Re: Behavioural Problems Anyone ?

April 10, 2003

Hi -I can relate about a couple of things. My husband is a great

father but he just does not understand why my daughter just doesn't stop her

obsessions, go to school, and get on with her life. I think it is harder for

men unless their degree is in a mental health field. And, yes-I have a real

difficult time figuring out consequences. My daughter is BP too but I was

told even tho the disorders cause trouble with these behaviors, you can't

ignore them because then the kids become more manipulative and the behavior

gets worse. I try to judge my daughter's needs. Appropriate socialization

is difficult for her and she needs many opportunities to practice. So, I try

never to ground her for a whole weekend. Also, sometimes the computer is her

only link to the outside world and it is so good to hear her laugh at what

someone is writing. So, many times if she wants to go somewhere, that is

when we hit her with chores, etc. And, we really limit things instead of

taking the opportunity away completely. Hope this helped. Ellen

April 10, 2003

Hi , you wrote:

These

are the problems I find with .

- losing control of his temper easily

*****Kids or anyone who has anxiety can be irritable. I've noticed my child 9

is much more easygoing when her symptoms are low, she's almost a different

person than when her OCD flares. Some of his temper may come from people

inadvertently triggering his anxiety. A lot of OCD kids have problems too with

impulsivity--act first and think later. My child was started on Risperdal for

tics, but the med did a lot to tone down her behavioral and verbal

impulsivity--a very nice side effect :-)

- tunnel vision with good obsessions (toys, playing with friends)

where he does not care about chores and homework - it is all about fun

stuff

*****A common coping technique for OCD kids is to stay busy, busy busy because

they don't have symptoms or as many symptoms when they are engaged. My child is

also driven at times to play etc., it's hard for her to sit down to homework or

do chores because it invites OCD to start banging on her.

- cheeking back and then showing remorse for it and apologizing

*****I accept apologies, but the consequence stands! :-) Remorse is good,

it's part of what motivates a kid to stop and think next time (unless this gets

into an OCD rumination loop, I'm bad, everyone hates me, I'll never...you get

the idea.)

- laziness

*****Not sure what to say about this one. Is it plain laziness in all areas,

or avoiding chores (that may involve contaminated things such as trash cans,

etc.?) Depending, this could be OCD related or not.

I get so confused somedays about how much to punish (by taking away

privileges and grounding) when I do not know if it his personality or

his disorder. I feel guilty when applying consequences and often do

not carry them out.

*****It is hard to figure these things out, but I've found I need to be

consistent with my daughter, I would anyway I believe whether she had OCD or

not. I try not to overthink or overanalyze Kel's behavior because it makes me

crazy and indecisive!

You might want to sit down at a calm moment and list the ongoing problems,

then rank them in some way--happens most often, most problematic, whatever, and

pick one to work on this week. No kid, OCD or not is going to shape up suddenly

and completely in all areas, especially if he's gotten used to expecting Mom not

to follow through. Decide beforehand on how you will react, what the

consequence will be (try to make it related and logical somehow to the

behavior), etc. so you are clear and ready next time the problem comes up. I

use a sort of " 1-2-3 Magic " approach still which gives me a bit of fudge factor

(is this disorder-related or not?) and Kel a couple of chances to pull her

behavior together before I actually consequence.

Once he has the target behavior under control, move on to the next thing on

the list while maintaining the first one.

HTH,

Kathy R. in Indiana

April 10, 2003

Dear ,

He sounds like a typical 10 year old, OCD aside! Mine is the same way. There

is a great book you should read. It should help put things in perspective,

The Explosive Child by, Ross Greene, Ph.D.

I would be very nervous about progressing with your boyfriend, it sounds like

your son has enough to deal with. It also sounds like your son is truly

sorry. This rage they feel is hard for them to deal with. I'm sure he has a

lot of guilt because of it.

Best wishes,

Beverly in CA (USA)

April 11, 2003

I can definately relate to your post. My daughter (11) has severe

behavioral problems in addition to OCD. She refuses to do chores of any

kind, she is lazy, and very combative. She talks back excessively. I too am

at a loss for how to handle her, except for making sure I stick to

groundings. My husband, her stepfather, also has no sympathy for her. He

also insists it is her wanting to act out, and not her OCD which is the

issue. The therapists have told him over and over that the OCD is the main

problem. He refuses to listen. This has put a definite strain on our

marriage. Sorry, I probably haven't been much of a help. But do stick to

your guns, when it comes to punishing him for his behavior.

