Guest guest Posted March 2, 2007 Report Share Posted March 2, 2007 I'd be blunt about it---you don't have to take such abuse ecause she won't discipline her kid. My 5 yr old learned real quick that mom doesn't tolerate that junk and he behaves. Let her know she is being her child's downfall, and it's up to you to show her how to do the things to help her son, but SHE has to help follow through. Be blunt and professional, and if you hae to, drop her. Angljmakris wrote: I am a therapist for 3 children. I need some advice from PARENTS on how to approach a parent about her lack of discipline for her son. This child is 10 years old, and very verbally abusive to everyone. I have tried extinction, and a reinforcing program, but with no success. I beleive there has been no success due to no follow-through from mom. She allows him to say curse words with only a mild reprimand. (ie. That's not nice.) I could probably deal with the verbal abuse, frustrating as it may be, but these are not the only behaviors...he yells, grabs items from me, throws them across the room, doesn't follow directions, and the list goes on. I have tried to get mom's input on ways to keep these episodes from happening, and her response is, "That's too much pressure. You have to pick your battles." I work with him 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have known the family for 5 years, and worked with them previously, but had to quit before because the behaviors were so bad, with no support to try and fix them from the family. I just recently started again, hoping things with the family would have improved, but no such luck. The child has learned that if he doesn't like what I have asked him to do, he can run to mom and she will let him "off the hook" repeating "pick your battles." I do not want to let this boy down. He has the potential to go very far, and has made improvements in the 2 months I have been back. However, the situation is worsening with behaviors. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach mom, without sounding as though I place the blame for his lack of discipline solely at her doorstep??? Also, how to keep the peace with the child and myself before it escalates to the point where we are both ready to pull our hair out?Harmony Mission Shops http://stores.ebay.com/Harmony-Mission-Shops?refid=store Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2007 Report Share Posted March 2, 2007 You will not be able to change the mom; it sounds like you are making progress inspite of her. Some mothers are just like Helen Keller's mother. You just have to be an Annie Sullivan. Blessings, Pat K************************************** AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free from AOL at http://www.aol.com. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2007 Report Share Posted March 2, 2007 I agree - you will be doing the family a favor by making them realize that if they let the behavior continue into the teen years, they will be the ones who pay. Mom can't let the child "off the hook" when he gets in trouble with the school district or the law - her attitude facilitates the poor behavior of that child."~~@~~Ang~~@~~" wrote: I'd be blunt about it---you don't have to take such abuse ecause she won't discipline her kid. My 5 yr old learned real quick that mom doesn't tolerate that junk and he behaves. Let her know she is being her child's downfall, and it's up to you to show her how to do the things to help her son, but SHE has to help follow through. Be blunt and professional, and if you hae to, drop her. Angljmakris <ljmakris> wrote: I am a therapist for 3 children. I need some advice from PARENTS on how to approach a parent about her lack of discipline for her son. This child is 10 years old, and very verbally abusive to everyone. I have tried extinction, and a reinforcing program, but with no success. I beleive there has been no success due to no follow-through from mom. She allows him to say curse words with only a mild reprimand. (ie. That's not nice.) I could probably deal with the verbal abuse, frustrating as it may be, but these are not the only behaviors...he yells, grabs items from me, throws them across the room, doesn't follow directions, and the list goes on. I have tried to get mom's input on ways to keep these episodes from happening, and her response is, "That's too much pressure. You have to pick your battles." I work with him 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have known the family for 5 years, and worked with them previously, but had to quit before because the behaviors were so bad, with no support to try and fix them from the family. I just recently started again, hoping things with the family would have improved, but no such luck. The child has learned that if he doesn't like what I have asked him to do, he can run to mom and she will let him "off the hook" repeating "pick your battles." I do not want to let this boy down. He has the potential to go very far, and has made improvements in the 2 months I have been back. However, the situation is worsening with behaviors. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach mom, without sounding as though I place the blame for his lack of discipline solely at her doorstep??? Also, how to keep the peace with the child and myself before it escalates to the point where we are both ready to pull our hair out? Harmony Mission Shops http://stores.ebay.com/Harmony-Mission-Shops?refid=store Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and always stay connected to friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 2, 2007 Report Share Posted March 2, 2007 I have a similar problem. I teach a autistic high school class. In my class is a 16 year old boy who acts out sexually. He masturbates, humps the furniture, humps people's legs like a large dog and gropes other students and staff. We have observed that his mother lets him grope her. We have seen her allow him to grab her breasts and even put his hand down her blouse. We are doing what we can to modify his behavior but it is not easy. R Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 Talking to the parents about discrimination and generalization may help. They might think that it's the therapist's job to deal with behavior issues. What is the function of this behavior? > I am a therapist for 3 children. I need some advice from PARENTS on > how to approach a parent about her lack of discipline for her son. > This child is 10 years old, and very verbally abusive to everyone. I > have tried extinction, and a reinforcing program, but with no > success. I beleive there has been no success due to no follow- > through from mom. She allows him to say curse words with only a mild > reprimand. (ie. That's not nice.) I could probably deal with the > verbal abuse, frustrating as it may be, but these are not the only > behaviors...he yells, grabs items from me, throws them across the > room, doesn't follow directions, and the list goes on. I have tried > to get mom's input on ways to keep these episodes from happening, and > her response is, " That's too much pressure. You have to pick your > battles. " I work with him 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have > known the family for 5 years, and worked with them previously, but > had to quit before because the behaviors were so bad, with no support > to try and fix them from the family. I just recently started again, > hoping things with the family would have improved, but no such luck. > The child has learned that if he doesn't like what I have asked him > to do, he can run to mom and she will let him " off the hook " > repeating " pick your battles. " I do not want to let this boy down. > He has the potential to go very far, and has made improvements in the > 2 months I have been back. However, the situation is worsening with > behaviors. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach mom, > without sounding as though I place the blame for his lack of > discipline solely at her doorstep??? Also, how to keep the peace with > the child and myself before it escalates to the point where we are > both ready to pull our hair out? > > > > > > > Harmony Mission Shops > http://stores.ebay.com/Harmony-Mission-Shops?refid=store > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and > always stay connected to friends. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 And again, I agree too. Someone told me once " Autism is the reason but not the excuse! " , and that has helped me tons when it comes to discipline. You are in the unique position to change something in their lives, all you can do is try, if the mom does not want to hear it then there is nothing you can do. Is not ok to have this kind of abuse, in a way, the mom is getting away with it too. Like thye said, be professional, tell her you understand how she feel but that you can show her how to help the boy and her do better at this. I really hope she listens to you, it is so sad to have a child with potential not using it. Good luck! > I am a therapist for 3 children. I need some advice from PARENTS on > how to approach a parent about her lack of discipline for her son. > This child is 10 years old, and very verbally abusive to everyone. I > have tried extinction, and a reinforcing program, but with no > success. I beleive there has been no success due to no follow- > through from mom. She allows him to say curse words with only a mild > reprimand. (ie. That's not nice.) I could probably deal with the > verbal abuse, frustrating as it may be, but these are not the only > behaviors...he yells, grabs items from me, throws them across the > room, doesn't follow directions, and the list goes on. I have tried > to get mom's input on ways to keep these episodes from happening, and > her response is, " That's too much pressure. You have to pick your > battles. " I work with him 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have > known the family for 5 years, and worked with them previously, but > had to quit before because the behaviors were so bad, with no support > to try and fix them from the family. I just recently started again, > hoping things with the family would have improved, but no such luck. > The child has learned that if he doesn't like what I have asked him > to do, he can run to mom and she will let him " off the hook " > repeating " pick your battles. " I do not want to let this boy down. > He has the potential to go very far, and has made improvements in the > 2 months I have been back. However, the situation is worsening with > behaviors. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach mom, > without sounding as though I place the blame for his lack of > discipline solely at her doorstep??? Also, how to keep the peace with > the child and myself before it escalates to the point where we are > both ready to pull our hair out? > > > > > > > Harmony Mission Shops > http://stores.ebay.com/Harmony-Mission-Shops?refid=store > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and > always stay connected to friends. