Re: Re: Christmas woes...

[Guest guest]

Can you please take me off your email list thank youSent from my iPhone

I can completely understand that reaction having been what we went through. I'm so sorry and I can see returning them, not wanting to remember that. Sometimes I forget that I have to think like him before a different situation and kind of explain things to avoid anything unpleasant. Although he was great with Santa at school, we went to the library to see Santa and I think the fact that there were so many MORE people there he was overwhelmed and would not sit with Santa. We went up as a family and then he wouldn't smile (for the picture). So we have a family picture, with Santa and a scowling boy who was hiding his face! At least I have the happy one from school!!

PJ day at school was the same for him. "You don't wear PJ's to school!!" Since he usually wears sweatpants, I just made sure he picked a pair that day and had him wear his sweatshirt so he sort of looked as though they were PJ's. Made me feel more like he was going along with it without pointing it out to him.

However, now his latest clothing problem is wanting a Christmas shirt! He wouldn't get dressed this morning until we remembered his turtleneck from last year that had snowflakes on it. I bought him a Christmas shirt (as a present) and the only one I could find in his size was a Grinch shirt. While he likes the cartoon and movie I am a little aprehensive about it now. I am expecting him to not want it so there will be no diappointment if he doesn't. For weeks i would look at the store for a Toy Story or Cars Christmas shirt and for weeks, his size was the only one missing!! Of course. So we will see how it goes...He is getting plenty of toys so the few clothing items should not bother him too much. Oh and I kept the receipt in case I have to take the shirt back....lol...

> >

> > Today my son's class had a Christmas party and it was my first chance to see him in his environment. It didn't go well. Santa was there and gave each child a gift. The gifts reflected the chidlren's interests and were to stay at school to be used by them. My son is an amazing artist and most days all he wants to do is draw. Many of the children received toys of some sort, however my son received some very nice art supplies: a large package or markers, colored pencils, a notebook and a Crayola Color explosion packet. He threw a fit and lost it because they weren't toys. I tried calming him down and finally gave up as he became aggressive and "abusive". He ran out the door and I and another teacher chased after him. Finally one of the other teachers came out and told me to go back inside that they would handle him. It took six teachers and tries before he was calm enough to join in. I was approached by one of the teachers that let me know that in this situation (school-wise) they would take care of his tantrum and I could "take a break". I just needed to share this with others who would understand. My husband is still under the impression that I am the reason our son is this way and that there is nothing wrong with him. I guess until we get a diagnosis from someone he fully trusts it will be like this. However I am the one that sees our son at his worst more often and it is not only me that sees this side of him. Thank you for "listening"!!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sometimes you have to make the most of what happens.  When my son

was three we decided to take a weekend trip to an open zoo.  We went

to the zoo in the city about once a week, so we knew he would enjoy

it.  The zoo was only about 20 minutes from home, so we had a yearly

pass, which meant it didn't matter if we went for 20 minutes and

then had to take him home (which was quite common).  On the way to

the open zoo we drove around a race track with him sitting on my

knee and 'driving', which he enjoyed.  We spent the day at the zoo -

he was fascinated with a small rock which he carried around most of

the day.  The only other thing he was interested in was a duck -

just like the ones in the park we went to every day.  <sigh> 

He did enjoy riding a pony at a pioneer homestead we went to for

lunch.  When we got back, the photo store destroyed the film of Ben

driving on the race track accidentally.  They said there must have

been something wrong with the camera, but as half of the first and

last photo were there, we find it strange that the others

disappeared.  Usually when the camera doesn't work you end up with a

completely blank film.  At least his parents had fun.  We did take

him back about 10 years later, and he enjoyed the animals that time.

