Need HELP please

[Guest guest]

Sweet Charlotte,

I am sorry, that is a painful one for sure- Gosh, I am not even sure what to

make out of it, however I notice her last statement being " Somehow you have

lost me, but I have never lost you. " OK, typical NADA guilt trip-----She

starts off nice and like a normal mother, but that last sentence says a lot to

me,

not sure if that is what got you also? She apologizes, but the end she kicks

you.

WOW, I am a young mother, was married at 18 and had a baby just before I was

19. My children are everything, I am a mad woman as far as protection. When

I gave birth to them, I did not WANT anyone or anything to come between the

bonding process. I only allowed my husband and myself to care for our first

born, but NADA came to stay for 48hrs when I got out of hospital EWEWEEWE,

however I was stitched from one end to the other and had some major difficulties

after I had my little man, so I gave in only so much that I had bambino NEXT

to us in a bassinet next to our bed, and when he woke during evening I would

breastfeed then NADA came crawling in taking him to change him, hold him, burp

him, and put him to sleep next to her. YIKES, I disliked it so very much,

and will never forget......VERY protective I am and was with my little ones,

many family members disliked me because of that. I just do not get where your

NADA is coming from, except that for some reason she really wants to talk to

you and she is pulling you in (not sure why)....Have any clues as to why she

is doing this, is she in therapy or anything?

I am sorry, I don't have a better answer for you, but please know you are

not alone. All of us are dealing with one issue or another, and it is hard. My

NADA has sent me over the edge about 7 times in the past few months (If not

more, yup I have been noticing and even write it down).....

Charlotte if you are up to it, perhaps you can tell me what you think she is

up to? Wait a second, SHE SAYS SHE WAS THE ONE WHO WAS LOST ????????What

the???? Oh gosh, just send her back the fishing pole she is using.

HUGS TO YOU~

Yours,

Kim

In a message dated 10/23/2004 4:54:56 AM Eastern Standard Time,

charlottehoneychurch@... writes:

here is the email:

Where have all the years gone? I still remember the excitment I felt

when I

was expecting you. I just knew your were special even before you

were born.

After you were born I hardly got a chance to be alone with you

because everyone

made such a fuss over you. What a beautiful baby you were! Charming!

You were

so bright and charming. Everyone wanted to raise you. Some how I got

lost in

the process. I am so sorry. I was so young. You are still that

beautiful, bright

and charming baby to me. I am so proud of you and I love you very

much.

Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you.

end of email. help!! charlotte

[Guest guest]

,

This was great for me, you got it right for sure =) Thanks you helped me

also.

~Kim

In a message dated 10/23/2004 9:23:21 AM Eastern Standard Time,

sherby2k@... writes:

This is a top-of-the-line grade-A super-sized hoovering move -

" I was so young. " - read: " Whatever you're mad at me for, it's not my

fault, I couldn't help it, see the horrible situation I was put in,

by you, my infant child? "

" Somehow I got lost in the process " - read: " you abandoned me, and I

don't know what I did to deserve that "

" Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you. " - Uh, yeah.

See previous line.

Can we say HOOVER? Blech I know how these feel, my nada does this

too, but remember that she's trained you from infancy to react the

way SHE wants you to react to these things. I can see right through

this, and that's why you just HAVE to post these things here - this

group takes the power away from junk like this.

[Guest guest]

,

This was great for me, you got it right for sure =) Thanks you helped me

also.

~Kim

In a message dated 10/23/2004 9:23:21 AM Eastern Standard Time,

sherby2k@... writes:

This is a top-of-the-line grade-A super-sized hoovering move -

" I was so young. " - read: " Whatever you're mad at me for, it's not my

fault, I couldn't help it, see the horrible situation I was put in,

by you, my infant child? "

" Somehow I got lost in the process " - read: " you abandoned me, and I

don't know what I did to deserve that "

" Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you. " - Uh, yeah.

See previous line.

