teen daughter

[Guest guest]

Meaghan-Oh yes-sounds like my daughter-she's total therapy resistant and

makes a rare effort to work on probs. You are right-they can not be forced

to do anything. Only has one friend off and on too-as of yet can't even keep

job. I'm just happy if she can get to school and pass. You are not alone!

Ellen

[Guest guest]

this is my first post. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed with OCD

two months ago after a suicide attempt. She has been put on 150 mg of

Zoloft three weeks ago - she has been on lower doses of Zoloft since

November but we think she was erratic in taking them. She has been

accepted for CBT but - the diagnosis of OCD has not made her feel

better and I doubt that she'll do the homework. The diagnosis has

made her feel worse. she's been an extreme perfectionist her whole

life and I think she feels she's gone from " perfect straight A over

achiever " to something she perceives as freakish. She doesn't want

the support of other OCD teens for the same reason. She understands

logically the biological nature of this but she's so deep into self-

hatred, it doesn't matter. She is extremely isolated - has only kept

one friend. She had been accepted for college as a high school junior

but is now only in one class at night and won't go back to high

school or an alternative school. I don't know whether to leave it

alone until we see how the OCD is going - I can't really push her to

do anything anyways - she doesn't push. She does work three nights a

week as a restaurant hostess and functions well there. She is mostly

purely obsessional with morbid thoughts - although she is very slow,

hates transitions. When she first got the diagnosis, she was relieved

and wanted to work on it, but her therapist at the time told her it

wasn't the only thing going on, she had to work on her depression

etc - all of which might be true - but I think it made my daughter

feel there was no point. She recognizes that her make-

up/shower/clothes ritual is making her a prisoner because she doesn't

have the energy to do it and she won't go out of the house without

looking " perfect " so she mostly sits in the house. We have tried

everything - but now she will lie to us about things she hasn't done,

for example, Monday she was supposed to go to a pottery class she had

signed up for that she thought might help her relax - she loves

ceramics. We know she didn't go but she made up an elaborate story to

her dad about her class experience. I think it's tied into her

perfectionism. She's not lying about what she's doing - which would

be normal adolescence - she's lying about what she's unable to do

even though she " knows logically " we don't care. The lying is pretty

hard to take - sometimes I just feel conned. She really hasn't

changed one bit since we started down the therapy road a year ago -

except to get less and less able to function. I know how isolated and

sad she feels and it's breaking my heart. Anybody ever deal with a

similar teen? Thanks. Meaghan

[Guest guest]

This sounds pretty similar to my 14 yr old dd. She began symptoms in

7th grade but has refused to work with a therapist. So I worked with

a therapist and we assigned a tentative diagnosis of OCD and BDD. My

daughter is well aware of how ER & P works from my discussion and

literature I have given her, but not too willing to put it to use.

She complains of feeling hated and like a freak, often feels that

she is bad herself, and does not fit in with our family or her school

(a small private and accomodating school) though her classmates are

not mean to her.

She has spells every few weeks of depression/withdrawal with aches

and pains, misses 1 to 2 days of school and then returns (9th grade).

Obvious OCD symptoms were more primary in the beginning, but maybe

are compensated for or 'underground' now?

I guess we have been in a sort of holding pattern for quite sometime

now. She still functions, has seemingly good days or week(s) where

she at least attempts to be sociable, and at home is animated and

creative (she draws and writes- maybe a bit manic?) gets good grades

(except in math where I believe she has a learning disability) but

obviously not active at expected levels for her age. She has no

extracurricular activities, and cannot fullfill the volunteer hours

her school requires, though they are lenient in her case.

She does not help out much at home (with 5 younger siblings) which

makes her and her dad constantly at odds, she avoids him as much as

possible. She uses home as a retreat and to crash b/c school

exhausts her. She is also a slave to the make-up and clothing routine

(uniforms at school solve some of this) not going out if not looking

right, and gets tired of needing to prepare to leave the house. She

will stay home if it is too much effort, but will feel badly. She

missed a field trip to a great museum which she would have loved to

see, b/c it was free dress day and too stressful for her to find

clothes and contemplate sitting in a car with classmates for a long

drive. Her face has broken out which makes things worse.

