Vent/Rant

[Guest guest]

Kirk;

Please call this disease any other name than what it is because well, it offends me. I know this disease is so very hard I just ask you put ... or something please. Melt

Vent/Rant

I feel like I have fought 14 out of 15 rounds against this disease this year, and in reality have probably only fought two.

I received a call from my rheumatologist today regarding my CT scan I had last Friday. Seems they found something on or in my left kidney and need me to go for an ultrasound to investigate further. I am going next Tuesday. He said he didn't know what it was, and really didn't say much else, aside from asking me how I have been feeling. I told him about my trip to the ER and the mostly every other day headaches and such.

I am getting worn down with this shit! I have been in a great mood considering the pain I am dealing with, but I can feel myself starting to go "numb" with fear and sick of the anxiety.

[Guest guest]

Kirk;

Please call this disease any other name than what it is because well, it offends me. I know this disease is so very hard I just ask you put ... or something please. Melt

Vent/Rant

I feel like I have fought 14 out of 15 rounds against this disease this year, and in reality have probably only fought two.

I received a call from my rheumatologist today regarding my CT scan I had last Friday. Seems they found something on or in my left kidney and need me to go for an ultrasound to investigate further. I am going next Tuesday. He said he didn't know what it was, and really didn't say much else, aside from asking me how I have been feeling. I told him about my trip to the ER and the mostly every other day headaches and such.

I am getting worn down with this shit! I have been in a great mood considering the pain I am dealing with, but I can feel myself starting to go "numb" with fear and sick of the anxiety.

[Guest guest]

I feel like I have fought 14 out of 15 rounds against this disease this year, and in reality have probably only fought two.

I received a call from my rheumatologist today regarding my CT scan I had last Friday. Seems they found something on or in my left kidney and need me to go for an ultrasound to investigate further. I am going next Tuesday. He said he didn't know what it was, and really didn't say much else, aside from asking me how I have been feeling. I told him about my trip to the ER and the mostly every other day headaches and such.

I am getting worn down with this shit! I have been in a great mood considering the pain I am dealing with, but I can feel myself starting to go "numb" with fear and sick of the anxiety. I was afraid of the CT scan, than anxious for the results. Now I am feeling anxiety damn near worse than I was after being diagnosed with this. My mind is racing in a hundred directions at once, and I am getting this strange sense that the majority of my days are behind me. I don't know what can possibly be wrong with my kidney, but can't help but think the worst. Tom Petty has a lyric in a song "Most things I worry about, never happen anyway". I sure hope that rings true. The part that makes me worried is that I had real bad pains four or five years ago on my left side that sent me to the ER . The ER doctor I had needed a major beating as she yelled at me after answering that I had three beers two days prior and that night had eaten cheese steak sandwiches with Jalapeno's and Swiss Cheese. I also told her I drank about 5-6 cans of Iced Tea per day at work. She literally yelled at me "This is what you get for eating hot peppers and drinking beer!". She told me I gave myself an ulcer and sent me home with antacids. I went to my PCP two days later in pain and was sent for an ultrasound, but nothing showed up. No ulcer ever showed up, and my kidneys look ok, I guess.The consensus from my doctors was that it was probably a kidney stone from the iced tea. The pains went away almost as quickly as they came, and I had forgotten about the event.

I get to see my PCP tomorrow, and aside form insisting on better pain killers, and "dying" to know what I am in for. I know I probably won't get that answer, as no one can see into the future. Being of the mechanical mindset, I can accurately tell when an engine or a transmission is on its' way out, (usually way before it "dies") and hope they have the same kind of insight. I already blanked one fishing tournament last weekend, and can already figure I will do the same this weekend as my mind can not stay focused outside of work. I shouldn't even say that as my mind was useless today after the call. I keep trying to be positive, but today nothing I do seems to be working towards that effect.

I also keep getting bombarded by family members (not my wife, thankfully) that insist I have lyme disease. I was tested and the results were negative. They keep telling me that there is another test that is accurate, and that I should seek it out. After reading all that I could about Stills and comparing my lab results to the findings on the International Stills Disease website and hitting the bull's-eye on most (if not all) of them, I am pretty sure my doctors are correct. I do wish it were something "curable" like Lyme disease, but figure if there was a test that was that accurate, every doctor would know about it. This is really amplified after spending all day Monday with a few members of my extended family as we took the day off and took the kids to see than Tank Engine in Strasburg, Pa. I was told that I am nuts for not "seeking" this "magic" test. My cousin is a physical therapist and has a patient who has Lyme but was undiagnosed for twenty + years and he says his symptoms all match mine. I may not be a doctor, but have read a bit about Lyme and don't see all of the symptoms match up as well as he thinks. I am not mad at them, as I do know there are many who care about me( and grateful for it), but I find my mind wanting to tell them to shut the **** up when they get to talking about this. I mean, I wish they were right and all, but it just doesn't add up. I never had the "bulls-eye rash", and I always do a tick check whenever I am outdoors, in the woods and such. This is something I learned in the Army, and have been doing since I found a tick on a very private area. What made that adventure worse is that I was good friends with the medic ( we lifted together) who had the "honors" of removing it. I wanted to do it myself, but was not allowed to do so. My Captain actually had to "order" me not to.

This coupled with my phone call today has my mind racing like a kid who just got caught doing something really wrong. My legs are also "out" again, which is rare, as they haven't felt like this since the week I was released from the hospital in April. The joint pain is the same, so is the foot pain, but now I feel like I have pulled muscles again, and they are on fire. Walking up the stairs without pulling myself up with the railing and my arms is almost impossible. Bending is a total adventure also. I can bend, but it hurts like all hell. even as I type this I am totally exhausted, yet can not sleep.

If anyone has any insight, I would appreciate it. As always I thank you for your advice and support. Kirk.

[Guest guest]

Dear Kirk,

I too, have to work for similiar reasons plus how can you affford Med.

Ins. w?o a job. I will pray for you. I took a month leave once til the meds

took over. Best of Luck! B.

[Guest guest]

Dear Kirk,

I too, have to work for similiar reasons plus how can you affford Med.

Ins. w?o a job. I will pray for you. I took a month leave once til the meds

took over. Best of Luck! B.