Can we say HOOVER? Blech I know how these feel, my nada does this

too, but remember that she's trained you from infancy to react the

way SHE wants you to react to these things. I can see right through

this, and that's why you just HAVE to post these things here - this

group takes the power away from junk like this.

[Guest guest]

Hi Charlotte,

This is a top-of-the-line grade-A super-sized hoovering move -

" I was so young. " - read: " Whatever you're mad at me for, it's not my

fault, I couldn't help it, see the horrible situation I was put in,

by you, my infant child? "

" Somehow I got lost in the process " - read: " you abandoned me, and I

don't know what I did to deserve that "

" Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you. " - Uh, yeah.

See previous line.

Can we say HOOVER? Blech I know how these feel, my nada does this

too, but remember that she's trained you from infancy to react the

way SHE wants you to react to these things. I can see right through

this, and that's why you just HAVE to post these things here - this

group takes the power away from junk like this.

>

> dear posters,

>

> i feel i am taking more from the list than i am giving at this

> point. i'm so sorry! but i have another doozy. i just came home

> from work to two terrible emails: the first from a guy i just met

> who seemed so wonderful, who admitted he has a girlfriend. the

> second from nada. i have been trying to distance myself from her

> without her knowing it. now i get this. everyone please help if

> you have insight, because this baby has really TERRIFIED me, and I

> am having ptsd symptoms and i don't know what to do!!!

>

> here is the email:

>

> Where have all the years gone? I still remember the excitment I

felt

> when I

> was expecting you. I just knew your were special even before you

> were born.

> After you were born I hardly got a chance to be alone with you

> because everyone

> made such a fuss over you. What a beautiful baby you were!

Charming!

> You were

> so bright and charming. Everyone wanted to raise you. Some how I

got

> lost in

> the process. I am so sorry. I was so young. You are still that

> beautiful, bright

> and charming baby to me. I am so proud of you and I love you very

> much.

> Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you.

>

> end of email. help!! charlotte

[Guest guest]

Hi Charlotte,

This is a top-of-the-line grade-A super-sized hoovering move -

" I was so young. " - read: " Whatever you're mad at me for, it's not my

fault, I couldn't help it, see the horrible situation I was put in,

by you, my infant child? "

" Somehow I got lost in the process " - read: " you abandoned me, and I

don't know what I did to deserve that "

" Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you. " - Uh, yeah.

See previous line.

Can we say HOOVER? Blech I know how these feel, my nada does this

too, but remember that she's trained you from infancy to react the

way SHE wants you to react to these things. I can see right through

this, and that's why you just HAVE to post these things here - this

group takes the power away from junk like this.

>

> dear posters,

>

> i feel i am taking more from the list than i am giving at this

> point. i'm so sorry! but i have another doozy. i just came home

> from work to two terrible emails: the first from a guy i just met

> who seemed so wonderful, who admitted he has a girlfriend. the

> second from nada. i have been trying to distance myself from her

> without her knowing it. now i get this. everyone please help if

> you have insight, because this baby has really TERRIFIED me, and I

> am having ptsd symptoms and i don't know what to do!!!

>

> here is the email:

>

> Where have all the years gone? I still remember the excitment I

felt

> when I

> was expecting you. I just knew your were special even before you

> were born.

> After you were born I hardly got a chance to be alone with you

> because everyone

> made such a fuss over you. What a beautiful baby you were!

Charming!

> You were

> so bright and charming. Everyone wanted to raise you. Some how I

got

> lost in

> the process. I am so sorry. I was so young. You are still that

> beautiful, bright

> and charming baby to me. I am so proud of you and I love you very

> much.

> Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you.

>

> end of email. help!! charlotte

[Guest guest]

I TOTALLY agree with what is saying. I wanted to add - (as

has been told to me) - this board is FOR YOU. It is to help YOU get

better. Do what you need to do with the board so that you do get

better. Help others when you can, but keep your focus on you.