She has one friend too, who is the only person who will get her out

on the weekends (except for also attending mass, which I am relieved

she still attends, though not with the family).

She states frequently that she will not make it through 4 years of

highschool, it is driving her crazy, she will get herself expelled

etc, so last week she in a spell/staying home I got her to agree to

see the doctor, which is somewhat of a breakthrough. (In past I have

forced and/or bribed her to therapy and appointments but she does not

cooperate and gets resentful and more withdrawn-one of her tricks is

to be in the shower when it is close to time to go, she too, is

angered by talk of diagnoses and refuses to consider meds).

I really wanted to " strike while the iron was hot " and get her right

in, since she agreed, but our pediatrician who agreed to call us back

was overwhelmed with a local flu epidemic. Though I called 4 times,

he did not return my call until the end of the day, and then asked me

to take her out of school for an evaluation and referral on Monday,

which I will not do b/c missing school exacerabtes her anxiety and

could snowball into school refusal while she is in a flare of

anxiety, as she is currently. So I am waiting until she is in one of

her more stable spells, so as not to rock the boat, and either will

take her after school (difficult b/c she is so dragged out at day's

end) or take her out of school if needed.

It is a balancing act to keep her on top of homework and deal with

attendance issues, so I am willing to wait for a day off or half day

to get her seen and referred (since she is now seeming more willing-

perhaps the prospect of 4 years of feeling this way is getting to

her?).

She has wished she could go to work instead of school-I think this

actually makes some sense, and that it is not a bad thing that your

daughter works part time. School is such a socially artificial and

stressful place. Work would be like an eascape into reality, imo.

Others here can give you more therapeutic type answers, I am just

symapthizing, but with no concrete anwswers since my daughter has not

been open to therapy so far. She has been much worse in the past, has

missed an entire week of school before, and had longer spells of

withdrawal, so in ways she " seems " better, but definitely not where

I would wish her to be, and Idon't know what the full story is since

she is uncommunicative about that aspect of her life. I am thankful

she still attends school and hoping with time she may accept help

(and seems she might be headed that direction).

Hope to hear that you and your daughter find help.

nancy grace

> this is my first post. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed with

OCD

> two months ago after a suicide attempt. She has been put on 150 mg

of

> Zoloft three weeks ago - she has been on lower doses of Zoloft

since

> November but we think she was erratic in taking them. She has been

> accepted for CBT but - the diagnosis of OCD has not made her feel

> better and I doubt that she'll do the homework. The diagnosis has

> made her feel worse. she's been an extreme perfectionist her whole

> life and I think she feels she's gone from " perfect straight A over

> achiever " to something she perceives as freakish. She doesn't want

> the support of other OCD teens for the same reason. She understands

> logically the biological nature of this but she's so deep into self-

> hatred, it doesn't matter. She is extremely isolated - has only

kept

> one friend. She had been accepted for college as a high school

junior

> but is now only in one class at night and won't go back to high

> school or an alternative school. I don't know whether to leave it

> alone until we see how the OCD is going - I can't really push her

to

> do anything anyways - she doesn't push. She does work three nights

a

> week as a restaurant hostess and functions well there. She is

mostly

> purely obsessional with morbid thoughts - although she is very

slow,

> hates transitions. When she first got the diagnosis, she was

relieved

> and wanted to work on it, but her therapist at the time told her it

> wasn't the only thing going on, she had to work on her depression

> etc - all of which might be true - but I think it made my daughter

> feel there was no point. She recognizes that her make-

> up/shower/clothes ritual is making her a prisoner because she

doesn't

> have the energy to do it and she won't go out of the house without

> looking " perfect " so she mostly sits in the house. We have tried

> everything - but now she will lie to us about things she hasn't

done,

> for example, Monday she was supposed to go to a pottery class she

had

> signed up for that she thought might help her relax - she loves

> ceramics. We know she didn't go but she made up an elaborate story

to

> her dad about her class experience. I think it's tied into her

> perfectionism. She's not lying about what she's doing - which would

> be normal adolescence - she's lying about what she's unable to do

> even though she " knows logically " we don't care. The lying is

pretty

> hard to take - sometimes I just feel conned. She really hasn't

> changed one bit since we started down the therapy road a year ago -

> except to get less and less able to function. I know how isolated

and

> sad she feels and it's breaking my heart. Anybody ever deal with a

> similar teen? Thanks. Meaghan

[Guest guest]