We spent a lot of time - almost half each day, at one or other of

the local parks.  I became an expert at catching him before he

reached the water, or went over a cliff.  One day he escaped and my

sister caught him just as he was about to fall off a bridge and into

the water about 12 feet below.  Looking back, I should have been a

nervous wreck, but it was just 'normal, then.  He often fell over

face first and didn't work out how to put his hands up to break his

fall until he was about 6.  Then he was forever falling over

'accidentally'.  He often had bruises on his face, or holes in his

bottom lip where his teeth had broken the skin when he fell.  He

wandered away in the local library one day, then I heard his

scream.  He had fallen over and put his teeth through his bottom lip

again.  By the time I reached him, a librarian had him in her arms

and was looking very concerned.  When I turned up he wanted to come

to me, but she had to check I was his father first.  I checked out

his wounds.  She asked me if he was OK?  I put him down and said,

"yeah.  He does this all the time."  It was obvious she thought I

was not a good father.  When you pick a kid up and check he's OK at

least 4 or 5 times a week, it stops being a drama unless he falls

down a flight of stairs or there is lots of blood.  He fell out of

bed every night for years - we just put a pillow or two next to his

bed.  That way he fell out and kept sleeping - and so did we.  It

took until he was almost two for him to need more than 4 hours sleep

a night, so we didn't want to wake him if it wasn't absolutely

necessary.

We learnt early that 'surprise' is not a good word in Ben's

vocabulary.  Every event was planned and explained in great detail. 

One day we took him out for his birthday.  Everything went well and

he declared it 'the best day ever'.  Then, for some reason, I went

home a different way to usual.  By the time we got home, it was

obvious we hated him, never did anything he wanted, and things were

so bad he may as well just die.  When he announced he was going to

his room forever, we agreed that was a good thing to do.  We got

used to his moods, and didn't evaluate the success of anything by

what he said on the day.  By two or three days later we would know

whether he enjoyed the day or not.  We also learnt that he never

wanted to go anywhere, and never expected to enjoy anything.  But

quite often he did if we ignored his whinging and moaning and told

him he had to go.  There were days when it took us half the day to

persuade him to go, and then that place became somewhere we had to

go regularly, and we were often blamed for not taking him there

sooner.  Of course, sometimes it was a disaster, and once again life

was not worth living.

He survived, and so did we.  At four we wondered if he'd live long

enough to finish primary school, and now he starts the final year of

high school in February.  He can't wait to finish and not have to

study ever again.  Except he is going to study chemistry and physics

or maths at university and thinks he might get a PhD 'just for

fun'.  Consistency is not his strong point   Over the years his

mother and I have often reminded each other of a saying found in

both families: 'this too shall pass'.  Believing that is all that

got us through some days.  And we are still not prepared to believe

those days are all in the past.  We got his report card yesterday. 

Mostly A's and B's.  In one subject he did not get an S (subjects

are graded 'S' for satisfactory or 'N' for not).  He got A or A+ for

everything he did, but one compulsory unit was not done.  He didn't

even need to pass the unit, just attempt it.  He was 'busy' and

couldn't be bothered.  I won't say what was said by his parents, but

he now realises (again) that 'couldn't be bothered' is not a

satisfactory answer to why anything was not done.  He has announced

that next year he is aiming for an A+ in every subject (which he is

capable of) and has set himself the aim of getting the prize for IT,

even though he isn't taking it.  The subject isn't being offered

because too few people want to do it, but he is off to see the

principal early next year to find out how he can win the prize

without doing the subject.  Quite a few of the teachers have a soft

spot for Ben, so it isn't beyond possibility that they may find a

way to make it happen.  As he said, there's no harm in asking.

Wouldn't life be boring if we had 'normal' kids? 

 

I totally understand how you feel. Last year I planned a

surprise trip to Disneyland the week before Christmas. I

worked for MONTHS to plan every detail necessary. We

packed up the car and picked up the kids from grandma's

house (they stayed the night there so we could get ready).

We told the kids we had to run an errand and would be in

the car for a while. To occupy them, I let them open one

of their Christmas present early. It was a movie they both

wanted to see. We drove for about 2.5 hours when we

stopped for lunch. I let them open another present at the

restaurant. It was a bunch of Disney stuff. The kids ask

"what are we going to Disneyland?!" We said yes. They were

very excited at first. My son was ecstatic. My daughter

was stressed! First I had to show her the bags in the back

of the van so she would believe me that I did indeed bring

her clothes, stuffed dragon and so on. She was basically

not happy. I think it bothered her that she didn't kno! w

what was in the suitcase, where we were going and so on. I

was inundated with "Did you pack my..." questions. She

finally relaxed a little after about an hour. She eased up

a little when we got to the hotel and she got to look

through her bags and see the hotel. She was still

basically grumpy and miserable for the most of the trip.