Sorry about the guy thing too....

Your ptsd is occurring for a reason. Our bodies don't have a warning

system that flashes a red, blinking light with a voice say 'Danger -

Warning - Nada Hoovering Attack - Go to the nearest exit and leave

immediately'. So something else will happen, like the ptsd, to warn

us about the danger nearby.

These situations, as difficult as they are, give us the opportunity

to work on those changes in our lives that will make us healthier and

happier. Just because nada says/writes something, doesn't make it

true. You have alot of options here. You can just not respond, you

can tell nada how your experience is different from what she wrote,

you can print out the message and burn it, you can just delete it.

I tried to just end my relationship with nada by avoiding her as much

as possible. The result was that she came to me instead. I don't

have any regrets on how I handled it, as I know that I did the best I

could at each step along the way. My avoiding her gave me time to

gain strength to eventually confront her.

Do what you can, and what you want to do. You don't have to do

anything that you don't want to do. That is the priviledge we get as

adults (even though nadas would like us to think and feel

differently).

Hugs for you - and I am also sending out caring and encouraging

thoughts to you,

{{{{{{Charlotte}}}}}}

Sylvia

> >

> > dear posters,

> >

> > i feel i am taking more from the list than i am giving at this

> > point. i'm so sorry! but i have another doozy. i just came

home

> > from work to two terrible emails: the first from a guy i just

met

> > who seemed so wonderful, who admitted he has a girlfriend. the

> > second from nada. i have been trying to distance myself from her

> > without her knowing it. now i get this. everyone please help if

> > you have insight, because this baby has really TERRIFIED me, and

I

> > am having ptsd symptoms and i don't know what to do!!!

> >

> > here is the email:

> >

> > Where have all the years gone? I still remember the excitment I

> felt

> > when I

> > was expecting you. I just knew your were special even before you

> > were born.

> > After you were born I hardly got a chance to be alone with you

> > because everyone

> > made such a fuss over you. What a beautiful baby you were!

> Charming!

> > You were

> > so bright and charming. Everyone wanted to raise you. Some how I

> got

> > lost in

> > the process. I am so sorry. I was so young. You are still that

> > beautiful, bright

> > and charming baby to me. I am so proud of you and I love you very

> > much.

> > Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you.

> >

> > end of email. help!! charlotte

[Guest guest]

I TOTALLY agree with what is saying. I wanted to add - (as

has been told to me) - this board is FOR YOU. It is to help YOU get

better. Do what you need to do with the board so that you do get

better. Help others when you can, but keep your focus on you.

Sorry about the guy thing too....

Your ptsd is occurring for a reason. Our bodies don't have a warning

system that flashes a red, blinking light with a voice say 'Danger -

Warning - Nada Hoovering Attack - Go to the nearest exit and leave

immediately'. So something else will happen, like the ptsd, to warn

us about the danger nearby.

These situations, as difficult as they are, give us the opportunity

to work on those changes in our lives that will make us healthier and

happier. Just because nada says/writes something, doesn't make it

true. You have alot of options here. You can just not respond, you

can tell nada how your experience is different from what she wrote,

you can print out the message and burn it, you can just delete it.

I tried to just end my relationship with nada by avoiding her as much

as possible. The result was that she came to me instead. I don't

have any regrets on how I handled it, as I know that I did the best I

could at each step along the way. My avoiding her gave me time to

gain strength to eventually confront her.

Do what you can, and what you want to do. You don't have to do

anything that you don't want to do. That is the priviledge we get as

adults (even though nadas would like us to think and feel

differently).

Hugs for you - and I am also sending out caring and encouraging

thoughts to you,

{{{{{{Charlotte}}}}}}

Sylvia

> >

> > dear posters,

> >

> > i feel i am taking more from the list than i am giving at this

> > point. i'm so sorry! but i have another doozy. i just came

home

> > from work to two terrible emails: the first from a guy i just

met

> > who seemed so wonderful, who admitted he has a girlfriend. the

> > second from nada. i have been trying to distance myself from her

> > without her knowing it. now i get this. everyone please help if

> > you have insight, because this baby has really TERRIFIED me, and

I

> > am having ptsd symptoms and i don't know what to do!!!