Wow! I just finished reading this thread and am amazed at the

similarities between your stories and my own. My daughter is a bit

younger (age 12 going on 16). She was first diagnosed with OCD 2

years ago but is currently having increased symptoms. She is also

attending a small private school and she too has attendance

problems. But she manages to keep up with the school work and is

even in the top end of her class. This is the third straight week of

missing school for her. Before that she was missing pretty

consistently on a monthly basis (1-2 days). I never thought of the

getting dressed routine as OCD behavior but I now realize that you

are absolutely right. My daughter is obsessed with her clothes. She

constantly wants to go shopping, organize her clothes in her closet,

and can't go out unless she is perfectly coordinated. I guess I was

thinking of it as typical teenage behavior but it really does seem to

be more than that. Therapy has not been that useful for her because

she is so reluctant to participate.

Anyway, I spoke with her psychiatrist today and I sort of felt that I

got a guilt trip for not " setting firmer limits " with her. It

actually ruined my day. Maybe it is an issue for me but I guess I

feel that if her anxiety level is so high, then school is not the

first priority. We need to get the meds working again.

This is all so very confusing . . . all I can do at this point is

take one day at a time. I'm not sure who is supporting who in this

post but thanks for sharing and you're not alone.

> This sounds pretty similar to my 14 yr old dd. She began symptoms

in

> 7th grade but has refused to work with a therapist. So I worked

with

> a therapist and we assigned a tentative diagnosis of OCD and BDD.

My

> daughter is well aware of how ER & P works from my discussion and

> literature I have given her, but not too willing to put it to use.

>

> She complains of feeling hated and like a freak, often feels that

> she is bad herself, and does not fit in with our family or her

school

> (a small private and accomodating school) though her classmates are

> not mean to her.

>

> She has spells every few weeks of depression/withdrawal with aches

> and pains, misses 1 to 2 days of school and then returns (9th

grade).

> Obvious OCD symptoms were more primary in the beginning, but maybe

> are compensated for or 'underground' now?

>

> I guess we have been in a sort of holding pattern for quite

sometime

> now. She still functions, has seemingly good days or week(s) where

> she at least attempts to be sociable, and at home is animated and

> creative (she draws and writes- maybe a bit manic?) gets good

grades

> (except in math where I believe she has a learning disability) but

> obviously not active at expected levels for her age. She has no

> extracurricular activities, and cannot fullfill the volunteer hours

> her school requires, though they are lenient in her case.

>

> She does not help out much at home (with 5 younger siblings) which

> makes her and her dad constantly at odds, she avoids him as much as

> possible. She uses home as a retreat and to crash b/c school

> exhausts her. She is also a slave to the make-up and clothing

routine

> (uniforms at school solve some of this) not going out if not

looking

> right, and gets tired of needing to prepare to leave the house. She

> will stay home if it is too much effort, but will feel badly. She

> missed a field trip to a great museum which she would have loved to

> see, b/c it was free dress day and too stressful for her to find

> clothes and contemplate sitting in a car with classmates for a long

> drive. Her face has broken out which makes things worse.

>

> She has one friend too, who is the only person who will get her

out

> on the weekends (except for also attending mass, which I am

relieved

> she still attends, though not with the family).

>

> She states frequently that she will not make it through 4 years of

> highschool, it is driving her crazy, she will get herself expelled

> etc, so last week she in a spell/staying home I got her to agree to

> see the doctor, which is somewhat of a breakthrough. (In past I

have

> forced and/or bribed her to therapy and appointments but she does

not

> cooperate and gets resentful and more withdrawn-one of her tricks

is

> to be in the shower when it is close to time to go, she too, is

> angered by talk of diagnoses and refuses to consider meds).