>

>Reply-To:

>To:

>Subject: Behavioural Problems Anyone ?

>Date: Thu, 10 Apr 2003 20:14:32 -0000

>

>Hi Everyone,

>

>I have the support list complete and will be sending it as a word

>document. I wish that I could attach it and send it as a post but I

>think I will have to e-mail all of you individually. That's ok.

>

>BUT IN THE MEANTIME, I am feeling very down. Perhaps PMSing too LOL

>

>But, this is my situation:

>

> was just diagnosed in February and things are going ok. He does

>have and has always had some behavioural problems. This week when I

>took sides with his brother about an issue that I felt strongly about,

>and swore that I did not give a _____ about anything. I grounded

>him. He phoned me from school that day and apologized. He sounded

>remorseful but I did not know if he was really calling to apologize or

>to call so he would not be grounded as his obsession since on the meds

>is playing with the children in the neighbourhood 24/7.

>

>Another thing, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and

>have been taking things slow for the children's sake. We have been

>talking about moving in together but he sees 's problems more as

>behavioural than OCD related and does not appear to have much

>sympathy. This concerns me although he is willing to meet with 's

>therapist so that she can help explain the disorder to him. He is a

>good man and cares dearly for my children - but I have to think of

> first.

>

>We are going to wait at least 6 months as is going through enough

>changes right now. likes my boyfriend and we all have fun

>together but I guess I am seeking from some of you whether you

>experience many behavioural problems with your OCD children. These

>are the problems I find with .

>

>- losing control of his temper easily

>- tunnel vision with good obsessions (toys, playing with friends)

>where he does not care about chores and homework - it is all about fun

>stuff

>- cheeking back and then showing remorse for it and apologizing

>- laziness

>

>I get so confused somedays about how much to punish (by taking away

>privileges and grounding) when I do not know if it his personality or

>his disorder. I feel guilty when applying consequences and often do

>not carry them out.

>

>Feedback anyone ???

>

>Many thanks,

>

>, (10, OCD) Vancouver, BC

>

>Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at:

>http://groups.yahoo.com/group// .

>Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen

>Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are

>Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy

>Mac, Gail Pesses, Kathy , Vivian Stembridge, and Jackie

>Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

>Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... .

>

April 11, 2003

My guy has behavioral problems too. I think alot of it is his anxiety. It's not

all anger and aggression.....it's also this intensely STRANGE SILLINESS. He

immitates people, repeats things, rhymes things that others say (rearranges it

so it rhymes to something that sounds right to him). He absolutely has to be the

centre of attention and it's very distracting in public school.

He's usually very well behaved unless he's around people other than family and

then we see this kind of behavior. It's like he can't be himself....or tries to

be someone that other's will like better.

Anyway.....I bet it's not an OCD thing and likely it's just his

personality....but I wish I could do something to help him cope better and not

be so uneasy around people.

We do see anger or rages. That's always when his OCD is at it's worst. We had a

few of them the last few weeks....but he amazes me how well he's learning to

deal with it himself.

I so admire my son. He does so much to try and help himself. I just wish it was

an easier road....

Big hugs....... )

Behavioural Problems Anyone ?

>Date: Thu, 10 Apr 2003 20:14:32 -0000

>

>Hi Everyone,

>

>I have the support list complete and will be sending it as a word

>document. I wish that I could attach it and send it as a post but I

>think I will have to e-mail all of you individually. That's ok.

>

>BUT IN THE MEANTIME, I am feeling very down. Perhaps PMSing too LOL

>

>But, this is my situation:

>

> was just diagnosed in February and things are going ok. He does

>have and has always had some behavioural problems. This week when I

>took sides with his brother about an issue that I felt strongly about,

>and swore that I did not give a _____ about anything. I grounded

>him. He phoned me from school that day and apologized. He sounded

>remorseful but I did not know if he was really calling to apologize or

>to call so he would not be grounded as his obsession since on the meds

>is playing with the children in the neighbourhood 24/7.

>

>Another thing, my boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and

>have been taking things slow for the children's sake. We have been

>talking about moving in together but he sees 's problems more as

>behavioural than OCD related and does not appear to have much

>sympathy. This concerns me although he is willing to meet with 's

>therapist so that she can help explain the disorder to him. He is a

>good man and cares dearly for my children - but I have to think of

> first.

