Re: Fw: The gym class

[Guest guest]

Ghyll I HATE GYMS!!! I HATE EXERCISE!!! Am I ever going to be

able to get over this bump in my life??

I was hoping to loose the extra kilos without having to join the gym

or muster up the energy to walk. I know, it will happen slowly, but

my goodness, do I really have to exercise ??? Bugger!

I am having trouble staying awake all day let alone actually being

energetic. Good On You! I wish I had the stamina!

Mel

>

> Hallo Sweeties!

>

> I have tried to keep this low key because it goes against

everything that I want to do, but finally I have joined the gym - oh

bloody hell - now it is truly out and about - yes Curves sham

have been having the pleasure of my company as I have worked those

machines and then a dear friend emails this attachment and I am truly

beginning to think that I have made a massive mistake....... my

knees, shoulders, and finger are hurting so much that I could

cheerfully sabatoge those machines.....

>

>

> Subject: Fw: The gym class

>

>

>

> --------------------------------------------------------------------

------------

>

>

>

>

> A WEEK AT THE GYM : ONE MAN'S STORY

>

>

>

> A WEEK AT THE GYM : ONE MAN'S STORY

>

> If you read this without laughing out loud, there is

something wrong with you.

> This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to

get into regular

> workout routine.

> Dear Diary,

> For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the Dear)

purchased a week

> of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in

> great shape even though I played on the college

football team 25 years ago.

> I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give

it a try.

> Called the club and made my reservations with a

personal trainer named

> Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old

aerobics instructor and

> model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife

seemed very

> pleased with my enthusiasm to get started and the club

encouraged

> me to keep a diary to chart my progress .

> Monday:

> Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but

found it

> was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to

find Belinda

> waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess-

with blond

> hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo

Hoo!!

> Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She

took

> my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was

alarmed that

> my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing

next to her in her

> Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful

way in which

> she conducted her aerobics class after my workout

today. Very

> Inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-

ups, although

> my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole

time she was

> around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

> Tuesday:

> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it

out the door.

> Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron

bar

> into the air-then she put weights on it! My legs were

a little wobbly

> on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's

rewarding smile

> made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole

new life for me.

> Wednesday:

> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the

toothbrush on the

> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I

believe I

> have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as

long as I didn't

> try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a dissabled

space in the club

> parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting

that my screams

> bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too

perky for early

> in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this

nasally whine

> that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the

treadmill, so

> Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would

anyone

> invent a machine to simulate an activity that has

already been rendered

> obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help

me get in shape

> and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.

> Thursday:

> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth

exposed as her

> thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I

couldn't help being a half

> an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work

> out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran

and hid in the

> men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as

punishment, put me

> On the rowing machine-which I sank.

> Friday:

> I hate that b!$ch Belinda more than any human being has

ever hated

> any other human being in the history of the world.

Stupid, skinny,

> anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my

body I could move without

> unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda

wanted me to work on

> my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you

don't want dents in the floor,

> don't hand me the * & %#(# & **!!@*@ barbells or anything

that weighs

> more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in

the sadist school)

> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health

and nutrition teacher. Why

> couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama

coach or the choir director?

> Saturday:

> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her

grating,

> shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.

Just hearing her

> made me want to smash the phone. However, I lacked the

strength to even

> use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight

hours of the

> Weather Channel.

> Sunday:

> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today

so I can go

> and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray

that next year

> my wife (the bitch) will choose a gift for me that is

this much fun, like a

> root canal or a vasectomy.

>

[Guest guest]

Maree... excellent, we were joined at birth surely!!!!! I agree,

never did anything I didn't have to except I did equestrian for

years... I suppose that was a bit athletic, but in those days I

looked rather cute in my joddies! I also quite liked the look of

myself with my riding crop!!!!

No hope for me either my love.... I wilt if I have to walk to the

letterbox! LOL

Mel

>

> I have never entered a gym in my life, I don't know what they even

> look like other than on movies. I did go to Silhouette one night

about

> a zeon ago, I felt good when I finished so I bought a hamburger and

2

> schooners to make me feel even better. I was the child, who from

> early age,perfected my Mum's signature to avoid PE and sport and I

can

> proudly say I never, ever participated. I had appendix removed and

> that sufficed for 10 years as an excuse, thank goodness they kept

> changing instructors.I did enjoy tunnel ball on rare occassions and

I

> was an umpire for netball at one stage, walloping around the court

> like Roseanne Barr in a short skirt. OMG!!!!! I do swim these days

and

> I have used the ornamental treadmill (costing an arm and leg)on

very

> sparse occassions, but truly, who wants to walk unless you are

> shopping? If it makes you sweat, personally I don't think it can be

> good for you. Friends,is there any hope for me at all?? Maree

>

[Guest guest]

Hi there Ghyll.

Good for you, i'm sure you will see great results.

Make sure you go at least 3 times a week!!!! LOL

Love shaz

>

>

>

> A WEEK AT THE GYM : ONE MAN'S STORY

>

>

>

> A WEEK AT THE GYM : ONE MAN'S STORY

>

> If you read this without laughing out loud, there is

something wrong with you.

> This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to

get into regular

> workout routine.

> Dear Diary,

> For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the Dear)

purchased a week

> of personal training at the local health club for me.

Although I am still in

> great shape even though I played on the college

football team 25 years ago.

> I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give

it a try.

> Called the club and made my reservations with a

personal trainer named

> Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old

aerobics instructor and

> model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife

seemed very

> pleased with my enthusiasm to get started and the club

encouraged

> me to keep a diary to chart my progress .

> Monday:

> Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but

found it

> was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to

find Belinda

> waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess-

with blond

> hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo

Hoo!!

> Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She

took

> my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was

alarmed that

> my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing

next to her in her

> Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful

way in which

> she conducted her aerobics class after my workout

today. Very

> Inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-

ups, although

> my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole

time she was

> around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

> Tuesday:

> I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it

out the door.

> Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron

bar

> into the air-then she put weights on it! My legs were

a little wobbly

> on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's

rewarding smile

> made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole

new life for me.

> Wednesday:

> The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the

toothbrush on the

> counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I

believe I

> have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as

long as I didn't

> try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a dissabled

space in the club

> parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting

that my screams

> bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too

perky for early

> in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this

nasally whine

> that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the

treadmill, so

> Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would

anyone

> invent a machine to simulate an activity that has

already been rendered

> obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help

me get in shape

> and enjoy life. She said some other crap too.

> Thursday:

> Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth

exposed as her

> thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I

couldn't help being a half

> an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes.

Belinda took me to work

> out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran

and hid in the

> men's room. She sent Lars to find me, then, as

punishment, put me

> On the rowing machine-which I sank.

> Friday:

> I hate that b!$ch Belinda more than any human being has

ever hated

> any other human being in the history of the world.

Stupid, skinny,

> anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my

body I could move without

> unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda

wanted me to work on

> my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you

don't want dents in the floor,

> don't hand me the * & %#(# & **!!@*@ barbells or anything

that weighs

> more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in

the sadist school)

> The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health

and nutrition teacher. Why

> couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama

coach or the choir director?

> Saturday:

> Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her

grating,

> shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.

Just hearing her

> made me want to smash the phone. However, I lacked the

strength to even

> use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight

hours of the

> Weather Channel.

> Sunday:

> I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today

so I can go

> and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray

that next year

> my wife (the bitch) will choose a gift for me that is

this much fun, like a

> root canal or a vasectomy.

>