Re: Hope I don't lose my mind

February 21, 2008

Oh, Bren. My heart and prayers got out to you. This can be so difficult to cope

with.

Sounds like you've had a real nightmare. Come back here as often as you need to.

We're open 24/7!

Hang in there.

Hope I don't lose my mind

My daughter is having so many different medical problems and school

problems that I am starting to wake up having panic attacks at 3:00

in the morning or 4:00. Today it was 5:00. She's had a staph

infection in her feet that has kept her immobilized for 3 and a half

weeks. She's a very serious ballet dancer and hasn't been able to do

a thing for three weeks. She finally finished her second round of

antibiotics Sunday but then the skin started coming off her toes in

sheets. I took her back to the er and they said it was ok as long as

it wasn't red ore sore and that she could go back to dance. She was

supposed to go back Monday but had to have a sleep study done for

narcolepsy and sleep apnea on Tuesday night thus had to go without

out her medicine that keeps her awake for 3 days. The days were

horrible. She didn't want to go to dance on Monday because she felt

badly from being tired - so ok, I'll call and tell them she'll be

there Wednesday. They kept her until 5:00 Wed at the sleep study.

We got in a huge fight because her latest thing seems to be obsessing

that she is getting wrinkles. I told her we had to leave at 6:30 to

eat and get to the sleep place. She obsessed over looking up the

ingredients in moisturizers to make sure they are acceptable until

5;00 and then started pilates instead of getting dressed. (Getting

dressed and showered is at least a 2 hour thing) I lost my temper

with her because I knew we had to be there at a certain time to do

the study or they couldn't do it. We've been trying to schedule this

study since last June. She gets hysterical because she gets

hysterical if she thinks I'm mad but refused to stop the pilates (I'm

almost done ) but she kept at it for another 25 minutes. Now it's

6:15 and she isn't dressed, hasn't showered and washed and dryed her

hair which had to be done before the study and we were supposed to

leave at 6:30. She also hadn't packed. I just nearly lost it.

Sometimes things have been so bad lately that I have fantasized about

putting a gun to my head. We have her first apptmt with and ocd

psychiatrist next Wednesday and I'm just trying to make it until

then. I'm starting to get scared that I'm going to crack up over all

this as I am with her 24/7 with little support from my husband.

Sorry for rambling. I'm just having such a bad day. Bren

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________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

February 21, 2008

Hi Bren:

I am with you and really understand about lossing temper. I am

mother of 4 and my husband travels each week from monday through

friday, so eventhough he is supportive, he is not here.

You have to hang on, your daugther needs you, show her your love,

even if you are angry. You have us to talk to.

Best wishes nextweek in the appointment.

AGF

>

> Oh, Bren. My heart and prayers got out to you. This can be so

difficult to cope with.

> Sounds like you've had a real nightmare. Come back here as often

as you need to.

> We're open 24/7!

>

> Hang in there.

>

> Hope I don't lose my mind

>

> My daughter is having so many different medical

problems and school

>

> problems that I am starting to wake up having panic attacks at

3:00

>

> in the morning or 4:00. Today it was 5:00. She's had a staph

>

> infection in her feet that has kept her immobilized for 3 and a

half

>

> weeks. She's a very serious ballet dancer and hasn't been able to

do

>

> a thing for three weeks. She finally finished her second round of

>

> antibiotics Sunday but then the skin started coming off her toes

in

>

> sheets. I took her back to the er and they said it was ok as long

as

>

> it wasn't red ore sore and that she could go back to dance. She

was

>

> supposed to go back Monday but had to have a sleep study done for

>

> narcolepsy and sleep apnea on Tuesday night thus had to go without

>

> out her medicine that keeps her awake for 3 days. The days were

>

> horrible. She didn't want to go to dance on Monday because she

felt

>

> badly from being tired - so ok, I'll call and tell them she'll be

>

> there Wednesday. They kept her until 5:00 Wed at the sleep

study.

>

> We got in a huge fight because her latest thing seems to be

obsessing

>

> that she is getting wrinkles. I told her we had to leave at 6:30

to

>

> eat and get to the sleep place. She obsessed over looking up the

>

> ingredients in moisturizers to make sure they are acceptable until

>

> 5;00 and then started pilates instead of getting dressed.

