Re: Never hit a child please!

June 8, 2011

You can teach them without aggression and violence! How do you teach Math? Science? History? I never said there shouldn't be a punishment. I just said it doesn't need to be aggressive/ physical.

When my son does something we believe to be an infraction of the rules we punish him. Sometimes he just needs to be removed from the environment because he's over stimulated. Sometimes we can discuss it and make it a teachable moment. Sometimes he loses something that matters to him, like game time. Sometimes he is made to go to his room for quiet time for both him and I (sometimes more I than him). It depends on the infraction. If he hit his sister, then he'd obviouly be made to appologize. We'd talk about the golden rule and turn it back around to him and more talking about how would he feel (trying to teach empathy and allow him to notice others feelings) and also that it's simply wrong to hit. He would lose a privilage depending on what was going on that day that mattered to him. If he was going somewhere, that would be canceled. If everyone else was going to the

corner store for a popscicle, than he would be excluded. Yes, I am the authority. Yes, I am in control. However, I do it calmly, firmly and without aggression and physical pain. He might be sad. He might be mad at me, but he won't fear me and he won't have any marks on his body. He'll also know that his mother, the one person that should love him and protect him more than any other will not be laying her hands or any other man made product on his body in the name of "training", "teaching" or "guiding" him. You can label it whatever you'd like but it's aggressive. It's violent. And it treats children like they are animals without reasoning skills.

To: autism-aspergers Sent: Tue, June 7, 2011 11:44:44 PMSubject: Re: Never hit a child please!

Yes it bothers me that you compare kids to dogs AND I would let you train my dog or my child for all the rice in China! Sorry! Spanking/ Switching whatever you call it is wrong in my book! especially for Autistic kids! They need COMPASSION, LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING AND MERCY from the world around them especially in their own homes! It starts in the home first!

, if you don't teach a child that a certain behavior is wrong, how do you expect them to learn? If you don't use some form of pain, how do you expect them to avoid a certain bad behavior? Do you use an alternative method when they do wrong, and what is it?

June 8, 2011

Hi , I think parents may discipline their children in any way

they choose to but to label a person's choice as " aggression " and

" violent " this simply is not true, and is a generalized statement

intended to condemn those who use a method not approved of by the other.

I know you believe in the time out restricting pleasures, etc., method

as you have explained. I never did any of those things with my children

or grandchildren, have never made them skip dinner, go to their room,

time out, can't go out on the weekend and a million other things.

Instead my punishment was always quick and swift and only pertained to

that one specific act of disobedience when the children were quite

young. Like say crossing a street when I said not to, I " trained " the

child immediately on the spot with a swat on the butt, and a command,

" Do not do that again! " Since they had been told previously and they

chose to go against my specific direction to them.

Afterwards I always explained why they weren't to do that, no I was not

trying to ruin their fun, just did not want them to get run over!

So our methods differ, that is fine and can be so I believe without

condemning one another as we all love our children and are trying to do

our best with them I think.

And there is another thing we have not mentioned when it comes to

discipline; it is the mothers and fathers who emotionally abuse their

children by yelling at them and brow beating them in an attempt to

manipulate them by guilt and shame to comply. Maybe people are thinking

that those who use the spank method, (l like that word better than

spanking as usually it is only one spank) are doing that but in my own

case I am totally against emotionally abusing my children or any other

children with my mouth and this I have been very very careful not ever

to do. This is true!

Maybe it was because I was yelled at so much as a child and still I am

yelled at to this very day by my mother. Over the years I have had a

terrible time trying to figure out what I did wrong in her eyes as she

is always emotionally upset and yelling at me! My desire was to please

her and obey her and she was sure it never was and was always beating me

up with her tongue! Can you imagine she is 93 almost and I will be 70 on

my birthday and I STILL do not know what this woman wants. So how many

of us mothers are doing that. I would say DO NOT do that.

So this is a kind of discipline I have never used but have always told

my kids and grandkids positive things about themselves. I think this is

one reason my autistic son did so poorly at school, it was all

the badgering and connotation that he was not a good boy. Funny the last

words he said were, " Good boy! Good boy! " I always told him he was a

good boy, and still do today. I tell that to all my kids and grandkids,

in my eyes I love them unconditionally and never say otherwise to them.

So let us agree to disagree, I personally think there are more ways than

one to raise a child..and it usually comes out ok, proving we are all

pretty tough. I think personal responsibility is the main focus we

should all aim for anyway.

