threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson Lucas

June 6, 2011

My son is 19 and has become a real danger to myself, his 13 year old sister, etc. I had great success descalating when he was younger, but now all "new" things are triggers...does it ever stop.

His father and I are divorced, and he spent a night last week with dad. Came home with new steel toed boots, very pround, but later Sunday night when he couldnt untie them (still has fine motor skill issues) He KICKED me 6 times all over in a rage.

I'm at the point with therapy, meds, regional center etc -- that I may have to have him taken in for a psych hold, but I don't want to. I will never let him know I am now almost afraid of him hurting me, but I never hit or spank him, just take things away. The verbal abuse is ("I wont", "you cant make me" "your horrid", etc he says) and he cant seem to self calm.

anyone have any ideas, I can get the book, but the things geared to younger children I am almost using in total.

Robin>> Yes, my son did this. Based upon my experience, I can tell you to > expect this to happen again. And to expect him to threaten other > people, not just you or his parents or adults.>> Here's what I recommend:> It would be ideal if you could catch the escalating frustration before > Lucas explodes, but you won't always be able to. And this is a primary > on-going goal to work on with the IEP and other supports that you > bring in- to teach Lucas to recognize when his frustration or anger is > increasing and to do something to stop it.>> Develop a plan of action for when this

happens. It would be great if > the school implemented the same action that you will at home, so Lucas > has the consistency.>> Talk to Lucas and explain to him how inappropriate and serious it is > to threaten to kill someone. Ask him for his ideas on what he could do > instead when he gets upset, and what would help him. (I'm sure your > backing off helped a lot.) What did his brother do that helped calm > Lucas down?>> Some things that helped my son- writing whatever he wanted on paper, > squeezing a ball, punching a pillow. But the best is a break and alone > time. My son still today will get up and take a short walk to calm > down when he feels himself getting upset.>> We focused on preventing the escalation, de-escalating when the > explosion occurred, and then also had a consequence for behavior we > really wanted to extinguish.

For my son, it was the loss of an > electronic for the evening- the computer, the tv, wii or ninendo. Or > all of the above if it was a really big offense.>> The book "The Explosive Child" is a helpful resource.>> Good luck.>> Reggi>> > >> > Hello all, just an update on my grandson Lucas, my daughter and I are> > going to his first IEP meeting next week to talk about occupational> > therapy they said, the school just finished testing him a few weeks ago> > and said he rated "high" on the autism/aspergers scale. So I am > starting> > to

think about what this boy needs on his IEP...and thought I would ask> > what is it your students have on theirs..he is just finishing up first> > grade in a public school. Maybe some of you can give us pointers..?> >> > And something happened today I want to share, that I think he needs to> > have therapy with, it is the first time in a public setting this has> > happened and I was quite embarrassed! He has been in trouble at school> > for saying inappropriate things and has been sent to the principals > offices.> >> > But this is the first time he did it in public. I took him to a fishing> > day over near us at a local park where his dad was working with the> > Oregon Fish and Game, and what it is is lots of kids show up and the > men> > who volunteer show them how to fish. The father and his other son,> >

, a little older had gone earlier and Lucas and I went a bit later> > to join them. When we first got there the fish were biting real good > and> > it was lots of fun and both Lucas and caught 5 trout, the limit.> >> > The thing I want to talk about happened in the time when they are> > trying to catch the last fish, they'd stopped biting and so Lucas was> > playing with a big stick, said it was a spider leg out of "8 Legged> > Freaks" a movie he likes lately. He was getting tired and overwhelmed> > with all the people and fishing and the whole bit, and this was when he> > lost it and started on me, and said, "Grandma shut up, I am going to> > kill you, shut up.." He has said this before when frustrated. People> > started looking at him and his brother tried to settle him down and > this> > was when he said to

his brother, "I am going to stab you in the neck> > with a stick!" he was really frustrated and kept telling me to shut up> > and kind of pinching my arms, and he once hit me on the arm too.> >> > I didn't really know what to do, felt I should do something but have> > learned from past experiences discipline doesn't really help when he is> > like this. Kind of just sunk into my lawn chair there trying to> > disappear, I think I once did turn him over my knee and swatted him on> > the butt and told him to stop telling me he was going to kill > me...sigh.> > People really stared disapprovingly of course because they had little> > kids too and there was no way they were going to let their kids say > such> > a thing, but then again their kids seemed to know better.> >> > Finally his brother managed to settle him

down and make him sit down> > nearer the water, and he caught the last fish and we left..> >> > Later here at home I told him he had to stop saying he was going to > kill> > people, and he slapped his head with both his hands and said,"Something> > is wrong in my brain I don't know what!" And I told him to say > something> > else when upset like that, not kill, like he could say pickle, and he> > said he didn't like the word pickle and I suggested a couple of others> > which he did not like either. He knows saying he is going to kill a> > person is wrong and he has said before that he would quit saying it, > yet> > when he is upset he says it.> >> > I wonder what some of you have done to teach your children to speak > more> > appropriately. The usual discipline ways you would use on a

regular> > kid don't phase him when he is doing this.> >> > Carolyn OR ;o(> >>> ------------------------------------

June 6, 2011

We all have our owm beliefs on punishment! I don't believe that to get a child

to stop saying something you should spank them. Aggression feeds more

aggression IMHO. You have the right to your opinion and I the right to mine,

but I guarentee more specialists and phychologists will agree with my advise.

I agree with the part about a judge won't show mercy, but we should be their

soft place to fall. They arent military in training.

I was a spanked child and it never obtained the desired result which is to self

regulate my own behaviors!

You also permanently damage the child/ parent bond. Another problem with

spanking is that if home is not thier soft place they will at some point look

for this attention in more inappropriate ways.

--- Original Message ---

Sent: June 6, 2011 6/6/11

To: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson Lucas

Â

Sad to hear that Mom is meating violence (his verbal threats)Â and then making

them herself to him (the switch).Â Â We all reach our level of I've had enough,

butÂ she needs another way!

Â

, I have to disagree with you... conditionally.

I've used corporal punishment effectively in my household BUT it is only a

small part of the overall discipline.

A child learn to keep away from fire from being burned, as well as keeping away

from an iron, stove, or hot exhaust.Â As the kid gets older, he will find that

saying the wrong thing to another kid will get him burned, and even later, that

doing the wrong thing will get him put in prison or executed.Â The judge has no

problem punishing a kid that grows up without discipline - even to the point of

terminating his life.

