Re: Puberty

[Guest guest]

UNDERSTAND!

puberty

Hi everyone, my son is 13 and dealing with puberty mood swings. I am sure this is difficult for all boys his age but since he lacks a lot of maturity it is even more challenging. I am wondering if others have had this same experience. We have dealt a lot with aggression from him in the past year that was not there previously. He is also lonely and has no close friends which is hard to help him with when his interests (obsessions) are so limited. If anyone can offer suggestions on how they get their kids involved in anything I would appreciate. when he was younger I could arrange social activities for him but he is too old for that now. The special needs groups we have tried are sometimes hard for him because he is very high functioning and doesn't seem to click but he is socially impaired enough to not be able to fit in with peers at school. He is not interested in any physical activity (sports or swimming, etc)and has no hobbies except writing, reading, movie obsessions (isolated activities). I am feeling so sad for him and want to help him but feel like I am losing my patience out of frustration with his mood swings and I know he can't help it.Thanks for any words of wisdom from parents who have been where we are now.

[Guest guest]

Just a few thoughts that came to mind when I read your post....perhaps get him involved in a theater program, or is there a community college that provides classes for teenagers? Sometimes the colleges (in our area...sorry we live in PA) offer things such as movie making or a writing class.

Ana

Subject: pubertyTo: Texas-Autism-Advocacy Date: Sunday, December 7, 2008, 10:42 PM

Hi everyone, my son is 13 and dealing with puberty mood swings. I am sure this is difficult for all boys his age but since he lacks a lot of maturity it is even more challenging. I am wondering if others have had this same experience. We have dealt a lot with aggression from him in the past year that was not there previously. He is also lonely and has no close friends which is hard to help him with when his interests (obsessions) are so limited. If anyone can offer suggestions on how they get their kids involved in anything I would appreciate. when he was younger I could arrange social activities for him but he is too old for that now. The special needs groups we have tried are sometimes hard for him because he is very high functioning and doesn't seem to click but he is socially impaired enough to not be able to fit in with peers at school. He is not interested in any physical activity (sports or

swimming, etc)and has no hobbies except writing, reading, movie obsessions (isolated activities). I am feeling so sad for him and want to help him but feel like I am losing my patience out of frustration with his mood swings and I know he can't help it.Thanks for any words of wisdom from parents who have been where we are now.

[Guest guest]

I also recommend you begin to volunteer so he can see how to do it.

Lots of organizations allow children to begin to volunteer at 14.

The theater program is a great opportunity to at least volunteer in

the background. Also, are there any respite programs in your area?

Maybe a church offers couples of children with special needs the

opportunity to spend one night alone - 2-4 hours like the

organization listed below in Midland.

http://www.sharewesttexas.org/

It has really done wonders for our 13 yr old...and my 9 yr old.

Good Luck!

>

>

> Subject: puberty

> To: Texas-Autism-Advocacy

> Date: Sunday, December 7, 2008, 10:42 PM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi everyone, my son is 13 and dealing with puberty mood swings. I

am

> sure this is difficult for all boys his age but since he lacks a

lot of

> maturity it is even more challenging. I am wondering if others have

> had this same experience. We have dealt a lot with aggression from

him

> in the past year that was not there previously. He is also lonely

and

> has no close friends which is hard to help him with when his

interests

> (obsessions) are so limited. If anyone can offer suggestions on how

> they get their kids involved in anything I would appreciate. when

he

> was younger I could arrange social activities for him but he is too

old

> for that now. The special needs groups we have tried are sometimes

> hard for him because he is very high functioning and doesn't seem

to

> click but he is socially impaired enough to not be able to fit in

with

> peers at school. He is not interested in any physical activity

(sports

> or swimming, etc)and has no hobbies except writing, reading, movie

> obsessions (isolated activities). I am feeling so sad for him and

want

> to help him but feel like I am losing my patience out of

frustration

> with his mood swings and I know he can't help it.