Carolyn ;o)

R. Tucker wrote:

>

> You can teach them without aggression and violence! How do you teach

> Math? Science? History? I never said there shouldn't be a

> punishment. I just said it doesn't need to be aggressive/ physical.

>

> When my son does something we believe to be an infraction of the rules

> we punish him. Sometimes he just needs to be removed from the

> environment because he's over stimulated. Sometimes we can discuss it

> and make it a teachable moment. Sometimes he loses something that

> matters to him, like game time. Sometimes he is made to go to his

> room for quiet time for both him and I (sometimes more I than him).

> It depends on the infraction. If he hit his sister, then he'd

> obviouly be made to appologize. We'd talk about the golden rule and

> turn it back around to him and more talking about how would he feel

> (trying to teach empathy and allow him to notice others feelings) and

> also that it's simply wrong to hit. He would lose a privilage

> depending on what was going on that day that mattered to him. If he

> was going somewhere, that would be canceled. If everyone else was

> going to the corner store for a popscicle, than he would be

> excluded. Yes, I am the authority. Yes, I am in control. However, I

> do it calmly, firmly and without aggression and physical pain. He

> might be sad. He might be mad at me, but he won't fear me and he

> won't have any marks on his body. He'll also know that his mother,

> the one person that should love him and protect him more than any

> other will not be laying her hands or any other man made product on

> his body in the name of " training " , " teaching " or " guiding " him. You

> can label it whatever you'd like but it's aggressive. It's

> violent. And it treats children like they are animals without

> reasoning skills.

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> *From:* H

> *To:* autism-aspergers

> *Sent:* Tue, June 7, 2011 11:44:44 PM

> *Subject:* Re: Never hit a child please!

>

>> Yes it bothers me that you compare kids to dogs AND I would let you

>> train my dog or my child for all the rice in China! Sorry!

>> Spanking/ Switching whatever you call it is wrong in my book!

>> especially for Autistic kids! They need COMPASSION, LOVE AND

>> UNDERSTANDING AND MERCY from the world around them especially in

>> their own homes! It starts in the home first!

>>

> , if you don't teach a child that a certain behavior is wrong,

> how do you expect them to learn? If you don't use some form of pain,

> how do you expect them to avoid a certain bad behavior? Do you use an

> alternative method when they do wrong, and what is it?

>

June 8, 2011

Carolyn,

I'm not trying to make you out to be the bad guy. I'm really not! You have your opinion and the only reason I don't agree to disagree is because there are people on this forum seeking advise and I cannot just say o well, they'll make up their own minds when I know with out a doubt that it is wrong, and violent. I would never ADVISE someone to "spank" or "swat" or "switch" or whatever anyone wants to call it once or any amt. of times. ASD children are different. (not that I would do this to a neuro-typical child either!)

And just for clarification, my kids do not skip their dinners either! They need nourishment for their brains to work and so they aren't cranky and aggitated. It's not right to deny the dying nourishment, why the ____ would we do this to our children as a form of punishment. I would deny dessert, but not their meal. I have two children that are underweight and drink 3 cans of Ensure Plus every day just to keep weight on.

If you are going to take the bible word for word literally, then make sure next time someone looks at you with lust, or a member of your family.....you make sure you poke their eyes out ok?

To: autism-aspergers Sent: Wed, June 8, 2011 12:22:10 PMSubject: Re: Never hit a child please!

Hi , I think parents may discipline their children in any way they choose to but to label a person's choice as "aggression" and "violent" this simply is not true, and is a generalized statement intended to condemn those who use a method not approved of by the other.I know you believe in the time out restricting pleasures, etc., method as you have explained. I never did any of those things with my children or grandchildren, have never made them skip dinner, go to their room, time out, can't go out on the weekend and a million other things. Instead my punishment was always quick and swift and only pertained to that one specific act of disobedience when the children were quite young. Like say crossing a street when I said not to, I "trained" the child immediately on the spot with a swat on the butt, and a command, "Do not do that again!" Since they had been told previously and they chose to

go against my specific direction to them.Afterwards I always explained why they weren't to do that, no I was not trying to ruin their fun, just did not want them to get run over!So our methods differ, that is fine and can be so I believe without condemning one another as we all love our children and are trying to do our best with them I think.And there is another thing we have not mentioned when it comes to discipline; it is the mothers and fathers who emotionally abuse their children by yelling at them and brow beating them in an attempt to manipulate them by guilt and shame to comply. Maybe people are thinking that those who use the spank method, (l like that word better than spanking as usually it is only one spank) are doing that but in my own case I am totally against emotionally abusing my children or any other children with my mouth and this I have been very very careful not ever

