Re: Re: So frustrated

[Guest guest]

If people don't want to be around children, they should limit their time in public to hours when kids won't be in grocery stores and the like (e.g., midnight to four), and establishments where kids cannot be at all (e.g., bars in many states, incredibly expensive restaurants, brownfields).

Alternatively, they could stay home, get groceries via delivery and watch tv where no one will bother them.For the love of Pete. <seethes>tt

 

Oh boy...I have one response to the hiding behind the dx because we are lazy parents. Um, personally I think my workload has increased...trying to advocate for my child in the school and trying to line up appropriate services, like OT, speech and ABA. Doing tons of research on diets and supplements too. Trying to find appropriate ways to teach social skills and proper ways to address behavioral concerns because traditional ways aren't working. There's nothing " lazy " about everything I now find myself doing...wish I had time to be " lazy " ;-)

Just try to keep it all in perspective...no one knows what we experience daily except for ourselves...the folks in this group have seen most of it in various forms and can certainly relate! Best to surround ourselves with supportive people and try to ignore the folks that don't add " value " to our lazy days

> > >

> > > I never saw the original post but I believe no matter what disability a child has they should be held accountable for the actions in some way but that unlike typically developing children we have an understanding that when it comes to those with special needs there are many reasons that may keep a child from being able to behave such as lack of communication and/or understanding or possibly sensory overload.� A child who " could " behave properly most likely would if able.�

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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> > Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4870 - Release Date: 03/14/12

> >

>

-- Terri D. Eagen-TorkkoFull-time feminist event planner, freelance editor, 24/7 bonus mom

[Guest guest]

I go shopping after 9pm to avoid old people and others who treat

shopping as an opportunity for sightseeing and socialising.  I

started doing it because by then we had the kids in bed and didn't

have to take them, but I discovered there were other advantages.  I

don't mind kids who know how to behave in restaurants - which varies

for different places - but I do object to people who allow their

kids to run around interrupting everyone and treat it as their

entertainment for the night.  To me, that is bad parenting.  We only

took our kids places where they would feel comfortable and we would

feel comfortable with their effect on others.  There was great

rejoicing - from the parents, not the kids - when the kids grew up

enough that we could leave Mcs behind and go to places with

real food.  My son is at the place where he can go to 'adult'

restaurants and enjoy the meal, and if the noise gets too bad he can

let us know we need to leave at the end of the course we are

eating.  We always ask to order dessert later, just in case we have

to leave before then.  So we can now go out to Italian and Greek

restaurants and enjoy the evening as a family.  I just wish he liked

Chinese - or any Asian - food.  I am on a gluten, grain, dairy and

sugar free diet at the moment, so Asian restaurants are about the

only place I can go.  The only meal I can have at our favourite

Italian restaurant is fish (no crumbs, no batter) and chips.  I used

to love their veal scallopine, and most of their pasta dishes.  They

are thinking of including gluten-free pasta, so that may make things

a little easier.

But, yeah, I had never considered having special needs kids as an

excuse for laziness.  I often don't have enough time in a day to

even think about doing nothing.  I can't remember the last time I

read a book that wasn't part of my study, or took a day off to go

shopping in bookshops (what would we do without Amazon?).   Or spent

an afternoon in a nice café sipping coffee and eating European

pastries.  Or a leisurely visit to museums and art galleries without

having to know at all times where the nearest exit is.  Or even just

got up on Sunday morning and decided what to do for the day without

having to plan it all ahead of time.  All those things are

definitely things that happened in the years BB - before Ben. 

 

If people don't want to be around children, they should

limit their time in public to hours when kids won't be in

grocery stores and the like (e.g., midnight to four), and

establishments where kids cannot be at all (e.g., bars in

many states, incredibly expensive restaurants,

brownfields).

Alternatively, they could stay home, get groceries

via delivery and watch tv where no one will bother them.

For the love of Pete. <seethes>

tt

On Wed, Mar 14, 2012 at 7:35

PM,

wrote:

�

Oh boy...I have one response to the

hiding behind the dx because we are lazy

parents. Um, personally I think my

workload has increased...trying to

advocate for my child in the school and

trying to line up appropriate services,

like OT, speech and ABA. Doing tons of

research on diets and supplements too.

