Guest guest Posted September 27, 2004 Report Share Posted September 27, 2004 I wanted to add that in my situation, my brother didn't help except when I really needed him. During the NH admissions, most hospital admissions, (but not all) he went with me when we set up the funeral pre-plan and I was able to make most of the decisions...I was POA even though my brother is older. In many situations decisions needed to be made and my brother would sit silently until I decided as I knew what was best for dad, then he would back me 100%. I picked out all of the songs for the funeral as well. My brother would often tell me that this wasn't easy for him, that he didn't go to bed and sleep well at night, that he knew I was doing right and he wasn't, he just couldn't help. Then, after the funeral was over with, and I was not hurried out at all, my brother handed me the most beautiful Thank You and told me to read it some other time. In it I was thanked for all that I did for dad and I was told that dad was better off for what I did for him. It said that if dad could thank me he would. So, as you see, even though my brother wasn't there physically daily to help out, I had his support and appreciation. Another side to the sibling stories here- Sandie -- Re: Re:Dargie: My long horrible day.../ KD OT At 12:39 AM 9/27/2004, you wrote: >I knew it would take a real eye-popping crisis to wake up my sisters, so I >just stopped working and started staying with my mom full time. I actually >do not regret this but like Dargie, I really have no outside life to speak >of. Moreover, I am already worried about dealing with my condo closing on >Thursday. I already mentioned this to my sister who lives here (the one who >is totally in denial lives in Indianapolis - three hours away) but she did >not commit one way or the other and I would not be surprised if she told me >my mom could be alone for the few hours of the closing! There's denial and then there's selfishness. More and more I'm glad I'm an only child in spite of how hard this really is. I read things like your problems with your sisters (and IMO, there is no earthly reason why one of them can't take over for you at least once a week so you can have a whole day off.) And I read another friend's account of how, now that their mother is gone, her ne'er-do-well brother is suddenly asking to see the will and wanting to know why it was arranged the way it was. I joke with my folks; I say " You should've had twins. " But in reality, I am grateful because in spite of the lack of help, I think it's easier just to cope than to have to fight your sibs for every thing they deign to do for your parents, or afterward, for every penny that might be left. It's funny, isn't it? That we not only have to fight this damn disease, and our own emotions, but other people as well? dargie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2004 Report Share Posted September 27, 2004 At 07:27 AM 9/27/2004, you wrote: >So, as you see, even though my brother wasn't there physically daily >to help out, I had his support and appreciation. > >Another side to the sibling stories here- Boy when you get a moment of appreciation, it makes a huge difference, doesn't it? Glad to know it worked out for you. Possibly it would have for me, too, but I'm just as happy not to have to find out. *g* dargie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 28, 2004 Report Share Posted September 28, 2004 Thank you is one of the finest things you can say and it cost nothing to say. M > >Reply-To: LBDcaregivers >To: <LBDcaregivers > >Subject: Re: siblings OT >Date: Mon, 27 Sep 2004 07:27:07 -0500 (Central Daylight Time) >MIME-Version: 1.0 >X-Sender: sanclown@... >Received: from n2.grp.scd.yahoo.com ([66.218.66.75]) by >mc11-f32.hotmail.com with Microsoft SMTPSVC(5.0.2195.6824); Mon, 27 Sep >2004 05:28:21 -0700 >Received: from [66.218.66.31] by n2.grp.scd.yahoo.com with NNFMP; 27 Sep >2004 12:28:14 -0000 >Received: (qmail 91981 invoked from network); 27 Sep 2004 12:28:13 -0000 >Received: from unknown (66.218.66.217) by m25.grp.scd.yahoo.com with QMQP; >27 Sep 2004 12:28:13 -0000 >Received: from unknown (HELO outbound-mail.lax.untd.com) (64.136.28.164) >by mta2.grp.scd.yahoo.com with SMTP; 27 Sep 2004 12:28:13 -0000 >Received: from outbound28-2.lax.untd.com (smtp04.lax.untd.com >[10.130.24.124])by smtpout04.lax.untd.com with SMTP id