Guest guest Posted August 5, 2005 Report Share Posted August 5, 2005 Hi , You are doing a lot of indepth thought and have a lot of insight as to your dad's behaviors. It is good to express your feelings and to look deep into yourself and know what you are feeling towards this disease. Many of us are so overwhelmed with emotion we don't take the time to actually sense what we are feeling and why. It is a very hard disease to deal with for both the LO and the caregiver. It sounds like you have the strength and desire to be there for your dad to the end. It is so helpful to give your stepmother a break. No one should deal with this disease alone, but sadly enough there are those of us out here that have no family support or can afford a full time caregiver to help them through each day of dealing with this " Beast " of a disease. You are a caring daughter and your father is very lucky he has you by his side........Hugs, Jan --- Close wrote: > I live about 2 hours away from my father and > stepmother. I try to go over there at least once a > week to help her, to give her a chance to get away > and to just be present for my father. Yesterday I > went over and spent most of the day with him, > letting her get out. This morning I sat and thought > about the visit and asked myself what are my > feelings. Its not easy to name them. > > Sometimes I feel pity for my father. Sorrow for the > pain he is experiencing. Sometimes he is in pain > because the hallucinations are so ugly they hurt > him. Sometimes he is in pain because he knows that > he is suffering hallucinations and losing his mind. > His physical losses don't anger him the same way. > He is more accepting of his physical decline. But > he fights against his mental losses and the > realization of those losses makes him angry. > > Sometimes though he is simply content in his other > reality. He isn't hallucinating awful things, but > simply confused. Then what I feel is not pity. I > watch him intrigued by some insight into the > workings of his mind. And what I feel then is a > kind of awe. Awe at the inevitable progression of > life. Life is kind of like a bell curve. From the > helpless of infancy, through childhood to the full > vibrancy of adulthood, to a gradual decline and the > final helplessness of the last years. My father now > is like a 2 or 3 year old. Except he is not moving > towards greater life, he is moving toward complete > helplessness and death. > > I feel that as awful as this disease is, I have been > given a gift of being present into the life journey > of another. In other times most people were witness > to the progression of life because everyone lived > together, there was no segregation of the old and > infirm. There was no getting away from it. Today > many can and do run away. I am thankful that I am > present. > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 5, 2005 Report Share Posted August 5, 2005 Hi , You are doing a lot of indepth thought and have a lot of insight as to your dad's behaviors. It is good to express your feelings and to look deep into yourself and know what you are feeling towards this disease. Many of us are so overwhelmed with emotion we don't take the time to actually sense what we are feeling and why. It is a very hard disease to deal with for both the LO and the caregiver. It sounds like you have the strength and desire to be there for your dad to the end. It is so helpful to give your stepmother a break. No one should deal with this disease alone, but sadly enough there are those of us out here that have no family support or can afford a full time caregiver to help them through each day of dealing with this " Beast " of a disease. You are a caring daughter and your father is very lucky he has you by his side........Hugs, Jan --- Close wrote: > I live about 2 hours away from my father and > stepmother. I try to go over there at least once a > week to help her, to give her a chance to get away > and to just be present for my father. Yesterday I > went over and spent most of the day with him, > letting her get out. This morning I sat and thought > about the visit and asked myself what are my > feelings. Its not easy to name them. > > Sometimes I feel pity for my father. Sorrow for the > pain he is experiencing. Sometimes he is in pain > because the hallucinations are so ugly they hurt > him. Sometimes he is in pain because he knows that > he is suffering hallucinations and losing his mind. > His physical losses don't anger him the same way. > He is more accepting of his physical decline. But > he fights against his mental losses and the > realization of those losses makes him angry. > > Sometimes though he is simply content in his other > reality. He isn't hallucinating awful things, but > simply confused. Then what I feel is not pity. I > watch him intrigued by some insight into the > workings of his mind. And what I feel then is a > kind of awe. Awe at the inevitable progression of > life. Life is kind of like a bell curve. From the > helpless of infancy, through childhood to the full > vibrancy of adulthood, to a gradual decline and the > final helplessness of the last years. My father now > is like a 2 or 3 year old. Except he is not moving > towards greater life, he is moving toward complete > helplessness and death. > > I feel that as awful as this disease is, I have been > given a gift of being present into the life journey > of another. In other times most people were witness > to the progression of life because everyone lived > together, there was no segregation of the old and > infirm. There was no getting away from it. Today > many can and do run away. I am thankful that I am > present. > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > __________________________________________________ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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