Trying to find appropriate ways to teach

social skills and proper ways to address

behavioral concerns because traditional

ways aren't working. There's nothing

"lazy" about everything I now find myself

doing...wish I had time to be "lazy" ;-)

Just try to keep it all in

perspective...no one knows what we

experience daily except for

ourselves...the folks in this group have

seen most of it in various forms and can

certainly relate! Best to surround

ourselves with supportive people and try

to ignore the folks that don't add "value"

to our lazy days

---

[Guest guest]

My son used to tantrum every time I took him to a store. He had to have metal trains and he wanted them bad. I tried to shop at stores I thought wouldn't have them but it seemed like every store had them.... why do they sell metal trains at book stores by the way? Anyway, to avoid the ugly tantrum he would have should his father or I say no we of course bought him one every time. A wonderful behaviorist who was working with us at the time had taught me to not care about what other people thought. This was a new concept to me as I did care when he ate sand at the park and the people stared I cared. When he cried like someone was trying to kill him while getting a haircut I cared that everyone was staring. When he flailed about having a meltdown because it was time to leave

the train museum I cared that everyone was staring. If I tried to say no to a toy everyone looked. Once I learned to let that go and not care at all about what others thought I started to have much more success with my son on outings. I learned a few tricks and only focused on what my son needed and not the "looky loos". If you give in to the screaming child you are a bad parent, if you let the child cry and go without you are a bad parent. If you leave the store to avoid the whole thing you are a bad parent. I decided to be a good parent and just not care. Others can be bothered or not be bothered.... my only concern when out in public is my child.

[Guest guest]

Keven I think that is awesome that your son has been able to move "beyond" Mc's. My husband told me he would never eat out at a restaurant with our son and me again due to 's poor behavior. He felt it was a waste of money to go out and have such a bad time. I took that as a challenge and continued to take my son to restaurants for short positive experiences. We would go in just for a scoop of ice cream or a milkshake so that we wouldn't have to wait long and I was able to use these short experiences as a teaching opportunity. I was eventually able to invite my husband to join us so I could show him our son's improvement. Now he has fine restaurant behavior!! He is a very picky eater. I like taking our family

to some sort of shopping center that has multiple choices so we can all get what we want and then eat outside somewhere or take it home. My husband can get hot wings, me sushi and my son can get his cheese quesadilla plain with not too much cheese and not too brown with no dangly pieces of cheese hanging off the sides!!!! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 6:00 PM Subject: Re: Re: So frustrated

I go shopping after 9pm to avoid old people and others who treat

shopping as an opportunity for sightseeing and socialising. I

started doing it because by then we had the kids in bed and didn't

have to take them, but I discovered there were other advantages. I

don't mind kids who know how to behave in restaurants - which varies

for different places - but I do object to people who allow their

kids to run around interrupting everyone and treat it as their

entertainment for the night. To me, that is bad parenting. We only

took our kids places where they would feel comfortable and we would

feel comfortable with their effect on others. There was great

rejoicing - from the parents, not the kids - when the kids grew up

enough that we could leave Mcs behind and go to places with

real food. My son is at the place where he can go to 'adult'

restaurants and enjoy the meal, and if the noise gets too bad he can

let us know we need to leave at the end of the course we are

eating. We always ask to order dessert later, just in case we have

to leave before then. So we can now go out to Italian and Greek

restaurants and enjoy the evening as a family. I just wish he liked

Chinese - or any Asian - food. I am on a gluten, grain, dairy and

sugar free diet at the moment, so Asian restaurants are about the

only place I can go. The only meal I can have at our favourite

Italian restaurant is fish (no crumbs, no batter) and chips. I used

to love their veal scallopine, and most of their pasta dishes. They

are thinking of including gluten-free pasta, so that may make things

a little easier.

But, yeah, I had never considered having special needs kids as an

excuse for laziness. I often don't have enough time in a day to

even think about doing nothing. I can't remember the last time I

read a book that wasn't part of my study, or took a day off to go

shopping in bookshops (what would we do without Amazon?). Or spent

an afternoon in a nice café sipping coffee and eating European

pastries. Or a leisurely visit to museums and art galleries without

having to know at all times where the nearest exit is. Or even just

got up on Sunday morning and decided what to do for the day without

having to plan it all ahead of time. All those things are

definitely things that happened in the years BB - before Ben.

If people don't want to be around children, they should

limit their time in public to hours when kids won't be in

grocery stores and the like (e.g., midnight to four), and

establishments where kids cannot be at all (e.g., bars in

many states, incredibly expensive restaurants,

brownfields).

Alternatively, they could stay home, get groceries

via delivery and watch tv where no one will bother them.

For the love of Pete. <seethes>

tt

On Wed, Mar 14, 2012 at 7:35

PM,

wrote:

�

Oh boy...I have one response to the

hiding behind the dx because we are lazy

parents. Um, personally I think my

workload has increased...trying to

advocate for my child in the school and

trying to line up appropriate services,

like OT, speech and ABA. Doing tons of

research on diets and supplements too.

