Guest guest Posted March 14, 2007 Report Share Posted March 14, 2007 Honey, you are blessed, though it probably doesn't look that way to you, if you will have many years to live with your son. It makes me sad to think that I will be lucky to live until my grandson is 21, and I am his primary caregiver. Love and blessings, Pat K************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2007 Report Share Posted March 14, 2007 Thank you very much, it's taken me a long time to just be honest with everyone. A long time to get over "not stepping on anyone's toes" I'm from AR so I was brought up with the southern view that "we do NOT offend anyone" Well, sometimes the truth has to be told. This is with anything. I actually helped force one of my professors into EARLy retirement bc of sexism. He said "Women can't be scientists and mothers it's just not biologically possible" Ha showed him bc now he's a stay at home dad!!!! ha ha ha Like most people my life was very hard and I was paralized at age 15 and taught myself how to walk over the course of 4 years. I didn't have therapists bc my stepdad (whom I hate) convinced my mom that I was useless. I know hard work and the real world and it's not pretty and it hurts me everyday to think it's our kids who are going to get the brunt of this world. Our children "look" normal so how do we cope in situations where they are supposed to "act" a certain way bc they are judged by "normality" just bc they are not drooling and not in a wheelchair. I don't know the answer, but I've butted many heads together and I would do it again. I have an opportunity coming up to work with a DAN! dr after my PHD but I don't want to skew my view of autism. I don't want to go into research and treating our situation like there's some magical cure. I really want to keep a level head on things so if someone has any idea how let me know. I know Paxil does help! lol alena Re: adoptionTo: AutismBehaviorProblems > Honey, you are blessed, though it probably doesn't look that way > to you, if > you will have many years to live with your son. It makes me sad > to think that > I will be lucky to live until my grandson is 21, and I am his > primary > caregiver. Love and blessings, Pat > K**************************************AOL now > offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free > from AOL at > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2007 Report Share Posted March 14, 2007 Can I ask what your view is on Autism? Just curious ~Conny > > Thank you very much, it's taken me a long time to just be honest with everyone. A long time to get over " not stepping on anyone's toes " I'm from AR so I was brought up with the southern view that " we do NOT offend anyone " Well, sometimes the truth has to be told. This is with anything. I actually helped force one of my professors into EARLy retirement bc of sexism. He said " Women can't be scientists and mothers it's just not biologically possible " Ha showed him bc now he's a stay at home dad!!!! ha ha ha > > Like most people my life was very hard and I was paralized at age 15 and taught myself how to walk over the course of 4 years. I didn't have therapists bc my stepdad (whom I hate) convinced my mom that I was useless. I know hard work and the real world and it's not pretty and it hurts me everyday to think it's our kids who are going to get the brunt of this world. > > Our children " look " normal so how do we cope in situations where they are supposed to " act " a certain way bc they are judged by " normality " just bc they are not drooling and not in a wheelchair. I don't know the answer, but I've butted many heads together and I would do it again. I have an opportunity coming up to work with a DAN! dr after my PHD but I don't want to skew my view of autism. I don't want to go into research and treating our situation like there's some magical cure. I really want to keep a level head on things so if someone has any idea how let me know. I know Paxil does help! lol > alena > > Re: adoption > To: AutismBehaviorProblems > > > Honey, you are blessed, though it probably doesn't look that way > > to you, if > > you will have many years to live with your son. It makes me sad > > to think that > > I will be lucky to live until my grandson is 21, and I am his > > primary > > caregiver. Love and blessings, Pat > > K > > > ************************************** > AOL now > > offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free > > from AOL at > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 Wow, you are so strong!! Hard times are a blessing for some people. I like what Hester said in Scarlet Letter, "Shame and solitude have been my teachers, and they have made me strong." When will you get your Ph.D.? Where are you getting it? Pat K ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 I have found some of the best parents in parents of autistic children and sometimes those parents themselves like my husband suffer from Aspergers and such. I read a book sometime that said "there's a little bit of autism in each of us" I know for myself I hate smells and will get severe migraines from the old perfumes and bath and body works and such. I think autie parents have to be especially thick skinned bc what happens is that our children isn't judged by "special needs" judgement but by Neurotypical children. We have to be able to take the stares of horror and disgust. I had a woman tell me one time while we were using sign language and PECS at Chili's that " I needed to keep my son inside until he was trained" lol i just smiled I normally give those little cards that say my child is autistic. The other side of the story that I see here is that some parents (and defintely not all or even most) is quite oh what's the word "radical" about their children being "normal" Our son does suffer from autism, but also he's amazing. He's three and can read write, add, subtract, and multiply up to 5. He's also quite charming and very precocious. Sure he doesn't communicate well and has regressed some and isn't potty trained anymore, but I could not imagine subjecting my child who only eats a total of 10 things to severe chelation techniques. It's not that I disagree with it bc I'm not an expert. I work in my research with Green Tea and it's antioxidant