Re: Puberty

April 6, 2011

Oooh, yeah I know what you mean! It is totally worthless to ground mine

for more than a day, two tops. If she ever gets a whole weekend, she knows

she really did something horribly wrong. Whole weeks are just out of the

question, 'cause she gets the same way as your describe - just waiting for

it to be over with no connection to why anymore.

Now that Allie's in high school [freshman, 15 - almost 16 - yrs old], so

many of her assignments are on the computer/internet I Can't ground her from

that or she'd flunk out. So, of course now this February she discovered

she likes Facebook and boys. Both at once. Dear Lord, give me strength!

:-/

Sandi

In a message dated 4/5/2011 1:17:23 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

kaalee61@... writes:

We don't have any motivators either (other than the earlier bedtime). For

years, if she needed discipline, we would ground her from her phone or the

computer -- two of the things she spends her time with. I could tell her

she is grounded from them for 2 weeks. On the first day after the 2 weeks,

she will say, " OK. Two weeks is over. " and get back on like it was no big

deal. NOTHING gets to her if we take it away.

Like I said, I can SO relate. LOL

Anita

April 6, 2011

we tried giving her money for doing little jobs like folding clothes.....it just

didn't workshe knows you need money to buy things, but has no concept of it at

all. She is onthe pension now, so when we go shopping, i am teaching her how to

use her card,she has memorized her pin number....and i have told her she is

never to tell anyoneaccept her brother, sister, dad and i.....hmmm, not sure if

that will work, but thenshe will probably always be with one of us anyway. Sure

i hope to get her into someprogram, but then, i think i will just give her cash

for the day....too risky with a card.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: darkumbra@...

Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2011 12:30:22 -0500

Subject: RE: Puberty

Do you guys give them allowances? Love and Logic says that kids should

pay

you for the time they are wasting. So for every minute of time over charge

them 25 cents or whatever you feel is fair. I did that with our daughter

(she would leave me waiting forever after school to take her home) and it

worked! If they are wasting water, charge them for that too. Sounds harsh,

but sometimes you have to hit them where it hurts (for my 7 year old it

meant that she was out money to buy gum which she loves loves).

_____

From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

[mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of

D22@...

Sent: Tuesday, April 05, 2011 12:10 AM

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Subject: Re: Puberty

Cheryl,

I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

things you wrote could be us!

The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

reading

materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if we

can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

miss church.

Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

suitable motivator that could be used daily.

Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

had

my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

not my own!

As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see her

with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... <mailto:cmsommerfeld%40hotmail.com> writes:

Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

head,

now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work this

thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't

have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

only

walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

months it has justgon

e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her, i

most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to help

herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and my

husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

career

change............

hmmm, might look into it.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

<mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women%40yahoogroups.com>

From: D22@... <mailto:D22%40aol.com>

Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

the

water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

because a

bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

enough??

[Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

know

how it is ...]

.... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

you

do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

might

be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

of

the family, and the family budget?????

You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... <mailto:cmsommerfeld%40hotmail.com> writes:

She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

the

glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

get

out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

turning

water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

April 6, 2011

i don't think anyone takes any offense at anything said....we all have to laugh,

or we would all go crazy. i know i do....i am glad there are others out there

who know exactly what i go through day to day,it just makes my life so much

more.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: skabala@...

Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2011 11:30:51 +0000

Subject: Re: Puberty

Hi everyone, me again. Hey, I meant to post this under the shower thread,

not the puberty, so sorry about that. Also, when I said I was watching this

partially with amusement, I hope this hasn't offended anyone. I don't mean it

in the " ha ha " sense, I meant it more in the sense that it always amazes me that

when I think I'm the only one struggling with certain issues, like the whole

shower thing, that I find on this board that other members struggle with

similar, if not exactly the same issue. It just sort of makes me shake my head

with a sense of " amusement " that others of you experience the same issues with

our special kids, that other parents of neurotypical kids really really can't

relate to. Take care everyone.