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 3, 2007 Report Share Posted March 3, 2007 How, don't be surprised if the mother does not take the information well and just avoids you. It appears that the mother has come learn to adjust to her child in her own way, and may not have the energy or organizational skills to implement effective dicipline. Typically, the parent has learned to make life somewhat livable by giving into the controlling child. This is the only way they have learned to cope with the disruption. Good luck trying, but usually the parent has heard it all before. Many exhausted parents need a mentor to come into their home and model it for them. Bill > I am a therapist for 3 children. I need some advice from PARENTS on > how to approach a parent about her lack of discipline for her son. > This child is 10 years old, and very verbally abusive to everyone. I > have tried extinction, and a reinforcing program, but with no > success. I beleive there has been no success due to no follow- > through from mom. She allows him to say curse words with only a mild > reprimand. (ie. That's not nice.) I could probably deal with the > verbal abuse, frustrating as it may be, but these are not the only > behaviors...he yells, grabs items from me, throws them across the > room, doesn't follow directions, and the list goes on. I have tried > to get mom's input on ways to keep these episodes from happening, and > her response is, " That's too much pressure. You have to pick your > battles. " I work with him 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have > known the family for 5 years, and worked with them previously, but > had to quit before because the behaviors were so bad, with no support > to try and fix them from the family. I just recently started again, > hoping things with the family would have improved, but no such luck. > The child has learned that if he doesn't like what I have asked him > to do, he can run to mom and she will let him " off the hook " > repeating " pick your battles. " I do not want to let this boy down. > He has the potential to go very far, and has made improvements in the > 2 months I have been back. However, the situation is worsening with > behaviors. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach mom, > without sounding as though I place the blame for his lack of > discipline solely at her doorstep??? Also, how to keep the peace with > the child and myself before it escalates to the point where we are > both ready to pull our hair out? > > > > > > > Harmony Mission Shops > http://stores.ebay.com/Harmony-Mission-Shops?refid=store > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Don't be flakey. Get Yahoo! Mail for Mobile and > always stay connected to friends. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2007 Report Share Posted March 5, 2007 Not to be blunt~but you have every right to put the behavior right back in her lap! Even though GW is PDD-NOS, there is no way I will tolerate rude or bad behavior..... her using the 'picking your fights' phrase is the easy way out option. You should not have to be the disciplinarian for her child. IT sounds mean, yes, but until his mother gets that she is responsible for his behavior~anything you do will be fruitless...... her lack of follow-thru shows a complete disregard for your time and lack of respect too..... disciplining is not fun, every parent will agree to that~but you can't allow an undisciplined child to hold you hostage either..... This is probably not what you want to hear~but, you may have to stop services for this child that will absolutely not behave~I feel for the child, but you can't be expected to teach a child that refuses to listen, throws things, verbally abuses you, then uses momma as a crutch to avoid responsiblity! You can't work with that at all! Good luck! Aprilljmakris wrote: I am a therapist for 3 children. I need some advice from PARENTS on how to approach a parent about her lack of discipline for her son. This child is 10 years old, and very verbally abusive to everyone. I have tried extinction, and a reinforcing program, but with no success. I beleive there has been no success due to no follow-through from mom. She allows him to say curse words with only a mild reprimand. (ie. That's not nice.) I could probably deal with the verbal abuse, frustrating as it may be, but these are not the only behaviors...he yells, grabs items from me, throws them across the room, doesn't follow directions, and the list goes on. I have tried to get mom's input on ways to keep these episodes from happening, and her response is, "That's too much pressure. You have to pick your battles." I work with him 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. I have known the family for 5 years, and worked with them previously, but had to quit before because the behaviors were so bad, with no support to try and fix them from the family. I just recently started again, hoping things with the family would have improved, but no such luck. The child has learned that if he doesn't like what I have asked him to do, he can run to mom and she will let him "off the hook" repeating "pick your battles." I do not want to let this boy down. He has the potential to go very far, and has made improvements in the 2 months I have been back. However, the situation is worsening with behaviors. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to approach mom, without sounding as though I place the blame for his lack of discipline solely at her doorstep??? Also, how to keep the peace with the child and myself before it escalates to the point where we are both ready to pull our hair out? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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