Re: Courage and Everyone

October 19, 2005

Sorry to hear about your mom's experience, Courage. I have had some tough news

lately too. My cousin passed away from breast cancer on Saturday. She was told

about a month ago that she had 6 months if she had no treatment and a year and a

half if she had treatment. She didn't make it 2 months. The visitation is

tonight. My sister called to tell me that news and along with it she told me

about my brother. He has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. This

happened after an injury where a big piece of metal he was drilling hit him in

the stomach. After they did tests they found the liver problem and something

else in his stomach that he doesn't know about yet (or he is not saying). He

hasn't had a drink in a month (or so he says) but it sounds like the damage has

been done by the drinking he has done in the past. She said his wife was unable

to stop drinking. Because of the problems I had with the cottage I have not

spoken with Jack since May. I feel terrible about his

condition but at the same time I am so angry that he caused this problem

himself. I want to call him but I am afraid that if I do I will feel so awful

that I wont be able to keep the distance which is protecting me from my

emotional demise. I have gone through so much with mom and I dont know how

close I can allow myself to get. I will have to talk to him soon about the

stuff in mom's house but I can't bring myself to call just yet. Isn't that

horrible? He apparently can't work. He has no money he has no insurance and

there is still the issue of the cottage hanging over us...

The icing on the cake is that he needed more morphine because he took all they

gave him already for the pain (because he needed more) and they gave him some.

He has had an addiction to Cocaine before and alcohol and they now give him

morphine? great doctors. I wonder if there is something else wrong (that is

terminal) and that is why they aren't worried about addiction. I have not

cried. I have no real emotion and that scares me. I know I was angry but still

I can't seem to know how to react to this news. My sister also said that Jack

commented that he wished he could punch that doctor in the face that gave mom

the epidural when she had hip surgery. He believes that if she had a general

anestesia that she would have died and wouldn't have suffered so. I believe

that she would have lived anyway in a state of confusion and had no one to be

with her that she recognized. I am there for her and for the most part she is

now healthy and I can see her still here at Christmas,

something I did not believe last spring that she would still be around for.

I have been through a great deal. It is me that should be able to say whether

mom is better off or not. I have been around her through it all. I have seen

the changes both good and bad. I am scared for him as he has not shown his

children how to take good care of their parent. Yet I somehow feel guilty. Go

figure.

Kath

gaat wrote:

Hi All,

I had such a great day with my grand-daughter . She had me

laughing all day with her baby talk and her big hugs which she now

thinks includes biting (not hard but enough to get your attention).

After seeing and my daughter off, I prepared to go into the LTCF

to stay with mom. Since I'm on this new med that makes me feel pukey I

decided to to buy some food and eyed a chicken empanada. Had about half

before I hit the LTCF and tucked the rest away for later.

As many of you know, I am crazy about animals and since mom's move into

this facility I have come to know some of the wonderful dogs that live

in this neighbourhood as they walk through the greenery at the

facility. I saw Lily, the most beautiful and largest Golden I've ever

seen, and when she saw me she came running. I was making my usual

noises - telling her how beautiful she was, a movie star, when she

stopped looking into my face and immediately jumped all over me with her

nose firmly lodged in my wind breaker pocket. I had forgotten about the

empanada! Lily had me spinning left and right and I'm sure that from

afar it looked like she was mauling me! I was laughing so hard that I

couldn't push her off me and her owner was tugging like mad to get her

away. I'm not sure how Lily's owner finally got her away but she did

and I laughed the rest of the way to the front doors of the facility.

I was about to go in when I observed a man in his thirties wheeling what

I assumed was his mother toward his car. My feet were cemented to the

floor as I saw him lift his well nourished mother up in his arms as one

would a toddler and place her gently into the front seat of the car.

And the way his mom reached up to him and wrapped her arms around

him.....Well, that did it. I was crying like a fool. I had to stand

there for well over ten minutes trying to get a hold of myself because

the tears were just running.

Once inside, I put on my best face with mother and was helping our

caregiver get mom ready for bed. At this time, I looked into mom's eyes

and they were dancing all over the place. I tried to get her to focus

on me but her eyes just kept dancing, moving from left to right very

quickly. I was overcome with sadness and knew that this must be scary

for her. I thought she is either very dizzy or this is what a person's

eyes must look like when completely stoned on drugs or having some sort

of episode. I remained strong till the caregiver left and mom was

asleep. Then I just put my head next to mom's on her bed and wept.

After a while I went to speak to the nurse to ensure that the doctor get

mom off the meds as soon as possible and do a complete work up on her,

including checking for a UTI.

Its been a strange day - some good, some bad. Just need to share this.

Courage

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

October 19, 2005

Dear Kath

Wow!! So sorry to hear about all that you are going

through. God does say that He will not give us more

than we can bare. Sometimes it feels like He is

pushing it a little I know. Family problems are the

worst. I can only imagine. My mom's side is very

close and believe it or not they never fight. I have

no sibblings so I have no fights with brothers or

sisters. But as I stated recently it is lonely.

I will be praying that you make the wisest decisions

regarding calling your brother or not. Follow your

heart.

Dena

--- STEVE & KATHY WARD wrote:

> Sorry to hear about your mom's experience, Courage.