> >

> > here is the email:

> >

> > Where have all the years gone? I still remember the excitment I

> felt

> > when I

> > was expecting you. I just knew your were special even before you

> > were born.

> > After you were born I hardly got a chance to be alone with you

> > because everyone

> > made such a fuss over you. What a beautiful baby you were!

> Charming!

> > You were

> > so bright and charming. Everyone wanted to raise you. Some how I

> got

> > lost in

> > the process. I am so sorry. I was so young. You are still that

> > beautiful, bright

> > and charming baby to me. I am so proud of you and I love you very

> > much.

> > Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you.

> >

> > end of email. help!! charlotte

[Guest guest]

> I wanted to add - (as has been told to me) - this board is FOR

>YOU. It is to help YOU get better. Do what you need to do with the

>board so that you do get better. Help others when you can, but keep

>your focus on you.

Definitely. And in my opinion, when you post your own problems here,

you are actually helping others at the same time. When I read

Charlotte's post, it sounded so much like my own nada and yet I could

see right through it - I think that gives us practice in how to see

through their junk. At least for me, seeing through other nadas' crxp

helps me, too. And hearing about other people's struggles is

validation, as in, " Hey, I'm not the only one! " And learning how to

comfort each other - and accept comfort - authentically - is another

big benefit. Up until this past year I had trust issues with other

women, but between this list and a few good female friends I'm

finally squashing that particular flea.

So post away! We're all helping each other here.

((HUGS)) to Charlotte

[Guest guest]

> I wanted to add - (as has been told to me) - this board is FOR

>YOU. It is to help YOU get better. Do what you need to do with the

>board so that you do get better. Help others when you can, but keep

>your focus on you.

Definitely. And in my opinion, when you post your own problems here,

you are actually helping others at the same time. When I read

Charlotte's post, it sounded so much like my own nada and yet I could

see right through it - I think that gives us practice in how to see

through their junk. At least for me, seeing through other nadas' crxp

helps me, too. And hearing about other people's struggles is

validation, as in, " Hey, I'm not the only one! " And learning how to

comfort each other - and accept comfort - authentically - is another

big benefit. Up until this past year I had trust issues with other

women, but between this list and a few good female friends I'm

finally squashing that particular flea.

So post away! We're all helping each other here.

((HUGS)) to Charlotte

[Guest guest]

Hi Kim,

The beauty of nadas sending email is that together we can pick it

apart and find the hidden barbs . I remember back when I still

talked to nada on the phone (before I found this list), I would feel

so icky afterwards but had no clue why, besides a vague feeling that

I'd just been degraded. Not so long ago my nada sent me a hate-email

that the listies here diffused for me. Now email is the only way she

can communicate with me; I've even blocked her from my instant

messenger!

>

> ,

>

> This was great for me, you got it right for sure =) Thanks you

helped me

> also.

>

> ~Kim

>

> In a message dated 10/23/2004 9:23:21 AM Eastern Standard Time,

> sherby2k@y... writes:

>

> This is a top-of-the-line grade-A super-sized hoovering move -

>

> " I was so young. " - read: " Whatever you're mad at me for, it's not

my

> fault, I couldn't help it, see the horrible situation I was put

in,

> by you, my infant child? "

>

> " Somehow I got lost in the process " - read: " you abandoned me, and

I

> don't know what I did to deserve that "

>

> " Somehow you have lost me but I have never lost you. " - Uh, yeah.

> See previous line.

