Re: Hi all!

[Guest guest]

coyote, baskin robbins here, takes picturse and copies them onto cakes,

since we know lbd has better long term memory how about putting their wedding

pic

on the cake!!!!sharon m

a smile a day keeps the meanies away!!!

[Guest guest]

Coyote,

Glad to hear that your dad is currently at a plateau. Wow, 50 years. That is

wonderful!

Since I have been hangin' out at the local nh lately, I have seen a male singer

with guitar who comes in several times a week and plays old songs for the

residents. Actually I had seen this singer at an Alz. Assoc. seminar that had a

section on music therapy. The residents really seem to respond when he plays

popular old songs. They start singing and clap their hands. You might want to

check to see if a singer is at your dad's nh or if there is a singer in the

area. Live might be better than pre-recorded. Hope this helps.

Take care,

Gwen

Hi All!

Just thought I would post and let you all know that my Dad is still

hangin in there. We seem to be at one of those " plateaus " , but I

like the plateaus. (Except knowing what comes at the end of a

plateau)....

Anyway, this coming Saturday marks my parents 50th Anniversary. I am

racking my brain for how to make this day special. I know it wont be

what my mom had in the original plan ...Alaskan Cruise ...before

Dad got sick, but I cant let it go by without doing SOMETHING. I

booked the solarium at the NH, put an ad in the paper for an open

house, plan to get a huge cake, and swiped all their photo albums so

I can ATTEMPT to create a nice Memory CD. If anyone has any cool

ideas, good music (meaningful) selections, poems WHATEVER, let me

know!!!

Hope all's well with everyone.

Hugs, Coyote xx

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Congratulations to your parents.

My parents celebrated their 70th anniversary in January. Just 3 weeks before

my mother passed. We had a friend burn some CD's with music from their era

and got a photographer.

It was a great day. My mother was " there " with us.

I did the flowers for the occasion.

It was a wonderful memory to make.

M

>

>Reply-To: LBDcaregivers

>To: LBDcaregivers

>Subject: Hi All!

>Date: Sun, 11 Jul 2004 21:35:26 -0000

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>

>Just thought I would post and let you all know that my Dad is still

>hangin in there. We seem to be at one of those " plateaus " , but I

>like the plateaus. (Except knowing what comes at the end of a

>plateau)....

>Anyway, this coming Saturday marks my parents 50th Anniversary. I am

>racking my brain for how to make this day special. I know it wont be

>what my mom had in the original plan ...Alaskan Cruise ...before

>Dad got sick, but I cant let it go by without doing SOMETHING. I

>booked the solarium at the NH, put an ad in the paper for an open

>house, plan to get a huge cake, and swiped all their photo albums so

>I can ATTEMPT to create a nice Memory CD. If anyone has any cool

>ideas, good music (meaningful) selections, poems WHATEVER, let me

>know!!!

>Hope all's well with everyone.

>Hugs, Coyote xx

>

_________________________________________________________________

Get tips for maintaining your PC, notebook accessories and reviews in

Technology 101. http://special.msn.com/tech/technology101.armx

[Guest guest]

I think ALL children special and typical have good days and bad days. This

was just a bad day for your Cali. As her parent, you have the

responsibility to treat her as a normal child. As acquaintances and family

who don't see her day in and day out, it is typical for them to feel that

sorrow for your child. Its not always a bad thing for people to sympathize

with your special childs situation. It shows they have the capacity for

compassion. Many many people do NOT have this. In addition to these people

however, you need to surround yourself with a support group of people who

'get it'. Who are in the same boat as you, or pretty close to it. That way

you have a listening ear and can laugh and cry at the joys and pains of

raising a special child. It is hard when you attend a very small church.

It would be beneficial if you had a church home that had a special needs

class. There are quite a few churches that are practicing inclusion and

starting special needs Sunday school classes. My church does both. That

being said, I would certainly continue to take Cali to church. She is still

being blessed in God's house, even if she does not understand or has a bad

day.

Hang in there.

Karmen

Hi all!

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic.

I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes

her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks

and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well keeping

myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry for

her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the only

child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is the

only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group for

support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

talking bout it.

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think it's nice that there are enough people with empathy in the church &

ignore the ones who give you dirty looks. I think compassion in people is a

good thing. If it can grow from compassion to actively doing something

productive to help, that would be even better. I think you did right to

remove your daughter from inside the church since it was obviously

distressing her. I know with my daughter, it was a while before she would

not have loud vocalizations & would sit still during service. We did leave

for a while & I would try her periodically. Also got her into kids choir

b/c she loves to sing & perform, & so she was on the church campus more.

Familiarity may have helped. And in general, her overall behavior is

better. Repeated exposure & teaching her how to behave helped to mold her

behavior, I think. Since your daughter has some times where she's OK in

church & given things to occupy her works some of the time, be patient, &

there will come a time when she will probably be able to handle being in

church. I have also taken my daughter out during the sermon since it's too

abstract & beyond her & left after the singing in the beginning.

Marie

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

> kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic.

> I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

> there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes

> her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

> music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

> meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks

> and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

> the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

> interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well keeping

> myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

> daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

> these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

> break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

> her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry for

> her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the only

> child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is the

> only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

> and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

> allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

> ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

> about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group for

> support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

> talking bout it.

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

>

>

>

>

--

Marie A.