So I've always viewed a spanking or a switch as a tool that does WONDERS if

used properly and effectively.

And that is the conditional part...

It is simply a tool.Â The last line of attack if a child is out of line - and

it is most effective if it is rarely if ever used.

It all starts with a set of absolutes.Â A set of published rules that you AND

the kid cannot ignore.Â If you always do the same thing when the child acts in

a certain way, then the kid will always know what to expect if s/he does what is

clearly not allowed.

You cannot make up rules on the fly unless they become set in stone... because

if you do, then they are not rules, but challenges.

What I see from what you told me is that he knows that he can push his mom to

the limit, beyond, and if he IS punished it will be because he got on her nerves

far more than if he is doing something wrong.

Â

The only way to change that is to write down published rules, and make them

absolutes.Â Then creating about three levels od discipline that start at mild,

and then work up to extreme - just like in real life.

Stay away from the stove.

Don't touch that. It'll burn you.

Look, I know it hurts, but you were warned that the stove was hot.

Stop the behavior.

If you don't stop the behavior there will be consequences.

I know it hurts, but you were warned.

I know it's hard to see a kid spanked, but it is a fact of life that if you

don't do it - a judge will.Â This kid needs solid rules that he can expect and

needs his mom to quit making emotional rules based on annoyance that change

according to her mood at the moment.

Trust me, you WILL see a HUGE difference in days if she does this (after the

realization that the old way no longer works and the resulting temper tantrum).

June 7, 2011

I was spanked, and at about 21 my dad and I had a heart to heart about

it and I thanked him. His discipline, including the rare spanking, was

the turning point in my life and the thing that made me aware that life

is not all a bed of roses, we have responsibility as well.

I never said anything about that to my children, but my two daughters,

each and separately quite a lot of time apart, came to me years after

they were adults, and said that me and my solid discipline were the

reason they do so well today. My son was raised by his mother, and he

was not disciplined. In a few minutes I'm going to the jail website in

the town he lives in to see if he is back in jail.

So I have to disagree that disciplining a child will cause them to be

damaged. I understand, and they understand, that raising a child means

that occasionally you have to prune them and direct them where they need

to grow. That means discipline, a plan, a process, and a LOT of love.

My experience is that the lack of that discipline will almost certainly

guarantee failure and a life of pain for the child.

I'll not comment on anything further simply because it is personal

choice and my opinions are very strong on my choice because I know it

works/doesn't work based on my personal experience with my own kids.

> I was a spanked child and it never obtained the desired result which is to

self regulate my own behaviors!

>

> You also permanently damage the child/ parent bond. Another problem with

spanking is that if home is not thier soft place they will at some point look

for this attention in more inappropriate ways.

June 7, 2011

I'm not saying don't disipline. I'm saying doing it in with a switch or

spanking is not necessary. You can lay down the law without beating a child.

Isnt it a possibility that you can " disipline " without fear or pain?

--- Original Message ---

Sent: June 6, 2011 6/6/11

To: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson Lucas

Â

I was spanked, and at about 21 my dad and I had a heart to heart about

it and I thanked him. His discipline, including the rare spanking, was

the turning point in my life and the thing that made me aware that life

is not all a bed of roses, we have responsibility as well.

I never said anything about that to my children, but my two daughters,

each and separately quite a lot of time apart, came to me years after

they were adults, and said that me and my solid discipline were the

reason they do so well today. My son was raised by his mother, and he

was not disciplined. In a few minutes I'm going to the jail website in

the town he lives in to see if he is back in jail.

So I have to disagree that disciplining a child will cause them to be

damaged. I understand, and they understand, that raising a child means

that occasionally you have to prune them and direct them where they need

to grow. That means discipline, a plan, a process, and a LOT of love.

My experience is that the lack of that discipline will almost certainly

guarantee failure and a life of pain for the child.

I'll not comment on anything further simply because it is personal

choice and my opinions are very strong on my choice because I know it

works/doesn't work based on my personal experience with my own kids.

> I was a spanked child and it never obtained the desired result which is to

self regulate my own behaviors!

>

> You also permanently damage the child/ parent bond. Another problem with

spanking is that if home is not thier soft place they will at some point look

for this attention in more inappropriate ways.

June 7, 2011

Hi , oh we've used the switch in our family for years, mostly it

is just the threat of it, rarely ever use it. I know a lot of people

nowadays think it is the worst thing ever, but generations have been

using the switch. The Bible says spare the rod spoil the child. It is ok

in moderation and the child soon learns not to push the buttons of

authority to the extent he gets a little pain on the fanny.

I know it sure worked with me when I was a kid, and I did turn out well..;o)

Carolyn

H wrote:

>

>> Sad to hear that Mom is meating violence (his verbal threats) and

>> then making them herself to him (the switch). We all reach our level

>> of I've had enough, but she needs another way!

>>

>

> , I have to disagree with you... conditionally.

>

> I've used corporal punishment effectively in my household BUT it is

> only a small part of the overall discipline.

>

> A child learn to keep away from fire from being burned, as well as

> keeping away from an iron, stove, or hot exhaust. As the kid gets

> older, he will find that saying the wrong thing to another kid will

> get him burned, and even later, that doing the wrong thing will get

> him put in prison or executed. The judge has no problem punishing a

> kid that grows up without discipline - even to the point of

> terminating his life.

>

> So I've always viewed a spanking or a switch as a tool that does

> WONDERS if used properly and effectively.

>

> And that is the conditional part...

>

> It is simply a tool. The last line of attack if a child is out of line

> - and it is most effective if it is rarely if ever used.

>

> It all starts with a set of absolutes. A set of published rules that

> you AND the kid cannot ignore. If you always do the same thing when

> the child acts in a certain way, then the kid will always know what to

> expect if s/he does what is clearly not allowed.

>

> You cannot make up rules on the fly unless they become set in stone...

> because if you do, then they are not rules, but challenges.

>

> What I see from what you told me is that he knows that he can push his

> mom to the limit, beyond, and if he IS punished it will be because he

> got on her nerves far more than if he is doing something wrong.

>

> The only way to change that is to write down published rules, and make

> them absolutes. Then creating about three levels od discipline that

> start at mild, and then work up to extreme - just like in real life.

>

> Stay away from the stove.

> Don't touch that. It'll burn you.

> Look, I know it hurts, but you were warned that the stove was hot.

