Re: Hi Everybody

May 10, 2008

Welcome, ! Thank you so much for introducing yourself! Glad to have you

here!

I can't really help you out with the generations of OCD as our daughter appears

to be the first OCD-er in the family tree and hers is extremely mild. I hope

you have been able to find good treatment for your daughter as that seems to be

key!

Beth

Hi Everybody

if i don't get out of the lurkers closet soon i may just end up in a

hospital closet. as a lurker i have learned so much here, and it has

been extremely helpful. but, i know that i need to break out of my

own fears about having so much to say and add that i never know what

to start to write about. even now, i don't have any cohesive thoughts

to throw out. i was thinking this morning if i could just log on and

introduce myself, share a few facts about what's going on with my

family, and just babble a bit, that it would be a great start. so

here i go.

i'm a 41 year old single mom of a nine year old daughter with ocd (and

we hope that's all), and a three year old son with aspergers. two

different dad's who both show obvious signs of their offspings'

afflictions. i myself have suffered from depression since i was

really young and was finally diagnosed at 19 during a month long

hospital stay. at this point, after all i have learned here and in

books, i cannot rule myself out as having ocd also, in some form that

isn't clear to me yet. why is it so hard to look at ourselves and see

what's up when it's so obvious to see it in others? feh.

a little family history:

dad A: scrupulosity, superstition, checker, cleaner, conspiracy

theorist who keeps files on people, thinks the government watches

people thru tv and computer monitors. after we had our daughter out

of wedlock, he suddenly freaked out and stopped being close with me.

that's when i found out all that he had learned to keep secret. he

basically thought at that time that he had disappointed god so much he

needed to distance himself from the situation. basically, he appears

to be extremely paranoid and a tad schizo. now, we know there's no

such thing as " a tad schizo, " but now that i know about ocd and how it

can appear i realize that it might be only ocd completely unchecked.

ugh, okay, i'm overwhelmed already. dad B just showed up for dad time.

well, i'm pretty pleased with myself that i at least started to talk

to you guys finally. i will keep working on our story when i have

some more time and don't feel too stressed out to do so.

*sigh*

as much as i've gotten from this group, i know opening up to you will

only give me more.

happiness to all..

lisa.

May 10, 2008

Hi , welcome! Glad you feel able to join in, don't worry about

what to write. I can tend to jump around and ramble in my posts, but

others seem to pick out what I'm trying to say!

I'm a single mom (divorced long ago) with 3 sons; oldest is 23; and

then twins are 19. One of the twins had OCD begin around age 11.5

and I joined this group soon after. He also has an Aspergers

diagnosis, which was in 8th grade though I always suspected. His OC

behaviors have changed over the years. Began with lots of

compulsions and rituals. Those are gone and now it's scrupulosity

and bad thoughts. So I understand Dad A's worrying about

disappointing God, I believe that's how my son feels. He doesn't

understand that his thoughts are probably *all* OCD, just thinks that

his OCD makes it worse in some way.

The rest of us have our OC " quirks " but not the actual disorder.

Well, I have had what I would call episodes or spurts of OCD since I

guess my teens. But nothing that got too out of hand and would

eventually stop (but with effort from me).

What type OC behaviors is your daughter having? Is she getting any

treatment?

Is your son getting services regarding the Aspergers?

>

> if i don't get out of the lurkers closet soon i may just end up in a

> hospital closet. as a lurker i have learned so much here, and it

has

> been extremely helpful. but, i know that i need to break out of my

> own fears about having so much to say and add that i never know what

> to start to write about. even now, i don't have any cohesive

thoughts

> to throw out. i was thinking this morning if i could just log on

May 10, 2008

Hi B. and welcome!

Thanks for sharing and I'm glad you jumped in! Often we have to give a

little background on ourselves if we don't post often so people remember

who we are. (Like I remind the list that I'm the one with the daughter

with a vomit phobia :-) Nice to be known for that?!) I let you know

this because there's lots of 's on the board, so I don't want to

miss your posts.

Take care,

Dina

May 10, 2008

Hi ,

Welcome and good for you for taking the leap and joining in the

conversations. I remember well when I was a lurker and found it so

hard to jump in and know where to start. So bravo, you did it! Keep

on posting and tell us more!