[Guest guest]

Thanks Karmen. I will definitely still bring her to church. Our church is in the

process of trying to rebuild and get new members. They are asking for ideas to

make it better and I think it would be great if they could have a special needs

class. I'm sure when the church does grow there will be other children that

could benefit, so I will bring up the suggestion in our next church meeting.

Thanks so much. And I do understand that others feel sorrow for her. I think it

bothers me mainly because I try to stay so strong and try to act like it never

bothers me and when they talk about how sorry they feel for her it breaks down

my hard shell and makes me breakdown! I think its time for me to cry when I need

to and not feel weak from it

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

Re: Hi all!

I think ALL children special and typical have good days and bad days. This

was just a bad day for your Cali. As her parent, you have the

responsibility to treat her as a normal child. As acquaintances and family

who don't see her day in and day out, it is typical for them to feel that

sorrow for your child. Its not always a bad thing for people to sympathize

with your special childs situation. It shows they have the capacity for

compassion. Many many people do NOT have this. In addition to these people

however, you need to surround yourself with a support group of people who

'get it'. Who are in the same boat as you, or pretty close to it. That way

you have a listening ear and can laugh and cry at the joys and pains of

raising a special child. It is hard when you attend a very small church.

It would be beneficial if you had a church home that had a special needs

class. There are quite a few churches that are practicing inclusion and

starting special needs Sunday school classes. My church does both. That

being said, I would certainly continue to take Cali to church. She is still

being blessed in God's house, even if she does not understand or has a bad

day.

Hang in there.

Karmen

Hi all!

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic.

I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes

her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks

and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well keeping

myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry for

her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the only

child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is the

only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group for

support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

talking bout it.

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

>

>

>

>

------------------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

[Guest guest]

thanks for responding.it helps so much to realize there are others that have

dealt with similar situations. I'm gonna continue to bring her to church. I'd

feel horrible not to include her with the family and church has always been so

important to my family. Cali also loves music, but our church is very old

fashioned and the music isn't quite her style. And there isn't any kind of choir

for kids. There is only about 5 kids and they are all under 3! Our church is in

the process of trying to change and grow. I'm hoping the changes will liven up

services and bring in more children!! If not, I'm worried I will have to bring

her to a bigger church with more activities for her. It would hurt so bad since

I've been attending this church since the day I was born and my grandfather was

rthe minister for over 35 years. But I have to put her needs first I guess

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

Re: Hi all!

I think it's nice that there are enough people with empathy in the church &

ignore the ones who give you dirty looks. I think compassion in people is a

good thing. If it can grow from compassion to actively doing something

productive to help, that would be even better. I think you did right to

remove your daughter from inside the church since it was obviously

distressing her. I know with my daughter, it was a while before she would

not have loud vocalizations & would sit still during service. We did leave

for a while & I would try her periodically. Also got her into kids choir

b/c she loves to sing & perform, & so she was on the church campus more.

Familiarity may have helped. And in general, her overall behavior is

better. Repeated exposure & teaching her how to behave helped to mold her

behavior, I think. Since your daughter has some times where she's OK in

church & given things to occupy her works some of the time, be patient, &

there will come a time when she will probably be able to handle being in

church. I have also taken my daughter out during the sermon since it's too

abstract & beyond her & left after the singing in the beginning.

Marie

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

> kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic.

> I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

> there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes

> her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

> music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

> meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks

> and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

> the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

> interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well keeping

> myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

> daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

> these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

> break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

> her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry for

> her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the only

> child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is the

> only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

> and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

> allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

> ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

> about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group for

> support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

> talking bout it.

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

>

>

>

>

--

Marie A.

[Guest guest]

Glad to have you back with us.

I think that therapists mean well to say, " treat her like any other child.

We get it. But as parents that is ridiculous if you ask me. Normally we

would be able to reason, set up consequences, praise would work wonders, etc

I think you need to give yourself a break here. Cali is different and

normal doesn't work. We get that here. And having said that, I believe

that you require the best from her and set reasonable expectations as we all

do.

I find church particularly hard . I can almost feel the thoughts of

others " thank god that isn't my child, However does that woman manage,

what a shame.. " ..

And that is just the tip of the iceburg because we don't want to interrupt

others experience of worship. There are so many issues to confront in

public. It is confusing, uncomfortable and it leaves us feeling vulnerable

and uncertain.

Your tears are very real. When people speak in kindness, that is when I

am likely to want to sob. And I have come to learn that it is more healing

to weep in anothers presence than alone. You know, there is a huge part of

this story of yours that is very tragic and sad. Often we deny it to

ourselves because we must. We focus on the goals, the success, the work,

the joys of holding our sweet babies, of dressing them sweetly, of getting a

new response however small, but..... there is a part of us that is very very

grief stricken. And church can be a place where we take that brokenness.

The church can be a place where others are called to share the brokenness in

the body of Christ. Cali has a reason to be there. Not because she is

broken any more than the rest of us, but because she is a visual reminder of

our need for healing and grace. I am sure she brings more to your church

than anyone sitting in the pews, Continue to take Cali with you. She is

ministering to those in her presence. So are you. So are we all. We all

need one another. Others will feel sad. But as she becomes known to them

they will learn to see her separate from their own emotions. It will just

take time. And quit worrying about her noise. God's Spirit can be heard

over the cry of a child!

So thus concludes my sermon! LOL Keep on sister!

-- Hi all!

Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic.

