Re: Afraid to Hope

[Guest guest]

BJ,

It has been this way with me. My daughter is making another life for herself

and in a way it makes me sad, because I miss the baby girl I used to have. I

worry if she will ever be able to take care of herself out in the real world.

I am so worried the luvox will make her worse instead of better. So many

things going on for me right now, I feel pulled in many directions and none of

them stable.

svdbyhislove wrote:

I just signed our son up for some computer programming classes at a

vocational high school, for next year. It is a year long course. I

was telling his therapist yesterday that I'm concerned his OCD will

flare and he will have to quit. Especially because our son's OCD

flares out of control every time he gets sick, and being in a school

will put him at a higher risk for getting sick. He just nodded. I

guess the message was, " Yes, that could happen. " But, no assurances

(which I would have preferred - lol) or guarantees that Josh would be

okay was forthcoming. I guess I (unrealistically) wanted him to tell

me it would be okay. . .That Josh would do just fine. I needed to

hear it.

I think with OCD, you live life one day at a time, taking what comes.

It's difficult to plan for the future, or even hope for the future

that way though, . . . But it's what you have to work with. That's

hard to live with sometimes.

Also, I'm having anxiety about him driving himself there and back (at

least an hour round trip). It's hard for me to let go and let him do

this alone. I've always been there to help him every step of the way

through this chaotic life he's / we've had to live. I'm pumping him

up telling he can do it, and hiding my own trepidation. I know if he

thinks I feel this way, he will cave. One of his GAD issues is a fear

of growing up and doing things on his own. <sigh> I've got to stay

strong and act as if I'm going for an , in reassuring him this is

good and he will do fine. I can't help but wonder if this would be so

much easier if he didn't have anxiety issues.

Letting go is hard.

BJ

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

Not yet, Chris. He turned 16 at the end of Feb., but was fighting

that sinus infection and flu so couldn't take it. I'm calling this

week to make an appointment for him. All he has to do is the driving

part, since he took the written part in his Driver's Ed class, and

passed it. Now I have to take him out and let him practice parallel

parking.

He has been talked into wanting to go to the vocational high school.

lol And, it would be only for the one class. Another class, he will

be taking online, that is an art class that corresponds with the

computer class. He likes computer programming and it relates

specifically to games. It is offered through the DigiPen Institute.

I'm hoping once he gets past the obstacles that his anxiety throws out

there, that he will enjoy it and like it.

How do you deal with 's procrastination? Do you just let him

reap the consequences? Or do you nag? lol

I'm glad he is doing well, Chris. I know he deals with a lot with his

OCD. It speaks volumes about his courage and determination to not let

OCD keep him from succeeding.

> >

> > I just signed our son up for some computer programming classes at a

> > vocational high school, for next year. It is a year long course. I

> > was telling his therapist yesterday that I'm concerned his OCD will

> > flare and he will have to quit. Especially because our son's OCD

> > flares out of control every time he gets sick, and being in a school

> > will put him at a higher risk for getting sick. He just nodded. I

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It can be hard to let go and let these kids grow up, that have always

been attached at the hip, due to their anxiety. I know it's best for

him so I'm going to fight my feelings and forge ahead. It's almost

like letting go of a piece of yourself. (

I think he will really like the class once he is there, although it

may be a little easy for him. It will be good for him though.

I figure if he relapses, we will just have to try to fight through it,

or if worse comes to worst, pull him out. But, at least we will have

tried.

He is such a cautious driver that I don't worry about him. It's the

other crazies on the road.

Oh my, Judy, I don't blame you about the dating boys with cars thing.

If I had a girl, I would make her wait until she was 30. rofl j/k sorta

BJ

>

> BJ,

> I can't imagine letting go. I know that for me that will be one of

the hardest things. I think it's because our kids are so dependant on us.

> Is your son interested in the classes? Sometimes the " extra

exposure " to the illnesses in the schools can help him to build up his

immunity. I know it's difficult, but maybe he could attempt it and see

how he does.

>

> On the other hand the driving really scares me too BJ. I would be

real nervous if I were you, having him go so far also! My oldest has 3

yrs left, and I don't want to rush them!!!! She thinks she's going to

date boys with cars next year. I don't!!

> Hugs

> Judy

>

>

[Guest guest]

BJ - about procrastination and schoolwork, I don't quite

nag...more " bug " LOL. He has an introductory speech (or toast) to

do this Friday in class (public speaking class). And he has known

since at least last Friday. Has he done it yet? No. I asked

Saturday; I asked Tuesday night.