to do. This is true!Maybe it was because I was yelled at so much as a child and still I am yelled at to this very day by my mother. Over the years I have had a terrible time trying to figure out what I did wrong in her eyes as she is always emotionally upset and yelling at me! My desire was to please her and obey her and she was sure it never was and was always beating me up with her tongue! Can you imagine she is 93 almost and I will be 70 on my birthday and I STILL do not know what this woman wants. So how many of us mothers are doing that. I would say DO NOT do that.So this is a kind of discipline I have never used but have always told my kids and grandkids positive things about themselves. I think this is one reason my autistic son did so poorly at school, it was all the badgering and connotation that he was not a good boy. Funny the last words he said were, "Good boy! Good boy!"

I always told him he was a good boy, and still do today. I tell that to all my kids and grandkids, in my eyes I love them unconditionally and never say otherwise to them.So let us agree to disagree, I personally think there are more ways than one to raise a child..and it usually comes out ok, proving we are all pretty tough. I think personal responsibility is the main focus we should all aim for anyway.Carolyn ;o) R. Tucker wrote:> > You can teach them without aggression and violence! How do you teach > Math? Science? History? I never said there shouldn't be a > punishment. I just said it doesn't need to be aggressive/ physical. > > When my son does something we believe to be an infraction of the rules > we punish him. Sometimes he just needs to be removed from the > environment because he's over stimulated. Sometimes we can discuss it > and

make it a teachable moment. Sometimes he loses something that > matters to him, like game time. Sometimes he is made to go to his > room for quiet time for both him and I (sometimes more I than him). > It depends on the infraction. If he hit his sister, then he'd > obviouly be made to appologize. We'd talk about the golden rule and > turn it back around to him and more talking about how would he feel > (trying to teach empathy and allow him to notice others feelings) and > also that it's simply wrong to hit. He would lose a privilage > depending on what was going on that day that mattered to him. If he > was going somewhere, that would be canceled. If everyone else was > going to the corner store for a popscicle, than he would be > excluded. Yes, I am the authority. Yes, I am in control. However, I > do it calmly, firmly and without aggression and physical pain. He

> might be sad. He might be mad at me, but he won't fear me and he > won't have any marks on his body. He'll also know that his mother, > the one person that should love him and protect him more than any > other will not be laying her hands or any other man made product on > his body in the name of "training", "teaching" or "guiding" him. You > can label it whatever you'd like but it's aggressive. It's > violent. And it treats children like they are animals without > reasoning skills. > > >>> ----------------------------------------------------------> *From:* H > *To:* autism-aspergers > *Sent:* Tue, June 7, 2011 11:44:44 PM> *Subject:* Re: Never hit a child please!>> >> >>> Yes it bothers me that you compare kids to dogs AND I would let you >> train my dog or my child for all the rice in China! Sorry! >> Spanking/ Switching whatever you call it is wrong in my book! >> especially for Autistic kids! They need COMPASSION, LOVE AND >> UNDERSTANDING AND MERCY from the world around them especially in >> their own homes! It starts in the home first!>> >> > , if you don't teach a child that a certain behavior is wrong, > how do you expect them to learn? If you don't use some form of pain, > how do you expect them to avoid a certain

bad behavior? Do you use an > alternative method when they do wrong, and what is it?>

June 8, 2011

i am new to this group and i am shocked that anyone would think about hiting

their child as a form of punishment...i am a catholic and have 3 children, 1

recently diagnosed with autism and would not inflict any sort of pain to any of

them as a form of punishment.

autistic children have a hard life as it is, they dont need their own parents

giving them more pain, my daughter is bullied at school and feels save at home,

not in a million years would i inflict more pain to her.

we all have our own opinions and should be kept so and out of the group.

June 8, 2011

Hello , I want to make one thing clear here, I am not giving

advice to anybody!!!

All I am doing is sharing some of the ways in which I have raised my own

kids and my own grandkids. If people want to somehow be inspired by me

and by some of my choices and experiences I have had in my life, I think

this is up to them. I am just sharing my life.

The part about kids skipping meals, actually I got that out of the movie

" Mommie Dearest " it just popped into my head as I remember when she used

to send her kids to bed without eating. I was not suggesting that you

may be doing that with your kids.

Anyway I understand how strongly you are against spanking children in

any way shape or form ever, I think we all get that by now.