>

> Can we say HOOVER? Blech I know how these feel, my nada does this

> too, but remember that she's trained you from infancy to react the

> way SHE wants you to react to these things. I can see right

through

> this, and that's why you just HAVE to post these things here -

this

> group takes the power away from junk like this.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sheesh, Jana, your version made me cry. LOL! Makes those subtle

differences glaringly obvious, doesn't it? Reminds me of what my MIL

said to me once: Live Backwards. Say to your children what you wish

your own mom would have said to you. There's healing there.

> Here's my version:

>

> Dear daughter, I remember when you were born I could hardly believe

my luck that you chose my belly to grow in! I'm glad that you are

such a strong woman. It has been incredible watching your personality

develop over the years. Right now I realize that you are upset with

me. I have made mistakes and when you are ready I'm here and I'll

listen. I accept you, just as you are. I love you. If you need space

you take it. I love you in that space, and I'm proud of you for

working on the things you are doing to grow. Love, Mom

>

> Does that help? Love, Jana

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sheesh, Jana, your version made me cry. LOL! Makes those subtle

differences glaringly obvious, doesn't it? Reminds me of what my MIL

said to me once: Live Backwards. Say to your children what you wish

your own mom would have said to you. There's healing there.

> Here's my version:

>

> Dear daughter, I remember when you were born I could hardly believe

my luck that you chose my belly to grow in! I'm glad that you are

such a strong woman. It has been incredible watching your personality

develop over the years. Right now I realize that you are upset with

me. I have made mistakes and when you are ready I'm here and I'll

listen. I accept you, just as you are. I love you. If you need space

you take it. I love you in that space, and I'm proud of you for

working on the things you are doing to grow. Love, Mom

>

> Does that help? Love, Jana

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello everyone its me Debra I had my DS 3 weeks ago Jan.20 and I have

been having alot of FOUL GAS any suggestions on what to take to help

with the smell and has anyone experience this BAD GAS SMELL before?

please help thanks to all

[Guest guest]

Oh! Yes.................It's something you ,have to learn how to control.Your

body is getting rid of fat and for some people sugars of all kind have to be

control . Also we have to eat s2/15/09lowly as not to create gas .  Most of us

will tell you that it something we all go through. I have sprays in the bathroom

and in different parts of the house and some carry a small spray can with us

when we go out. It can follow you as you move around.But after you start to eat

more, you'll find out what you can eat or not eat that will cause the gas. Don't

worry, just keep on asking questions. I know there is a product that helps ,

someone know the name.

Some of  will response with more answers. Take Care.

Diane

8/15/2007

288/47

 2/15/09

,145/23

Subject: Need HELP please

To: DS_Friends_Keshishian

Date: Sunday, February 15, 2009, 10:33 AM

Hello everyone its me Debra I had my DS 3 weeks ago Jan.20 and I have

been having alot of FOUL GAS any suggestions on what to take to help

with the smell and has anyone experience this BAD GAS SMELL before?

please help thanks to all

[Guest guest]

---

Well Jo is the one who can answer this, but here's my 2 cents worth. They give

you a lot of

antibiotics while your in the hospital. I would start taking a good probiotic to

put back the

good flora in your. gut then add prebiotic foods to feed the good bacteria and

keep it

healthy. On Dr. K website in newsletters he has information on probiotics.

DSsurgery.com

Good Luck

Vicki B

In DS_Friends_Keshishian , " Lovelylady " wrote:

>

> Hello everyone its me Debra I had my DS 3 weeks ago Jan.20 and I have

> been having alot of FOUL GAS any suggestions on what to take to help

> with the smell and has anyone experience this BAD GAS SMELL before?

> please help thanks to all

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Debra~

My name is Jenni and I had my open DS on Aug. 30 2005.  Learn to laugh about

it.  I know it's weird at first, if your married or have sons, you'll soon learn

the advantage of gas.  LMAO If you just can't find humor in farting, know that

it does get better.  I don't think it completely goes away, maybe it does for

some, but you will learn how to deal with it.  Good luck on your journey and

congrats on your surgery.  It is all worth it!