The whole experience was painful for me. I had wonderful

pictures in my mind of this wonderful family vacation in

the 'happy place on earth' and it didn't work out that

way. It rained the whole time and she was a handful. She

cried a lot. Wanted to stay at the hotel. Would not ride

any rides and complained constantly. I was frustrated and

furious...and basically devastated. She was almost 14 y/o

and acting like a toddler. I didn't understand why. I

understood her sensory issues but I had that under

control. This was different.

She was only diagnosed with Asperger's a month ago. I wish

I knew then what I know now. I would have made sure to

have maps, pictures and so on...and I would have to

reconsider the whole surprise.

I want to redo the whole experience but I'm leery to do

so. If I do, I'll do it differently next time.

Our kids just don't deal well with things that are

different than their expectations. Fortunately, knowing is

half the battle. I'm glad the teachers were able to take

care of the situation. It is good that they see the

behaviors. It will be easier to get the diagnosis. I'm

also sorry your husband doesn't understand. My husband

doesn't really get it either and we have an official

diagnosis from a credible provider. He just doesn't

understand.

>

> Today my son's class had a Christmas party and it was

my first chance to see him in his environment. It didn't

go well. Santa was there and gave each child a gift. The

gifts reflected the chidlren's interests and were to stay

at school to be used by them. My son is an amazing artist

and most days all he wants to do is draw. Many of the

children received toys of some sort, however my son

received some very nice art supplies: a large package or

markers, colored pencils, a notebook and a Crayola Color

explosion packet. He threw a fit and lost it because they

weren't toys. I tried calming him down and finally gave up

as he became aggressive and "abusive". He ran out the door

and I and another teacher chased after him. Finally one of

the other teachers came out and told me to go back inside

that they would handle him. It took six teachers and tries

before he was calm enough to join in. I was approached by

one of the teachers that let me know that in this

situation ! (school-wise) they would take care of his

tantrum and I could "take a break". I just needed to share

this with others who would understand. My husband is still

under the impression that I am the reason our son is this

way and that there is nothing wrong with him. I guess

until we get a diagnosis from someone he fully trusts it

will be like this. However I am the one that sees our son

at his worst more often and it is not only me that sees

this side of him. Thank you for "listening"!!

>

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12/19/11

[Guest guest]

You will need to unsubscribe yourself.  Either go to yahoo groups

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[moderator]

 

Can you please take me off your email list thank you

Sent from my iPhone

On Dec 19, 2011, at 10:23 PM, "itshotinjt04"

wrote:

 

I can completely understand that reaction having

been what we went through. I'm so sorry and I can

see returning them, not wanting to remember that.

Sometimes I forget that I have to think like him

before a different situation and kind of explain

things to avoid anything unpleasant. Although he was

great with Santa at school, we went to the library

to see Santa and I think the fact that there were so

many MORE people there he was overwhelmed and would

not sit with Santa. We went up as a family and then

he wouldn't smile (for the picture). So we have a

family picture, with Santa and a scowling boy who

was hiding his face! At least I have the happy one

from school!!

PJ day at school was the same for him. "You don't

wear PJ's to school!!" Since he usually wears

sweatpants, I just made sure he picked a pair that

day and had him wear his sweatshirt so he sort of

looked as though they were PJ's. Made me feel more

like he was going along with it without pointing it

out to him.

However, now his latest clothing problem is wanting

a Christmas shirt! He wouldn't get dressed this

morning until we remembered his turtleneck from last

year that had snowflakes on it. I bought him a

Christmas shirt (as a present) and the only one I

could find in his size was a Grinch shirt. While he

likes the cartoon and movie I am a little

aprehensive about it now. I am expecting him to not

want it so there will be no diappointment if he

doesn't. For weeks i would look at the store for a

Toy Story or Cars Christmas shirt and for weeks, his

size was the only one missing!! Of course. So we

will see how it goes...He is getting plenty of toys

so the few clothing items should not bother him too

much. Oh and I kept the receipt in case I have to

take the shirt back....lol...