I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes

her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks

and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well keeping

myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry for

her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the only

child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is the

only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group for

support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

talking bout it.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

------------------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

[Guest guest]

Your church is very special since you've been going there your whole life &

it would be wonderful to continue that tradition. If you have the energy,

try & get some older kids to come, possibly ones who can play music & have a

contemporary or younder people service? That way, it could have more

music/singing & less talking, to keep their interest. It's unfortunate

that the other kids are all under 3. Would your church even be interested

in trying to get more younger kids into the church, cause you can't do it

alone, even if you want to get it started.

Marie

> thanks for responding.it helps so much to realize there are others that

> have dealt with similar situations. I'm gonna continue to bring her to

> church. I'd feel horrible not to include her with the family and church has

> always been so important to my family. Cali also loves music, but our church

> is very old fashioned and the music isn't quite her style. And there isn't

> any kind of choir for kids. There is only about 5 kids and they are all

> under 3! Our church is in the process of trying to change and grow. I'm

> hoping the changes will liven up services and bring in more children!! If

> not, I'm worried I will have to bring her to a bigger church with more

> activities for her. It would hurt so bad since I've been attending this

> church since the day I was born and my grandfather was rthe minister for

> over 35 years. But I have to put her needs first I guess

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

> Re: Hi all!

>

>

> I think it's nice that there are enough people with empathy in the church &

> ignore the ones who give you dirty looks. I think compassion in people is a

> good thing. If it can grow from compassion to actively doing something

> productive to help, that would be even better. I think you did right to

> remove your daughter from inside the church since it was obviously

> distressing her. I know with my daughter, it was a while before she would

> not have loud vocalizations & would sit still during service. We did leave

> for a while & I would try her periodically. Also got her into kids choir

> b/c she loves to sing & perform, & so she was on the church campus more.

> Familiarity may have helped. And in general, her overall behavior is

> better. Repeated exposure & teaching her how to behave helped to mold her

> behavior, I think. Since your daughter has some times where she's OK in

> church & given things to occupy her works some of the time, be patient, &

> there will come a time when she will probably be able to handle being in

> church. I have also taken my daughter out during the sermon since it's too

> abstract & beyond her & left after the singing in the beginning.

>

> Marie

>

>

> > Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

> > kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and

> autistic.

> > I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

> > there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually

> makes

> > her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her

> favorite

> > music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a

> huge

> > meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty

> looks

> > and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible

> to

> > the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

> > interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well

> keeping

> > myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

> > daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

> > these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made

> me

> > break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

> > her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry

> for

> > her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the

> only

> > child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is

> the

> > only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby

> her

> > and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue

> to

> > allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

> > ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going

> on

> > about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group

> for

> > support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

> > talking bout it.

> > Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

> > ------------------------

> > Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> --

> Marie A.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

pinkcallieblind. I to understand much so of this I to hate of the pity

of me things too and hate of that feeling. I to not want of people to

have of pity to me but to just connect with me and allow me a chance to

feel normal in the areas of life too such as when venting it is of just

that venting, if sad then yes want people to join of me in that sad, or

anger or happy ot whatever is of going on.

Callie just had of a bad day that is of all but instead of to keep of

her home from church each week continue to bring her and such with the

knowing that some days she will have of a bad day.

as for me the day was of much productive as went through all of my

collected autism materials and pitched of much garbage bags of it that

was of outdated and such. and put aside that which I to plan to take to

a place and let of the parents that go there have of access too.

I to rearranged of my office room and cleaned of it much so all of the

day. I to spended of much of 12 hours of cleaning. that was of my

office, some of my bedroom and some of the laundry. sondra

[Guest guest]

oh, just reading your message i could feel your pain, as i have felt in times

past. Please don't stop taking her to church, there will always be people who do

not understand and who do not wish to understand, thats human nature. most of

them would sort of understand, they just don't know how to act around you or

her. my daughter who is 14, hasnt been to church the last 3 weeks with us, first

week her older sister was staying, so i suggested she have time at home. second

week we were sick, so none of us went, and this last sunday, she had a bad cold,

and came to me and asked was it ok if she stayed at home by herself.........yes,

i still get a little fearful, but she knows not to answer phone, or door. Your

child is a blessing, and has every right to be in church like anyone else. I

still try to find things to occupy hannah, there is a sunday school there with

younger kids, and i asked the leader if she wanders in was that ok, and they

said definitely, as they once had a son with disabilities, who eventually died,

so they do understand what its like to a degree. Hannah won't go but.........i

think in her own mind, even though she acts 6, she can see she is getting

bigger, in a bigger class at school, so thinks it isnt the place for

her........so she sits with us. she takes a book to look at, paper and pens. she

has been in church all her life as all our kids have, so its a natural thing to

her. People think they are being nice sometimes, and they are trying, but they

have no idea, and thats usually when the tears start on my part. Like the other

day, hannah received an award at school for art.............she hates praise of

any kind, so when her name was called the tears came. i dont know how many times

i have told teachers please dont give her awards, she cannot handle it....i must

have failed in telling this one teacher or she ignored me......i only found out

through another mother who has 3 aspergers sons...........when she told me i was

upset and angry, as here i am trying to make school as best i can for her, and

they ignore my suggestion.........tears sprang up. i just told this mother i was

having a bad time and i wish people would listen.......she understood, but how

many others would have............just know we are here, and we

understand..........

Cheryl S [chez]

> To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> From: pinkcallieblind@...

> Date: Mon, 2 Mar 2009 01:27:54 +0000

> Subject: Hi all!

>

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic. I

took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be there.

She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes her happy.

It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite music and that

didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge meltdown in church.

Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks and some look so sad for

me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to the nursery, but they can all

still hear her. I feel like she is interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I

was doing really well keeping myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She

started saying that my daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that

cali will have these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her.

That made me break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel

sorry for her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel

sorry for her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the

only child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is

the only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to allow

her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly ritual but I

don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on about this, but it

really upset me and I know I can count on this group for support and advise.

Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for talking bout it.

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

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[Guest guest]

I look at it like this. You are her mom, you HAVE to be the one to

teach her independence. You HAVE to be the one to not baby her so she

will have a quality of life as an adult. But your church brethren,

they HAVE to love you both. And it sounds as if they do. Feeling sorry

for someone is sort of a catch all phrase. It may also mean they have

compassion for you & her. It may mean they also love her very much and

think she is wonderful.

Trust me, the opposite of feeling sorry for her at other churches may

be resenting her. It doesn't sound like you have that there. Run with

it!!! I've been frustrated at times that my church family did things

well-meaning, such as taking Allie to a little kid class where she was

happier, meaning that the little kids would be in potential danger as

they didn't understand how to work with her, meaning it set me up for

YEARS of not being able to take her to try & undo that & get her back

with kids more her age who were more her size. I understand that

" feeling sorry " for our kids can cause problems. but if the love is

there, they are workable & teachable.

I also think with us moms we are going through so many different

emotions we don't know what/how to ask for from our church body.

Sometimes just knowing we are loved is a lot more than we get from the

rest of the world. Them loving her will help her go far in this world.

I've seen a lot of kids with disabilities get rejected from their

spiritual communities. That is very painful.

I also know what not having regular church has done for my spiritual

health. It's not been positive. If you can keep going to a church that

will welcome you, I would encourage to hang on to it all you can.

Being with Godly people can make all the difference in this journey,

even if they don't always get it.

Debi

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 3/1/2009 8:29:50 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

pinkcallieblind@... writes:

The same goes with my family- cali is the only child in family with any kind

of disability, so most of them baby her and cry in front of her. Should I

just let it go? And should I continue to allow her to attend church with the

family? I'd hate to break that weekly ritual but I don't wanna make others

uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on about this,

we have a room we sit in the back in where we can listen. abby doesn't like

crowds and gets nevous around a lot of people. somedays my daughter can go

to our 'church' somedays no. try to find out what is upsetting her if you

can...its hard to do often. she may have just had an off day. when abby was

2 she screamed a lot. and we would have to leaver early but going regularly

got her used to it. hang in there...

eric abbys dad

**************Need a job? Find employment help in your area.

(http://yellowpages.aol.com/search?query=employment_agencies & ncid=emlcntusyelp00\

000005)

[Guest guest]

I understand the hard shell. Oftentimes we parents try to ALWAYS be strong,

not realizing that from time to time it is good for us to get our grief and

mourning out. We mourn for all the things our special children will miss

out on. But someone who had a sicker child than mine (he passed away 10

yrs. ago) once told me that if your child is happy, then no matter what

special needs he/she has, always focus on the fact that you have a happy

child. When I start to get upset about my daughter, I try to keep in mind

that despite her special needs, she IS a happy and well cared for little

girl.

Take care,

Karmen

Hi all!

>

>

> > Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

> kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and

autistic.

> I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

> there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually

makes

> her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

> music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

> meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty

looks

> and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

> the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

> interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well

keeping

> myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

> daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

> these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

> break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

> her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry

for

> her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the

only

> child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is

the

> only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

> and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

> allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

> ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

> about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group

for

> support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

> talking bout it.

> > Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

> > ------------------------

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> ------------------------

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>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. We will continue attending church. Every

response I've gotten encouraged me to continue to bring her. I feel she has just

much right to be there as anyone else does. Our church is in the process of

changing and trying to bring in more people. They will never grow if they can't

accept people of all different types. Maybe cali can teach them things just by

her presence. I'm not trying to make the members look bad, by no means are they

bad, they just don't know what to do in these situations. But they will have to

learn, Cali isn't going anywhere!! Thanks again!

le

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

Hi all!

Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic.

I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes

her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks

and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well keeping

myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry for

her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the only

child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is the

only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group for

support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

talking bout it.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

------------------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

------------------------

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[Guest guest]

The church definitely wants to bring in more children. When I was a child we had

a huge jr choir and we want it to get that way again. One of the boys that was

in my jr choir just recently came back to church after years of being gone, and

he has so many great ideas to help build the church back up. His wife is great

with kids and wants lots of kids to come. Our church has a huge gym that never

gets used and we want to fill it with children. I know it will take time but I'm

very hopeful.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

Re: Hi all!

>

>

> I think it's nice that there are enough people with empathy in the church &

> ignore the ones who give you dirty looks. I think compassion in people is a

> good thing. If it can grow from compassion to actively doing something

> productive to help, that would be even better. I think you did right to

> remove your daughter from inside the church since it was obviously

> distressing her. I know with my daughter, it was a while before she would

> not have loud vocalizations & would sit still during service. We did leave

> for a while & I would try her periodically. Also got her into kids choir

> b/c she loves to sing & perform, & so she was on the church campus more.

> Familiarity may have helped. And in general, her overall behavior is

> better. Repeated exposure & teaching her how to behave helped to mold her

> behavior, I think. Since your daughter has some times where she's OK in

> church & given things to occupy her works some of the time, be patient, &

> there will come a time when she will probably be able to handle being in

> church. I have also taken my daughter out during the sermon since it's too

> abstract & beyond her & left after the singing in the beginning.

