in Abilene and it was beautiful country out there. What town do you live in?

In Hope,

Shauna

[Guest guest]

Hi Shauna! We’re cotton & wheat farmers between

Idalou & Lubbock. My kids attend Idalou ISD. Elementary was a

nightmare, but we’ve got a good group of folks now that we’re in

middle school. I know what you mean about little towns. Idalou ISD

has under 850 kids Pre-K thru 12th.

I know about McKinney. Have you hooked up with Nagla of

the Collin County Autism Society? SUPER nice person & very

knowledgeable about the bio-medical issues. If I’m remembering

right, she lives in Plano. She can also help you get hooked up with other

moms & services in your area.

Collin County Chapter - Autism Society of

America

PO Box 261209

Plano TX 75026-1209

Phone:

Fax:

Email: tx-collincounty@...

ascc@...

Website: http://autism-ascc.org

Listserv: ascc2

Tonya

From:

AutismBehaviorProblems

[mailto:AutismBehaviorProblems ] On Behalf Of draeven@...

Sent: Thursday, January 03, 2008 8:08 PM

To: AutismBehaviorProblems

Subject: Re: any advice for a tired mom?

Howdy

Cousin,

I

live in McKinney, Tx. It's 30 miles north of Dallas between Plano and Sherman.

Last year it was the fastest growing city in the US. I could live much better

and cheaper in a lot of other places but I stay here because the town and hence

the school district has money and resources for my son. He has done so well

with the help of many wonderful people and services. I know a few

moms getting no help from the schools -but usually it's a little town with

no special ed population and no money. My niece (in-law) has a five yo undiagnosed

w/PDD/ADD issues and he gets suspended, yes, suspended, twice a month for 'not

listening' and 'excessive hugging'!! It's ridiculous. They only have 4

spec ed kids in the whole school. My son's school alone has 5 autism

classes -about 200 ASD's in the whole town. Even with all those students the

autism director of populations knows my son very well. Sorry if I'm rambling

and sound like a recruitment ad for McKinney -I just know how lucky and

grateful I am and how hard it is for all of us -especially those with no help.

I used to summer with grandparents in Abilene and it was beautiful country out

there. What town do you live in?

In

Hope,

Shauna