Now they began giving speeches Monday but he was sure they wouldn't

get to his name until Friday (don't know what order they go in, his

last name is a " C " ).

I gave him ideas for a toast or " who " he could introduce. He

couldn't think of anyone. But I hate to suggest because, as I told

him, usually he will NOT use anyone/thing I suggest; then it wasn't

HIS idea, sigh; like cheating I guess.

won't do ANY type of work on Sundays; his scrupulosity. I

think he actually quits schoolwork at 12AM Sunday morning and will

then pick it back up 12AM Monday mornings if its due Monday. (yes,

he's up late, LOL; and how do *I* know? I'm usually still awake,

getting settled around midnight). This is just my observation,

haven't asked him about it.

With his OCD, I just do not know about driving/getting license. I

worry now if he's capable due to the Aspergers part of him; driving

is too much multi-tasking. But sometimes now I'll ask if he wants

to drive and he'll decline due to having a bad time with OCD.

> How do you deal with 's procrastination? Do you just let him

> reap the consequences? Or do you nag? lol

>

> I'm glad he is doing well, Chris. I know he deals with a lot with

his

> OCD. It speaks volumes about his courage and determination to not

let

> OCD keep him from succeeding.

>

[Guest guest]

BJ

Be strong. I will keep my fingers (and toes!) crossed for your son.

Sometimes we don't give our kids credit for how strong they really can be when

they have to be. They can rise to the ocassion. But I understand how you feel.

Best of luck.

svdbyhislove wrote:

I just signed our son up for some computer programming classes at a

vocational high school, for next year. It is a year long course. I

was telling his therapist yesterday that I'm concerned his OCD will

flare and he will have to quit. Especially because our son's OCD

flares out of control every time he gets sick, and being in a school

will put him at a higher risk for getting sick. He just nodded. I

guess the message was, " Yes, that could happen. " But, no assurances

(which I would have preferred - lol) or guarantees that Josh would be

okay was forthcoming. I guess I (unrealistically) wanted him to tell

me it would be okay. . .That Josh would do just fine. I needed to

hear it.

I think with OCD, you live life one day at a time, taking what comes.

It's difficult to plan for the future, or even hope for the future

that way though, . . . But it's what you have to work with. That's

hard to live with sometimes.

Also, I'm having anxiety about him driving himself there and back (at

least an hour round trip). It's hard for me to let go and let him do

this alone. I've always been there to help him every step of the way

through this chaotic life he's / we've had to live. I'm pumping him

up telling he can do it, and hiding my own trepidation. I know if he

thinks I feel this way, he will cave. One of his GAD issues is a fear

of growing up and doing things on his own. <sigh> I've got to stay

strong and act as if I'm going for an , in reassuring him this is

good and he will do fine. I can't help but wonder if this would be so

much easier if he didn't have anxiety issues.

Letting go is hard.

BJ

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Hi BJ. I hear you on this one! It is so hard to try and take steps

forward when you know only too well how they can fall back, and

hard. The way I approach it is that we have to keep trying or there

just is no life. Whether we get two steps forward, two steps back or

no steps at all, it's the attempt. Otherwise we are self limiting

and that is depressing in itself. This one I know well personally.

I would never sign up for anything, or commit to things because I

wasn't sure I could follow through when the time came. But that

meant I pretty much couldn't do anything. So then I started trying

to find things that had flexibilty built in, so if necessary I could

bow out. Ideally I would make myself go, whether I " felt " like it or

not, with the option that I could leave if I found I couldn't cope at

some point. Except when I was really depressed and being with people

felt worse than being alone, it worked out. Ok, maybe that was more

personal info than needed, just never know how to explain well

without referencing the personal.

I guess what I decided at one point is there is nowhere in particular

to get, and no set timeline to get there, so as long as I am moving,

it " feels " better than not moving. So getting back to you and Josh,

it's true we can't know what will happen, how it will go, if at some

point he might have to take time out. But not taking steps forward

and trying, that truly is not living. So hard as a Mum, we want to

protect. There are no guarantees, and with ocd there is always the

doubt and fear, and there are limitations, but we have to try to go

beyond them. Everything is in the attempt, at least in my books!

Lots of hugs to you BJ!