Barb

Ontario, Canada

Son 16, OCD, LD, other???

>

> if i don't get out of the lurkers closet soon i may just end up in a

> hospital closet. as a lurker i have learned so much here, and it

has

> been extremely helpful. but, i know that i need to break out of my

> own fears about having so much to say and add that i never know what

> to start to write about. even now, i don't have any cohesive

thoughts

> to throw out. i was thinking this morning if i could just log on

and

> introduce myself, share a few facts about what's going on with my

> family, and just babble a bit, that it would be a great start. so

> here i go.

>

> i'm a 41 year old single mom of a nine year old daughter with ocd

(and

> we hope that's all), and a three year old son with aspergers. two

> different dad's who both show obvious signs of their offspings'

> afflictions. i myself have suffered from depression since i was

> really young and was finally diagnosed at 19 during a month long

> hospital stay. at this point, after all i have learned here and in

> books, i cannot rule myself out as having ocd also, in some form

that

> isn't clear to me yet. why is it so hard to look at ourselves and

see

> what's up when it's so obvious to see it in others? feh.

>

> a little family history:

>

> dad A: scrupulosity, superstition, checker, cleaner, conspiracy

> theorist who keeps files on people, thinks the government watches

> people thru tv and computer monitors. after we had our daughter out

> of wedlock, he suddenly freaked out and stopped being close with

me.

> that's when i found out all that he had learned to keep secret. he

> basically thought at that time that he had disappointed god so much

he

> needed to distance himself from the situation. basically, he appears

> to be extremely paranoid and a tad schizo. now, we know there's no

> such thing as " a tad schizo, " but now that i know about ocd and how

it

> can appear i realize that it might be only ocd completely

unchecked.

>

> ugh, okay, i'm overwhelmed already. dad B just showed up for dad

time.

>

> well, i'm pretty pleased with myself that i at least started to talk

> to you guys finally. i will keep working on our story when i have

> some more time and don't feel too stressed out to do so.

>

> *sigh*

>

> as much as i've gotten from this group, i know opening up to you

will

> only give me more.

>

> happiness to all..

> lisa.

>

May 11, 2008

thanks beth, and happy mother's day to you.. i'm very interested to

hear about your daughters " mild " ocd. what kinds of symptoms does she

have?

as far as treatment, i'm the main cbt, erp therapist at the moment. i

did hook her up with my therapist of many years when we got back to

massachusetts. (i had been in maine for three years married to Dad B.)

My therapist was there when my daughter was born and visited weekly

ever since (until i moved) so she was my first thought. this

therapist is excellent but not using cbt or erp, at this point she is

still bonding with my girl thru therapuetic play. they work on " calm

places " and anxiety. I introduced the therapist to the " what to do

when.. " books and she just told me she ordered a bunch of them. i have

no complaints re: therapy at the moment. but, most of the work my

daughter and i do come from everything i learned, and my keen

instinct. my daughter responds well to reasoning, but, then wonders

why, now that she's recognized the worry bully, he doesn't leave her

alone. most of her stuff is intrusive, unusual thoughts. here's one

example, we just got a betta, she loves him, thinks he's beautiful,

and takes care of him. she also thinks every time she's eating, he

might be in her mouth. her method for all thoughts she recongnizes is

to say out loud something like, " the fish is in the tank, i'm not

eating him, this is the worry bully. " whenever she fights

successfully she earns a " gold " coin for use later in a treasure box.

more about that later.

very important fact about Dad A. when i came to him months ago to

tell him about what i had discovered, he started laughing

hysterically, told me she was faking it, as kids do for attention, and

that the only thing wrong with her was that she didn't have enough god

in her life. that's the moment i knew he'd be no help whatsoever, and

thru his limitations might even damage her in his ignorance. Dad A

also has three children with his first wife. the youngest one is

great friends with her half sister. i'll never forget when we saw her

again after moving back to mass and her hands were a bloody mess. i

casually asked her if she washes her hands a lot and she rolled her

eyes and said, " A LOT! " *sigh* we hadn't discussed my daughters

issues together yet as i was still working them out and had already

been put down by dad A. when my daughter heard her say she washed her

hands 17 times a day she looked straight at me knowingly. now she

wants to know what we can do to help. more on that later.

thanks to all for keeping me motivated, even all the times you didn't

know it!