(Getting

>

> dressed and showered is at least a 2 hour thing) I lost my temper

>

> with her because I knew we had to be there at a certain time to do

>

> the study or they couldn't do it. We've been trying to schedule

this

>

> study since last June. She gets hysterical because she gets

>

> hysterical if she thinks I'm mad but refused to stop the pilates

(I'm

>

> almost done ) but she kept at it for another 25 minutes. Now it's

>

> 6:15 and she isn't dressed, hasn't showered and washed and dryed

her

>

> hair which had to be done before the study and we were supposed to

>

> leave at 6:30. She also hadn't packed. I just nearly lost it.

>

> Sometimes things have been so bad lately that I have fantasized

about

>

> putting a gun to my head. We have her first apptmt with and ocd

>

> psychiatrist next Wednesday and I'm just trying to make it until

>

> then. I'm starting to get scared that I'm going to crack up over

all

>

> this as I am with her 24/7 with little support from my husband.

>

> Sorry for rambling. I'm just having such a bad day. Bren

>

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_______________

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.

> http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs

>

February 21, 2008

((((Bren))))

Do you do anything for your panic attacks? There are medications and

breathing techniques that can help. You need your rest. Getting

overtired can make it harder to cope.

I'm a bit concerned that you've fantasized about putting a gun to your

head. I admit we've gone through dark times where I've found myself

thinking that I wished I wasn't here, and even wished my son wasn't

here too, because then he wouldn't have to suffer. . But not to the

point of considering making that happen, and how.

Have you considered therapy or medication for yourself? Maybe talking

to someone would help you. You need to take care of you too, so you

can be there for your daughter. Gee, I wish I had a dollar for every

time I've been told that. <grin> But, it's true. I know it's hard

to steal time for yourself, but you need to.

I apologize if I'm overstepping my boundaries. . .I don't mean to be.

I'm genuinely concerned.

Having a child with OCD can be VERY stressful. I can relate to some

of what you are saying. Our son procrastinates and procrastinates.

Sometimes I feel like the biggest nagger in the world. It seems he

would even forget to eat unless I told him to.

My husband disconnects, so he isn't much support either. He sort of

justifies it by telling me I'm stronger than him. Hmmmmmm. . .Okay,

sure.

Try some deep diaphramatic breathing. It helped me a lot when I had

panic attacks.

Hang in there, Hon. We are here to listen and support you.

Hugs,

BJ

>

> My daughter is having so many different medical problems and school

> problems that I am starting to wake up having panic attacks at 3:00

> in the morning or 4:00. Today it was 5:00. She's had a staph

> infection in her feet that has kept her immobilized for 3 and a half

> weeks. She's a very serious ballet dancer and hasn't been able to do

> a thing for three weeks. She finally finished her second round of

> antibiotics Sunday but then the skin started coming off her toes in

> sheets. I took her back to the er and they said it was ok as long as

> it wasn't red ore sore and that she could go back to dance. She was

> supposed to go back Monday but had to have a sleep study done for

> narcolepsy and sleep apnea on Tuesday night thus had to go without

> out her medicine that keeps her awake for 3 days. The days were

> horrible. She didn't want to go to dance on Monday because she felt

> badly from being tired - so ok, I'll call and tell them she'll be

> there Wednesday. They kept her until 5:00 Wed at the sleep study.

> We got in a huge fight because her latest thing seems to be obsessing

> that she is getting wrinkles. I told her we had to leave at 6:30 to

> eat and get to the sleep place. She obsessed over looking up the

> ingredients in moisturizers to make sure they are acceptable until

> 5;00 and then started pilates instead of getting dressed. (Getting

> dressed and showered is at least a 2 hour thing) I lost my temper

> with her because I knew we had to be there at a certain time to do

> the study or they couldn't do it. We've been trying to schedule this

> study since last June. She gets hysterical because she gets

> hysterical if she thinks I'm mad but refused to stop the pilates (I'm

> almost done ) but she kept at it for another 25 minutes. Now it's

> 6:15 and she isn't dressed, hasn't showered and washed and dryed her

> hair which had to be done before the study and we were supposed to

> leave at 6:30. She also hadn't packed. I just nearly lost it.

> Sometimes things have been so bad lately that I have fantasized about

> putting a gun to my head. We have her first apptmt with and ocd

> psychiatrist next Wednesday and I'm just trying to make it until

> then. I'm starting to get scared that I'm going to crack up over all

> this as I am with her 24/7 with little support from my husband.