Barb

> I just signed our son up for some computer programming

classes at a

> vocational high school, for next year. It is a year long course. I

> was telling his therapist yesterday that I'm concerned his OCD will

> flare and he will have to quit. Especially because our son's OCD

> flares out of control every time he gets sick, and being in a school

> will put him at a higher risk for getting sick. He just nodded. I

> guess the message was, " Yes, that could happen. " But, no assurances

> (which I would have preferred - lol) or guarantees that Josh would

be

> okay was forthcoming. I guess I (unrealistically) wanted him to tell

> me it would be okay. . .That Josh would do just fine. I needed to

> hear it.

>

> I think with OCD, you live life one day at a time, taking what

comes.

> It's difficult to plan for the future, or even hope for the future

> that way though, . . . But it's what you have to work with. That's

> hard to live with sometimes.

>

> Also, I'm having anxiety about him driving himself there and back

(at

> least an hour round trip). It's hard for me to let go and let him do

> this alone. I've always been there to help him every step of the way

> through this chaotic life he's / we've had to live. I'm pumping him

> up telling he can do it, and hiding my own trepidation. I know if he

> thinks I feel this way, he will cave. One of his GAD issues is a

fear

> of growing up and doing things on his own. <sigh> I've got to stay

> strong and act as if I'm going for an , in reassuring him this

is

> good and he will do fine. I can't help but wonder if this would be

so

> much easier if he didn't have anxiety issues.

>

> Letting go is hard.

>

> BJ

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Some great points, Barb. Thanks. <nodding head in agreement> Can't

stand there stagnant, afraid to do anything either. What kind of life

would that be. I had come to the same conclusions, just find myself

worrying OCD will ruin this too. Our son is much more optimistic

about it than I am. What a switch, I'm usually the optimist and he's

the pessimist. I'm always amazed at his resiliency, after being

knocked down by this disorder once again.

I would hate to see OCD keep him from finishing a year long class that

he would love. Although, I know the potential is there. Have heard

so many in here lament the loss of something their child loved/loves.

Wretched stuff just robs people of their lives at times.

Going to just forge ahead and hope for the best. Best case scenario,

even if the OCD gets bad. . He will be able to do the class since

computers have always been a distraction tool for him when his OCD

gets bad. Might have to chauffeur him on the bad days. We'll see.

Thanks for the input. Love this group.

BJ

> > I just signed our son up for some computer programming

> classes at a

> > vocational high school, for next year. It is a year long course. I

> > was telling his therapist yesterday that I'm concerned his OCD will

> > flare and he will have to quit. Especially because our son's OCD

> > flares out of control every time he gets sick, and being in a school

> > will put him at a higher risk for getting sick. He just nodded. I

> > guess the message was, " Yes, that could happen. " But, no assurances

> > (which I would have preferred - lol) or guarantees that Josh would

> be

> > okay was forthcoming. I guess I (unrealistically) wanted him to tell

> > me it would be okay. . .That Josh would do just fine. I needed to

> > hear it.

> >

> > I think with OCD, you live life one day at a time, taking what

> comes.

> > It's difficult to plan for the future, or even hope for the future

> > that way though, . . . But it's what you have to work with. That's

> > hard to live with sometimes.

> >

> > Also, I'm having anxiety about him driving himself there and back

> (at

> > least an hour round trip). It's hard for me to let go and let him do

> > this alone. I've always been there to help him every step of the way

> > through this chaotic life he's / we've had to live. I'm pumping him

> > up telling he can do it, and hiding my own trepidation. I know if he

> > thinks I feel this way, he will cave. One of his GAD issues is a

> fear

> > of growing up and doing things on his own. <sigh> I've got to stay

> > strong and act as if I'm going for an , in reassuring him this

> is

> > good and he will do fine. I can't help but wonder if this would be

> so

> > much easier if he didn't have anxiety issues.

> >

> > Letting go is hard.

> >

> > BJ

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hey BJ. I know you know whatever I have to say, but sometimes it

helps to hear it from someone else. I find that anyway.

I relate to your son being more optimistic than you about this. I

think it's the unavoidable Mum thing, wanting to protect them. I try

not to think ahead, as you have said, but sometimes you do anyway,

and it's hard not to wonder and worry. We want the best for them,

and sometimes that just doesn't seem possible...

In our case our son's ideas are often really not based in reality,

but he has to have something to aspire to. We also need him to feel

he has a reason to go to school, so I try to just listen and be

encouraging. I often find our son will " wring " me out with his ocd

stuff, esp long circular conversations. Then off he will go, on with

his day, and I'm done in and have to shake it off. But of course he

is the only one who suffers....If I only had a nickel for every

time...

