Re: Re: Does she or doesn't she --- take cranberrycapsules, ...

[Guest guest]

I would be very tempted to insist on joint DPA or I might threaten to

deliver my Mom to my sisters office. If the threat did not work, I may be

tempted to DO IT.

************************

Well - I tried to suggest three-way DPA but no luck! My sister just said

that it was both my parents' wishes that the legal siblings have both

healthcare and financial POA; however, I am sure that had they had any idea

of the future, they would have included my name, too!

In any case, I guarantee that if I were to deliver my mom to my sister's

office, this is what would happen: she would take my mom back to her

apartment and immediately hire a caregiver who knows little to nothing about

caring for someone with dementia (she already has indicated that if she ever

were going to hire a CG, knowledge about dementia would be a low priority)

who would be told that if there were any questions or problems, the CG

should only discuss this with my sister and only do whatever my sister said

to do - but, of course, this hypothetical CG would be VERY neat and

organized!!!

Anyway, I will just deal with my second-class status. I cannot ALWAYS get

my sister to do the right things (had she made an appointment to take my mom

to the doctor last June for her six-month checkup, my mom would have had to

give a urine sample to be cultured and the UTI which sent her to the

hospital might have been detetected - but then again, perhaps not!), but so

far there has been no TERRIBLE crisis and if something occurs such that I

have to FORCE my sister to take my mom to a specialist or do something else

she is unwilling to do, well I will do whatever I have to to ensure that the

right things are done! I hope things never get to the point where our

now-tenuous sibling harmony is totally destroyed but my mom's health and

welfare are of primary importance to me and if necessary, I will sacrafice

my relationships with my siblings!

carol

[Guest guest]

Carol,

Your sister (what is a legal sibling?) sounds like a jerk to me. And my

guess is all her well scheduled plans would go to heck in a handbasket.

Donna R

[Guest guest]

carol sighs

well I will do whatever I have to to ensure that the

right things are done! I hope things never get to the point where our

now-tenuous sibling harmony is totally destroyed but my mom's health and

welfare are of primary importance to me and if necessary, I will sacrafice

my relationships with my siblings!

carol, i understand what you are going thru as until my mom came adn

inspected me adn donnie to be sure that we were not here to steal from my dad,

ahd

that we were here helping him his sister fought me tooth and nails on

everything, but after mom came ehre and told them (dad's sister and his mother)

that if

they were still dadddy would be in a nursing home, not at home with her, she

wouldnt take care of hiim like he is now. i thought how terrible and selfish

of my mom, my mom is and always has been very selfcentered and self caring her

wishes always came first no matter what, really really sad. even as a child

needing a mother her wants were always first. my mom resents me and donnie

being here taking care of daddy, and she is unwilling to come down on her

alimony payment so i can change dad's income around and get the VA to pay for

caregivers, but she is so selfish she wants what she 'earned' even though she

has a

fulltime job and doenst need it anymore. sigh, i am tired of fighting her,

and my aunt and grandmother for what is best for daddy. now i just do it,

to hell with their opinions. lol sharon m

a smile a day keeps the meanies away!!!

laughter is a breath of fresh air!

[Guest guest]

Sharon noted:

.. . .my mom is and always has been very selfcentered and self caring her

wishes always came first no matter what. . .

*********************

My sister is not self-centered. She does want what is best for my mom.

It's just that SHE thinks that SHE is the only one qualified to say what is

best and that SHE is the only one capable of taking my mom to doctors.

I once suggested making all decisions by consensus. Amazingly, my sister

agreed - but that is because her take on consensus was that each of us

siblings (three sisters) would state her opinion and then my oldest sister

would decide what to do!!! I also tried suggesting family therapy because

ours is a dysfunctional family if there ever was one!!! One of my sister's

good friends told me that perhaps we should get individual counseling first

and then have family counseling. Well - my sister - who cannot admit to or

conceive of the fact that she might have some problems - thought her friend

meant that I should see a therapist and then she would come with me to

family counseling. (My middle sister would never have any part of any

therapy!)

Oh we are messed up to be sure!!! .The bad part of this is the fact that my

mom does not get the health care treatment she needs and deserves.

(However, my sister does take my mom faithfully to the DENTIST every six

months without fail!!!!*) Additionally, it is sad that one of the hardest

parts of dealing with my mom's dementia is dealing with two STUPID siblings!

carol

* You see, it is not scary dealing with dental issues! I am quite certain

that although she would never admit it, my oldest sister finds it TERRIFYING

to deal with my mom's dementia because, you see, of the three of us, she is

the MOST like my mom!!! Now, I realize that Alzheimer's (I cannot speak

about LBD or other dementias) is actually not hereditary but we think my

maternal grandmother may have had Alzheimer's (she died before we could ever

find out) and I am sure my sister worries because she is SO MUCH like my mom

in many ways although thankfully, my mom was never as bossy or controlling!

And now I will stop venting about my sisters and move on!