Sue

> > >

> > > >

> > > > Cheryl,

> > > >

> > > > I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so

many

> > > > things you wrote could be us!

> > > >

> > > > The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> > > > reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> > > > reading

> > > > materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own

imagination.

> > > > The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> > > > as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if

we

> > > >

> > > > can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> > > > up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

> > > >

> > > > Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get

up

> > > > at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> > > > miss church.

> > > >

> > > > Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> > > > had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in

25

> > > > minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of

course,

> > > > the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> > > > suitable motivator that could be used daily.

> > > >

> > > > Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> > > > in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> > > > what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the

very

> > > > thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year

I

> > > > had

> > > > my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> > > > not my own!

> > > >

> > > > As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> > > > have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> > > > asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

> > > > her

> > > > with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

> > > >

> > > > In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > > > cmsommerfeld@ writes:

> > > >

> > > > Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> > > > we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> > > > ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on

the

> > > > floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in

her

> > > > head,

> > > > now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another

few

> > > > minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> > > > will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

> > > > this

> > > > thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> > > > early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I

don't

> > > >

> > > > have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> > > > only

> > > > walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If

she

> > > > ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she

was

> > > > little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> > > > months it has justgon

> > > > e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to

me...saying,

> > > > another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> > > > her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches

18,

> > > > this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for

her, i

> > > >

> > > > most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how

much

> > > > she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets

not

> > > > forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her

room

> > > > and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to

help

> > > >

> > > > herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> > > > pony tails on side of head, clips or not

clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

> > > > my

> > > > husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> > > > actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> > > > hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> > > > career

> > > > change............

> > > > hmmm, might look into it.

> > > >

> > > > Cheryl S [chez]

> > > >

> > > > To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> > > > From: D22@

> > > > Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> > > > Subject: Re: Puberty

> > > >

> > > > Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

> > > >

> > > > spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> > > > the

> > > >

> > > > water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> > > > because a

> > > >

> > > > bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

> > > >

> > > > counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> > > > enough??

> > > >

> > > > [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> > > > know

> > > >

> > > > how it is ...]

> > > >

> > > > ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> > > > you

> > > >

> > > > do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

> > > >

> > > > to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

> > > >

> > > > Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time

it

> > > >

> > > > took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it

-

> > > >

> > > > minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

> > > >

> > > > Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

> > > >

> > > > Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

> > > >

> > > > that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> > > > might

> > > >

> > > > be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

> > > >

> > > > hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> > > > of

> > > >

> > > > the family, and the family budget?????

> > > >

> > > > You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

> > > >

> > > > In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > > >

> > > > cmsommerfeld@ writes:

> > > >

> > > > She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

> > > >

> > > > because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

> > > >

> > > > afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing

on

> > > > the

> > > >

> > > > glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time

to

> > > > get

> > > >

> > > > out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

> > > >

> > > > which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

> > > >

> > > > switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> > > > turning

> > > >

> > > > water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

> > > >

April 6, 2011

veet is alot better and it comes in a cream versus a foam and scrapes off

with a plastic razor type tool

April 6, 2011

Me too, sister! I feel the same way!

I'm sooo grateful when I can come here and there are people who really get

me, and I don't have to explain or defend. And it's so lovely to laugh,

when someone else's daughter does the same funny things that make me laugh

when my own dd does them! :-)

In a message dated 4/6/2011 3:48:53 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

we all have to laugh, or we would all go crazy. i know i do....i am glad

there are others out there who know exactly what i go through day to day,it

just makes my life so much more.

Cheryl S [chez]

April 6, 2011

Has anyone used " Nair " successfully with their girls? My only thing is

getting my girl to keep still long enough.

From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

[mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of

D22@...

Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 4:40 PM

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Subject: Re: Re: Puberty

Me too, sister! I feel the same way!