>

> Stop the behavior.

> If you don't stop the behavior there will be consequences.

> I know it hurts, but you were warned.

>

> I know it's hard to see a kid spanked, but it is a fact of life that

> if you don't do it - a judge will. This kid needs solid rules that he

> can expect and needs his mom to quit making emotional rules based on

> annoyance that change according to her mood at the moment.

>

> Trust me, you WILL see a HUGE difference in days if she does this

> (after the realization that the old way no longer works and the

> resulting temper tantrum).

>

June 7, 2011

My son Marty got real violent when he was a teenager also, by then no

amount of capital punishment helped. The schools used lots of ways also

like time out in a plywood timeout booth they built in the class room,

and they all made him worse. I did hold my guns and did not back down

from him though and refused to be afraid of him, and one day he did

finally succumb to my authority. thank God!

I really do believe God was backing me up on this and his rebellious

attitude, it is so much harder when a child has problems but I do

believe they understand authority somehow someway!

Carolyn

wrote:

>

> My son is 19 and has become a real danger to myself, his 13 year

> old sister, etc. I had great success descalating when he was younger,

> but now all " new " things are triggers...does it ever stop.

> His father and I are divorced, and he spent a night last week with

> dad. Came home with new steel toed boots, very pround, but later

> Sunday night when he couldnt untie them (still has fine motor skill

> issues) He KICKED me 6 times all over in a rage.

> I'm at the point with therapy, meds, regional center etc -- that I may

> have to have him taken in for a psych hold, but I don't want to. I

> will never let him know I am now almost afraid of him hurting me, but

> I never hit or spank him, just take things away. The verbal abuse is

> ( " I wont " , " you cant make me " " your horrid " , etc he says) and he cant

> seem to self calm.

> anyone have any ideas, I can get the book, but the things geared to

> younger children I am almost using in total.

>

> Robin

>

> >

> > Yes, my son did this. Based upon my experience, I can tell you to

> > expect this to happen again. And to expect him to threaten other

> > people, not just you or his parents or adults.

> >

> > Here's what I recommend:

> > It would be ideal if you could catch the escalating frustration

> before

> > Lucas explodes, but you won't always be able to. And this is a

> primary

> > on-going goal to work on with the IEP and other supports that you

> > bring in- to teach Lucas to recognize when his frustration or

> anger is

> > increasing and to do something to stop it.

> >

> > Develop a plan of action for when this happens. It would be

> great if

> > the school implemented the same action that you will at home, so

> Lucas

> > has the consistency.

> >

> > Talk to Lucas and explain to him how inappropriate and serious

> it is

> > to threaten to kill someone. Ask him for his ideas on what he

> could do

> > instead when he gets upset, and what would help him. (I'm sure your

> > backing off helped a lot.) What did his brother do that helped calm

> > Lucas down?

> >

> > Some things that helped my son- writing whatever he wanted on

> paper,

> > squeezing a ball, punching a pillow. But the best is a break and

> alone

> > time. My son still today will get up and take a short walk to calm

> > down when he feels himself getting upset.

> >

> > We focused on preventing the escalation, de-escalating when the

> > explosion occurred, and then also had a consequence for behavior we

> > really wanted to extinguish. For my son, it was the loss of an

> > electronic for the evening- the computer, the tv, wii or

> ninendo. Or

> > all of the above if it was a really big offense.

> >

> > The book " The Explosive Child " is a helpful resource.

> >

> > Good luck.

> >

> > Reggi

> >

> > >

> > > Hello all, just an update on my grandson Lucas, my daughter

> and I are

> > > going to his first IEP meeting next week to talk about

> occupational

> > > therapy they said, the school just finished testing him a few

> weeks ago

> > > and said he rated " high " on the autism/aspergers scale. So I am

> > starting

> > > to think about what this boy needs on his IEP...and thought I

> would ask

> > > what is it your students have on theirs..he is just finishing

> up first

> > > grade in a public school. Maybe some of you can give us

> pointers..?

> > >

> > > And something happened today I want to share, that I think he

> needs to

> > > have therapy with, it is the first time in a public setting

> this has

> > > happened and I was quite embarrassed! He has been in trouble

> at school

> > > for saying inappropriate things and has been sent to the

> principals

> > offices.

> > >

> > > But this is the first time he did it in public. I took him to

> a fishing

> > > day over near us at a local park where his dad was working

> with the

> > > Oregon Fish and Game, and what it is is lots of kids show up

> and the

> > men

> > > who volunteer show them how to fish. The father and his other son,

> > > , a little older had gone earlier and Lucas and I went a

> bit later

> > > to join them. When we first got there the fish were biting

> real good

> > and

> > > it was lots of fun and both Lucas and caught 5 trout,

> the limit.

> > >

> > > The thing I want to talk about happened in the time when they are

> > > trying to catch the last fish, they'd stopped biting and so

> Lucas was

> > > playing with a big stick, said it was a spider leg out of " 8

> Legged

> > > Freaks " a movie he likes lately. He was getting tired and

> overwhelmed

> > > with all the people and fishing and the whole bit, and this

> was when he

> > > lost it and started on me, and said, " Grandma shut up, I am

> going to

> > > kill you, shut up.. " He has said this before when frustrated.

> People

> > > started looking at him and his brother tried to settle him

> down and

> > this

> > > was when he said to his brother, " I am going to stab you in

> the neck

> > > with a stick! " he was really frustrated and kept telling me to

> shut up

> > > and kind of pinching my arms, and he once hit me on the arm too.

> > >

> > > I didn't really know what to do, felt I should do something

> but have

> > > learned from past experiences discipline doesn't really help

> when he is

> > > like this. Kind of just sunk into my lawn chair there trying to

> > > disappear, I think I once did turn him over my knee and

> swatted him on

> > > the butt and told him to stop telling me he was going to kill

> > me...sigh.

> > > People really stared disapprovingly of course because they had

> little

> > > kids too and there was no way they were going to let their

> kids say

> > such

> > > a thing, but then again their kids seemed to know better.

> > >

> > > Finally his brother managed to settle him down and make him

> sit down

> > > nearer the water, and he caught the last fish and we left..

> > >

> > > Later here at home I told him he had to stop saying he was

> going to

> > kill

> > > people, and he slapped his head with both his hands and

> said, " Something

> > > is wrong in my brain I don't know what! " And I told him to say

> > something

> > > else when upset like that, not kill, like he could say pickle,

> and he

> > > said he didn't like the word pickle and I suggested a couple

> of others

> > > which he did not like either. He knows saying he is going to

> kill a

> > > person is wrong and he has said before that he would quit

> saying it,

> > yet

> > > when he is upset he says it.

