Re: end of marriage because of aspergers child

[Guest guest]

I am so very sorry sweetie he needs to be understanding and helpful. I am here for you sweetie anytime you need to talk. My name is I have 3 2 of them have have aspbergers and autism adhd

Hugs Kim

papa@...

[Guest guest]

Carolyn, I wish you lived close to me. I know we would definetely be the best of friends. I read the responses you have posted to others and you are truly an inspiration. Thank you and God bless.To: autism-aspergers Sent: Mon, May 30, 2011 10:29:46 AMSubject: Re: end of marriage because of aspergers child

Hello Lea, I am reading all these posts here about marriages ending and

chose to respond to yours because I agree with what you said; "I think

only the Grace of God has kept us together." I remember years ago when

our son was first diagnosed and they wanted me to put him in the state

institution, one of the psychologists trying to persuade me one day

said; "But don't you understand your husband will turn to drugs and

alcohol, he will leave you, your children will resent you too...!" If I

kept my son at home.

Well I DID IT ANYWAY, kept my son at home, and yes my husband did turn

to alcohol, we divorced, and he died of alcoholism after that,

cirrhosis, even though he'd quit drinking. We were married for 31 years.

And our oldest son also turned to alcohol, but has since quit drinking

when he health went bad a few years ago, my second son never did drink

and made a success of his life, and my youngest, a daughter, turned to

alcohol also and married an alcoholic, but has since quit drinking when

her health began to fade.

And what I did was I turned AGAINST alcohol and TURNED TO THE LORD! Back

in 1973. After that my son was terrible, his meltdowns and seizures were

terrible, but he went to school anyway. I got him up got him ready and

took him, also took my other three children. Life went on and the grace

of God WAS sufficient! Eventually after my divorce I chose another man

to share my life with who had much old baggage in his life, not alcohol

or drugs but trouble with the law, and THAT has been a new experience,

but we've been together 24 years now and he helps me take care of my son.

Guess all I can say about it all now is people make their own choices

based upon their own thoughts about what is right and wrong, etc. I made

mine because I had always had faith in Jesus anyway, and when things got

bad for me I knew I had to seek Him with all of my heart. I knew He was

going to be the ONLY ONE who would help me, and it has proven to be true

as hardly anything else has ever helped him. What happened is I got more

strength and he eventually settled down, thank God!

So here I am 69 years old and I just took 5 of my grandkids swimming

yesterday at the wave pool. My son Jeff was down with his wife and two

kids and so I took them and my daughter's three kids swimming. The

little guy Lucas who they say has aspergers now had a great time in the

pool. Jeff said he thinks he is on the spectrum as he's always had

"social" issues and is the one with a masters degree in mathematics and

computer science. He chose NEVER to drink, said the probabilities were

not good for him becoming an alcoholic. Smart kid. When we went swimming

Jeff and his wife went over to help my mom. She is almost 93 and they

took her to the store and then sat and played a game of Scrabble with her.

So would my husband have become an alcoholic if he'd not had an autistic

son.?I know he drank before he was ever born, we used to drink together,

it was his choice not to quit when I quit. I was a mother with 4 kids to

raise and knew I could not continue being a party girl so I turned to

the Lord for help, and He helped me, and that is what I still do every

single day.

People make choices, we all make choices, can't blame, can't guilt, we

just all choose, that's all.

Carolyn OR ;o) think the sun might FINALLY come out for Memorial Day, my

dad died 44 years ago yesterday. Onward!

Lea Hutto wrote:

>

> Bless your heart.My heart goes out to you.Having a special needs child

> is hard especially on a marriage.I am raising a 5 yr old granddaughter

> who is autistic, her mother is ADHD and out of control, and my husband

> is in early stages of alzheimers.There are good days and bad but we

> keep on going. I think the strain of my grown ADHD daughter pushed us

> close to the divorce stage many times, and still does, but I think

> only the Grace of God has kept us together. Sometimes it is easier to

> deal with the situation using your own judgment without the

> interference of an unhappy spouse. If you ever need to talk, please

> feel free to email me any time. ((HUGS)) and best of luck.

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------

> *From:* Ponzio

> *To:* autism-aspergers

> *Sent:* Sun, May 29, 2011 2:25:42 AM

> *Subject:* Re: end of marriage because of aspergers

> child

>

>

>

> I'm going through a marriage break up right now. I don't think our son

> is to blame though it doesn't help that he has additional needs.

>

> On 29 May 2011 18:55, nicola hall <alocin4@...

> > wrote:

>

> My marriage of 5yrs has just ended because my husband says he cant

> deal with my 15yr old asperger son, I am heartbroken, he has never

> tried to find a solution and just gets angry and tries to control

> him. Has anyone else found that their husbands/wives cant deal

> with the kids and left?

> nicola

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

>

[Guest guest]

The divorce rate is high anyways and some people just can't handle real

commitment or run when times get hard. My exhusband just couldn't handle our

son at all. He wouldn't keep him even as a baby because my son was already

showing signs of something being " off " as he would say it. By the time our son

was 3 years old and I was pregnant again my ex took off and hasn't been around

much since. He comes once or twice a year for a 1-2 hr visit but never spends

alone time with our son and our son doesn't always respond to well to him, well

of course not because he doesn't know him that well. My ex was the type to run

when things get hard and he just couldn't and wouldn't face that our son would

need extra help. Since our divorce I have only dated one guy and it just didn't

work out. He has kids with bipolar and ADHD but he still couldn't seem to make

it work with me having a son requiring things to be a certain way. Oh well I

say, he doesn't deserve the love of me and my son.

-aspergers , " nicola hall " wrote:

>

> My marriage of 5yrs has just ended because my husband says he cant deal with

my 15yr old asperger son, I am heartbroken, he has never tried to find a

solution and just gets angry and tries to control him. Has anyone else found

that their husbands/wives cant deal with the kids and left?

> nicola

>