> >

> > Today my son's class had a Christmas party

and it was my first chance to see him in his

environment. It didn't go well. Santa was there and

gave each child a gift. The gifts reflected the

chidlren's interests and were to stay at school to

be used by them. My son is an amazing artist and

most days all he wants to do is draw. Many of the

children received toys of some sort, however my son

received some very nice art supplies: a large

package or markers, colored pencils, a notebook and

a Crayola Color explosion packet. He threw a fit and

lost it because they weren't toys. I tried calming

him down and finally gave up as he became aggressive

and "abusive". He ran out the door and I and another

teacher chased after him. Finally one of the other

teachers came out and told me to go back inside that

they would handle him. It took six teachers and

tries before he was calm enough to join in. I was

approached by one of the teachers that let me know

that in this situation (scho! ol-wise) they would

take care of his tantrum and I could "take a break".

I just needed to share this with others who would

understand. My husband is still under the impression

that I am the reason our son is this way and that

there is nothing wrong with him. I guess until we

get a diagnosis from someone he fully trusts it will

be like this. However I am the one that sees our son

at his worst more often and it is not only me that

sees this side of him. Thank you for "listening"!!

> >

>

No virus

found in this message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 2012.0.1890 / Virus Database: 2109/4691 - Release Date:

12/19/11

[Guest guest]

It has been nice to read this topic. My son having not originally been diagnosed

with an ASD has made it even more difficult to deal with taking him places or

having special days. If we had understood this was normal at least it could have

aleviated some of the frustrations he caused us. We could not figure out why he

seemed to nearly ruin every vacation or holiday. It actually seems to get worse

the older he gets. But I guess it is better for a three year old to act three

than for a fifteen year old to act three.

Sent from my NOOK

[Guest guest]

I found this and thought I should sare it.

Autism Night Before Christmas

by Waeltermann

Twas the Night Before Christmas

And all through the house

The creatures were stirring

Yes, even the mouse

We tried melatonin

And gave a hot bath

But the holiday jitters

They always distract

The children were finally

All nestled in bed

When nightmares of terror

Ran through my OWN head

Did I get the right gift

The right color

And style

Would there be a tantrum

Or even, maybe, a smile?

Our relatives come

But they don’t understand

The pleasure he gets

Just from flapping his hands.

“He needs discipline,” they say

“Just a well-needed smack,

You must learn to parent…”

And on goes the attack

We smile and nod

Because we know deep inside

The argument is moot

Let them all take a side

We know what it’s like

To live with the spectrum

The struggles and triumphs

Achievements, regressions…

But what they don’t know

And what they don’t see

Is the joy that we feel

Over simplicity

He said “hello”

He ate something green!

He told his first lie!

He did not cause a scene!

He peed on the potty

Who cares if he’s ten,

He stopped saying the same thing

Again and again!

Others don’t realize

Just how we can cope

How we bravely hang on

At the end of our rope

But what they don’t see

Is the joy we can’t hide

When our children with autism

Make the tiniest stride

We may look at others

Without the problems we face

With jealousy, hatred

Or even distaste,

But what they don’t know

Nor sometimes do we

Is that children with autism

Bring simplicity.

We don’t get excited

Over expensive things

We jump for joy

With the progress work brings

Children with autism

Try hard every day

That they make us proud

More than words can say.

They work even harder

Than you or I

To achieve something small

To reach a star in the sky

So to those who don’t get it

Or can’t get a clue

Take a walk in my shoes

And I’ll assure you

That even 10 minutes

Into the walk

You’ll look at me

With respect, even shock.

You will realize

What it is I go through

And the next time you judge

I can assure you

That you won’t say a thing

You’ll be quiet and learn,

Like the years that I did

When the tables were turned…….

Merry Christmas Eve, Everyone! I hope that each of you will be blessed

with joy during this holiday season.