AABAXSB2CAMZJ6F2for ><LBDcaregivers > (sender );Mon, 27 Sep >2004 05:26:42 -0700 (PDT) >Received: (qmail 11738 invoked from network); 27 Sep 2004 12:26:33 -0000 >Received: from unknown (HELO sandi) (63.186.33.148) by smtp04.lax.untd.com >with SMTP; 27 Sep 2004 12:26:33 -0000 >X-Message-Info: JGTYoYF78jGRAqkcZJ48il3TaaZcEtvU >X-Yahoo-Newman-Property: groups-email >X-Apparently-To: LBDcaregivers >Message-Id: <4158071B.000001.77221@SANDI> >X-Mailer: IncrediMail (3001609) >References: >X-FID: B2BD7C40-142F-43ED-B255-55F935D5A432 >X-ContentStamp: 15:7:3858066064 >X-UNTD-OriginStamp: >OLm8uUz9BbLQv6GdrAZwQhvh9yISWxiCMVc+w2BXlTa6Oc6pXQY9xg== >X-eGroups-Remote-IP: 64.136.28.164 >X-Yahoo-Profile: sanclown2004 >Mailing-List: list LBDcaregivers ; contact >LBDcaregivers-owner >Delivered-To: mailing list LBDcaregivers >Precedence: bulk >List-Unsubscribe: <mailto:LBDcaregivers-unsubscribe > >Return-Path: >sentto-2141318-35196-1096288094-cat86443=hotmail.com@... >X-OriginalArrivalTime: 27 Sep 2004 12:28:21.0714 (UTC) >FILETIME=[79FC5320:01C4A48D] > > I wanted to add that in my situation, my brother didn't help except >when I really needed him. During the NH admissions, most hospital >admissions, (but not all) he went with me when we set up the funeral >pre-plan and I was able to make most of the decisions...I was POA >even though my brother is older. In many situations decisions needed >to be made and my brother would sit silently until I decided as I knew >what was best for dad, then he would back me 100%. I picked out >all of the songs for the funeral as well. My brother would often tell >me that this wasn't easy for him, that he didn't go to bed and sleep well >at night, that he knew I was doing right and he wasn't, he just couldn't >help. Then, after the funeral was over with, and I was not hurried out >at all, my brother handed me the most beautiful Thank You and told >me to read it some other time. In it I was thanked for all that I did >for dad and I was told that dad was better off for what I did for him. >It said that if dad could thank me he would. > >So, as you see, even though my brother wasn't there physically daily >to help out, I had his support and appreciation. > >Another side to the sibling stories here- >Sandie > >-- Re: Re:Dargie: My long horrible day.../ KD OT > >At 12:39 AM 9/27/2004, you wrote: > >I knew it would take a real eye-popping crisis to wake up my sisters, so >I > >just stopped working and started staying with my mom full time. I >actually > >do not regret this but like Dargie, I really have no outside life to >speak > >of. Moreover, I am already worried about dealing with my condo closing >on > >Thursday. I already mentioned this to my sister who lives here (the one >who > >is totally in denial lives in Indianapolis - three hours away) but she >did > >not commit one way or the other and I would not be surprised if she told >me > >my mom could be alone for the few hours of the closing! > > There's denial and then there's selfishness. More and more I'm >glad I'm an only child in spite of how hard this really is. I read things >like your problems with your sisters (and IMO, there is no earthly reason >why one of them can't take over for you at least once a week so you can >have a whole day off.) And I read another friend's account of how, now >that their mother is gone, her ne'er-do-well brother is suddenly asking to >see the will and wanting to know why it was arranged the way it was. > I joke with my folks; I say " You should've had twins. " But in >reality, I am grateful because in spite of the lack of help, I think it's >easier just to cope than to have to fight your sibs for every thing they >deign to do for your parents, or afterward, for every penny that might be >left. > It's funny, isn't it? That we not only have to fight this damn >disease, and our own emotions, but other people as well? > dargie > > > > >Welcome to LBDcaregivers. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 29, 2004 Report Share Posted September 29, 2004 noted: Thank you is one of the finest things you can say and it cost nothing to say. ************************* So - THANK YOU to all of you for being here and providing information about LBD and more importantly, providing support as we travel down the dementia road! carol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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