>

> Marie

>

>

> > Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

> > kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and

> autistic.

> > I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

> > there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually

> makes

> > her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her

> favorite

> > music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a

> huge

> > meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty

> looks

> > and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible

> to

> > the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

> > interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well

> keeping

> > myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

> > daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

> > these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made

> me

> > break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

> > her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry

> for

> > her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the

> only

> > child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is

> the

> > only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby

> her

> > and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue

> to

> > allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

> > ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going

> on

> > about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group

> for

> > support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

> > talking bout it.

> > Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

> >

> > ------------------------------------

> >

> > Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

> > ------------------------

> > Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

> --

> Marie A.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter is opposite. She loves being praised at school. She got student of

the month, and while she doesn't understand what that means, she understood she

did something good and was excited for days. For your daughter I would have been

angry at the teachers too. Its so frustrating when they don't seem to listen,

especially if it causes your child distress. I'm very blessed to have great

teachers that always ask me before they do anything. We keep a notebook and she

writes everyday to keep me informed on how Cali's day went. This is the first

year we have done this and is great. Cali is nonverbal so I have to rely on her

teacher to let me know what's going on. As for church, we are gonna continue to

go. The church is working on changing and growing, and hopefully will bring in

more children. I think if the services were livelier and had more child-friendly

activities she would enjoy it more. I will be patient and do what I can to help

others understand Cali.

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

Hi all!

>

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic. I

took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be there.

She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes her happy.

It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite music and that

didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge meltdown in church.

Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks and some look so sad for

me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to the nursery, but they can all

still hear her. I feel like she is interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I

was doing really well keeping myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She

started saying that my daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that

cali will have these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her.

That made me break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel

sorry for her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel

sorry for her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the

only child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is

the only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to allow

her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly ritual but I

don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on about this, but it

really upset me and I know I can count on this group for support and advise.

Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for talking bout it.

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

> ------------------------

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

>

>

>

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[Guest guest]

le- if your church is that small, would it be possible for you or

your pastor to talk to the members as a group, or give out a handout.

Something like " my daughter has autism, so sometimes her behaviours may

be disturbing or disruptive to some people. We love her and appreciate

her for the wonderful person that she is, and we don't consider her or

our family to be an object of pity. We appreciate your love, support

and prayers in continuing your help to give Cali every opportunity she

can have to worship with us and live a full and complete life. "

While I don't attend church regularly, when my triplets were born my

mom's church lady friends were a HUGE help and support to us- half of

the church ended up in our house at one time or another bathing them or

doing my laundry. Everyone was aware and supportive when the kids were

diagnosed. We go to church very infrequently, and over the years

(especially when my son was at home), my kids would often " act out "

during the service- it's a very formal, large church, and the pipe organ

really is just too loud for my kids. When they were about 5 we were at

church for Easter, which is an extremely formal, long service. My son

Dylan somehow got away from me, and ended up jumping around on the high

altar right in the middle of the service (Anglicans generally don't take

too well to that kind of thing). Our wonderful minister turned around,

saw him, and said " apparently Dylan's closer to God than anyone else

this morning " , and the entire place broke up, and about 10 people went

up and helped me to corral him. I've never been worried about taking my

kids to church since- our congregation now takes it as a given that

will be hiding under a pew with headphones on to block the noise,

and occasionally making commentary throughout prayers and the sermon.

Sometimes I think that one of the keys is just letting people how you

feel about autism and your daughter, and then they will have more of an

idea of how best to support you. I always feel badly for my religious

friends whose temples, synagogues or churches just haven't quite figured

out how to deal with families with special needs yet. It sounds like

you're in a great church, so people like you make a big difference.

good luck,

Jen

pinkcallieblind@... wrote:

> Thanks for bringing a smile to my face. We will continue attending church.

Every response I've gotten encouraged me to continue to bring her. I feel she

has just much right to be there as anyone else does. Our church is in the

process of changing and trying to bring in more people. They will never grow if

they can't accept people of all different types. Maybe cali can teach them

things just by her presence. I'm not trying to make the members look bad, by no

means are they bad, they just don't know what to do in these situations. But

they will have to learn, Cali isn't going anywhere!! Thanks again!

>

> le

>

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

>

>

> Hi all!

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

>

> kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic.

>

> I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

>

> there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes

>

> her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

>

> music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

>

> meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks

>

> and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

>

> the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

>

> interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well keeping

>

> myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

>

> daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

>

> these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

>

> break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

>

> her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry for

>

> her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the only

>

> child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is the

>

> only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

>

> and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

>

> allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

>

> ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

>

> about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group for

>

> support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

>

> talking bout it.

>

>

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

>

>

>

> Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

>

>

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>

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>

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>

>

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>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That's a great idea. I will talk to the minister about doing something to inform

the members on autism. I think he would be very understanding. He has an older

brother that is in an institution. They have never said exactly what he has but

the behavior issues sound like extreme ASD. He has been institutionalized for

over 30 years. When my grandfather was still the minister he talked about her

many times in his sermons but that was before she was diagnosed with autism. He

still preaches every now and then, so maybe he could talk about it in a sermon.

Thanks for the ideas.

le

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

Hi all!

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi everyone! I haven't posted anything in a while..been so busy with the

>

> kids.. Today was such a bad day for my daughter- age 6-blind and autistic.