And I am sorry about your two children being underweight and not eating

right. That must be so hard for you. My grandson Lucas eats very little

also, has mostly lived on chocolate milk out of a baby bottle all this

time and is almost 7 years old. He is trying to stop the habit now

though because he does not want to be ridiculed as being a baby but I

wonder what he will eat once he gives it up completely. We were talking

yesterday at his IEP meeting about his eating habits, he mostly will

only eat things that are white, likes vanilla milk shakes and sugar

cookies and some pasta.

I think there is so much to learn about autism that we should all stick

together here. My son Marty on the other hand loved to eat, his favorite

foods were pizza and spaghetti and it was quite heart breaking when I

had to put him on a food tube about ten years ago but it saved his life.

Now he only gets liquid Jevity about 6 cans a day from a Kangaroo food

pump. At first he looked longly at the pizza when we had it but has long

since accepted how has to be. He is just so long suffering and accepting.

He has melted my heart to butter and humbled me, so now I simply cannot

stay mad long or hold grudges. So I hope we can go on here all being

friends and sharing our lives here in a loving way.

Sincerely,

Carolyn ;o)

R. Tucker wrote:

>

> Carolyn,

>

> I'm not trying to make you out to be the bad guy. I'm really not!

> You have your opinion and the only reason I don't agree to disagree is

> because there are people on this forum seeking advise and I cannot

> just say o well, they'll make up their own minds when I know with

> out a doubt that it is wrong, and violent. I would never ADVISE

> someone to " spank " or " swat " or " switch " or whatever anyone wants to

> call it once or any amt. of times. ASD children are different. (not

> that I would do this to a neuro-typical child either!)

>

> And just for clarification, my kids do not skip their dinners

> either! They need nourishment for their brains to work and so they

> aren't cranky and aggitated. It's not right to deny the dying

> nourishment, why the ____ would we do this to our children as a form

> of punishment. I_ would_ deny dessert, but not their meal. I have

> two children that are underweight and drink 3 cans of Ensure Plus

> every day just to keep weight on.

>

> If you are going to take the bible word for word literally, then make

> sure next time someone looks at you with lust, or a member of your

> family.....you make sure you poke their eyes out ok?

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> *From:* Carolyn

> *To:* autism-aspergers

> *Sent:* Wed, June 8, 2011 12:22:10 PM

> *Subject:* Re: Never hit a child please!

>

> Hi , I think parents may discipline their children in any way

> they choose to but to label a person's choice as " aggression " and

> " violent " this simply is not true, and is a generalized statement

> intended to condemn those who use a method not approved of by the other.

>

> I know you believe in the time out restricting pleasures, etc., method

> as you have explained. I never did any of those things with my children

> or grandchildren, have never made them skip dinner, go to their room,

> time out, can't go out on the weekend and a million other things.

> Instead my punishment was always quick and swift and only pertained to

> that one specific act of disobedience when the children were quite

> young. Like say crossing a street when I said not to, I " trained " the

> child immediately on the spot with a swat on the butt, and a command,

> " Do not do that again! " Since they had been told previously and they

> chose to go against my specific direction to them.

>

> Afterwards I always explained why they weren't to do that, no I was not

> trying to ruin their fun, just did not want them to get run over!

>

> So our methods differ, that is fine and can be so I believe without

> condemning one another as we all love our children and are trying to do

> our best with them I think.

>

> And there is another thing we have not mentioned when it comes to

> discipline; it is the mothers and fathers who emotionally abuse their

> children by yelling at them and brow beating them in an attempt to

> manipulate them by guilt and shame to comply. Maybe people are thinking

> that those who use the spank method, (l like that word better than

> spanking as usually it is only one spank) are doing that but in my own

> case I am totally against emotionally abusing my children or any other

> children with my mouth and this I have been very very careful not ever

> to do. This is true!

>

> Maybe it was because I was yelled at so much as a child and still I am

> yelled at to this very day by my mother. Over the years I have had a

> terrible time trying to figure out what I did wrong in her eyes as she

> is always emotionally upset and yelling at me! My desire was to please

> her and obey her and she was sure it never was and was always beating me

> up with her tongue! Can you imagine she is 93 almost and I will be 70 on

> my birthday and I STILL do not know what this woman wants. So how many

> of us mothers are doing that. I would say DO NOT do that.

>

> So this is a kind of discipline I have never used but have always told

> my kids and grandkids positive things about themselves. I think this is

> one reason my autistic son did so poorly at school, it was all

> the badgering and connotation that he was not a good boy. Funny the last

> words he said were, " Good boy! Good boy! " I always told him he was a

> good boy, and still do today. I tell that to all my kids and grandkids,

> in my eyes I love them unconditionally and never say otherwise to them.