 

Jenni

still minus 140 pounds

" be the change you wish to see in the world.... " -gandhi

Subject: Need HELP please

To: DS_Friends_Keshishian

Date: Sunday, February 15, 2009, 10:33 AM

Hello everyone its me Debra I had my DS 3 weeks ago Jan.20 and I have

been having alot of FOUL GAS any suggestions on what to take to help

with the smell and has anyone experience this BAD GAS SMELL before?

please help thanks to all

[Guest guest]

Hi Debra

If it wasn't for the foul odor of both gas and stool we DSers would

have very little to complain about. I have told folks: It isn't

just the foul odor...it's the odor " hang " time. You might as well

give it a name and set a place for it at dinner because it's going to

hang around for awhile.

You will never completely get rid of having gas. Gas is simply a

byproduct of the human body and it can't be completely avoided. Your

first year post-op will be the worse. By the time a year comes and

goes you will begin to have a pretty good idea of what makes your gas

worse.

For me Pasta sets me off. Yeast breads...Sugar. I can get away with

small amounts but if I cross the line I pay the price. Gluten

products will cause massive gas problems for some folks. Gluten is

found in breads and pasta's. You can find gluten free varieties.

Vicki's suggestion of probiotics is excellent. It will help get the

gas under control and it will help get Loose stools under control.

If I have to go on antibiotics I also go on probiotics. This isn't

just a DSer thing but as a DSer our system can be extra sensitive to

antibiotics over-killing our GOOD bowel bacteria.

There are a few products out there that are supposed to help. I

personally didn't feel they helped me early post-op and I have also

come to some conclusions that fall into my WILDa$$ theories category.

Devrom

http://www.devrom.com/ProductCart/pc/viewCat_h.asp?idCategory=3

Devrom is advertised as an Internal Deodorant. The active ingredient

is Bismuth Subgallate basically the active ingredient in pepto-bismo.

You have to take 1-2 capsules/chewables each time you eat so the

ingredients is mixed with the food you take in. I am horrible at

remembering to take a pill each time I eat. Plus I tended to eat

Often. So that may be why I didn't feel it worked well. Here's My

wildass theory on Devrom. Because it active ingredient will slow

bowel movement I feel like that means the stool stays in you longer

giving your body more opportunity to absorb and I always felt that

loyal Devrom takers lost weight slower than Non-Devrom takers. I

felt I'd rather Optimize my weightloss window and deal with gas and

stool odor. lol...demanding that my body adapt to MY needs...lol (OK

I'm demented..remember...others have found Devrom works for them that

was just my " feelings " )

Another product: Chlorophyll...basically the stuff that makes green

plants green.

Again...you should take it when you eat. I didn't see a great

odor/gas reducing benefit from Chlorophyll (remember I'm not good at

takings pills every-time I eat) but others have sworn by it. It is

said to reduce odor and reduce the amount of gas. (be careful

I " think " it has the potential to increase loose stools) Don't be

surprised if your poop turns green. Chlorophyll is also big in

natural medicine. Some think it helps with Liver detoxing, Kidney

stones, anemia, wound healing... Perhaps worth a try...maybe I just

didn't find a good brand! I have heard Innermint talked about???

Activated Charcoal: This product I am telling you about mostly so I

can give you a " warning " if you happen to come across it. The danger

with activated charcoal is it absorbs tooooo much. It absorbs your

vitamins, calcium, iron...it is not a good long term solution.

Get a dog to blame the fart on. It has saved me a couple times! lol.

Take heart...it does get better and much more manageable. For now I

would start with a couple weeks of probiotics (double,triple any

recommended dosage spread out through the day)

Hugs

Jo

> Hello everyone its me Debra I had my DS 3 weeks ago Jan.20 and I

have

> been having alot of FOUL GAS any suggestions on what to take to help

> with the smell and has anyone experience this BAD GAS SMELL before?

> please help thanks to all

>