Food for thought and some questions

[Guest guest]

So my daughter was just diagnosed a little over two months ago. As I look back, I'm wondering if that wasn't actually a positive thing (that it took so long to be diagnosed). She was always 'abundant' and 'spirited' and we were always were dealing with behavior issues. Well, we didn't have a diagnosis except for ADHD so I didn't allow her to be as quirky as she wanted to be. If she fixated too much on something then I would take it away if it was a problem. For example, when she was about 2-3 she was completely obsessed with Lion King. She would act like a lion and scratch me so I'd take the movie away. If she refused to eat something because of it's texture or color or temperature or whatever, I'd make it more often and require one 'no thank you bite'. The more she was exposed, the less problem we had (sometimes it took years...we are still working on beans!). I made her look at people in the eyes when she talked to them. I put her into Girl Scouts, Karate, Gymnastics and so on so that she had to interact with other kids and adult. I had kids over and I monitor from a distance then I would call her out of the room to tell her that she wasn't talking nicely or that she was bossy or whatever. I was always considerate and never condescending or mean about my corrections. I just did it constantly. If she got in trouble at school, she was punished at home. If she threw a fit, she was punished. We had definite cause and effect...if you do this, this happens. It was hard but I didn't budge. I still don't allow some things that other kids do. My theory is that if you don't want to do something forever then don't allow it once. I don't allow her to ride her bike without a helmet...not even just down the street. If I did, then she would never put a helmet on again.

Now, that being said I did search high and low for socks that she would wear and underwear with smoother seams and stretchy pants that she would wear and so on. We never had more than one kid over at a time. I allowed her to put away her 'favorite' toys if she didn't want to share them. I made sure the other child understood that didn't make believe well. I would have to make 'tea' (aka apple juice) and cookies for their tea parties and so on because couldn't just imagine it. I did everything to set her up to succeed but I didn't coddle her too much.

I was tougher because the things she did were silly and there was no reason for it (I thought). She couldn't grow up and not wear clothes. I knew that it was my job to help her become an adult. That means I had to push her and challenge her and teach her...not coddle her. I won't be there forever to take care of her and protect her. Now we have this diagnosis and I find myself saying 'oh, that's normal for an aspie kid' instead of challenging it.

So, I have two questions. 1. Do you ever feel that maybe some of the things we do as parents actually handicap are kids even more? Do we protect them too much? Don't get me wrong. We have to protect them and do what we can't to help them be happy and healthy... But do we allow too much because it is a 'normal' behavior for an aspie kid? Do you worry about how they are going to function in society since they've never really been taught?

2. Should I make go to Karate even though she says (adamantly) she doesn't want to go. Do I take her outside her comfort zone so that she can grow? She is 3 years from being an adult. I'd like her to learn that physical activity is good and in the process learn to protect herself.

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Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.

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