>

>We are going to wait at least 6 months as is going through enough

>changes right now. likes my boyfriend and we all have fun

>together but I guess I am seeking from some of you whether you

>experience many behavioural problems with your OCD children. These

>are the problems I find with .

>

>- losing control of his temper easily

>- tunnel vision with good obsessions (toys, playing with friends)

>where he does not care about chores and homework - it is all about fun

>stuff

>- cheeking back and then showing remorse for it and apologizing

>- laziness

>

>I get so confused somedays about how much to punish (by taking away

>privileges and grounding) when I do not know if it his personality or

>his disorder. I feel guilty when applying consequences and often do

>not carry them out.

>

>Feedback anyone ???

>

>Many thanks,

>

>, (10, OCD) Vancouver, BC

>

>Our list archives, bookmarks, files, and chat feature may be accessed at:

>http://groups.yahoo.com/group// .

>Our list advisors are Gail B. , Ed.D., Tamar Chansky, Ph.D., Aureen

>Pinto Wagner, Ph.D., and Dan Geller, M.D. Our list moderators are

>Birkhan, Castle, Fowler, Kathy Hammes, Joye, Kathy

>Mac, Gail Pesses, Kathy , Vivian Stembridge, and Jackie

>Stout. Subscription issues or suggestions may be addressed to Louis

>Harkins, list owner, at louisharkins@... , louisharkins@... ,

> louisharkins@... .

>

April 11, 2003

i hardly ever write any replys to letters, but it turns out that

our 12 year old daughter has oc d, adhd and odd, and she also appears to be

just lazy, etc., but actually she has such a hidden agenda of things that are

affected by the ocd and there are just a lot of things that she won't do, or

things that she will do intermittantly and then she is tremendously agitated

and upset about it when confronted. she will hardly ever go into the kitchen

to get herself a drink, basically because she gets into unseen inner ritual

of having to count all the glasses a certain way and touch them a certain no

of times, in a pattern etc.. and that is all part of her ocd. she also

hoards a major amount of stuff and she feels she has to keep all of it, so

she has had art supplies, napkins and straw wrappers, candy wrappers, bits of

paper and notes. her room is a major disaster most of the time, but i do

work on it too and we have been able to get rid some of the older clutter.

it takes a very sympathetic person to understand and persist to see what

these kids are going through. if a family member doesn't have the patience

or calmness to try and understand what is happening with thiese kids, your

lives will be a living hell and you may not ever have a decent relationship

with your child. it is a benefit with us because at first my husband, her

natural father, was angry and short with her, he knew her before this started

and they were very close. while this problem has been developing, and along

with that all her school related problems, he has persisted in trying to

understand and still maintain that closeness. so, while we all have

frustrations, we are also growing in coping skills, and we still have a

decent family life though with a lot of strained moments.

best wishes, anna and jennifer k., tucson az.

April 11, 2003

Hi and welcome :-) You wrote:

intensely STRANGE SILLINESS. He immitates people, repeats things, rhymes

things that others say (rearranges it so it rhymes to something that sounds

right to him). He absolutely has to be the centre of attention and it's very

distracting in public school.

*****This sounds TS-like and you mention he has tics too. Or, perhaps he'll

grow up to be another Dana Carvey or Robin ! :-) I wonder how those two

did in school... :-/

Has your son tried meds to treat Tourette's symptoms? My child does/did many

of these things but they faded greatly when started on Risperdal (an

antipsychotic not a TS drug per se, but it did have the effect of calming,

nearly banishing tics and very much reducing the " copycatting " , rhyming and

etc.) I know medications get even more complicated when there are seizures to

consider as well.

Again welcome!

Kathy R. in Indiana

April 11, 2003

Yes, Blaine has TS. I thought it would be more TS than OCD.....except the

rhyming. It's almost compulsive. He does it over and over again to get it

right.....more like OCD than a tic.

GAWD why did they have to make all these disorders fall on top of each other??

I thought Risperdal was for severe tics.....so I never thought anything would

help with these vocal compulsions and repetative behaviors that Blaine does.

Maybe it's cuz I CONSTANTLY mix up compulsions and tics and unless it's a motor