>

> Thanks for any words of wisdom from parents who have been where we

are

> now.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi -

I run a group for Asp/HFA/similar kids, their families and educators. I've

talked to hundreds of parents and it's quite common for our kids to have

behavior changes when they go through hormonal shifts. Most kids go through

a " pre-puberty " stage (my term - not a medical one) at around 9-10 years

old, then puberty a few years later (though it sounds like your daughter did

this earlier.) I get a lot of calls from parents of 9-10 year old girls &

boys who've had sudden drastic behavior changes. It's a time when a lot of

kids who aren't on medication, start medication, and when a lot of kids who

are on medication, change their medication. My son was on Adderall when he

hit this stage. The Adderall had been working wonderfully for him, suddenly

it started sending his anxiety sky-high. It took us months to figure out

what was going on and change to a better combo for him (Prozac & Strattera.)

Sometimes it can take a while to get back to normal, but hang in there.

You'll find an answer.

-- Cassie

From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

[mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of

summerb74@...

Sent: Saturday, April 02, 2011 7:16 PM

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Subject: Puberty

HI Everyone,

I have been on this board for a while, and have learned so much from all of

you! I know this was a topic a while ago, but I had a question about

puberty...I have a 9yo daughter with autism and verbal apraxia. She is

mostly non-verbal but can type and write things out. She doesnt understand

feelings, etc. I am noticing a HUGE increase in OCD behaviors, repeating

words over and over, wanting me to repeat the words over and

over...repeating steps when she is walking, she has to slam the doors 2

times when she passes them..etc. She has always had them but I was able to

get them under control, and now I feel like things are much worse. She has

" developed " for sure and has a tiny bit of hair in the pubic area and I am

thinking she is starting puberty. Did anyone else notice such drastic

changes in behavior in their daughter prior or during the onset of puberty?

Does the crazy behaviors end? Any responses would be much appreciated!

Summer

[Guest guest]

My daughter is 16, and these type of things have become worse i am afraid. she

has these tiny little routines, that must be done. Her showers take longer, as

she has to do it in such away, then i have caught her drawing in the steam on

the glass door. If you disrupt her, she will go back and repeat what she was

doing when you interrupted her, it becomes very annoying especially when your in

a hurry to go somewhere. I am getting to the stage now of getting herfar earlier

than necessary, just so there is enough time. Yelling and telling her to hurry,

does no good...........

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: summerb74@...

Date: Sat, 2 Apr 2011 22:16:00 -0400

Subject: Puberty

HI Everyone,

I have been on this board for a while, and have learned so much from all of you!

I know this was a topic a while ago, but I had a question about puberty...I have

a 9yo daughter with autism and verbal apraxia. She is mostly non-verbal but can

type and write things out. She doesnt understand feelings, etc. I am noticing a

HUGE increase in OCD behaviors, repeating words over and over, wanting me to

repeat the words over and over...repeating steps when she is walking, she has to

slam the doors 2 times when she passes them..etc. She has always had them but I

was able to get them under control, and now I feel like things are much worse.

She has " developed " for sure and has a tiny bit of hair in the pubic area and I

am thinking she is starting puberty. Did anyone else notice such drastic changes

in behavior in their daughter prior or during the onset of puberty? Does the

crazy behaviors end? Any responses would be much appreciated!

Summer

[Guest guest]

Ditto here, right down to the symptoms and ages. Our experience with our

almost 16 yr old was the same, and all of the professionals who have worked

with her through that time period shared that it's pretty much the norm.

Her psychiatrist - especially in light of the OCD - recommended finding a

female therapist, and building a relationship with her, before the time came

that the emotional issues would get truly difficult as our dd progressed

into her teens. It was very good advice for us.

In researching therapists, we found a licensed play therapist with a

specialty in OCD. She did wonders with helping our dd to recognize and

understand the emotions she was feeling, and taught her skills to cope with

them.

I had never heard of play therapy previously. She used verbal observations

of how my dd played with the toys in the office activity room instead of

trying to talk about her feelings. It took a very long time to build the

connection between them [6 months of weekly visits] but it suddenly clicked

one day - and from that point on the progress was amazing.

At 16 our dd is not recognizable as the emotionally detached child she was

at 9. She still has OCD, of course, and she experiences the terrible

emotional swings of a teen girl. But, she has tools to help cope with those

feelings, and she is becoming steadily more successful at using them instead

of having meltdowns.