> > >

> > > I wonder what some of you have done to teach your children to

> speak

> > more

> > > appropriately. The usual discipline ways you would use on a

> regular

> > > kid don't phase him when he is doing this.

> > >

> > > Carolyn OR ;o(

> > >

> >

>

> ------------------------------------

>

June 7, 2011

I am so glad i read this. My son is 12 and is autistic and adhd. He does this very thing. Threatens to kill everyone around him when he is mad. Although it has calmed down a bit but it is still there and i am at my witts end with trying to figure it out. I can't be with him all the time. He is doing this at school too and they have offered him a cool down zone which he is now utilizing on his own. He also states that something is wrong inside his head and he cant control himself sometimes. We are working on that as well.

To: autism-aspergers Sent: Mon, June 6, 2011 1:07:00 PMSubject: Re: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson LucasHello Reggi, thank you for your input here. Well yes he is doing it more and it just seems to hit him all of a sudden!Like yesterday we were in the van picking up another one of my grandchildren who'd stayed all night with a friend, and all of a sudden his new sandal broke. His mom had just bought them the day before and I knew they looked really flimsy and sure enough the Velcro fastener broke right in two! Well right about then my granddaughter was climbing up on a garbage can near the fence where she had been staying and was

yelling to her friends she had to back in the house to get her cell phone charger. He didn't understand any of that, but evidentially there were people asleep in the house they were not supposed to wake up so she couldn't just go and knock...And then he said, "I am going to stab Sierra..." He wanted to kill her and stab her! He wasn't even mad at her, he was mad at his shoe for breaking. I kept telling him his mom would take them back and get him new ones, don't worry, and all he could say was, "Shut up grandma, shut up grandma!" Even if I didn't say a word, he kept saying shut up shut up. It was very annoying.Leading up to it I figure he was tired, the morning had been busy, we'd gone to church, he took communion, he'd gone upstairs to kids church, we went to the playground after where he played about a half hour and met a new friend, he said he was hungry, I said I have to go and get your

sister and we'll go home and eat, had pizza planned. Usually we eat right after church but yesterday had planned a little party for my daughter's birthday so the routine was changed..At the house later he got really worked up scuffling with his brother and said it again and his mom said if he said kill one more time he was going to get a spanking with the switch, his afraid of that switch and she got it in her hand to threaten him, and then he said, " Do you hate me?" He said that over and over, do you hate me, do you hate me? And his mom said no she did not hate him..Sigh.CArolynrlevin999 wrote:>> Yes, my son did this. Based upon my experience, I can tell you to > expect this to happen again. And to expect him to threaten other > people, not just you or his parents or adults.>> Here's what I recommend:> It would be ideal if you could

catch the escalating frustration before > Lucas explodes, but you won't always be able to. And this is a primary > on-going goal to work on with the IEP and other supports that you > bring in- to teach Lucas to recognize when his frustration or anger is > increasing and to do something to stop it.>> Develop a plan of action for when this happens. It would be great if > the school implemented the same action that you will at home, so Lucas > has the consistency.>> Talk to Lucas and explain to him how inappropriate and serious it is > to threaten to kill someone. Ask him for his ideas on what he could do > instead when he gets upset, and what would help him. (I'm sure your > backing off helped a lot.) What did his brother do that helped calm > Lucas down?>> Some things that helped my son- writing whatever he wanted on paper, > squeezing a

ball, punching a pillow. But the best is a break and alone > time. My son still today will get up and take a short walk to calm > down when he feels himself getting upset.>> We focused on preventing the escalation, de-escalating when the > explosion occurred, and then also had a consequence for behavior we > really wanted to extinguish. For my son, it was the loss of an > electronic for the evening- the computer, the tv, wii or ninendo. Or > all of the above if it was a really big offense.>> The book "The Explosive Child" is a helpful resource.>> Good luck.>> Reggi>> > >> >

Hello all, just an update on my grandson Lucas, my daughter and I are> > going to his first IEP meeting next week to talk about occupational> > therapy they said, the school just finished testing him a few weeks ago> > and said he rated "high" on the autism/aspergers scale. So I am > starting> > to think about what this boy needs on his IEP...and thought I would ask> > what is it your students have on theirs..he is just finishing up first> > grade in a public school. Maybe some of you can give us pointers..?> >> > And something happened today I want to share, that I think he needs to> > have therapy with, it is the first time in a public setting this has> > happened and I was quite embarrassed! He has been in trouble at school> > for saying inappropriate things and has been sent to the principals > offices.> >>

> But this is the first time he did it in public. I took him to a fishing> > day over near us at a local park where his dad was working with the> > Oregon Fish and Game, and what it is is lots of kids show up and the > men> > who volunteer show them how to fish. The father and his other son,> > , a little older had gone earlier and Lucas and I went a bit later> > to join them. When we first got there the fish were biting real good > and> > it was lots of fun and both Lucas and caught 5 trout, the limit.> >> > The thing I want to talk about happened in the time when they are> > trying to catch the last fish, they'd stopped biting and so Lucas was> > playing with a big stick, said it was a spider leg out of "8 Legged> > Freaks" a movie he likes lately. He was getting tired and overwhelmed> > with all the

people and fishing and the whole bit, and this was when he> > lost it and started on me, and said, "Grandma shut up, I am going to> > kill you, shut up.." He has said this before when frustrated. People> > started looking at him and his brother tried to settle him down and > this> > was when he said to his brother, "I am going to stab you in the neck> > with a stick!" he was really frustrated and kept telling me to shut up> > and kind of pinching my arms, and he once hit me on the arm too.> >> > I didn't really know what to do, felt I should do something but have> > learned from past experiences discipline doesn't really help when he is> > like this. Kind of just sunk into my lawn chair there trying to> > disappear, I think I once did turn him over my knee and swatted him on> > the butt and told him to stop telling me he was

going to kill > me...sigh.> > People really stared disapprovingly of course because they had little> > kids too and there was no way they were going to let their kids say > such> > a thing, but then again their kids seemed to know better.> >> > Finally his brother managed to settle him down and make him sit down> > nearer the water, and he caught the last fish and we left..> >> > Later here at home I told him he had to stop saying he was going to > kill> > people, and he slapped his head with both his hands and said,"Something> > is wrong in my brain I don't know what!" And I told him to say > something> > else when upset like that, not kill, like he could say pickle, and he> > said he didn't like the word pickle and I suggested a couple of others> > which he did not like either. He knows saying he

is going to kill a> > person is wrong and he has said before that he would quit saying it, > yet> > when he is upset he says it.> >> > I wonder what some of you have done to teach your children to speak > more> > appropriately. The usual discipline ways you would use on a regular> > kid don't phase him when he is doing this.> >> > Carolyn OR ;o(> >>> ------------------------------------