>

> Welcome, ! Thank you so much for introducing yourself! Glad to

have you here!

>

> I can't really help you out with the generations of OCD as our

daughter appears to be the first OCD-er in the family tree and hers is

extremely mild. I hope you have been able to find good treatment for

your daughter as that seems to be key!

>

> Beth

May 11, 2008

Hi chris! HMD to you..

i'll start with when the lightbulb finally went off. about four

months ago she started erasing holes in paper not being able to get

the right amount of space between her letters. of course, the spacing

was fine. that's when i started my research, and things started

fitting together. forget my guilt for not seeing things earlier - i

have (for the most part!) looking back, when i got married to Dad B,

she " forgot " how to wipe herself.. she always wanted me to help her

in the bathroom. if i didn't we'd use enough paper to clog the

toilet. i thought it was her cry for the changes happening in her

life, even though she totally loves and admires dad B, her loss of

having me alone seemed a rational thing and i dealt with it, never

with any success. then thru our short marriage, Dad B became

increasingly upset with her inability to do things without asking for

reassurance. now here's the rub, Dad B had a tough time seeing

subtleties. i found him completely incapable of listening to a six

year old girl whine, per normal, when she was disappointed. our son

was born. jump to now, thru son's symptoms and diagnosis as aspie, i

now see Dad B's limitations. it's all very sad. needless to say, Dad

B's irritation with my daughter is now understandable, he is

definitely aspie as well. very literal while i'm very NOT. he always

accused me of sounding like an idiot, and that my daughter's problems

were because, " she's never heard a firm male voice in her life " and "

she's never had to be disciplined because she was like your appendage,

doing anything you wanted! " must i add here he had never been with a

child in his life? well, last summer i had enough of this verbal and

emotional abuse and moved my kids and i to a shelter. this guy had

almost successfully beat me down to nothing. he almost had me

believing i was a sh*t mom and i ended up in the hospital. during

those few days away from him i felt completely in control again and

made the decision to leave.

i'm babbling on and on.. and feel like i'm jumping around, so feel

free to ask any questions.

because my daughter trusts me so much she eventually confessed the bad

thoughts she'd been having for years after my prodding. the only

outward signs for years was the toilet peper and then brushing teeth.

one day Dad B told her she wasn't doing it right. she'd never had a

cavity in her life (boy was i hating him). suddenly toothbrushing

took 30 minutes or more. at that point i just blamed him and thought

she was trying to please him. until the erasing and my researching

nobody would have guessed she had tons of crud going on in her head.

as for my son, we started early intervention in maine, but three

months into the shelter life he was finally set to see a psychiatrist

and diagnostic team a month after i was able to come back to mass. he

did have speech therapy while we were there, but i basically started

over again when we got here. he finally got his diagnosis two weeks

ago, but it was no surprise. i was ready and had learned a lot. he

will be starting therapies and school soon. im trying for a summer

program but so far it's set as september. argh!

here's a fantastic funny for you. a few months after i left Dad B, he

came out of the closet. duh.. no wonder his two marriages failed.

in november 2007 he left the house we were building in maine and

followed me here (to be near his son) and had been living in a shelter

until last week when he finally found a job in his profession.

*laugh* are you guys following all this?

more to come..

thanks.

wrote:

>

> .....

>

> What type OC behaviors is your daughter having? Is she getting any

> treatment?

>

> Is your son getting services regarding the Aspergers?

>

May 11, 2008

thank you louis, and happy mom's day!

a gift for endlessly babbling you mean!

i'm glad too - thanks..

>

> Hi ,

>

> Welcome! You have a gift for communicating; I am glad you decided

to use it.

>

> Take care.

>

> Louis

May 11, 2008

*laugh*

i may then, become known as that nice gal who can't pick a decent

partner. actually, i do believe a this point i could never make a bad

relationship choice again! i waited to have kids until i was 33 and

39. i was busy traveling around the world and living. now, i'm all

mom, and i love it. if the right guy came around he'd really have to

work hard to get me to even notice him!