>

> So let us agree to disagree, I personally think there are more ways than

> one to raise a child..and it usually comes out ok, proving we are all

> pretty tough. I think personal responsibility is the main focus we

> should all aim for anyway.

>

> Carolyn ;o)

>

> R. Tucker wrote:

> >

> > You can teach them without aggression and violence! How do you teach

> > Math? Science? History? I never said there shouldn't be a

> > punishment. I just said it doesn't need to be aggressive/ physical.

> >

> > When my son does something we believe to be an infraction of the rules

> > we punish him. Sometimes he just needs to be removed from the

> > environment because he's over stimulated. Sometimes we can discuss it

> > and make it a teachable moment. Sometimes he loses something that

> > matters to him, like game time. Sometimes he is made to go to his

> > room for quiet time for both him and I (sometimes more I than him).

> > It depends on the infraction. If he hit his sister, then he'd

> > obviouly be made to appologize. We'd talk about the golden rule and

> > turn it back around to him and more talking about how would he feel

> > (trying to teach empathy and allow him to notice others feelings) and

> > also that it's simply wrong to hit. He would lose a privilage

> > depending on what was going on that day that mattered to him. If he

> > was going somewhere, that would be canceled. If everyone else was

> > going to the corner store for a popscicle, than he would be

> > excluded. Yes, I am the authority. Yes, I am in control. However, I

> > do it calmly, firmly and without aggression and physical pain. He

> > might be sad. He might be mad at me, but he won't fear me and he

> > won't have any marks on his body. He'll also know that his mother,

> > the one person that should love him and protect him more than any

> > other will not be laying her hands or any other man made product on

> > his body in the name of " training " , " teaching " or " guiding " him. You

> > can label it whatever you'd like but it's aggressive. It's

> > violent. And it treats children like they are animals without

> > reasoning skills.

> >

> > ----------------------------------------------------------

> > *From:* H <gideon_seventy@...

> <mailto:gideon_seventy%40hotmail.com>>

> > *To:* autism-aspergers

> <mailto:autism-aspergers%40yahoogroups.com>

> > *Sent:* Tue, June 7, 2011 11:44:44 PM

> > *Subject:* Re: Never hit a child please!

> >

> >> Yes it bothers me that you compare kids to dogs AND I would let you

> >> train my dog or my child for all the rice in China! Sorry!

> >> Spanking/ Switching whatever you call it is wrong in my book!

> >> especially for Autistic kids! They need COMPASSION, LOVE AND

> >> UNDERSTANDING AND MERCY from the world around them especially in

> >> their own homes! It starts in the home first!

> >>

> > , if you don't teach a child that a certain behavior is wrong,

> > how do you expect them to learn? If you don't use some form of pain,

> > how do you expect them to avoid a certain bad behavior? Do you use an

> > alternative method when they do wrong, and what is it?

> >

>

June 9, 2011

I force my son to at least try what I have cooked. it's a sensory issue with the textures of food that is why they are picky eaters.

Carolyn,

I'm not trying to make you out to be the bad guy. I'm really not! You have your opinion and the only reason I don't agree to disagree is because there are people on this forum seeking advise and I cannot just say o well, they'll make up their own minds when I know with out a doubt that it is wrong, and violent. I would never ADVISE someone to " spank " or " swat " or " switch " or whatever anyone wants to call it once or any amt. of times. ASD children are different. (not that I would do this to a neuro-typical child either!)

And just for clarification, my kids do not skip their dinners either! They need nourishment for their brains to work and so they aren't cranky and aggitated. It's not right to deny the dying nourishment, why the ____ would we do this to our children as a form of punishment. I would deny dessert, but not their meal. I have two children that are underweight and drink 3 cans of Ensure Plus every day just to keep weight on.

If you are going to take the bible word for word literally, then make sure next time someone looks at you with lust, or a member of your family.....you make sure you poke their eyes out ok?

To: autism-aspergers

Sent: Wed, June 8, 2011 12:22:10 PMSubject: Re: Never hit a child please!