June 7, 2011

I've seen a show called " SuperNanny, " where this lady comes in and

deals with problem children without spanking. (not the spinoffs, they

were horrible)

But if you look at the show, she used clearly defined rules, and there

was punishment for disobeying the rules. It could be standing in a

corner, being banished to a room or being denied something important...

but even these things were a form of pain, and fear of further

retribution was used to force compliance. She actually used a lot of

" pack mentality, " lessons where the parents were the leaders and took

control.

But even in that show, pain, fear, and dominance were used as tools to

create emotional pain and emotional fear to accomplish the same goals as

a quit swat on the rear end after a talking to.

Will it work? Probably. It's not my method, and would probably not

work for me.

> I'm not saying don't disipline. I'm saying doing it in with a switch or

spanking is not necessary. You can lay down the law without beating a child.

Isnt it a possibility that you can " disipline " without fear or pain?

>

> --- Original Message --

June 7, 2011

So if you spank them daily you must really " love " them a ton, right? Who are

they going to turn to when they've learned to fear this painful punishment? Let

us use some common knowledge. Would you confess your sins if you knew you had

physical pain coming? We don't have to be a child psychologist to make sense of

human nature.

Does this physical pain punishment work with the elderly too or just children

with no power at the mercy of a " loving " parent?

--- Original Message ---

Sent: June 6, 2011 6/6/11

To: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson Lucas

Â

People always jump to the conclusion that you " beat " the child if you

believe in the switch method. When it is done in love you simply teach

the child you are in authority over him and he has to mind you or he'll

get a little pain. If you beat a child you are not showing love. I think

people who teach their children to mind them are more loving than those

who do not.

Carolyn

srt12780@... wrote:

>

> I'm not saying don't disipline. I'm saying doing it in with a switch

> or spanking is not necessary. You can lay down the law without beating

> a child. Isnt it a possibility that you can " disipline " without fear

> or pain?

>

> --- Original Message ---

>

> From: H <gideon_seventy@...

> <mailto:gideon_seventy%40hotmail.com>>

> Sent: June 6, 2011 6/6/11

> To: autism-aspergers

> <mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com>

> Subject: Re: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson

> Lucas

>

> I was spanked, and at about 21 my dad and I had a heart to heart about

> it and I thanked him. His discipline, including the rare spanking, was

> the turning point in my life and the thing that made me aware that life

> is not all a bed of roses, we have responsibility as well.

>

> I never said anything about that to my children, but my two daughters,

> each and separately quite a lot of time apart, came to me years after

> they were adults, and said that me and my solid discipline were the

> reason they do so well today. My son was raised by his mother, and he

> was not disciplined. In a few minutes I'm going to the jail website in

> the town he lives in to see if he is back in jail.

>

> So I have to disagree that disciplining a child will cause them to be

> damaged. I understand, and they understand, that raising a child means

> that occasionally you have to prune them and direct them where they need

> to grow. That means discipline, a plan, a process, and a LOT of love.

> My experience is that the lack of that discipline will almost certainly

> guarantee failure and a life of pain for the child.

>

> I'll not comment on anything further simply because it is personal

> choice and my opinions are very strong on my choice because I know it

> works/doesn't work based on my personal experience with my own kids.

>

> > I was a spanked child and it never obtained the desired result which

> is to self regulate my own behaviors!

> >

> > You also permanently damage the child/ parent bond. Another problem

> with spanking is that if home is not thier soft place they will at

> some point look for this attention in more inappropriate ways.

>

June 7, 2011

I see what you aee saying but children do not think this way.....

They avoid unpleasent experiences! And fear of pain will not stop a child with

poor inpulse control, ODD, or an intellectual disability. or sensory issues

... My kid cannot stop some of his behaviors if his life literally depended on

it!

--- Original Message ---

Sent: June 6, 2011 6/6/11

To: autism-aspergers

Subject: Re: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson Lucas

Â

See that isn't right, where did you get that idea?

The whole point is they DO fear this painful punishment so then they do

submit to authority. You back up your words with training. It isn't

about confessing sins it is about yielding your rebellious human nature

to authority. Really simple when you think about it.

Nope would not do it with the elderly, once a person is at the age of

consent then however they were trained as a child is in practice and

they are on their own, they answer to nobody but God, all authority.

My idea of things anyway. I was raised that way and am obedient to God

myself. Honor your parents is the first commandment with promise the

Bible says.

Carolyn ;o)

srt12780@... wrote:

>

> So if you spank them daily you must really " love " them a ton, right?

> Who are they going to turn to when they've learned to fear this

> painful punishment? Let us use some common knowledge. Would you

> confess your sins if you knew you had physical pain coming? We don't

> have to be a child psychologist to make sense of human nature.

>

> Does this physical pain punishment work with the elderly too or just

> children with no power at the mercy of a " loving " parent?

>

> --- Original Message ---

>

> From: Carolyn <charper777@... <mailto:charper777%40comcast.net>>

> Sent: June 6, 2011 6/6/11

> To: autism-aspergers

> <mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com>

> Subject: Re: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson

> Lucas

>

> People always jump to the conclusion that you " beat " the child if you

> believe in the switch method. When it is done in love you simply teach

> the child you are in authority over him and he has to mind you or he'll

> get a little pain. If you beat a child you are not showing love. I think

> people who teach their children to mind them are more loving than those

> who do not.

>

> Carolyn

>

> srt12780@... <mailto:srt12780%40yahoo.com> wrote:

> >

> > I'm not saying don't disipline. I'm saying doing it in with a switch

> > or spanking is not necessary. You can lay down the law without beating

> > a child. Isnt it a possibility that you can " disipline " without fear

> > or pain?

> >

> > --- Original Message ---

> >

> > From: H <gideon_seventy@...