> Can you please take me off your email list thank you

>

> Sent from my iPhone

>

>

>

>> I can completely understand that reaction having been what we went

>> through. I'm so sorry and I can see returning them, not wanting to

>> remember that. Sometimes I forget that I have to think like him before a

>> different situation and kind of explain things to avoid anything

>> unpleasant. Although he was great with Santa at school, we went to the

>> library to see Santa and I think the fact that there were so many MORE

>> people there he was overwhelmed and would not sit with Santa. We went up

>> as a family and then he wouldn't smile (for the picture). So we have a

>> family picture, with Santa and a scowling boy who was hiding his face! At

>> least I have the happy one from school!!

>>

>> PJ day at school was the same for him. " You don't wear PJ's to school!! "

>> Since he usually wears sweatpants, I just made sure he picked a pair that

>> day and had him wear his sweatshirt so he sort of looked as though they

>> were PJ's. Made me feel more like he was going along with it without

>> pointing it out to him.

>>

>> However, now his latest clothing problem is wanting a Christmas shirt! He

>> wouldn't get dressed this morning until we remembered his turtleneck from

>> last year that had snowflakes on it. I bought him a Christmas shirt (as a

>> present) and the only one I could find in his size was a Grinch shirt.

>> While he likes the cartoon and movie I am a little aprehensive about it

>> now. I am expecting him to not want it so there will be no diappointment

>> if he doesn't. For weeks i would look at the store for a Toy Story or Cars

>> Christmas shirt and for weeks, his size was the only one missing!! Of

>> course. So we will see how it goes...He is getting plenty of toys so the

>> few clothing items should not bother him too much. Oh and I kept the

>> receipt in case I have to take the shirt back....lol...

>>

>>

>> > >

>> > > Today my son's class had a Christmas party and it was my first chance

>> > > to see him in his environment. It didn't go well. Santa was there and

>> > > gave each child a gift. The gifts reflected the chidlren's interests

>> > > and were to stay at school to be used by them. My son is an amazing

>> > > artist and most days all he wants to do is draw. Many of the children

>> > > received toys of some sort, however my son received some very nice art

>> > > supplies: a large package or markers, colored pencils, a notebook and

>> > > a Crayola Color explosion packet. He threw a fit and lost it because

>> > > they weren't toys. I tried calming him down and finally gave up as he

>> > > became aggressive and " abusive " . He ran out the door and I and another

>> > > teacher chased after him. Finally one of the other teachers came out

>> > > and told me to go back inside that they would handle him. It took six

>> > > teachers and tries before he was calm enough to join in. I was

>> > > approached by one of the teachers that let me know that in this

>> > > situation (school-wise) they would take care of his tantrum and I

>> > > could " take a break " . I just needed to share this with others who

>> > > would understand. My husband is still under the impression that I am

>> > > the reason our son is this way and that there is nothing wrong with

>> > > him. I guess until we get a diagnosis from someone he fully trusts it

>> > > will be like this. However I am the one that sees our son at his worst

>> > > more often and it is not only me that sees this side of him. Thank you

>> > > for " listening " !!

>> > >

>> >

>>

>>

>

[Guest guest]

I think Disneyland (or World) is different for us but it can be the happiest place on earth too.

Now that you know your daughter's diagnosis you can plan for a fun filled trip! We went when our aspie son was 11. Before we left we looked at a lot of stuff on-line, and made sure he knew and understood what all the parks were about. We knew which park we were visiting each day, had meal reservations that he knew about and pretty much stuck to the schedule whenever we could. However, we did have some things that came up unexpectedly (like when a trolley car stopped right in front of us and the people got off and performed a show - we had dinner reservations and were on our way to the restaurant but wanted to watch this unexpected show first - that didn't go over too well and he was pulling on my arm the entire show and trying to make us leave)

Also, for most of the trip, nothing seemed to interest him a great deal and in all the pictures he looks miserable, but when we got home, he would excitedly recall lots of the stuff we did - I think sometimes he just can't show how much he likes things, it's like he needs time to process it all, and then he shows the emotion.