>

> Hi B. and welcome!

>

> Thanks for sharing and I'm glad you jumped in! Often we have to give a

> little background on ourselves if we don't post often so people

remember

> who we are. (Like I remind the list that I'm the one with the daughter

> with a vomit phobia :-) Nice to be known for that?!) I let you know

> this because there's lots of 's on the board, so I don't want to

> miss your posts.

>

> Take care,

> Dina

>

May 11, 2008

thanks Barb! happy mothers day to you!

>

> Hi ,

>

> Welcome and good for you for taking the leap and joining in the

> conversations. I remember well when I was a lurker and found it so

> hard to jump in and know where to start. So bravo, you did it! Keep

> on posting and tell us more!

>

> Barb

> Ontario, Canada

> Son 16, OCD, LD, other???

>

May 11, 2008

*******

thanks beth, and happy mother's day to you.. i'm very interested to

hear about your daughters " mild " ocd. what kinds of symptoms does she

have?

*******

Kate's OCD was primarily a " contamination " issue with a boy in her class.

Excessive hand-washing and repeated changes of clothes. Not sitting in places

she " might have sat with S's germs on me. " Not wearing her coat (in January in

Colorado) because his backpack strap might have touched it. Turns out that she

thought her stuffed animals would dissolve if they came into contact with S's

germs. She is 8 and knew that was totally crazy but she couldn't help it. Felt

too stupid to actually tell anyone what she was thinking so she went into the

whole avoidance thing. Once we began seeing the therapist and she read the

book, " What to do When Your Brain Gets Stuck " she recognized her thoughts as OCD

and was highly motivated to overcome that fear of S.

We have since come to see some other OCD thoughts/behaviors in certain arenas

(money, good/evil, etc.) but the meltdowns have become the exception rather than

the rule. She no longer sees the psychologist although he expects that we will

need his services again in a few months or maybe years. She certainly still has

issues but once we can get ther to accept that it is OCD she is on her way to

combatting it. We, as her parents, have to be very diligent with this, though.

It is so easy to fall into doing things " her way " and, before long, we realize

we've been " feeding " OCD which isn't helping her at all! For example, she has

several jackets so, back in January, when she'd have a fit about one of her

jackets we'd unwittingly let her wear a different one. We'd allow her to carry

her to change her clothes two or three times after school to keep her calm.

Lots of stuff we didn't realize were " feeding " the OCD. Now when we see the OCD

looming we refuse to let it disrupt our family life -- we sometimes make her

wait to change clothes and only once a day after school. She can only wash her

hands ONCE after she uses the bathroom, etc.

Sorry, , and everyone else! I've gabbed too much again!

Beth

May 11, 2008

Hi , well I am glad to see you coming back strong! Meaning, with

my exhusband I know how the verbal/emotional abuse beats you down,

did me too. Curious, since he (Dad seems to be Aspie to you, what

his profession is?

It can be so surprising when a child finally opens up and you find

out what all has been going on in their heads/lives with OCD! They

can hide it so well, can be very subtle about it, especially some of

the more " mental " things.

The wiping problem, the erasing, the seeking reassurance...all things

I've read here over the years, so you're far from the first to deal

with those OC behaviors. I can't recall if you said, have you found

anyone to see her yet about her OCD? When it began with my son, we

never found anyone around here experienced in treating OCD so ended

up just managing on our own, with the great help of this group and

lots of reading/research.

Glad your son will be getting some early intervention for his

Aspergers, it can really make a huge difference when they get

supports at a young age.

>

> Hi chris! HMD to you..

>

> i'll start with when the lightbulb finally went off. about four

> months ago she started erasing holes in paper not being able to get

> the right amount of space between her letters. of course, the

spacing

> was fine. that's when i started my research, and things started

> fitting together. forget my guilt for not seeing things earlier - i

May 12, 2008

Welcome - we are here if you need us.

angela

Subject: Hi Everybody

To:

Date: Saturday, May 10, 2008, 10:15 AM