- early stage

[Guest guest]

,

You are exactly where I was one year ago. My father was

transitioning from independent to dependent and was living with us

at the time.

Protecting my Dad's ego and dignity is probably my biggest

challenge, and I'll be honest, I think I do a terrible job at it.

But a few things did help.

Anytime we tried something new, I first asked him to do it as a

favor to me. I was the one who needed it, not him. For instance, I

had too many other things going on, and hiring help lessened my

workload. I also did lots of things as " an experiment " or " on a

trial basis. " This really helped him not feel like we were making a

permanent change.

As for the driving, a change in medicines was really helpful. He

was on meds that made him a bit 'goofy' and we told him that he

couldn't drive until he stopped taking it.

I will take on the devil himself to protect my dad, and some days,

that WAS my dad. I stood firm, suggested limits with love and

respect, and tried not to cringe when he got upset.

Activities are a real challenge. My dad spent lots of time on the

computer, going to the movies, golfing, doing 'office' work,

housework, etc. Now he can't do any of that. Lots of folks here

have had very good success getting their LO's to go to adult day

programs. (My dad was a country club kind of guy and turned his

nose up at that. Grrrrr!!!) He now lives in assisted living and at

least now has activities there he can participate in. He loves the

exercise classes, because there is a leader and all he has to do is

follow what they do.

Hope that helps. Hang in there, be creative, and keep on doing

what's right for your mom, even if it makes her angry. Sometimes we

can't protect them and make them happy at the same time.

> Kathleen, your email, and all the others the past few days, have

really

> hit home. Today I felt like climbing into bed and never getting

out

> (did climb in for 2 hours but made it back to my

computer<smile>). We

> scheduled Mom's driving test for the 21st and she is really, really

> angry with us. She said that we went into a corner with her

doctor and

> decided behind her back that she needed this test. Of course he

told

> her to her face that it had to be done. She doesn't believe

it/want to

> believe it. We're worried about that same line being crossed that

you

> mentioned Kathleen...what if she hurts herself or others??

>

> I find it very difficult to flow with the mood changes my Mom is

going

> through right now. One phone call she is madder than heck at all

of us

> and at the world, next one in a few hours she is relatively

relaxed and

> wants to chat!

>

> I tried to suggest having a caretaker come in each morning to do

her

> balance exercises with her and get her started with her day. Mom

just

> keeps saying that she's not ready for that. But of course we all

know

> she is...I guess I need to be firm and just schedule a meeting?

>

> One difficult thing for me is that I cannot find an activity that

will

> interest Mom and that she can still do. She has bowled, golfed and

> played cards as her hobbies for years. She cannot do those now

and she

> is so resistant to anything I come up with. To keep her self

occupied

> she takes apart appliances (DRIVES ME CRAZY) and cleans and cleans

and

> cleans. Does anyone have activity suggestions for those in the

> beginning stages of LBD?

>

> X- grazia - I think our parents are in about the same place as far

as

> the progression of LBD. Just know I'm thinking of you and

sympathizing

> with all pressure you're under!

>

> Hope and Peace to All,

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