Anyway, he did enjoy the trip although if you see our pictures, he looks miserable in most of them! We are going back to Disneyworld next November and we are already preparing him for all the things we will be doing. He is also helping in the planning, deciding on which extra tours we will be taking, and things like that. We are also staying in the same hotel as last time, so at least that will be familiar to him.

Estevan, SK

Canada

-- Re: Christmas woes...

I totally understand how you feel. Last year I planned a surprise trip to Disneyland the week before Christmas. I worked for MONTHS to plan every detail necessary. We packed up the car and picked up the kids from grandma's house (they stayed the night there so we could get ready). We told the kids we had to run an errand and would be in the car for a while. To occupy them, I let them open one of their Christmas present early. It was a movie they both wanted to see. We drove for about 2.5 hours when we stopped for lunch. I let them open another present at the restaurant. It was a bunch of Disney stuff. The kids ask "what are we going to Disneyland?!" We said yes. They were very excited at first. My son was ecstatic. My daughter was stressed! First I had to show her the bags in the back of the van so she would believe me that I did indeed bring her clothes, stuffed dragon and so on. She was basically not happy. I think it bothered her that she didn't know what was in the suitcase, where we were going and so on. I was inundated with "Did you pack my..." questions. She finally relaxed a little after about an hour. She eased up a little when we got to the hotel and she got to look through her bags and see the hotel. She was still basically grumpy and miserable for the most of the trip. The whole experience was painful for me. I had wonderful pictures in my mind of this wonderful family vacation in the 'happy place on earth' and it didn't work out that way. It rained the whole time and she was a handful. She cried a lot. Wanted to stay at the hotel. Would not ride any rides and complained constantly. I was frustrated and furious...and basically devastated. She was almost 14 y/o and acting like a toddler. I didn't understand why. I understood her sensory issues but I had that under control. This was different.She was only diagnosed with Asperger's a month ago. I wish I knew then what I know now. I would have made sure to have maps, pictures and so on...and I would have to reconsider the whole surprise. I want to redo the whole experience but I'm leery to do so. If I do, I'll do it differently next time.Our kids just don't deal well with things that are different than their expectations. Fortunately, knowing is half the battle. I'm glad the teachers were able to take care of the situation. It is good that they see the behaviors. It will be easier to get the diagnosis. I'm also sorry your husband doesn't understand. My husband doesn't really get it either and we have an official diagnosis from a credible provider. He just doesn't understand. >> Today my son's class had a Christmas party and it was my first chance to see him in his environment. It didn't go well. Santa was there and gave each child a gift. The gifts reflected the chidlren's interests and were to stay at school to be used by them. My son is an amazing artist and most days all he wants to do is draw. Many of the children received toys of some sort, however my son received some very nice art supplies: a large package or markers, colored pencils, a notebook and a Crayola Color explosion packet. He threw a fit and lost it because they weren't toys. I tried calming him down and finally gave up as he became aggressive and "abusive". He ran out the door and I and another teacher chased after him. Finally one of the other teachers came out and told me to go back inside that they would handle him. It took six teachers and tries before he was calm enough to join in. I was approached by one of the teachers that let me know that in this situation (school-wise) they would take care of his tantrum and I could "take a break". I just needed to share this with others who would understand. My husband is still under the impression that I am the reason our son is this way and that there is nothing wrong with him. I guess until we get a diagnosis from someone he fully trusts it will be like this. However I am the one that sees our son at his worst more often and it is not only me that sees this side of him. Thank you for "listening"!!>

[Guest guest]

I think you hit the nail on the head. It gets rougher because it's ok for a toddler to act like a toddler but it isn't ok for a tween/teen to act that way. That makes us more stressed thus making things 10 times harder.

-- Re: Re: Christmas woes...

It has been nice to read this topic. My son having not originally been diagnosed with an ASD has made it even more difficult to deal with taking him places or having special days. If we had understood this was normal at least it could have aleviated some of the frustrations he caused us. We could not figure out why he seemed to nearly ruin every vacation or holiday. It actually seems to get worse the older he gets. But I guess it is better for a three year old to act three than for a fifteen year old to act three. Sent from my NOOK