properties. However, everyday in my lab I use EDTA and DMSA to chelate DNA bc there are naturally ocurring metals that associate with DNA. This is one technique used to stabilize and precipitate DNA. However, there are parents and it seems the trend is in the children that are older like in their teens to heavily biomedically treat them. But again i can't be a huge critic I can just say what has been given in reports here by Dr. Jill . We do see DAN dr's but we keep a skeptical eye on anything that says cure. Myself being in research I have a huge background in genetics which is the major part of molecular biology, so understanding that autism is a multifaceted genetic disorder just makes it all the more difficult. For us the hugest influence has come from behavioral therapy that's why I wanted to join this group, bc to me the biomedical treatments come last. In AR none of our biomedical treatments are paid for by Insurance or medicaid; therefore, although we can afford the treatments a lot of parents can't. We are hoping to take our son to the "thoughtful house" in Texas over the summer but it's approximately going to cost $5000 plus the stay and everything there. I see parents who have remortgaged their house to buy therapy equipment and medical treatments and it's not fair. One parent said to me "you know if our kids had cancer everything would be handed to us" I said yeah that true but the likelihood of them dying of cancer over autism is much greater. I also have seen some parents in our support group drive themselves nuts trying to figure out why and so on. You know they actually get mad at me bc they feel that I'm in research so I should just try to understand it all. But the energy to do that goes towards just enjoying my children. (of course again I take paxil so that helps) And honestly it's not the kids that stress me out it's my school! Autism to me is a set of behavioral and medical conditions that socially and physically isolates our children. There are many "causes" and etiologies. I feel it's a genetic neurological/immunological disorder where environmental stressors can encourage the development of further damage to the nervous and immune system. I do not believe there is one "cure" but I do believe that there are my therapeutic options available from behavior to medical. However, if I go into the research I do not want to become like Dr. . She believes that methylcobalamine shots reverses the effects of autism. I think that's a very loose and couragous statement that can lead to false hopes for parents. The scientist that I work for has actually argued with her bc he's been in antioxidant research for much longer than her and thinks she full of it at points and at other points that she's genius, but who really knows. I sure don't! Hope this helps alena Re: adoption> > To: AutismBehaviorProblems > > > > > Honey, you are blessed, though it probably doesn't look that > way > > > to you, if > > > you will have many years to live with your son. It makes me > sad > > > to think that > > > I will be lucky to live until my grandson is 21, and I am > his > > > primary > > > caregiver. Love and blessings, Pat > > > K> > > > > > **************************************> > AOL now > > > offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's > free > > > from AOL at > > > > > >> >> > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 I spent almost 2 years at University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences in the MD/PHD program, but I got pregnant with Dorian. I had a terrible pregnancy and then they did not support mother's as scientists! go figure. After I had Dorian he was a month early and weighed 8lbs 4 oz! He's still a big boy! Well, he spent every other week in the hospital for infections after infections. I knew at birth that something was wrong. He never looked in my face and smiled like Selena did! Selena and Dorian are 16 months apart so I had just been through her infancy. Well, I was forced to leave the program, but they decided that since I was a good student. I was only 21. I graduated high school early and college early. They allowed me to have a joint venture with another University of ARkansas branch. I'd do my research at UALR where there wasn't as much pressure on me but I'd get my degree from both places. I decided I'd get my MS since I wouldn't have to take any more courses then since I'm staying in the same lab my PHD will be finished in approximately 3 years instead of the 5 it normally takes! I know big speech I just gave. They are also pushing me to go back into med school bc it would only take me 3 years since I had the first year courses. The only reason I want to do that is the money you get having a MD after your name. I totally love the Scarlett letter as do I love Edgar Allan Poe. I have known solitude my whole life but not being able to be a part of my son's life has taught me alot. I never apologize for my feelings because I own them no one else, but I will definitely apologize if I cause other's pain. Sometimes I think that our country is becoming Too individualized. Why should I be allowed to hurt someone else just bc it's my right too? I don't know I guess I see that a lot here in the south. Everyone wants their own freedom or their groups freedom, but we were founded on the right to choose, so I just want to teach my children to make good chooses. Sometimes the best choice isn't the right choice or the easiest as all of us autie parents know, but we also have to live as parents. All of us has to become who we are. I'll be 27 in a couple of months and I feel so old with having Dorian. Most of my friends are in their 40's as is my mother so I don't know what it's like to go out bc I haven't gone out since I was 18! Thanks for listening. When was your grandson diagnosed if you don't mind me asking and what type of therapy is he getting at 14? I'm curious bc Dorian's only 3 and will be 4 in may so I don't know what it's like to have an older child with autism (except my husband but does that really count when most of the men i know die when they get a simple cold! lol jk) alena Re: adoptionTo: AutismBehaviorProblems > Wow, you are so strong!! Hard times are a blessing for some > people. I like > what Hester said in Scarlet Letter, "Shame and