Hi , I think parents may discipline their children in any way they choose to but to label a person's choice as " aggression " and " violent " this simply is not true, and is a generalized statement

intended to condemn those who use a method not approved of by the other.I know you believe in the time out restricting pleasures, etc., method as you have explained. I never did any of those things with my children

or grandchildren, have never made them skip dinner, go to their room, time out, can't go out on the weekend and a million other things. Instead my punishment was always quick and swift and only pertained to

that one specific act of disobedience when the children were quite young. Like say crossing a street when I said not to, I " trained " the child immediately on the spot with a swat on the butt, and a command,

" Do not do that again! " Since they had been told previously and they chose to

go against my specific direction to them.Afterwards I always explained why they weren't to do that, no I was not trying to ruin their fun, just did not want them to get run over!So our methods differ, that is fine and can be so I believe without

condemning one another as we all love our children and are trying to do our best with them I think.And there is another thing we have not mentioned when it comes to discipline; it is the mothers and fathers who emotionally abuse their

children by yelling at them and brow beating them in an attempt to manipulate them by guilt and shame to comply. Maybe people are thinking that those who use the spank method, (l like that word better than spanking as usually it is only one spank) are doing that but in my own

case I am totally against emotionally abusing my children or any other children with my mouth and this I have been very very careful not ever

to do. This is true!Maybe it was because I was yelled at so much as a child and still I am yelled at to this very day by my mother. Over the years I have had a terrible time trying to figure out what I did wrong in her eyes as she

is always emotionally upset and yelling at me! My desire was to please her and obey her and she was sure it never was and was always beating me up with her tongue! Can you imagine she is 93 almost and I will be 70 on

my birthday and I STILL do not know what this woman wants. So how many of us mothers are doing that. I would say DO NOT do that.So this is a kind of discipline I have never used but have always told my kids and grandkids positive things about themselves. I think this is

one reason my autistic son did so poorly at school, it was all the badgering and connotation that he was not a good boy. Funny the last words he said were, " Good boy! Good boy! "

I always told him he was a good boy, and still do today. I tell that to all my kids and grandkids, in my eyes I love them unconditionally and never say otherwise to them.So let us agree to disagree, I personally think there are more ways than

one to raise a child..and it usually comes out ok, proving we are all pretty tough. I think personal responsibility is the main focus we should all aim for anyway.Carolyn ;o) R. Tucker wrote:

> > You can teach them without aggression and violence! How do you teach > Math? Science? History? I never said there shouldn't be a > punishment. I just said it doesn't need to be aggressive/ physical.

> > When my son does something we believe to be an infraction of the rules > we punish him. Sometimes he just needs to be removed from the > environment because he's over stimulated. Sometimes we can discuss it

> and

make it a teachable moment. Sometimes he loses something that > matters to him, like game time. Sometimes he is made to go to his > room for quiet time for both him and I (sometimes more I than him). > It depends on the infraction. If he hit his sister, then he'd

> obviouly be made to appologize. We'd talk about the golden rule and > turn it back around to him and more talking about how would he feel > (trying to teach empathy and allow him to notice others feelings) and

> also that it's simply wrong to hit. He would lose a privilage > depending on what was going on that day that mattered to him. If he > was going somewhere, that would be canceled. If everyone else was

> going to the corner store for a popscicle, than he would be > excluded. Yes, I am the authority. Yes, I am in control. However, I > do it calmly, firmly and without aggression and physical pain. He

> might be sad. He might be mad at me, but he won't fear me and he > won't have any marks on his body. He'll also know that his mother, > the one person that should love him and protect him more than any

> other will not be laying her hands or any other man made product on > his body in the name of " training " , " teaching " or " guiding " him. You > can label it whatever you'd like but it's aggressive. It's

> violent. And it treats children like they are animals without > reasoning skills. > > >>> ----------------------------------------------------------> *From:* H

> *To:* autism-aspergers > *Sent:* Tue, June 7, 2011 11:44:44 PM> *Subject:* Re: Never hit a child please!

>> >> >>> Yes it bothers me that you compare kids to dogs AND I would let you >> train my dog or my child for all the rice in China! Sorry!

>> Spanking/ Switching whatever you call it is wrong in my book! >> especially for Autistic kids! They need COMPASSION, LOVE AND >> UNDERSTANDING AND MERCY from the world around them especially in

>> their own homes! It starts in the home first!>> >> > , if you don't teach a child that a certain behavior is wrong, > how do you expect them to learn? If you don't use some form of pain,

> how do you expect them to avoid a certain

bad behavior? Do you use an > alternative method when they do wrong, and what is it?>

June 9, 2011

> i am new to this group and i am shocked that anyone would think about hiting

their child as a form of punishment...i am a catholic and have 3 children, 1

recently diagnosed with autism and would not inflict any sort of pain to any of

them as a form of punishment.

I hear a lot of people saying this. But you DO inflict pain on your

children as a form of punishment, everyone does. Grounding is a form of

pain. Deprivation is a form of pain be it the loss of a meal or the

loss of a treat.