In a message dated 4/2/2011 10:06:51 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

czupke@... writes:

Hi -

I run a group for Asp/HFA/similar kids, their families and educators. I've

talked to hundreds of parents and it's quite common for our kids to have

behavior changes when they go through hormonal shifts. Most kids go through

a " pre-puberty " stage (my term - not a medical one) at around 9-10 years

old, then puberty a few years later (though it sounds like your daughter

did

this earlier.) I get a lot of calls from parents of 9-10 year old girls &

boys who've had sudden drastic behavior changes. It's a time when a lot of

kids who aren't on medication, start medication, and when a lot of kids who

are on medication, change their medication. My son was on Adderall when he

hit this stage. The Adderall had been working wonderfully for him, suddenly

it started sending his anxiety sky-high. It took us months to figure out

what was going on and change to a better combo for him (Prozac &

Strattera.)

Sometimes it can take a while to get back to normal, but hang in there.

You'll find an answer.

-- Cassie

From: _Autism_in_Girls_and_Women _

(mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women )

[mailto:_Autism_in_Girls_and_Women _

(mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ) ] On Behalf Of

_summerb74@..._ (mailto:summerb74@...)

Sent: Saturday, April 02, 2011 7:16 PM

To: _Autism_in_Girls_and_Women _

(mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women )

Subject: Puberty

HI Everyone,

I have been on this board for a while, and have learned so much from all of

you! I know this was a topic a while ago, but I had a question about

puberty...I have a 9yo daughter with autism and verbal apraxia. She is

mostly non-verbal but can type and write things out. She doesnt understand

feelings, etc. I am noticing a HUGE increase in OCD behaviors, repeating

words over and over, wanting me to repeat the words over and

over...repeating steps when she is walking, she has to slam the doors 2

times when she passes them..etc. She has always had them but I was able to

get them under control, and now I feel like things are much worse. She has

" developed " for sure and has a tiny bit of hair in the pubic area and I am

thinking she is starting puberty. Did anyone else notice such drastic

changes in behavior in their daughter prior or during the onset of puberty?

Does the crazy behaviors end? Any responses would be much appreciated!

Summer

[Guest guest]

HI

My 18 year old too had the OCD stuff rise first at about age 9, and it has

stayed with her though we've had ups and downs. Like another parent said,

she has more tools to cope now and that helps. But it does seem to be part

and parcel of who she is. We are always trying to strike a balance between

letting her be who she is and accommodating schedules to give her what she

needs, and trying to help her deal with the world as it is and become better

at determining what she needs and what she can do to help herself in

situations. I guess I've also gotten used to it. Life in our home is far from "

normal " , but generally speaking that's OK.

Hang in.

Melinda

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for your replies. At least I know we are not alone in our

struggles! The OCD has so many ups and downs, when one thing goes away another

one surfaces...how hard that must be on all of our daughters. The things that

she does looks more like tics to me. Today is a much better day than

yesterday..thankfully!

Hangin in there.

Summer

Re: Puberty

HI

My 18 year old too had the OCD stuff rise first at about age 9, and it has

stayed with her though we've had ups and downs. Like another parent said,

she has more tools to cope now and that helps. But it does seem to be part

and parcel of who she is. We are always trying to strike a balance between

letting her be who she is and accommodating schedules to give her what she

needs, and trying to help her deal with the world as it is and become better

at determining what she needs and what she can do to help herself in

situations. I guess I've also gotten used to it. Life in our home is far from "

normal " , but generally speaking that's OK.

Hang in.

Melinda

[Guest guest]

oh what coincidence, i was just speaking to my husband about hannah's obssesions

as i opened this email.....She was sitting there with her cup of hot-chocolate,

after finishing it, she had to tip the cup, spin the cup, put it down gently,

thenpick it up and replace it..............thats her latest obssesion.......if

this one disappears, it will be replaced by something else.....

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: summerb74@...

Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2011 14:21:55 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Thank you everyone for your replies. At least I know we are not alone in our

struggles! The OCD has so many ups and downs, when one thing goes away another

one surfaces...how hard that must be on all of our daughters. The things that

she does looks more like tics to me. Today is a much better day than

yesterday..thankfully!

Hangin in there.

Summer

Re: Puberty

HI

My 18 year old too had the OCD stuff rise first at about age 9, and it has

stayed with her though we've had ups and downs. Like another parent said,

she has more tools to cope now and that helps. But it does seem to be part

and parcel of who she is. We are always trying to strike a balance between

letting her be who she is and accommodating schedules to give her what she

needs, and trying to help her deal with the world as it is and become better

at determining what she needs and what she can do to help herself in

situations. I guess I've also gotten used to it. Life in our home is far from "

normal " , but generally speaking that's OK.