> <mailto:gideon_seventy%40hotmail.com>

> > <mailto:gideon_seventy%40hotmail.com>>

> > Sent: June 6, 2011 6/6/11

> > To: autism-aspergers

> <mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com>

> > <mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com>

> > Subject: Re: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson

> > Lucas

> >

> > I was spanked, and at about 21 my dad and I had a heart to heart about

> > it and I thanked him. His discipline, including the rare spanking, was

> > the turning point in my life and the thing that made me aware that life

> > is not all a bed of roses, we have responsibility as well.

> >

> > I never said anything about that to my children, but my two daughters,

> > each and separately quite a lot of time apart, came to me years after

> > they were adults, and said that me and my solid discipline were the

> > reason they do so well today. My son was raised by his mother, and he

> > was not disciplined. In a few minutes I'm going to the jail website in

> > the town he lives in to see if he is back in jail.

> >

> > So I have to disagree that disciplining a child will cause them to be

> > damaged. I understand, and they understand, that raising a child means

> > that occasionally you have to prune them and direct them where they need

> > to grow. That means discipline, a plan, a process, and a LOT of love.

> > My experience is that the lack of that discipline will almost certainly

> > guarantee failure and a life of pain for the child.

> >

> > I'll not comment on anything further simply because it is personal

> > choice and my opinions are very strong on my choice because I know it

> > works/doesn't work based on my personal experience with my own kids.

> >

> > > I was a spanked child and it never obtained the desired result which

> > is to self regulate my own behaviors!

> > >

> > > You also permanently damage the child/ parent bond. Another problem

> > with spanking is that if home is not thier soft place they will at

> > some point look for this attention in more inappropriate ways.

> >

>

June 7, 2011

My girl doesn't ever forget BAD experiences and will kick a door down to get

away from something she CAN " T tolerate.

If I hit her, she'd regress terribly.

I can't even imagine it.

Cammy

>

> I was spanked, and at about 21 my dad and I had a heart to heart about

> >it and I thanked him. His discipline, including the rare spanking, was

> >the turning point in my life and the thing that made me aware that life

> >is not all a bed of roses, we have responsibility as well.

> >

> >I never said anything about that to my children, but my two daughters,

> >each and separately quite a lot of time apart, came to me years after

> >they were adults, and said that me and my solid discipline were the

> >reason they do so well today. My son was raised by his mother, and he

> >was not disciplined. In a few minutes I'm going to the jail website in

> >the town he lives in to see if he is back in jail.

> >

> >So I have to disagree that disciplining a child will cause them to be

> >damaged. I understand, and they understand, that raising a child means

> >that occasionally you have to prune them and direct them where they need

> >to grow. That means discipline, a plan, a process, and a LOT of love.

> >My experience is that the lack of that discipline will almost certainly

> >guarantee failure and a life of pain for the child.

> >

> >I'll not comment on anything further simply because it is personal

> >choice and my opinions are very strong on my choice because I know it

> >works/doesn't work based on my personal experience with my own kids.

> >

> >> I was a spanked child and it never obtained the desired result which is to

self

> >>regulate my own behaviors!

> >>

> >> You also permanently damage the child/ parent bond. Another problem with

> >>spanking is that if home is not thier soft place they will at some point

> >>look for this attention in more inappropriate ways.

> >

> >------------------------------------

> >

June 7, 2011

Hi , funny you should mention this as I was just talking to Lucas

yesterday about this. He was in a very good mood yesterday when he came

over after school and I had heard somewhere that it would be a good time

to talk about the behavior to him. So I said to him, Lucas we have to

figure out a better way for you to handle your frustration instead of

saying you are going to kill or stab somebody. He said, I know Grandma I

have to stop saying that. He seemed embarrassed and ashamed. So I

suggested saying pickle. I did that the other day. It isn't so much the

word pickle I am after but I want to steer him to a little lighter

approach when he is upset. That is what I do myself, just lighten up and

look at the humor of the situation. I don't know if I am just naturally

good natured or what but can seem to find humor in most things and some

quite terrible at the time. It just lightens the mood I think and helps

a person to make better decisions, it does not accelerate the negative

behavior but seems to quench it.

I remember when my own son used to run around and tear up the house, it

was like we were living the funny papers around here! My older son and I

had the job of containing him and it would turn into a real wrestling

match almost on a daily basis. We learned to look at it good naturedly,

just took it in stride and did what we had to do. And the son who was so

upset and angry and out of control eventually would retreat to his

chair. Now think how the two of us could have escalated his anger,

rather we countered it with happiness and humor.

I don't know if we were all nuts but we still do it and it works..

That is why my grandkids know when they have pushed me too far with

their disobedience. If I tell them I am going to get the switch I get

it, I don't threaten for long. If I am holding it in my hand they know

it is time to comply. It is like magic. Yet I am the nicest, sweetest

kindest person you will ever know. My daughter says I am too nice,

probably true. I do think kindness and love will get us through, am

convinced it got us through the years of my older son's violence and it

was bad, really bad.

Switches and love, yes they go together at times...something to ponder.

Carolyn ;o)

wrote:

>

> While the heated discussion about the use of a switch are valid, I

> would like to move back to the origin of this topic...helping a

> grandmother helping her grandson.

>

> No matter what you/parents choose for reactive strategies the

> proactive and preventative strategies NEED to be prioritized. I cannot

> get to specific without knowing Locus but, it seems that he does not

> understand the severity of the words (maybe just the response they

> get) and when he threatens others it's when he is already at the

> explosion level.

>

> I suggest the us of the " Incredible 5 point scale " This can be used to

> teach and visually support almost any situation including determining

> how " big is the problem " , Social Stories depicting the " right way " of

> handling situations, calming techniques with visuals, if he is at the

> ability level discuss, demonstrate and role play how others feel based

> on his outburst, ( " Social Behavior maps " from Michele Garicia Winner

> provide a great visual for this)

>

> I hope a combination of some of these things will be helpful.

>

> >

> > I've seen a show called " SuperNanny, " where this lady comes in and

> > deals with problem children without spanking. (not the spinoffs, they

> > were horrible)

> >

> > But if you look at the show, she used clearly defined rules, and there

> > was punishment for disobeying the rules. It could be standing in a

> > corner, being banished to a room or being denied something important...

> > but even these things were a form of pain, and fear of further

> > retribution was used to force compliance. She actually used a lot of

> > " pack mentality, " lessons where the parents were the leaders and took

> > control.