Truly the only difference is that one form of pain is mental, and the

other physical. But it IS a form of pain.

June 9, 2011

You can teach them without aggression and violence!Â

Spanking is not aggression OR violence!Â Properly done, spanking

lets the child know they have messed up and that there are negative

rewards for negative behavior.Â I'm not saying it is the ONLY way,

but it is one valid and time tested way to raise a good kid.

June 9, 2011

Can we PLEASE drop this topic? No one is likely to change anyone

else's mind, and it's just causing a lot of contention. I think at

this point everyone has had their say.

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Eleanor, San , CA

Aspie son Isaac, 10.5 years old

June 9, 2011

Carolyn,

Â

I'm not trying to make you out toÂ be the bad guy.Â I'm

reallyÂ not!Â You have your opinion and the only reason I don't

agree to disagree is because there are people on this forum

seeking advise and IÂ cannot just say o well, they'll makeÂ up

their own minds when I know with outÂ a doubt that it is wrong,

andÂ violent.Â I would neverÂ ADVISE someone to "spank"Â or

"swat" or "switch" or whateverÂ anyone wants to call it once or

any amt. of times.Â Â ASD children are different.Â (not that I

would do this to a neuro-typical child either!)Â

Â

And just for clarification, my kidsÂ do not skip their

dinners either!Â Â They need nourishment for their brains to

work and so they aren't cranky and aggitated.Â It's not right

to deny the dying nourishment, why the ____ would we do this

to our children as a form of punishment.Â I would deny

dessert, but not their meal.Â Â I have two children that are

underweight and drink 3 cans of Ensure Plus every day just to

keep weight on.Â

Â

If you are going to take the bible word for wordÂ literally,

then make sure next time someone looks at you with lust, or a

member of your family.....you make sure you poke their eyes

out ok?Â

Â

Oh, my goodness!Â , please, that verse is one of the most

mis-used and misunderstood verses in the entire Bible.Â It is a

fantastic verse that teaches a wonderful lesson - if it is properly

translated. But I will not being it up here, but if anyone wants to

see the way it is translated word for word and why it is

misunderstood, write me at at hudsonphotography.us and I'll

be glad to show you my research and see if you agree with me.

June 9, 2011

you are delusional. any chance you could have adult autism?

You can teach them without aggression and violence!

Spanking is not aggression OR violence! Properly done, spanking

lets the child know they have messed up and that there are negative

rewards for negative behavior. I'm not saying it is the ONLY way,

but it is one valid and time tested way to raise a good kid.

June 9, 2011

How do you force him? I used to force Lucas when he was younger and it

was a nightmare so I quit forcing him at all. To me forcing seemed too

negative so I quit, too many fights. I figure it is a sensory issue and

not a power play with me...sometimes hard to distinguish..

But hay he just ate a WHOLE piece of cheese pizza, he was sooo proud of

himself when he showed me the crust, he said, " Grandma look I made a

bread stick. " Think he finally got hungry, he is a growing boy after

all. I did tell his teacher he'd probably be in a better mood at school

if he'd eat more.

I am so tired, my granddaughter age 14 decided to make a replica of the

solar system here awhile ago for a little extra math credit, they just

went home!! She painted Styrofoam shaped as eggs and stuck the planets

in a base with toothpicks. And my two grandsons were here, Lucas was so

tired but still he drew a very nice picture of the solar system with all

the colors and everything including black sky with marker pens. He was

really pushing it and wanted to go home and finally told me to " Shut

up! " while drawing.

My feelings get hurt when he says that so forcefully out of the blue,

but my daughter informed me not to take it " personal. "

Sigh. I am going to have to work on that one. Felt like giving him a

switch on the butt but let it go.. What do you guys do for a kid saying

shut up in your face so disrespectfully. I mean he was really tired I

know and any confrontation on my part would have brought on a full blown

melt down so I just let it go. But I don't think letting it go is a good

thing either..

Help!

Carolyn ;o(

Ponzio wrote:

>

> I force my son to at least try what I have cooked. it's a sensory

> issue with the textures of food that is why they are picky eaters.

>

> On 9 June 2011 04:11, R. Tucker <srt12780@...

> > wrote:

>

> Carolyn,

> I'm not trying to make you out to be the bad guy. I'm really not!

> You have your opinion and the only reason I don't agree to

> disagree is because there are people on this forum seeking advise

> and I cannot just say o well, they'll make up their own minds when

> I know with out a doubt that it is wrong, and violent. I would

> never ADVISE someone to " spank " or " swat " or " switch " or whatever

> anyone wants to call it once or any amt. of times. ASD children

> are different. (not that I would do this to a neuro-typical child

> either!)

