Re: sigh, so much for the plateau

[Guest guest]

Hi

I made the same promise to my Mom, but have come to realize it is one I will

not be able to keep when she becomes too hard to handle by myself.

You can't feel remorse for not being able to keep the promise, lbd is like

nothing else. I am sure your Dad didn't know what it intailed when he made you

promise.

My heart and prayers go out to you.

Jacqui/S Fla

[Guest guest]

Oh Sharon,

I know exactly what you mean with the " smell " and the " track marks " . Dad was

just so adamant about not taking showers. He has this real fear because of

falling. When the aides try to give him a shower in the nh, he just says, no

thank you. He told me that he did get a shower last week. The shower coverup

arrived today. I will take it in to the nh tomorrow.

I also know about the changes. Dad never asked me not to put him in a nursing

home, but it is affecting me knowing that I am trying to find a permanent place

for him. Last Sat. dad seemed so despondent. He said that he should just lay

there and die. There have been several times when he almost cried. He doesn't

want to be there and he thinks he will be just fine once he gets home. Of

course all of this affects me but I can't show him. You mentioned your dad's

heart problems. It would be a blessing if they did just go in their sleep. It

is hard on the family at first, but it is a blessing to go quickly. My mom

collapsed with a heart attack and was gone. I think it is terrible that our LOs

have to go through this for years. It is depressing to have to watch and deal

with all this and most of us are so tired already.

Sorry didn't mean to add to the depression. Hang in there and we are here for

you.

Gwen

sigh, so much for the plateau

sigh, it started with the bath yesterday befeore we went to doctor. then we

went to doctor and daddy was on his best behavior, surprize right. but this

doctor is aware enough that 5-10 mintues with him tells him little and

respects and wants my input. when discussing about baths he said b e a stern

mom

and make him do it like you would a child.

so today, i got up and there was that " smell " so i knew daddy didnt make it

to bathroom. dad's mind is still aware enough to know that he is embarassed

and doesnt want to admit it. so i called donnie home from the fleamarket and

got everything ready for a change. dad still insisted on taking a shower by

himself but htis time donnie started water and got him in the tub. so daddy

did

rinse himself. but again refused help, so while in shower we changed his

sheets. well dad comes in sits on bed and slides his butt up on the bed while

donnie puts on his clean shorts. well guess what, now there is a " skid mark "

on the bed where daddy just rinsed himself. sigh, cant win. daddy get

adamat with donnie about not wnating help , even though donnie is very gentle

in

his offering (donnie and his siblings caregivers for his father as he was

dying

of empheysema) sometimes i wish the alz part would kick in just a little more

so daddy wouldnt be aware of his mistakes. but then i enjoy still talking to

him so i guess i cant have it both wys huh???

okay gang, i am crying now, i have seen dad take a severe downhill slide

since he had to go in hospital. some things are ok, but now is coming the

bathroom challenges. i am scared!!! i am really scared, daddy made me promise

not to

put him in nursing home, i am realizing now that may be a promie i cannot

keep, even with donnies help. my gut feeling is if dad continues this slide

he

will not survive a year. crying more now, betwee alcohol stealing him from me

while i was growing up, and then at 28 we started tryig to mend fences and now

lb is stealing him from me, just doesnt seem fair to me i know the Lord

gives us what he think we can handle, but i so close to being at the edge of

despair and depression, between my own illnesses, and dads increasing problems

i

just feel like the end of my rope is here. i know we are not supposed to

question why??? but i cant help it. i must admit now that dad is having

heart

arrethymias, i sorta hope that he will just go to sleep one night and not wake

up, so he doesnt have to continue being humulitated. my dad was a military

officer and has always been proud of himself, and his career and to see him

like

he was this morning, so sad. i am sorry gang, but it just hit me like a ton

of

bricks today. take care all,

sharon m

[Guest guest]

courage, i am waiting from the green light from the eldersaffairs to get

any and all help i can. paperwork in process ha, hurry up and wait, lol,

sharon m

[Guest guest]

Sharon, this disease sucks big time!!! I so know how you are feeling so go

ahead and have a good cry every now and again...it helps to release the

stress. Is there a possibility of having someone come in for the sole

purpose of bathing your father? We've done this with mom and it helped

loads.

Courage

sigh, so much for the plateau

>sigh, it started with the bath yesterday befeore we went to doctor. then

we

>went to doctor and daddy was on his best behavior, surprize right. but

this

>doctor is aware enough that 5-10 mintues with him tells him little and

>respects and wants my input. when discussing about baths he said b e a

stern mom

>and make him do it like you would a child.

>so today, i got up and there was that " smell " so i knew daddy didnt make

it

>to bathroom. dad's mind is still aware enough to know that he is

embarassed

>and doesnt want to admit it. so i called donnie home from the fleamarket

and

>got everything ready for a change. dad still insisted on taking a shower

by

>himself but htis time donnie started water and got him in the tub. so daddy

did

>rinse himself. but again refused help, so while in shower we changed his

>sheets. well dad comes in sits on bed and slides his butt up on the bed

while

>donnie puts on his clean shorts. well guess what, now there is a " skid

mark "

>on the bed where daddy just rinsed himself. sigh, cant win. daddy get

>adamat with donnie about not wnating help , even though donnie is very

gentle in

>his offering (donnie and his siblings caregivers for his father as he was

dying

>of empheysema) sometimes i wish the alz part would kick in just a little

more

>so daddy wouldnt be aware of his mistakes. but then i enjoy still talking

to

>him so i guess i cant have it both wys huh???

>okay gang, i am crying now, i have seen dad take a severe downhill slide

>since he had to go in hospital. some things are ok, but now is coming the

>bathroom challenges. i am scared!!! i am really scared, daddy made me

promise not to

>put him in nursing home, i am realizing now that may be a promie i cannot

>keep, even with donnies help. my gut feeling is if dad continues this

slide he

>will not survive a year. crying more now, betwee alcohol stealing him from

me

>while i was growing up, and then at 28 we started tryig to mend fences and

now

>lb is stealing him from me, just doesnt seem fair to me i know the Lord

>gives us what he think we can handle, but i so close to being at the edge

of

>despair and depression, between my own illnesses, and dads increasing

problems i

>just feel like the end of my rope is here. i know we are not supposed to

>question why??? but i cant help it. i must admit now that dad is having

heart

>arrethymias, i sorta hope that he will just go to sleep one night and not

wake

>up, so he doesnt have to continue being humulitated. my dad was a military

>officer and has always been proud of himself, and his career and to see him

like

>he was this morning, so sad. i am sorry gang, but it just hit me like a

ton of

>bricks today. take care all,

>sharon m

>

>

>