> >

> > But even in that show, pain, fear, and dominance were used as tools to

> > create emotional pain and emotional fear to accomplish the same

> goals as

> > a quit swat on the rear end after a talking to.

> >

> > Will it work? Probably. It's not my method, and would probably not

> > work for me.

> >

> > > I'm not saying don't disipline. I'm saying doing it in with a

> switch or spanking is not necessary. You can lay down the law without

> beating a child. Isnt it a possibility that you can " disipline "

> without fear or pain?

> > >

> > > --- Original Message --

> >

>

June 7, 2011

, I am sorry you were hit with a wooden spoon. It sounds to me like

your mum was just taking out her frustration on you and this is never

right. I do hope you can overcome this abuse in time though. My mother

used to pull my hair when she was mad which seemed like she always was.

I never did understand what I did wrong, or what she wanted me to do to

correct myself. Seems like she was just taking out her frustration and

resentment on me. She did not treat her three sons the way she treated

me. And to this day, she is 92 and I am 69 she still does it! I have

gone through a lot of hurt and emotional pain but have learned to

forgive her, it has taken the grace of God and I am still working on it

as she is still pretty mean to me at times. Like she called the cops on

me a few months ago and told them I had abused her, she loves to lie

about me..it is very hurtful the things she says all the time...sigh.

I just finally figured out that I am an adult, I am not her little child

anymore and I must grow up and act according to my own values, and treat

her and others the way I believe I should. It is amazing the emotional

growth I have made in the last few years since I knew I had to forgive

her and not be like her, not be bitter and resentful towards her or

others, but rather to have pity on them. And I finally got my mind off

myself and let myself realized that she had emotional baggage that had

never healed within her, such as her mom died when she was 14 and my mom

at the time had to take care of all the kids, there were about six

younger than her and a two week old baby, her mom died after childbirth

from a blood clot. That was too much responsibility for her I think but

she did it, kept the kids all together during The Depression.

When my three brothers and I came along she was just overburdened with

her life I think. Then my dad got hurt in the woods, he was a logger,

and he died, and to this day my mom is very unforgiving and resentful

about all that was ever done to her in her life, she can talk non-stop

about that. She still blames the doctors and the hospital for killing my

dad, she never takes responsibility for anything, always blames others.

My doctor said my mom is a helpless victim and nothing can change her,

she blames me and takes her unhappiness out on me rather than take

responsibility for her own feelings and this can be an endless cycle

that goes for generations.

But I chose to be different than her, and by the grace of God I am! I

think I am having a much better affect on my four children going this

route I have, and my husband died of alcoholism and left me on my own to

raise them and the seven grandkids. I could easily be bitter and

resentful and unforgiving, but choose not to be, to love and forgive

others instead..

Carolyn ;o)

Ponzio wrote:

>

> my mum used to hit me with a wooden spoon and it left welts. IT HAS

> AFFECTED ME. I do not stand up for myself, I allow people to walk all

> over me, I had low self esteem (this is being worked on with my

> psychologist). I married someone who had I had any sense of self

> worth, I would have walked away from while we were dating. he told me

> his ex was a man within 2 weeks of us dating, why did I feel it was ok

> to fall in love with a gay man? I obviously didn't think I could find

> anyone better than the piece of trash I married. he was very abusive

> and still the marriage lasted almost 7 years and we have 3 kids.

> anyone who says they use physical violence to discipline their child

> and justifies this shitty behaviour should be shot. his father has a

> lot to answer for in what he allowed his son to witness growing up.

> his dad hit his mum so my soon to be ex didn't learn from his mistakes

> and repeated the same shit with me. do not defend your father.

>

> On 7 June 2011 08:36, H <gideon_seventy@...

> > wrote:

>

> I was spanked, and at about 21 my dad and I had a heart to heart about

> it and I thanked him. His discipline, including the rare spanking, was

> the turning point in my life and the thing that made me aware that

> life

> is not all a bed of roses, we have responsibility as well.

>

> I never said anything about that to my children, but my two daughters,

> each and separately quite a lot of time apart, came to me years after

> they were adults, and said that me and my solid discipline were the

> reason they do so well today. My son was raised by his mother, and he

> was not disciplined. In a few minutes I'm going to the jail website in

> the town he lives in to see if he is back in jail.

>

> So I have to disagree that disciplining a child will cause them to be

> damaged. I understand, and they understand, that raising a child means

> that occasionally you have to prune them and direct them where

> they need

> to grow. That means discipline, a plan, a process, and a LOT of love.

> My experience is that the lack of that discipline will almost

> certainly

> guarantee failure and a life of pain for the child.

>

> I'll not comment on anything further simply because it is personal

> choice and my opinions are very strong on my choice because I know it

> works/doesn't work based on my personal experience with my own kids.

>

> > I was a spanked child and it never obtained the desired result

> which is to self regulate my own behaviors!

> >

> > You also permanently damage the child/ parent bond. Another

> problem with spanking is that if home is not thier soft place they

> will at some point look for this attention in more inappropriate ways.

>

> ------------------------------------

>

June 7, 2011

My son doesnt understand what he is saying either when he threatens someone. He is so frustrated and that is what comes out. We are working a cool zone in the house and when we do go out in public it is discussed where that is. School also has offered this but it doesnt stop it totally. We are working on him expressing himself differently. It just hurts to see him struggle so hard to fit in and then explode like he does.

To: autism-aspergers Sent: Tue, June 7, 2011 6:57:23 AMSubject: threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson Lucas

While the heated discussion about the use of a switch are valid, I would like to move back to the origin of this topic...helping a grandmother helping her grandson.No matter what you/parents choose for reactive strategies the proactive and preventative strategies NEED to be prioritized. I cannot get to specific without knowing Locus but, it seems that he does not understand the severity of the words (maybe just the response they get) and when he threatens others it's when he is already at the explosion level.I suggest the us of the "Incredible 5 point scale" This can be used to teach and visually support almost any situation including determining how "big is the problem", Social Stories depicting the "right way" of handling situations, calming techniques with visuals, if he is at the ability level discuss, demonstrate and role play how others feel based on his outburst, ("Social Behavior maps" from Michele Garicia Winner provide a

great visual for this)I hope a combination of some of these things will be helpful.>> > I've seen a show called "SuperNanny," where this lady comes in and > deals with problem children without spanking. (not the spinoffs, they > were horrible)> > But if you look at the show, she used clearly defined rules, and there > was punishment for disobeying the rules. It could be standing in a > corner, being banished to a room or being denied something important... > but even these things were a form of pain, and fear of further > retribution was used to force compliance. She actually used a lot of > "pack mentality," lessons where the parents were

the leaders and took > control.> > But even in that show, pain, fear, and dominance were used as tools to > create emotional pain and emotional fear to accomplish the same goals as > a quit swat on the rear end after a talking to.> > Will it work? Probably. It's not my method, and would probably not > work for me.> > > I'm not saying don't disipline. I'm saying doing it in with a switch or spanking is not necessary. You can lay down the law without beating a child. Isnt it a possibility that you can "disipline" without fear or pain?> >> > --- Original Message -->