>

> I took her to church like always, and today I guess she didn't want to be

>

> there. She started fussing so I let her sit with my dad, which usually makes

>

> her happy. It didn't help. I gave her headphones to listen to her favorite

>

> music and that didn't help either. She started screaming and having a huge

>

> meltdown in church. Everyone starts staring, some are giving me dirty looks

>

> and some look so sad for me and Cali. I take her as quickly as possible to

>

> the nursery, but they can all still hear her. I feel like she is

>

> interrupting everyone so I decide to leave. I was doing really well keeping

>

> myself together, till an aunt came meet me. She started saying that my

>

> daughter was " special " and that everyone understands that cali will have

>

> these " moments " and they aren't mad, they feel sorry for her. That made me

>

> break down crying. I was told be all her therapists not to feel sorry for

>

> her, to treat her as a " normal " child. I don't want others to feel sorry for

>

> her. Am I wrong for that? I go to a very small church, and cali is the only

>

> child they know with disabilities. The same goes with my family- cali is the

>

> only child in family with any kind of disability, so most of them baby her

>

> and cry in front of her. Should I just let it go? And should I continue to

>

> allow her to attend church with the family? I'd hate to break that weekly

>

> ritual but I don't wanna make others uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on

>

> about this, but it really upset me and I know I can count on this group for

>

> support and advise. Thanks for listening everyone. I feel better just for

>

> talking bout it.

>

>

> Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

>

>

>

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>

>

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>

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[Guest guest]

Thanks eric. I wish I knew what sets her off but she is nonverbal so she can't

give me any clues to what bothers her. I know tags in clothing was one thing

that bothere her because she would pull on them. So now we cut them all out .

One less thing to make her mad! Her brother is another thing that seems to make

her mad. When he starts making noise or fussing her mood changes. But I can't do

anything about that. She was my only child for 5 years so I guess its hard for

her to accept him and his noises just aggravate her. He is almost 2 and is a

super hyper talkative kid and she likes things quiet besides her music. We don't

really have any place I can bring her at church. The other room at church is

used for junior church with a nursery in it. When I bring her in there it

disrupts the other children and she can still be heard in the church. We have a

huge building outside but its usually locked and you can't hear anything in

there. We will just keep trying and maybe allow her to go to junior church. We

tried before about 2 years ago and she didn't like, but she might do better now.

le

Sent from my BlackBerry® smartphone powered by Centennial Wireless.

Re: Hi all!

In a message dated 3/1/2009 8:29:50 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

pinkcallieblind@... writes:

The same goes with my family- cali is the only child in family with any kind

of disability, so most of them baby her and cry in front of her. Should I

just let it go? And should I continue to allow her to attend church with the

family? I'd hate to break that weekly ritual but I don't wanna make others

uncomfortable. I'm sorry for going on about this,

we have a room we sit in the back in where we can listen. abby doesn't like

crowds and gets nevous around a lot of people. somedays my daughter can go

to our 'church' somedays no. try to find out what is upsetting her if you

can...its hard to do often. she may have just had an off day. when abby was

2 she screamed a lot. and we would have to leaver early but going regularly

got her used to it. hang in there...

eric abbys dad

**************Need a job? Find employment help in your area.

(http://yellowpages.aol.com/search?query=employment_agencies & ncid=emlcntusyelp00\

000005)

[Guest guest]

Hi. Sorry to jump in on this thread so late.

I take my daughter to church every sunday. She is 8 and has HFA.

She has severe behavioural problems and will often climb over the

chairs or knock them over, throw things, scream randomly, hits other

children around her etc etc. It can be very difficult. She doesn't

always want to go into the Junior church as they play very loud,

boistrous games. When she stays with me she will climb all over me

and often sits on my shoulders. I get some pretty horrid looks but I

don't care anymore. I'd rather she sat on my shoulders and flapped

her hands than running around breaking things. I get told she

obviously doesn't get enough discipline, she is manipulating me, etc

etc. There is even a lady there who has a teenage son with autism

and she often likes to make comments about my daughters behaviour.

Her son does not have the behavioural problems that has, not

because she is a better parent, but because his autism is totally

different to 's.

Luckily our minister is very understanding and he lets have a

little 'den' under a table in the foyer where she hides things like

the church bibles, song books, leaflets, cups, and even the flower

dislays!!! He just tidies it all away once we have gone (if I try to

tidy it while she is still in the building, she goes beserk!).

So, you are not alone. It is hard but you will always get people who

just don't understand and those who just don't want to understand.

We also have 3 adults with downs syndrome in our congregation and

they are very well looked after. One gentleman likes to shout out

during the sermon and no one minds at all. A lady needs help with

toiletting and any of the ladies in the church will offer to help

her. My daughter does not get so much understanding I think because

she looks so 'normal' and people hear her having an intelligent

conversation with me so don't understand when she starts meowing like

a cat and hissing and spitting at people!!

Hope things get better for you soon. Does your church have a ladies

group - for the older ladies? Sometimes they are a good place to

start - you can arrange to give a 'talk' about autism to the group.

I am hoping to do something like this with our ladies group. Once

you get the old dears on your side it gets better (they run the

church after all don't they??). Sorry, that was sarcasm.