> Sorry for rambling. I'm just having such a bad day. Bren

>

February 22, 2008

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better today, Bren. ) We all get

days where we are overwhelmed. But, if it gets that more days are

like that than not, you might talk to your doc to see if you can try a

med change, or even try a different counselor that understands YOU

need the help to cope, so you can be there for your daughter. . . So

it doesn't become about therapy for her.

We homeschool also, and our son has had to take a half a year off last

year when he relapsed really badly. We are trying to catch up on the

work without stressing him out. It is complicated when you have a

child with OCD. I've had to tell myself that what he is doing is good

enough. He's a smart kid and the most it might do is slow him down a

bit from progressing to college when we'd like. He wouldn't be the

only kid to delay going to college though.

Reading some of your other responses to posts, I could relate. Our

son also tunes us out a lot. I used to think he was strong willed,

now I think it is OCD controlling the moment. He gets stuck. I don't

know if that's the situation with you, but I'm pretty sure it is here.

He NEEDS to complete whatever he is doing before he can move on to

anything else, no matter what the cost. The whole meltdown you

mentioned if things aren't settled also sounds like OCD. We've had

those too. Although I suspect some of it can be typical teenage

behavior too. Sometimes it's hard to separate the two. Heck, even

our son's psychologist can't sort it out sometimes, so that gets me

off the hook. lol

You mentioned you will be seeing an OCD psychiatrist. I'm assuming

your daughter is not on medication then? If so, starting some could

help by quieting the OCD down a bit. But, is she also going to see a

therapist specializing in the treatment of OCD, who uses ERP (exposure

and response prevention) and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)

specific to OCD? That can be very helpful in teaching her how to

fight her OCD and gain some control over it.

The Serenity Prayer helps me a lot some days. . . . .

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. The

courage to change the things I can. And the wisdom to know the

difference.

Some days I pray that and REALLY mean it. It helps me have perspective.

I'm glad you feel it's safe to share here. You need that support, and

I'm truly glad you are here. Keep communicating here. Vent when you

need to. . .Cry when you need to. . (we all do). . .Use this group as

a place to dump some of your stuff, or gather information about what

to do, so you can make it through another day, one step at a time.

Hang in there.

BJ

> >

> > My daughter is having so many different medical problems and school

> > problems that I am starting to wake up having panic attacks at 3:00

> > in the morning or 4:00. Today it was 5:00. She's had a staph

> > infection in her feet that has kept her immobilized for 3 and a half

> > weeks. She's a very serious ballet dancer and hasn't been able to do

> > a thing for three weeks. She finally finished her second round of

> > antibiotics Sunday but then the skin started coming off her toes in

> > sheets. I took her back to the er and they said it was ok as long as

> > it wasn't red ore sore and that she could go back to dance. She was

> > supposed to go back Monday but had to have a sleep study done for

> > narcolepsy and sleep apnea on Tuesday night thus had to go without

> > out her medicine that keeps her awake for 3 days. The days were

> > horrible. She didn't want to go to dance on Monday because she felt

> > badly from being tired - so ok, I'll call and tell them she'll be

> > there Wednesday. They kept her until 5:00 Wed at the sleep study.

> > We got in a huge fight because her latest thing seems to be obsessing

> > that she is getting wrinkles. I told her we had to leave at 6:30 to

> > eat and get to the sleep place. She obsessed over looking up the

> > ingredients in moisturizers to make sure they are acceptable until

> > 5;00 and then started pilates instead of getting dressed. (Getting

> > dressed and showered is at least a 2 hour thing) I lost my temper

> > with her because I knew we had to be there at a certain time to do

> > the study or they couldn't do it. We've been trying to schedule this

> > study since last June. She gets hysterical because she gets

> > hysterical if she thinks I'm mad but refused to stop the pilates (I'm

> > almost done ) but she kept at it for another 25 minutes. Now it's

> > 6:15 and she isn't dressed, hasn't showered and washed and dryed her

> > hair which had to be done before the study and we were supposed to

> > leave at 6:30. She also hadn't packed. I just nearly lost it.

> > Sometimes things have been so bad lately that I have fantasized about

> > putting a gun to my head. We have her first apptmt with and ocd

> > psychiatrist next Wednesday and I'm just trying to make it until

> > then. I'm starting to get scared that I'm going to crack up over all

> > this as I am with her 24/7 with little support from my husband.

> > Sorry for rambling. I'm just having such a bad day. Bren

> >

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

February 22, 2008