> And just for clarification, my kids do not skip their dinners

> either! They need nourishment for their brains to work and so they

> aren't cranky and aggitated. It's not right to deny the dying

> nourishment, why the ____ would we do this to our children as a

> form of punishment. I_ would_ deny dessert, but not their meal. I

> have two children that are underweight and drink 3 cans of Ensure

> Plus every day just to keep weight on.

> If you are going to take the bible word for word literally, then

> make sure next time someone looks at you with lust, or a member of

> your family.....you make sure you poke their eyes out ok?

>

> ------------------------------------------------------------------------

> *From:* Carolyn <charper777@...

> >

> *To:* autism-aspergers

> <mailto:autism-aspergers >

> *Sent:* Wed, June 8, 2011 12:22:10 PM

>

> *Subject:* Re: Never hit a child please!

>

> Hi , I think parents may discipline their children in any way

> they choose to but to label a person's choice as " aggression " and

> " violent " this simply is not true, and is a generalized statement

> intended to condemn those who use a method not approved of by the

> other.

>

> I know you believe in the time out restricting pleasures, etc.,

> method

> as you have explained. I never did any of those things with my

> children

> or grandchildren, have never made them skip dinner, go to their room,

> time out, can't go out on the weekend and a million other things.

> Instead my punishment was always quick and swift and only

> pertained to

> that one specific act of disobedience when the children were quite

> young. Like say crossing a street when I said not to, I " trained " the

> child immediately on the spot with a swat on the butt, and a command,

> " Do not do that again! " Since they had been told previously and they

> chose to go against my specific direction to them.

>

> Afterwards I always explained why they weren't to do that, no I

> was not

> trying to ruin their fun, just did not want them to get run over!

>

> So our methods differ, that is fine and can be so I believe without

> condemning one another as we all love our children and are trying

> to do

> our best with them I think.

>

> And there is another thing we have not mentioned when it comes to

> discipline; it is the mothers and fathers who emotionally abuse their

> children by yelling at them and brow beating them in an attempt to

> manipulate them by guilt and shame to comply. Maybe people are

> thinking

> that those who use the spank method, (l like that word better than

> spanking as usually it is only one spank) are doing that but in my

> own

> case I am totally against emotionally abusing my children or any

> other

> children with my mouth and this I have been very very careful not

> ever

> to do. This is true!

>

> Maybe it was because I was yelled at so much as a child and still

> I am

> yelled at to this very day by my mother. Over the years I have had a

> terrible time trying to figure out what I did wrong in her eyes as

> she

> is always emotionally upset and yelling at me! My desire was to

> please

> her and obey her and she was sure it never was and was always

> beating me

> up with her tongue! Can you imagine she is 93 almost and I will be

> 70 on

> my birthday and I STILL do not know what this woman wants. So how

> many

> of us mothers are doing that. I would say DO NOT do that.

>

> So this is a kind of discipline I have never used but have always

> told

> my kids and grandkids positive things about themselves. I think

> this is

> one reason my autistic son did so poorly at school, it was all

> the badgering and connotation that he was not a good boy. Funny

> the last

> words he said were, " Good boy! Good boy! " I always told him he was a

> good boy, and still do today. I tell that to all my kids and

> grandkids,

> in my eyes I love them unconditionally and never say otherwise to

> them.

>

> So let us agree to disagree, I personally think there are more

> ways than

> one to raise a child..and it usually comes out ok, proving we are all

> pretty tough. I think personal responsibility is the main focus we

> should all aim for anyway.

>

> Carolyn ;o)

>

> R. Tucker wrote:

> >

> > You can teach them without aggression and violence! How do you

> teach

> > Math? Science? History? I never said there shouldn't be a

> > punishment. I just said it doesn't need to be aggressive/ physical.

> >

> > When my son does something we believe to be an infraction of the

> rules

> > we punish him. Sometimes he just needs to be removed from the

> > environment because he's over stimulated. Sometimes we can

> discuss it

> > and make it a teachable moment. Sometimes he loses something that

> > matters to him, like game time. Sometimes he is made to go to his

> > room for quiet time for both him and I (sometimes more I than him).

> > It depends on the infraction. If he hit his sister, then he'd

> > obviouly be made to appologize. We'd talk about the golden rule and

> > turn it back around to him and more talking about how would he feel

> > (trying to teach empathy and allow him to notice others

> feelings) and