LOL!

Hugs!

Barb

> > > I just signed our son up for some computer

programming

> > classes at a

> > > vocational high school, for next year. It is a year long

course. I

> > > was telling his therapist yesterday that I'm concerned his OCD

will

> > > flare and he will have to quit. Especially because our son's OCD

> > > flares out of control every time he gets sick, and being in a

school

> > > will put him at a higher risk for getting sick. He just nodded.

I

> > > guess the message was, " Yes, that could happen. " But, no

assurances

> > > (which I would have preferred - lol) or guarantees that Josh

would

> > be

> > > okay was forthcoming. I guess I (unrealistically) wanted him to

tell

> > > me it would be okay. . .That Josh would do just fine. I needed

to

> > > hear it.

> > >

> > > I think with OCD, you live life one day at a time, taking what

> > comes.

> > > It's difficult to plan for the future, or even hope for the

future

> > > that way though, . . . But it's what you have to work with.

That's

> > > hard to live with sometimes.

> > >

> > > Also, I'm having anxiety about him driving himself there and

back

> > (at

> > > least an hour round trip). It's hard for me to let go and let

him do

> > > this alone. I've always been there to help him every step of

the way

> > > through this chaotic life he's / we've had to live. I'm pumping

him

> > > up telling he can do it, and hiding my own trepidation. I know

if he

> > > thinks I feel this way, he will cave. One of his GAD issues is

a

> > fear

> > > of growing up and doing things on his own. <sigh> I've got to

stay

> > > strong and act as if I'm going for an , in reassuring him

this

> > is

> > > good and he will do fine. I can't help but wonder if this would

be

> > so

> > > much easier if he didn't have anxiety issues.

> > >

> > > Letting go is hard.

> > >

> > > BJ

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hey BJ. I know you know whatever I have to say, but sometimes it

helps to hear it from someone else. I find that anyway.

I relate to your son being more optimistic than you about this. I

think it's the unavoidable Mum thing, wanting to protect them. I try

not to think ahead, as you have said, but sometimes you do anyway,

and it's hard not to wonder and worry. We want the best for them,

and sometimes that just doesn't seem possible...

In our case our son's ideas are often really not based in reality,

but he has to have something to aspire to. We also need him to feel

he has a reason to go to school, so I try to just listen and be

encouraging. I often find our son will " wring " me out with his ocd

stuff, esp long circular conversations. Then off he will go, on with

his day, and I'm done in and have to shake it off. But of course he

is the only one who suffers....If I only had a nickel for every

time...

LOL!

Hugs!

Barb

> > > I just signed our son up for some computer

programming

> > classes at a

> > > vocational high school, for next year. It is a year long

course. I

> > > was telling his therapist yesterday that I'm concerned his OCD

will

> > > flare and he will have to quit. Especially because our son's OCD

> > > flares out of control every time he gets sick, and being in a

school

> > > will put him at a higher risk for getting sick. He just nodded.

I

> > > guess the message was, " Yes, that could happen. " But, no

assurances

> > > (which I would have preferred - lol) or guarantees that Josh

would

> > be

> > > okay was forthcoming. I guess I (unrealistically) wanted him to

tell

> > > me it would be okay. . .That Josh would do just fine. I needed

to

> > > hear it.

> > >

> > > I think with OCD, you live life one day at a time, taking what

> > comes.

> > > It's difficult to plan for the future, or even hope for the

future

> > > that way though, . . . But it's what you have to work with.

That's

> > > hard to live with sometimes.

> > >

> > > Also, I'm having anxiety about him driving himself there and

back

> > (at

> > > least an hour round trip). It's hard for me to let go and let

him do

> > > this alone. I've always been there to help him every step of

the way

> > > through this chaotic life he's / we've had to live. I'm pumping

him

> > > up telling he can do it, and hiding my own trepidation. I know

if he

> > > thinks I feel this way, he will cave. One of his GAD issues is

a

> > fear

> > > of growing up and doing things on his own. <sigh> I've got to

stay

> > > strong and act as if I'm going for an , in reassuring him

this

> > is

> > > good and he will do fine. I can't help but wonder if this would

be

> > so

> > > much easier if he didn't have anxiety issues.

> > >

> > > Letting go is hard.

> > >

> > > BJ

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ---------------------------------

> > > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

> > >

> > >