J

[Guest guest]

danielle thanks to say of those nice words to me but in true it took

of me a long time to get where i to be in this life. but for me I to

think because I to had of no one and no family support i to had to

figure out life by self, it was of very hard for me to learn what i

to have but one of the strengths was of my love of to read an so

readed everythings could to learn of right ways in life because all I

to be of modeled all yucky destructive things and that was of to lock

of me to an unhealthy life and sense of self. but if was of hungry

fro example I to had to find a way to access that. for me to lern had

of to watch much things in almost a study like fashions. often though

if I to tried of to cook the same things certain processes were of

missing and it did not turn out the same but I to never gave up

because the motivation for example to eat spaghetti was of strong and

so for me to access that had to learn how to cook that and now can

and have been of able to for many many years now but many foods no

matter how hard it does not come out right except for homemade soups,

and casseroles I to do well with those but not other things.

same with laundry had to read of teh manual much so after to get of a

access to a washer and dryer much years back and once the husband

model once from the manual to me it was of slowly learned and now

much much good at sorting and wahing of the clothings and much

particular to the folding the minute the dryer stops to not allow

wrinkles to the clothings.

anyways just wanted to sahre hold onto that dream because she is of

little now you nor no one knows where she will be of when she is of

20, 30, 40. for me much of my true over all understand of my world

around me and the true gains of functionality came in my ages of

30's/ but I to think and wonder over all if i to have maxed out on my

developmental age. I to be of scattered in that and some parts are of

estimated to be of 3-4 and most average out to be of 10, but other

parts of me the intellectual autistic side of me gifts me with much

ability to gather knowledge and to store it for later use and some of

it over times gets transfered to actual actions not just scripts of

words. I to also be of greatly challenged in words and yet also very

blessed by them. I to have of them and that is of a gift to have when

one is of with autism because not all will reach of that ability to

have of words in a functional way of using them for communication and

needs. I to also be of blessed in words of being of able to use them

when in certain emotional states to create poetry, cant just create a

poem it just flows out when in emotional states that causes this form

or fashion of words to come in an advanced way and yet poetic way.

But it is of all this mixed up way and levels of development that

create and has molded me to be of who I to be of in this life now.

when no PTSD issues are powerfully consuming me I to be of to feel

okay with self, but when the PTSD is of consuming me all the life

experiences of rejection, abandonment, isolations, outcasted, and

painful attacks to me from the birth family of me causes of me to

feel great pain and feel emotionally traumatized and angry inside for

never feeling of to had of any real closure to it all. it cycles me

to great states of fear, rage, pains, sad, and all the yucky sort of

emotional feelings and not sure of all of the names to them but I to

know I to feel probably all of them and this is of why cant sort of

really name of it but try to from the list of yucky emotions names

which are of seen as negative emotional states. also wanted to say

never rage at others bu toward self not with intent at all but when

it builds it just comes out. if any things triggers me and I to have

of no warning of it , it causes of that reaction to me. I to just end

up slapping or socking my head, it is of frustrating in public when

it happens because people then state and this increases of the

oucomes of the PTSD in me.

but to change of the subject I to be of had soem good words with debi

off line she is of a much good friend to me and I to be of so hopeful

to get of to see of her soon. this is of helathy for me to meet of

the people at times i to developed good online friendships in. Just

like when I to met Nuha I to really liked of her and her family even

though was of anxious to meet of new and go with complete strangers

to me she just felt of safe and her little girl is of beautiful. she

is of one of the cultural looks i to like much so.

I to also like of her accent and back and forth words she has of

strong with her daughter and they took me to a much nice place to eat

it is of a place where the past presidents has been to eat. it was

full of architecure and creative things all around we were of there

near the christmas time and it was of off all decorated in such which

was fun stimmy. the food was of much good.

sondra

[Guest guest]

danielle I to love of you heart towards you daughter and you views

are of very much to shout metaphorically you love for her.

but wanted to say please not to let anyone with the mind set of

fixing her through typical discipline take of her as this will cause

of her heart so much emotional traumas and pains for her to be of

treated unjustly by their mindsets.

no traditional methods do not work for us for a multitude of reasons,

but discipline does work if one finds the way we learn and find what

reinforces or motivates us and uses that as a positive energy for us

to work in. while many of us might not be of strong emotional

communicators and or communicators at all, but for we do FEEL and we

are of so much sensitive to WHAT we feel even if we do not know of

the names to what we are of feeling.

biting is of a strong message in communications. I to be of think you

callie is of probably giving subtle signals and cues that are of not

easily read if one is of not seeing it for what it is thus a break

down of the communication creates a huge barrier of frustrations that

build and causes of the reactions to such things as biting of the

nearest one. Also she may not have any emotional states towards the

person nearest of her but has learned by cause and affect if I to

bite help comes to my rescue and thus still communicating.... but she

has not yet learned a more appropriate way of getting that help or

support or need met. thus resorting back to problem solving A whic

tends to transfer as the only problem solving skill we have that

appears to be affective in all cases for us because each time

consistently someone comes.

there is of also the overload and sensory causes of biting the need

for oral deep pressure such as chewing and such and when looking at

typical child development in that first year of life that is of a

strong strong developmental process of chewing, mouthing, sucking, it

iso fmuch oral focused at that age and because of our delay in

development many of our kids get of stuck into that developmental

stage of oral development.

hitting is of like biting but also can be of a over powerful surge of

emotions that is of consuming us rapidly within that causes of the

sudden reaction to hit selves or others too. Many typical kids when

frighten migh cover their eyes to sort of hide.... many kids of

autism when feared for some reasons actually cover their ears. I to

cover of my ears too as my frist impulsive reaction to fear or will

hit or sock self as the first reaction depending on the intensity of

the fear.

if really agitated and felt misuderstood in my attempts to commun

icate will cause of self pinching and scratching of the arms and or

face but rare for me unless it is of a build up of over time that has

not been of calmed in me.