Trying to find appropriate ways to teach

social skills and proper ways to address

behavioral concerns because traditional

ways aren't working. There's nothing

"lazy" about everything I now find myself

doing...wish I had time to be "lazy" ;-)

Just try to keep it all in

perspective...no one knows what we

experience daily except for

ourselves...the folks in this group have

seen most of it in various forms and can

certainly relate! Best to surround

ourselves with supportive people and try

to ignore the folks that don't add "value"

to our lazy days

---

[Guest guest]

I never did either! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 7:23 PM Subject: Re: Re: So frustrated

Yes - one of my grandmother's favourite sayings. Never did agree

with it.

Dont you remember being young and "children are to be

seen and not heard"?

--- Original Message ---

Sent: March 14, 2012 3/14/12

To: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: Re: So frustrated

It's the last bit that annoys me - that even when special

needs are recognised, we are somehow being 'anti-social'

in having our kids in public where others may be impacted

by them. But there are people who believe (often

strongly) that children should not be allowed anywhere

where their presence or behaviour may be annoying to other

adults, so perhaps it is mainly a reflection of the

society we have built where no one is supposed to

inconvenience us or impact on our lives in anything but a

positive way.

The original post was elsewhere online, but basically said

that parents with kids who have non-visible special needs

hide behind the DX to excuse bad behavior, or use a fake

DX to have an excuse to be a lazy parent.

I agree that kids should be held accountable, but that

wasn't what the post was about at all.

It was more about an ignorant woman (who isn't even a

mother) complaining that people are too quick to use

special needs as an excuse for children behaving badly.

She believes that we all use it to justify not being good

parents, or that lazy parents use the term "special needs"

when the only special need is that the parents are too

lazy to BE parents.

All of it boiled down to a conversation about a child

having a melt down for all of 5 minutes in a public venue.

The parents took care of the melt down quickly and

efficiently, but the person felt that the parents were

just bad parents, or the kid wouldn't have melted down in

the first place, and that if we "can't control our

children", they shouldn't be out in public.

>

> I never saw the original post but I believe no matter

what disability a child has they should be held

accountable for the actions in some way but that unlike

typically developing children we have an understanding

that when it comes to those with special needs there are

many reasons that may keep a child from being able to

behave such as lack of communication and/or understanding

or possibly sensory overload.� A child who "could" behave

properly most likely would if able.�

>

No virus found in this message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4870 - Release

Date: 03/14/12

No virus

found in this message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4870 - Release Date:

03/14/12

[Guest guest]

I have a neighbor that doesn't want my kids playing in front of her house on her sidewalk. The sidewalk isn't hers, but the cities....but the noise bothers her so much that she wants them to play ONLY in front of our house Of course they are kids so they need a bit more elbow room that JUST in front of our house. To:

autism-aspergers Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 7:13 PM Subject: Re: So frustrated

As a married woman with 3 kids, there are definitely places I don't get to go often, that when I'm there, I prefer not to be disturbed by kids (IE: date night at a nice restaurant). BUT, to put out a blanket statement saying that if your child has melt downs (and sorry, but even NT children have melt downs- no child is perfect), they are not welcome in public, is just asinine. This particular person was referring to air travel, but also made the remark that she prefers to shop without screaming kids around her. So, kids aren't welcome at the grocery store?

> >

> > I never saw the original post but I believe no matter what disability a child has they should be held accountable for the actions in some way but that unlike typically developing children we have an understanding that when it comes to those with special needs there are many reasons that may keep a child from being able to behave such as lack of communication and/or understanding or possibly sensory overload.� A child who "could" behave properly most likely would if able.�

> >

>

>

>

>

> No virus found in this message.

> Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

> Version: 2012.0.1913 / Virus Database: 2114/4870 - Release Date: 03/14/12

>

[Guest guest]

Go you!! To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 9:37 PM Subject: Re: Re: So frustrated

My son used to tantrum every time I took him to a store. He had to have metal trains and he wanted them bad. I tried to shop at stores I thought wouldn't have them but it seemed like every store had them.... why do they sell metal trains at book stores by the way? Anyway, to avoid the ugly tantrum he would have should his father or I say no we of course bought him one every time. A wonderful behaviorist who was working with us at the time had taught me to not care about what other people thought. This was a new concept to me as I did care when he ate sand at the park and the people stared I cared. When he cried like someone was trying to kill him while getting a haircut I cared that everyone was staring. When he flailed about having a meltdown because it was time to leave

the train museum I cared that everyone was staring. If I tried to say no to a toy everyone looked. Once I learned to let that go and not care at all about what others thought I started to have much more success with my son on outings. I learned a few tricks and only focused on what my son needed and not the "looky loos". If you give in to the screaming child you are a bad parent, if you let the child cry and go without you are a bad parent. If you leave the store to avoid the whole thing you are a bad parent. I decided to be a good parent and just not care. Others can be bothered or not be bothered.... my only concern when out in public is my child.