I'm sooo grateful when I can come here and there are people who really get

me, and I don't have to explain or defend. And it's so lovely to laugh,

when someone else's daughter does the same funny things that make me laugh

when my own dd does them! :-)

In a message dated 4/6/2011 3:48:53 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... <mailto:cmsommerfeld%40hotmail.com> writes:

we all have to laugh, or we would all go crazy. i know i do....i am glad

there are others out there who know exactly what i go through day to day,it

just makes my life so much more.

Cheryl S [chez]

April 6, 2011

I've never been able to use Nair successfully myself! LOL

Seriously... I suppose it may work for some but I guess my hair is too thick

or dense or something and even the sensitive skin formula is a bit harsh for

me and I've tried nearly every type out there.

When my NT dd started shaving I first gave her an electric razor (wet/dry

for women) and she did good with that till she got the hang of things and

now uses a regular razor. No idea what I'll do for , my dd with

Autism. And her hair is darker and more pronounced than the others ever was

from a medication she was on several years ago. Sometimes I think I should

shave her legs now just because when she wears pants the hairs can get

irritated and cause little bumps on her legs and just cause it is so obvious

when she wears shorts or skirts... but I hold off because she's only 7 and I

don't want to make it worse... OR make her think it's ok for her to use a

razor etc. (Although I was only 8 the first time I took a razor from my

mom's pack and shaved... my legs AND arms! LOL)

I'm not looking forward to that age with her, just hoping that things are

much more improved for us by then.

Theresa

>

> Has anyone used " Nair " successfully with their girls? My only thing is

> getting my girl to keep still long enough.

>

> From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> [mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of

> D22@...

> Sent: Wednesday, April 06, 2011 4:40 PM

> To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> Subject: Re: Re: Puberty

>

> Me too, sister! I feel the same way!

>

> I'm sooo grateful when I can come here and there are people who really get

> me, and I don't have to explain or defend. And it's so lovely to laugh,

> when someone else's daughter does the same funny things that make me laugh

> when my own dd does them! :-)

>

> In a message dated 4/6/2011 3:48:53 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> cmsommerfeld@... <mailto:cmsommerfeld%40hotmail.com> writes:

>

> we all have to laugh, or we would all go crazy. i know i do....i am glad

> there are others out there who know exactly what i go through day to day,it

>

> just makes my life so much more.

>

> Cheryl S [chez]

>

April 7, 2011

oh yes, this is the one place i know people understand.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: D22@...

Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2011 17:40:10 -0400

Subject: Re: Re: Puberty

Me too, sister! I feel the same way!

I'm sooo grateful when I can come here and there are people who really get

me, and I don't have to explain or defend. And it's so lovely to laugh,

when someone else's daughter does the same funny things that make me laugh

when my own dd does them! :-)

In a message dated 4/6/2011 3:48:53 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

we all have to laugh, or we would all go crazy. i know i do....i am glad

there are others out there who know exactly what i go through day to day,it

just makes my life so much more.

Cheryl S [chez]

April 7, 2011

Jay.you and I handle showers with our girls in the same way. It is a lot

easier to do things this way. Does your daughter speak? My daughter's name is

. she is mostly non-verbal.

________________________________

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Sent: Wed, April 6, 2011 1:38:13 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Puberty

The only way I get baths or showers done is to get into the bath or shower with

her. The sensory issues are such a drag for her. I'm in there in all my

glory, we sing the next step and when i am close to her I can control the water

flow on her skin, prepare her for the feel of what is to come. Singing always

calms her and makes her happy. She is 13 now but no change since she was

small. It would be a hysterical scene to watch us two round bellied busty women

squished in together in that wee tub. It was bad enough when she was small.

We do what we do and learn to laugh about it. It is actually a rather nice time

when we aren't hurried just to enjoy the silliness.

I know this would not work for most girls with autism but somehow it does with

my Kez girl. perhaps I'm fortunate. Oh how I dream of a double tub! Jay

________________________________

To: autism_in_girls_and_women

Sent: Wed, April 6, 2011 6:48:25 AM

Subject: RE: Re: Puberty

Reading these posts does make me feel less alone, thank you ladies for sharing,

i was beginning to think i was the only one who had one who just wanted to slow

up, especially the shower.....tomorrow will be a tough day, i have to work, and

hubby's dad is dying, so he has had to go to him.............we have warned

hannah she will be up early and no nonsense...lets see howfar we get...hahaha.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: skabala@...

Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2011 10:44:55 +0000

Subject: Re: Puberty

Hi everyone, I've been watching this shower thread with both interest, and

amusement. My daughter Camille loves to shower, and will also do some of her

strange rituals in the bathroom, including taking pictures of the bath tub each

time before she gets in. I've weaned her down from 3 to 1 shower a day, at

night. Can't post more right now, gotta run. Take care everyone.

> >

> > >

> > > Cheryl,

> > >

> > > I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

> > > things you wrote could be us!

> > >

> > > The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> > > reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> > > reading

> > > materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

> > > The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> > > as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if

we

> > >

> > > can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> > > up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

> > >

> > > Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

> > > at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> > > miss church.

> > >

> > > Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> > > had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

> > > minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

> > > the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> > > suitable motivator that could be used daily.

> > >

> > > Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> > > in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> > > what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

> > > thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

> > > had

> > > my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> > > not my own!

> > >

> > > As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> > > have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> > > asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

> > > her

> > > with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

> > >

> > > In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> > >

> > > Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> > > we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> > > ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

> > > floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

> > > head,

> > > now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

> > > minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> > > will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

> > > this

> > > thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> > > early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I

don't

> > >

> > > have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> > > only

> > > walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

> > > ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

> > > little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> > > months it has justgon

> > > e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

> > > another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> > > her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

> > > this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her,

i

> > >

> > > most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

> > > she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

> > > forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

> > > and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to

help

> > >

> > > herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> > > pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

> > > my

> > > husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> > > actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> > > hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> > > career

> > > change............

> > > hmmm, might look into it.

> > >

> > > Cheryl S [chez]

> > >

> > > To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> > > From: D22@...

> > > Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> > > Subject: Re: Puberty

> > >

> > > Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

> > >

> > > spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> > > the

> > >

> > > water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> > > because a

> > >

> > > bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

> > >

> > > counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> > > enough??

> > >

> > > [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> > > know

> > >

> > > how it is ...]

> > >

> > > ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> > > you

> > >

> > > do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

> > >

> > > to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

> > >

> > > Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

> > >

> > > took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

> > >

> > > minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

> > >

> > > Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

> > >

> > > Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

> > >

> > > that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> > > might

> > >

> > > be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

> > >

> > > hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> > > of

> > >

> > > the family, and the family budget?????

> > >

> > > You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

> > >

> > > In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > >

> > > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> > >

> > > She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

> > >

> > > because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

> > >

> > > afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

> > > the

> > >

> > > glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

> > > get

> > >

> > > out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

> > >

> > > which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

> > >

> > > switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> > > turning

> > >

> > > water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

> > >

April 8, 2011

Cheryl, I tried to look you up on facebook. I couldn't find you. I would like

to request your friendship. Please respond and let me know if you receive this

message. I am not very good with a computer.

________________________________

To: autism_in_girls_and_women

Sent: Tue, April 5, 2011 3:26:26 AM

Subject: RE: Puberty

My other daughter made hannah up a FB account, but has never shown her how to

use it....one day i might, but i really don't know if she would be intererested.

Mine is cheryl mareesommerfeld, look me up and add me, if all else fails we can

always private message if we needsomeone to scream at who understands..... take

care now, and remember, there is someone onthe other side of the world who has

the same struggles......right now hannah is on the floordoing something, instead

of eating her meal.............oh for goodness sakes!!!!!

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: D22@...

Date: Tue, 5 Apr 2011 01:09:52 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Cheryl,

I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

things you wrote could be us!

The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her reading

materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if we

can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

miss church.

Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

suitable motivator that could be used daily.

Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I had

my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

not my own!

As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see her

with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her head,

now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work this

thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't

have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they only