solitude have > been my teachers, > and they have made me strong." When will you get your Ph.D.? > Where are you > getting it? Pat K > **************************************AOL now > offers free > email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 My advisor would always tell us that we all display the behaviors that children with autism do, it's just not as extreme. I self-stim (I like to bounce my leg), I also occasionally lack appropriate eye contact during conversations, I have also seen people display self- injurious behaviors when they were angry (slamming their fists against the wall, or banging their head in frustration). It's the intensity, frequency or duration of the behaviors that is different ~Conny > > > > > > Thank you very much, it's taken me a long time to just be > > honest > > with everyone. A long time to get over " not stepping on > > anyone's > > toes " I'm from AR so I was brought up with the southern view > > that " we do NOT offend anyone " Well, sometimes the truth has to > > be > > told. This is with anything. I actually helped force one of my > > professors into EARLy retirement bc of sexism. He said " Women > > can't > > be scientists and mothers it's just not biologically possible " > > Ha > > showed him bc now he's a stay at home dad!!!! ha ha ha > > > > > > Like most people my life was very hard and I was paralized at > > age > > 15 and taught myself how to walk over the course of 4 years. I > > didn't have therapists bc my stepdad (whom I hate) convinced my > > mom > > that I was useless. I know hard work and the real world and > > it's > > not pretty and it hurts me everyday to think it's our kids who > > are > > going to get the brunt of this world. > > > > > > Our children " look " normal so how do we cope in situations > > where > > they are supposed to " act " a certain way bc they are judged > > by " normality " just bc they are not drooling and not in a > > wheelchair. I don't know the answer, but I've butted many heads > > together and I would do it again. I have an opportunity coming > > up > > to work with a DAN! dr after my PHD but I don't want to skew my > > view > > of autism. I don't want to go into research and treating our > > situation like there's some magical cure. I really want to keep > > a > > level head on things so if someone has any idea how let me know. > > I > > know Paxil does help! lol > > > alena > > > > > > Re: adoption > > > To: AutismBehaviorProblems > > > > > > > Honey, you are blessed, though it probably doesn't look that > > way > > > > to you, if > > > > you will have many years to live with your son. It makes me > > sad > > > > to think that > > > > I will be lucky to live until my grandson is 21, and I am > > his > > > > primary > > > > caregiver. Love and blessings, Pat > > > > K > > > > > > > > > ************************************** > > > AOL now > > > > offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's > > free > > > > from AOL at > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 I diagnosed Karac when he was two and a half. He had stopped talking and giving eye contact. I had worked on my master's at Southwestern Medical University when Lovaas was doing his work with autistic kids out at California. I had seen a film of his work; so I had some knowledge about it. I began the 40 hour a week intensive therapy work with him. Hired the best therapists available and made great strides until his mother decided to put him in the public school and they wanted him put on Ritalin, and it was down hill from there. I continue to work with Karac after school,Saturdays, Sundays, holidays, and in the summers, but without any help from his parents or the public school it has been difficult to even maintain let alone make much progress. I fully believe if I had been allowed to continue the home program that Karac would have normal functioning. Pat K ************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2007 Report Share Posted March 15, 2007 Conny, Dr. Lovaas says that too. Pat K************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 , thanks for your response; you are one special grandmother!! You are fortunate to be so young!! blessings, Pat K************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 16, 2007 Report Share Posted March 16, 2007 Pat...Bless you! My husband and I adopted his grandson who is special needs. Braxton is 6 years old and has Shaken baby & Autism..We don't kbnow if he would have had autism or not or if the symptoms are related to left brain injury of the frontal & temporal lobes...Anyway, I met Braxton when he was 5 months old. I cared for him till we adopted him in 2001. This little guy has enriched my life so much. I still go into tears thinking of the abuse inflicted upon him by both bio parents. I'll be 55 years old this year and we are in the process of adopting his 1/2 sister whom we have had since birth. She is now 2. I do worry about leaving my kids as I am older. I do everything I can to plan for thier care. My husband and I also bought a bigger place for the kids and are thrown into the wonderful world of having a mortgage..yeek! Anyway, the point is that I also understand what Alena said about the bonding to a child not of your own blood. Even though I have never experienced it myself. I understand everyones comments on what Alena said. I have one bio son and sadly, I never bonded with him like I am to Braxton. Braxton is my heart. My little girl..I adore. But I have a different love for her. I think we all love our kids, but we love differently because of thier individual needs, etc. Over all, I think I would adopt a special needs child again..What a wonderful experience it has been so far. I am amazed at how much we take for granted with normal developing children..We seem not to get as excited about some things they do for the first time. (smile) Alena, thanks so much for your post with the comment that has brought out so many feelings in all of us.. _________________________________________________________________ Get a FREE Web site, company branded e-mail and more from Microsoft Office Live! http://clk.atdmt.com/MRT/go/mcrssaub0050001411mrt/direct/01/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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