[Guest guest]

LOL about the quesadilla description!!! Boy do I have a son like that!! Thinking about doing feeding therapy at our local children's hospital to get him to maybe not be quite so picky anymore. To: "autism-aspergers " <autism-aspergers > Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 9:48 PM Subject: Re: Re: So frustrated

Keven I think that is awesome that your son has been able to move "beyond" Mc's. My husband told me he would never eat out at a restaurant with our son and me again due to 's poor behavior. He felt it was a waste of money to go out and have such a bad time. I took that as a challenge and continued to take my son to restaurants for short positive experiences. We would go in just for a scoop of ice cream or a milkshake so that we wouldn't have to wait long and I was able to use these short experiences as a teaching opportunity. I was eventually able to invite my husband to join us so I could show him our son's improvement. Now he has fine restaurant behavior!! He is a very picky eater. I like taking our family

to some sort of shopping center that has multiple choices so we can all get what we want and then eat outside somewhere or take it home. My husband can get hot wings, me sushi and my son can get his cheese quesadilla plain with not too much cheese and not too brown with no dangly pieces of cheese hanging off the sides!!!! To: autism-aspergers Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 6:00 PM Subject: Re: Re: So frustrated

I go shopping after 9pm to avoid old people and others who treat

shopping as an opportunity for sightseeing and socialising. I

started doing it because by then we had the kids in bed and didn't

have to take them, but I discovered there were other advantages. I

don't mind kids who know how to behave in restaurants - which varies

for different places - but I do object to people who allow their

kids to run around interrupting everyone and treat it as their

entertainment for the night. To me, that is bad parenting. We only

took our kids places where they would feel comfortable and we would

feel comfortable with their effect on others. There was great

rejoicing - from the parents, not the kids - when the kids grew up

enough that we could leave Mcs behind and go to places with

real food. My son is at the place where he can go to 'adult'

restaurants and enjoy the meal, and if the noise gets too bad he can

let us know we need to leave at the end of the course we are

eating. We always ask to order dessert later, just in case we have

to leave before then. So we can now go out to Italian and Greek

restaurants and enjoy the evening as a family. I just wish he liked

Chinese - or any Asian - food. I am on a gluten, grain, dairy and

sugar free diet at the moment, so Asian restaurants are about the

only place I can go. The only meal I can have at our favourite

Italian restaurant is fish (no crumbs, no batter) and chips. I used

to love their veal scallopine, and most of their pasta dishes. They

are thinking of including gluten-free pasta, so that may make things

a little easier.

But, yeah, I had never considered having special needs kids as an

excuse for laziness. I often don't have enough time in a day to

even think about doing nothing. I can't remember the last time I

read a book that wasn't part of my study, or took a day off to go

shopping in bookshops (what would we do without Amazon?). Or spent

an afternoon in a nice café sipping coffee and eating European

pastries. Or a leisurely visit to museums and art galleries without

having to know at all times where the nearest exit is. Or even just

got up on Sunday morning and decided what to do for the day without

having to plan it all ahead of time. All those things are

definitely things that happened in the years BB - before Ben.

If people don't want to be around children, they should

limit their time in public to hours when kids won't be in

grocery stores and the like (e.g., midnight to four), and

establishments where kids cannot be at all (e.g., bars in

many states, incredibly expensive restaurants,

brownfields).

Alternatively, they could stay home, get groceries

via delivery and watch tv where no one will bother them.

For the love of Pete. <seethes>

tt

On Wed, Mar 14, 2012 at 7:35

PM,

wrote:

�

Oh boy...I have one response to the

hiding behind the dx because we are lazy

parents. Um, personally I think my

workload has increased...trying to

advocate for my child in the school and

trying to line up appropriate services,

like OT, speech and ABA. Doing tons of

research on diets and supplements too.

Trying to find appropriate ways to teach

social skills and proper ways to address

behavioral concerns because traditional

ways aren't working. There's nothing

"lazy" about everything I now find myself

doing...wish I had time to be "lazy" ;-)

Just try to keep it all in

perspective...no one knows what we

experience daily except for

ourselves...the folks in this group have

seen most of it in various forms and can

certainly relate! Best to surround

ourselves with supportive people and try

to ignore the folks that don't add "value"

to our lazy days

---