ability to mourn

[Guest guest]

I've found myself recently mostly stuffing everything being thrown my

way whe I needed to be grieving and angry and really going through the

mourning process. Last weekend on my supposed get-away, I ended up

either crying uncontrollably, or as stoic as my dad, which angered me

even more! I finally got on the phone with a good friend who asked a

couple of key trigger questions that got me crying and then I cried

for 3 or 4 hours. The fact that I was in a motel with free HBO helped

because I watched all or part of at least four real tear-jerkers,

which helped keep the release going. One even had a scene with a

father/daughter that triggered more release since right now I'm more

angry at my dad than anything.

I'll need to plan another one of those mourning/grieving processes for

myself soon as we await word that my uncle has passed (yesterday he

made his own conscious decision to let go and no longer be in pain).

He'll be the first of my mom's sibs to go, with Mom now down with LBD

and her sister with AD. Only one healthy one left and she's really

struggling watching all three of her sibs go at once.

We have had one or two giggles out of the whole situation. My mom and

her sister--Alice and Ethyl--have been nicknamed Topsy and Wiggy since

they were little tiny girls. So this week Aunt and I agreed that

Topsy is tipsy, Wiggy has wigged out, and Bob, well, Bob isn't as tall

has he used to be! (He has had both legs amputated below the knee in

the last 2 months). better watch out or she'll be joining the

Stooges and will gain some new nickname of her own! It's hard to

laugh at a situation as tragic as this, but we also can't sink into

the depression either.

I think this weekend I'm either going for a long bike ride with a

friend to work off some of this pent-up energy, or find myself some

cans to smash or wood to be chopped or nails to be hammered or

something so I can go hit things!

tonight hopefully we'll all sleep. Mom actually slept last night, but

it took me until 4:00am of tossing and turning before I actually slept

and then my daughter woke me when she called from Kansas before 8am!

Oh well... Gotta love those kids...

Hugs,

Liz in Calif.