> I have had some tough news lately too. My cousin

> passed away from breast cancer on Saturday. She was

> told about a month ago that she had 6 months if she

> had no treatment and a year and a half if she had

> treatment. She didn't make it 2 months. The

> visitation is tonight. My sister called to tell me

> that news and along with it she told me about my

> brother. He has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of

> the liver. This happened after an injury where a

> big piece of metal he was drilling hit him in the

> stomach. After they did tests they found the liver

> problem and something else in his stomach that he

> doesn't know about yet (or he is not saying). He

> hasn't had a drink in a month (or so he says) but it

> sounds like the damage has been done by the drinking

> he has done in the past. She said his wife was

> unable to stop drinking. Because of the problems I

> had with the cottage I have not spoken with Jack

> since May. I feel terrible about his

> condition but at the same time I am so angry that

> he caused this problem himself. I want to call him

> but I am afraid that if I do I will feel so awful

> that I wont be able to keep the distance which is

> protecting me from my emotional demise. I have gone

> through so much with mom and I dont know how close I

> can allow myself to get. I will have to talk to him

> soon about the stuff in mom's house but I can't

> bring myself to call just yet. Isn't that horrible?

> He apparently can't work. He has no money he has

> no insurance and there is still the issue of the

> cottage hanging over us...

> The icing on the cake is that he needed more

> morphine because he took all they gave him already

> for the pain (because he needed more) and they gave

> him some. He has had an addiction to Cocaine before

> and alcohol and they now give him morphine? great

> doctors. I wonder if there is something else wrong

> (that is terminal) and that is why they aren't

> worried about addiction. I have not cried. I have

> no real emotion and that scares me. I know I was

> angry but still I can't seem to know how to react to

> this news. My sister also said that Jack commented

> that he wished he could punch that doctor in the

> face that gave mom the epidural when she had hip

> surgery. He believes that if she had a general

> anestesia that she would have died and wouldn't have

> suffered so. I believe that she would have lived

> anyway in a state of confusion and had no one to be

> with her that she recognized. I am there for her

> and for the most part she is now healthy and I can

> see her still here at Christmas,

> something I did not believe last spring that she

> would still be around for.

>

> I have been through a great deal. It is me that

> should be able to say whether mom is better off or

> not. I have been around her through it all. I have

> seen the changes both good and bad. I am scared for

> him as he has not shown his children how to take

> good care of their parent. Yet I somehow feel

> guilty. Go figure.

>

> Kath

> gaat wrote:

> Hi All,

>

> I had such a great day with my grand-daughter .

> She had me

> laughing all day with her baby talk and her big hugs

> which she now

> thinks includes biting (not hard but enough to get

> your attention).

>

> After seeing and my daughter off, I prepared

> to go into the LTCF

> to stay with mom. Since I'm on this new med that

> makes me feel pukey I

> decided to to buy some food and eyed a chicken

> empanada. Had about half

> before I hit the LTCF and tucked the rest away for

> later.

>

> As many of you know, I am crazy about animals and

> since mom's move into

> this facility I have come to know some of the

> wonderful dogs that live

> in this neighbourhood as they walk through the

> greenery at the

> facility. I saw Lily, the most beautiful and largest

> Golden I've ever

> seen, and when she saw me she came running. I was

> making my usual

> noises - telling her how beautiful she was, a movie

> star, when she

> stopped looking into my face and immediately jumped

> all over me with her

> nose firmly lodged in my wind breaker pocket. I had

> forgotten about the

> empanada! Lily had me spinning left and right and

> I'm sure that from

> afar it looked like she was mauling me! I was

> laughing so hard that I

> couldn't push her off me and her owner was tugging

> like mad to get her

> away. I'm not sure how Lily's owner finally got her

> away but she did

> and I laughed the rest of the way to the front doors

> of the facility.

>

> I was about to go in when I observed a man in his

> thirties wheeling what

> I assumed was his mother toward his car. My feet

> were cemented to the

> floor as I saw him lift his well nourished mother up

> in his arms as one

> would a toddler and place her gently into the front

> seat of the car.

> And the way his mom reached up to him and wrapped

> her arms around

> him.....Well, that did it. I was crying like a fool.

> I had to stand

> there for well over ten minutes trying to get a hold

> of myself because

> the tears were just running.

>

> Once inside, I put on my best face with mother and

> was helping our

> caregiver get mom ready for bed. At this time, I

> looked into mom's eyes

> and they were dancing all over the place. I tried to

> get her to focus

> on me but her eyes just kept dancing, moving from

> left to right very

> quickly. I was overcome with sadness and knew that

> this must be scary

> for her. I thought she is either very dizzy or this

> is what a person's

> eyes must look like when completely stoned on drugs

> or having some sort

> of episode. I remained strong till the caregiver

> left and mom was

> asleep. Then I just put my head next to mom's on her

> bed and wept.

> After a while I went to speak to the nurse to ensure

> that the doctor get

> mom off the meds as soon as possible and do a

> complete work up on her,

> including checking for a UTI.

>

> Its been a strange day - some good, some bad. Just

> need to share this.

> Courage

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

October 20, 2005

Kathy-

You sure do have a very full plate. I am sorry about your cousin's death. I am

sure it is a shock for your family that she went so fast. As far as your

brother goes, I doubt there is much you can do. Sounds like he wants to

continue to drink and will do so no matter what anyone says. Don't pay any

attention to his complaining that your Mom should have received general

anesthesia rather than an epidural, because it would have put an end to her

suffering. Alcoholics tend to get mouthy. I am on your side. No need to

feel guilty. Chances are that it would have increased her confusion. I am

happy that you have your Mother to love and she is indeed very lucky to have

you.

XXXOOO

Gerry

Wilmington, De.

Re: Courage and Everyone

Sorry to hear about your mom's experience, Courage. I have had some tough

news lately too. My cousin passed away from breast cancer on Saturday. She was

told about a month ago that she had 6 months if she had no treatment and a year

and a half if she had treatment. She didn't make it 2 months. The visitation is