>

> I really wanted to " strike while the iron was hot " and get her

right

> in, since she agreed, but our pediatrician who agreed to call us

back

> was overwhelmed with a local flu epidemic. Though I called 4 times,

> he did not return my call until the end of the day, and then asked

me

> to take her out of school for an evaluation and referral on Monday,

> which I will not do b/c missing school exacerabtes her anxiety and

> could snowball into school refusal while she is in a flare of

> anxiety, as she is currently. So I am waiting until she is in one

of

> her more stable spells, so as not to rock the boat, and either will

> take her after school (difficult b/c she is so dragged out at day's

> end) or take her out of school if needed.

>

> It is a balancing act to keep her on top of homework and deal with

> attendance issues, so I am willing to wait for a day off or half

day

> to get her seen and referred (since she is now seeming more willing-

> perhaps the prospect of 4 years of feeling this way is getting to

> her?).

>

> She has wished she could go to work instead of school-I think this

> actually makes some sense, and that it is not a bad thing that your

> daughter works part time. School is such a socially artificial and

> stressful place. Work would be like an eascape into reality, imo.

>

> Others here can give you more therapeutic type answers, I am just

> symapthizing, but with no concrete anwswers since my daughter has

not

> been open to therapy so far. She has been much worse in the past,

has

> missed an entire week of school before, and had longer spells of

> withdrawal, so in ways she " seems " better, but definitely not

where

> I would wish her to be, and Idon't know what the full story is

since

> she is uncommunicative about that aspect of her life. I am thankful

> she still attends school and hoping with time she may accept help

> (and seems she might be headed that direction).

>

> Hope to hear that you and your daughter find help.

>

> nancy grace

>

>

>

>

>

> > this is my first post. My 17 year old daughter was diagnosed with

> OCD

> > two months ago after a suicide attempt. She has been put on 150

mg

> of

> > Zoloft three weeks ago - she has been on lower doses of Zoloft

> since

> > November but we think she was erratic in taking them. She has

been

> > accepted for CBT but - the diagnosis of OCD has not made her feel

> > better and I doubt that she'll do the homework. The diagnosis

has

> > made her feel worse. she's been an extreme perfectionist her

whole

> > life and I think she feels she's gone from " perfect straight A

over

> > achiever " to something she perceives as freakish. She doesn't

want

> > the support of other OCD teens for the same reason. She

understands

> > logically the biological nature of this but she's so deep into

self-

> > hatred, it doesn't matter. She is extremely isolated - has only

> kept

> > one friend. She had been accepted for college as a high school

> junior

> > but is now only in one class at night and won't go back to high

> > school or an alternative school. I don't know whether to leave it

> > alone until we see how the OCD is going - I can't really push her

> to

> > do anything anyways - she doesn't push. She does work three

nights

> a

> > week as a restaurant hostess and functions well there. She is

> mostly

> > purely obsessional with morbid thoughts - although she is very

> slow,

> > hates transitions. When she first got the diagnosis, she was

> relieved

> > and wanted to work on it, but her therapist at the time told her

it

> > wasn't the only thing going on, she had to work on her depression

> > etc - all of which might be true - but I think it made my

daughter

> > feel there was no point. She recognizes that her make-

> > up/shower/clothes ritual is making her a prisoner because she

> doesn't

> > have the energy to do it and she won't go out of the house

without

> > looking " perfect " so she mostly sits in the house. We have tried

> > everything - but now she will lie to us about things she hasn't

> done,

> > for example, Monday she was supposed to go to a pottery class she

> had

> > signed up for that she thought might help her relax - she loves

> > ceramics. We know she didn't go but she made up an elaborate

story

> to

> > her dad about her class experience. I think it's tied into her

> > perfectionism. She's not lying about what she's doing - which

would

> > be normal adolescence - she's lying about what she's unable to do

> > even though she " knows logically " we don't care. The lying is

> pretty

> > hard to take - sometimes I just feel conned. She really hasn't

> > changed one bit since we started down the therapy road a year

ago -

> > except to get less and less able to function. I know how isolated

> and

> > sad she feels and it's breaking my heart. Anybody ever deal with

a

> > similar teen? Thanks. Meaghan