June 7, 2011

I am finding it interesting that a large number of these children are

using the word kill or stab others. I was really shocked the first time

I heard my grandson Lucas say it and just recently saying that he wants

to stab his brother! He's watched a lot of movies and played video games

where there is killing and stabbing and shooting going on so don't know

if that is where it is coming from or what.

Like one day he wanted to show me a new video game, there was this guy,

can't think of his name right now, but he was driving a little car and

running into people along the road and they were flying in all

directions. And I got kind of upset when he hit an older woman and

knocked her into the air and said " Well if that was me I would get up

and make him stop that! " and he said, " Oh grandma it is only pretend. "

He seemed really worried I reacted to how terrible it would be to really

hit an older person with a car. I mean it was kind of funny how badly

this guy drove.

What's his name, he has a family, wife with big hair, a couple of

kids..I can see him but can't think of his name.

Carolyn

Nikole Benson wrote:

>

> My son doesnt understand what he is saying either when he threatens

> someone. He is so frustrated and that is what comes out. We are

> working a cool zone in the house and when we do go out in public it

> is discussed where that is. School also has offered this but it doesnt

> stop it totally. We are working on him expressing himself differently.

> It just hurts to see him struggle so hard to fit in and then explode

> like he does.

>

> <a

> href= " http://www.inspire.com/inspire/group/neurofibromatosis-inc/ " ><img

> <http://www.inspire.com/inspire/group/neurofibromatosis-inc/%22%3E%3Cimg>

> src= " http://www.inspire.com/badge/neurofibromatosis-inc/b "

> alt= " Together we're better - Neurofibromatosis, Inc. Support

> Community " border= " 0 " /></a>

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> *From:*

> *To:* autism-aspergers

> *Sent:* Tue, June 7, 2011 6:57:23 AM

> *Subject:* threatening to kill, was Re: Grandson Lucas

>

> While the heated discussion about the use of a switch are valid, I

> would like to move back to the origin of this topic...helping a

> grandmother helping her grandson.

>

> No matter what you/parents choose for reactive strategies the

> proactive and preventative strategies NEED to be prioritized. I cannot

> get to specific without knowing Locus but, it seems that he does not

> understand the severity of the words (maybe just the response they

> get) and when he threatens others it's when he is already at the

> explosion level.

>

> I suggest the us of the " Incredible 5 point scale " This can be used to

> teach and visually support almost any situation including determining

> how " big is the problem " , Social Stories depicting the " right way " of

> handling situations, calming techniques with visuals, if he is at the

> ability level discuss, demonstrate and role play how others feel based

> on his outburst, ( " Social Behavior maps " from Michele Garicia Winner

> provide a great visual for this)

>

> I hope a combination of some of these things will be helpful.

>

> >

> > I've seen a show called " SuperNanny, " where this lady comes in and

> > deals with problem children without spanking. (not the spinoffs, they

> > were horrible)

> >

> > But if you look at the show, she used clearly defined rules, and there

> > was punishment for disobeying the rules. It could be standing in a

> > corner, being banished to a room or being denied something important...

> > but even these things were a form of pain, and fear of further

> > retribution was used to force compliance. She actually used a lot of

> > " pack mentality, " lessons where the parents were the leaders and took

> > control.

> >

> > But even in that show, pain, fear, and dominance were used as tools to

> > create emotional pain and emotional fear to accomplish the same

> goals as

> > a quit swat on the rear end after a talking to.

> >

> > Will it work? Probably. It's not my method, and would probably not

> > work for me.

> >

> > > I'm not saying don't disipline. I'm saying doing it in with a

> switch or spanking is not necessary. You can lay down the law without

> beating a child. Isnt it a possibility that you can " disipline "

> without fear or pain?

> > >

> > > --- Original Message --

> >

>

June 7, 2011

Oh it came to me, the Simpsons, that stupid Homer Simpson. My daughter

bought the movie not too long ago and when they started watching it the

first thing in it they were making fun of the Holy Spirit in church and,

so my daughter threw it in the garbage can. Guess the guy who writes it

is an atheist. Too many of these negative influences. Yuk.

Carolyn ;o(

Carolyn wrote:

>

> I am finding it interesting that a large number of these children are

> using the word kill or stab others. I was really shocked the first time

> I heard my grandson Lucas say it and just recently saying that he wants

> to stab his brother! He's watched a lot of movies and played video games

> where there is killing and stabbing and shooting going on so don't know

> if that is where it is coming from or what.

>

> Like one day he wanted to show me a new video game, there was this guy,

> can't think of his name right now, but he was driving a little car and

> running into people along the road and they were flying in all

> directions. And I got kind of upset when he hit an older woman and

> knocked her into the air and said " Well if that was me I would get up

> and make him stop that! " and he said, " Oh grandma it is only pretend. "

> He seemed really worried I reacted to how terrible it would be to really

> hit an older person with a car. I mean it was kind of funny how badly

> this guy drove.

>

> What's his name, he has a family, wife with big hair, a couple of

> kids..I can see him but can't think of his name.

>

> Carolyn

>

> Nikole Benson wrote:

> >

> > My son doesnt understand what he is saying either when he threatens

> > someone. He is so frustrated and that is what comes out. We are

> > working a cool zone in the house and when we do go out in public it

> > is discussed where that is. School also has offered this but it doesnt

> > stop it totally. We are working on him expressing himself differently.

> > It just hurts to see him struggle so hard to fit in and then explode

> > like he does.

> >

>

June 7, 2011

There is a really good website for all media concerns. Www.commonsencemedia.org

I think that is it but I am on my phone so I am not sure! Great resourse for

concervative and mindful parents.

--- Original Message ---

Sent: June 7, 2011 6/7/11