OT: life in our family

[Guest guest]

Many of you may wonder why I have (by and large) abandoned administrating this

group -- to Jo's loving ministrations. I want to personally thank Jo for all

she has done.

Life in our home for the last year and a half has been a virtual nightmare

because we are dealing with a severely mentally ill son. Christmas day we

managed to get through -- we thought -- without major crisis. Well, we gave " T "

a Nintendo DS and all the trimmings with one game, with a promise of another

game in three days when we drove into Portland. (We're pretty darn rural

here... doubt we could buy a game in town if we searched high and low!)

By Christmas afternoon, " T " was already unhappy because he felt like he had

played the one game enough and needed a second. He insisted that we must drive

and get him a second game immediately. Due to our location it would have been

150 mile round trip to find an open store that carried games... and we reminded

" T " that we would be buying him another game in three days time. He was

unhappy, but his " need " was not reasonable.

Well, as many of you know we have alarms on doors, locks on all food cabinets,

and surveillance cameras throughout the common areas of our home. Because of

" T's " problems, we generally accompany him from room to room and he has very

limited access due to his destructiveness and proclivity for poisoning the

family. Well, it was Christmas... we were distracted.. and we allowed " T " to

walk through the kitchen. There is about five feet where he is not visible on

video, but we watched him walk to and then on the other side of this area (via

video)... with admonitions to hustle along. It did not appear that he dallied

at all. However, how wrong we were.

The leftovers from Christmas dinner were still cooling before they could be put

away and as " T " walked by, he had secreted feces in his hand and slipped it into

the leftovers, quickly stirring it into the food.

So, the day after Christmas when I reheated the food, the house was filled with

the stench of feces.

" T " has been on a urine rampage, where he urinates in his bedroom closet, in the

bathroom, under the sink in the bathroom cabinet, etc. Whatever is

inadvertently left in the bathroom is decorated with feces. In our family one

of the greatest crimes is to leave your toothbrush on the bathroom sink, because

then it must be replaced because you will come back to a brown toothbrush. " T "

stole our son Isaiah's new DS the day after Christmas and poured water through

it and pounded the game into oblivion.

During the Christmas break, " T " kicked me in the head... (by accident Momma) and

choked 10 year old Isaiah. (I had to stop him.)

The one bright spot (and it is a bit dim)... is that " T " has let us know some of

the things he used to poison the family with last year. We are now aware that

our puppy's seizures and constant vomiting were due to " T's " choices. I knew

for the last year that I was being poisoned as I had some SEVERE reactions, but

initially everyone thought I had lost my mind.... whether it was my husband, the

doctors, or " T's " therapists. Last summer, Gene and I caught T " poisoning the

family red-handed twice.

We did have " T " arrested finally for his poisoning of the family, but he was

found " incompetent to stand trial " and " unrecoverable, " so they dismissed all

charges against him. Of course, our goal was not at that time prosecution, but

it has been almost impossible to get help.

Right after school started, our 8 year old daughter's teacher called me because

Kayla had an assignment to write about what she did during the summer and Kayla

could think of nothing. The teacher (who is a friend of mine) couldn't believe

this was possible and wanted me to give her a suggestion for Kayla. I could

suggest nothing.

I have started a " happy " blog for myself... because when I looked back at 2009 I

found it almost impossible to think of anything that was good. Of course, there

were some wonderful moments, but they have been overwhelmed by the tidal wave of

" T's " antics and needs.

We have run the gamut of highs and lows this year... with hopes for a miracle,

and fears that we will all be murdered in our beds from the knives " T " had

secreted. (We discovered " Kill, kill family " written on the bottom of the sofa

in permanent marker.)

Part of the therapists have believed that Gene and I were making all of this

up... and wrote it up in their reports. I have been demonized by therapists for

both my advocacy for and my fear of my son.

We knew " T " had many problems when he was adopted; however, we did not know of

the extent. In desperation I have located his birth mother on " myspace. "

According to birth mom, years ago she was told that " T " was " pooping all over

the place and throwing it against the walls. " Somehow that was never conveyed

to us in our adoption process and/or disclosure. I was prepared for a lot of

problems, but this use of his bodily fluids is more than I can take.

" T " has informed me that if we die from one of his attacks, whether from a

weapon like a knife or a poison... that he is not responsible. Only " GOD " can

kill. It will just be " God calling you home. You will not die if God is not

ready to call you. " Therapists tell me that " T " is not trying to kill me...

just as he says, " make you really, really, really sick, Momma. " Of course, what

the therapists seem incapable of understanding is that in his world, " T " cannot

kill.

Finally, we have " T " on the waitlist for the state psychiatric hospital, where

he will likely stay for a year. It is estimated that he will be admitted in

February.

Well, I am just ranting and raving and trying to somehow stay sane myself. My

son is rabidly insane... but at the same time is a gregarious, friendly, lovable

boy. Just in an " Arsenic and Old Lace " manner can smile and cajole you while

poisoning your coffee. When he is at his sickest, he literally perceives

himself as a " brownie " who turns into a " bogart " when he is enraged, where

whatever he does is justified.

Okay, I will stop now. Thanks for listening if you got this far.

Elle