I to also do some self stim things that seem to come and go but are

of consistent such as finger flicking and espeically in driving when

getting frustrated... but also chin hitting and or swiping it is of

more a tapping over and over than an actual hit.

if excited i to tend to do this odd gesture and try of not to because

much ask of me over this one but I to tend to hit the top of my head

with more of a gentle sort of hits and then sort of finger flick over

and or on the top of my head now aware of doing this until it is of

pointed out and or one is of staring to me oddly then it causes me to

self check and regulate those impulses but odd actions of these are

of often EMOTIONS being expressed in odd non verbal fashions. I to

have much odd hand movements and or gesturings finger twisting, hand

twisting, finger crossing and stimming off other body parts such as

chin, nose, head, stomach. On my tummy I to tap it much so with my

thumbs over and over when anxious but happy. much pacing too and if

one knows of me my pacing can e of distinuished from very agitated

and in distress sort of pacing and or my anxious unsure of things and

also when happy sort of pacing. but one has to be of to know of me

well to see of the difference of them.

so when able too sit and just observe and see if you can begin to see

a pattern of you daughters subtle ways of communicating and dont

intervene yet but observe to see what it escalates too when

unchecked.... what things does she begin to show of you when the

sublte begins to of more noted and then to when it leads to meltdown

states. watch this sort of things on different days , different times

of the day ect..... and pick up the little non verbal words she is of

speaking with actions and so called behavior and once you get of a

good base line of what the subtle looks like then begin to start to

de-escalate the build up at that state instead of waiting for the

meltdown to intervene.

well I to need to take of a power nap and rest of this brain as going

to Missys school and to the bank and to the therpay and then to et

and back to the school is of too much community time for me and the

brain of me is of overly exhausted from it.

sondra

sondra

[Guest guest]

> Sondra,

Before we knew she was autistic we tried different ways of disciplining her, but

it made it worse. She would scream louder and bite herself and harm herself

more. She would seem to fall into a depression afterwards. She probably thought

we were just being mean to her. After her therapists and teaches saw how she

reacted, they agreed it was more damaging than helpful to discipline her.

danielle

yes it is because she may be to have felt greatly punished for doing her best to

communicate her needs and or wants. you and others reaction to her attempts to

communicate feared her gretly and maybe caused a brief internal shut down. I to

experience this much so even now at my own age. Even though i to have of words

not always able to use them effectivley to communicate effectively my wants or

needs and or get of so much understood in my attempts. especially verbal modes

when expected to have faster process times.

but in my other post to you there is of much things shared of what to do

instead..... study the subtle things such as one little girl tends to do more

nail picking when anxious and if no intervention is of done at the nail picking

stage it will cause of a full meltdown within time. intervention does not mean

of punishment.... but before any intervention is of given one has to understand

the subtle forms of communication we may be of sending in our own body

language(not you body languge but hers)because she does give them and there may

be of hidden patterns to it if one studies of it with good attention and focus.

also try of the best to go into an autistic mindset of sensory and thinking.

One little boy did of this by tring to cue those around him he was of curious to

this play toy in the preschool class. he paced around near it , he rocked and

flapped near it, he picked up coins and sifted them over the toy and he was of

trying hims best to communicate What is this , How does it work, show me, let me

play it, play it with me sorts of words but he was of not verbal so he used what

he could to say help me.... when hims attempts were not seen for what they were

he escalated to aggressive jumping and screams and pinching and rapid finger

clicking and stomping of hims feet. he was clearly now escalated and upset now.

If no one sat back and observed this no one would see of it as it was ( the mom

had asked of me to observe of him) this child is of usually a very calm passive

child, he is of affectionate and wants to be part of but is of usually

considered the withdrwn child and aloof to those who lack knowing of him. so

they felt this childs reactions near the toy was of him just displaying

autism///// never seeing him as a communicator because he had no words.. but he

was communicating...

so the best things any parent can do is of observe and watch and see what the

little subtle body lanuage things are of doing.... then see the patterns and

thing to self what is of he/she trying to communicate. dont jump to assumptions

but write of guesses and then explore them at a later time with the child.

another child often hoarded things when anxious her hoarding were like a toddler

and a security blanket but she hoarded paper and needed of it to comfort self,

once understood what she was doing one can then gauge the paper hoarding her

first stage as the time for need to calm her and help her feel secure....

without mention of the so called behavior of telling her to put the paper back,

or such words as that. one should not even mention of the behavior because it

can increase it, but say to the child I to think we need to take a break to get

in the netted swing or to get a drink and or take a walk... that is of the

intervention, helping the child regulate is an intervention, calming the child

is of a intervention, and things of this so it does not have to be of a negative

but it should match the needs, if the child for example is of over stimulated

you dont want to take them to an overstimulating activity...

sondra

[Guest guest]

danielle you got it and now remember too her non verbals will not amtch typical

non verbals they will be of a language all her own. so donot try to interpret it

to typical non verbals as it may never match up... try to read her ways of

showing you anxiety, her way of showing you too loud, her way of showing you

hungry, she is of showing you but as a interpretur of her language you will have

of to study of it after all that is of how all cultures begin to learn another

cultures language is of to study it, not just the spoken as it is of learned

through study of the observations and learning of the patterns of actions,

symbols and sounds, that latter is of understood as true language that can be of

understood. we on the spectrum have of to do this daily to the NT worlds way of

using words and things and is of how we can at times be of good recepters but

not good expressors.

sondra