Hang in.

Melinda

[Guest guest]

Sounds just like my Marielle. Her week long obsession of repeating the same 3

words over again, and then bopping up and down 2 times is now over. Today began

an obsession with the four seasons. A watering can to represent spring, and a

rake to represent fall..then she tells me what happens in winter and summer.

OVER and OVER. Its so much better than the last obsession, so I am happy about

it..until the next one. It did make me feel better to hear that Hannah does the

same thing, I was thinking

Marielle was actually losing her mind, but now I know its just another wonderful

part of autism :-)

Re: Puberty

HI

My 18 year old too had the OCD stuff rise first at about age 9, and it has

stayed with her though we've had ups and downs. Like another parent said,

she has more tools to cope now and that helps. But it does seem to be part

and parcel of who she is. We are always trying to strike a balance between

letting her be who she is and accommodating schedules to give her what she

needs, and trying to help her deal with the world as it is and become better

at determining what she needs and what she can do to help herself in

situations. I guess I've also gotten used to it. Life in our home is far from "

normal " , but generally speaking that's OK.

Hang in.

Melinda

[Guest guest]

Trust me, its just another wonderful part of autism, i say this

sarcastically.....hahaha. She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting

ridiculous. It's because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and

it seems afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing

on the glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

get out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the switch..no

water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like turning water off

all of the time to make her move...haha.When she was younger, she had this huge

obsession with vibration...........she would put her chin on the car door as we

were driving, whenever Mark was mowing grass, she would go to him and ask could

she lean on the mower.......the most infuriating thing was getting a chair at

school and scrapping it along the ground and putting her chin on it...she would

do it so much she would make her chin bleed. After continual correction at

school, she has finally stopped....phew........but she fills this obsession with

other things..................its like a merry-go-round......

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: summerb74@...

Date: Sun, 3 Apr 2011 21:45:12 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Sounds just like my Marielle. Her week long obsession of repeating the

same 3 words over again, and then bopping up and down 2 times is now over. Today

began an obsession with the four seasons. A watering can to represent spring,

and a rake to represent fall..then she tells me what happens in winter and

summer. OVER and OVER. Its so much better than the last obsession, so I am happy

about it..until the next one. It did make me feel better to hear that Hannah

does the same thing, I was thinking

Marielle was actually losing her mind, but now I know its just another wonderful

part of autism :-)

Re: Puberty

HI

My 18 year old too had the OCD stuff rise first at about age 9, and it has

stayed with her though we've had ups and downs. Like another parent said,

she has more tools to cope now and that helps. But it does seem to be part

and parcel of who she is. We are always trying to strike a balance between

letting her be who she is and accommodating schedules to give her what she

needs, and trying to help her deal with the world as it is and become better

at determining what she needs and what she can do to help herself in

situations. I guess I've also gotten used to it. Life in our home is far from "

normal " , but generally speaking that's OK.

Hang in.

Melinda

[Guest guest]

Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after the

water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower, because a

bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER enough??

[Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you know

how it is ...]

.... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can you

do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and might

be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest of

the family, and the family budget?????

You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on the

glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to get

out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

turning

water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

[Guest guest]

Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think we need

to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some ways!Mark has

just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the floor for goodness

knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her head, now i havejust

heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few minutes to try and

speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she will be standing there

drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work this thurs/fri, and i am

dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really early, just so i can have

her ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't have to worry about her

getting to school, as we live next door, so they only walk down our 3 acres to

the little gate we put in with permission.If she ever had to catch a bus, it

would be a disaster. she was good when she was little, she would catch a bus

with her big sister, but in the last 12 months it has justgone downhill. i had

the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying, another year of

this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping her there, is because

thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18, this lady still doesn't get

it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her, i most probably would pull her out

of school, as i reallydon't know how much she is learning, [this is another long

story though.....]Oh, and lets not forget the hair once she is out of the

shower, she will stroll to her room and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush

her hair, then want me to help herput her hair in some way she has thought up.

ponytail, platts, little pony tails on side of head, clips or not

clips....arrrrrrgh...........and my husband wonders why i don't want towork

anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator actually said i would be good at being a

teachers aide....whether for hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't

mine, i might be ok....a career change............hmmm, might look into it.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: D22@...

Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after the

water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower, because a

bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER enough??

[Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you know

how it is ...]

.... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can you

do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and might

be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest of

the family, and the family budget?????

You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on the

glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to get

out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

turning

water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

[Guest guest]

Have you ever tried using a timer in the bathroom for shower time?

RE: Puberty

h yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think we need

o have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some ways!Mark has

ust yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the floor for goodness

nows how long doing what....talking to friends in her head, now i havejust

eard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few minutes to try and

peed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she will be standing there

rawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work this thurs/fri, and i am

reading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really early, just so i can have

er ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't have to worry about her

etting to school, as we live next door, so they only walk down our 3 acres to

he little gate we put in with permission.If she ever had to catch a bus, it

ould be a disaster. she was good when she was little, she would catch a bus

ith her big sister, but in the last 12 months it has justgon

e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

nother year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping her

here, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18, this lady

till doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her, i most probably

ould pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much she is learning,

this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not forget the hair once

he is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room and get dressed, then

lowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to help herput her hair in some

ay she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little pony tails on side of head,

lips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and my husband wonders why i don't

ant towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator actually said i would be good at

eing a teachers aide....whether for hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that

ren't mine, i might be ok....a career change............

hmmm, might look into it.

heryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

rom: D22@...

ate: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

ubject: Re: Puberty

Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after the

water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower, because a

bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER enough??

[Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you know

how it is ...]

.... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can you

do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and might

be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest of

the family, and the family budget?????

You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on the

glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to get

out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

urning

water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

[Guest guest]

Cheryl,

I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

things you wrote could be us!

The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her reading

materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if we

can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

miss church.

Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

suitable motivator that could be used daily.

Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I had

my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

not my own!

As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see her

with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her head,

now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work this

thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't

have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they only

walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

months it has justgon

e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her, i

most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to help

herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and my

husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a career

change............

hmmm, might look into it.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: D22@...

Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

the

water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

because a

bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

enough??

[Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

know

how it is ...]

.... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

you

do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

might

be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

of

the family, and the family budget?????

You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

the

glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

get

out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

turning

water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

The Power Pumper makes physical therapy fun! Plus, funding sources are

available to provide a free Power Pumper to anyone who needs it.

------------------------

http://www.powerpumper.com/friends/jrox.php?uid=bridalsh

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

[Guest guest]

Well, I rethought how this sounded and want to assure my home schooling

friends that this is only an evaluation of my own patience and my dd

obstinacy, not my opinion of parents teaching their own children in general-

which

is very high!

Sandi :-)

In a message dated 4/5/2011 12:10:17 A.M. Central Daylight Time,

D22@... writes:

And what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the

very

thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

had

my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

not my own!

[Guest guest]

My other daughter made hannah up a FB account, but has never shown her how to

use it....one day i might, but i really don't know if she would be intererested.

Mine is cheryl mareesommerfeld, look me up and add me, if all else fails we can

always private message if we needsomeone to scream at who understands..... take

care now, and remember, there is someone onthe other side of the world who has

the same struggles......right now hannah is on the floordoing something, instead

of eating her meal.............oh for goodness sakes!!!!!

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: D22@...

Date: Tue, 5 Apr 2011 01:09:52 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Cheryl,

I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

things you wrote could be us!

The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her reading

materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if we

can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

miss church.

Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

suitable motivator that could be used daily.

Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I had

my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

not my own!

As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see her

with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her head,

now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work this

thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't

have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they only

walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

months it has justgon

e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her, i

most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to help

herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and my

husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a career

change............

hmmm, might look into it.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: D22@...

Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

the

water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

because a

bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

enough??

[Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

know

how it is ...]

.... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

you

do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

might

be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

of

the family, and the family budget?????

You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... writes:

She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

the

glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

get

out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

turning

water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

------------------------------------

The Power Pumper makes physical therapy fun! Plus, funding sources are

available to provide a free Power Pumper to anyone who needs it.

------------------------

http://www.powerpumper.com/friends/jrox.php?uid=bridalsh

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-subscribe

------------------------

Autism_in_Girls_and_Women-unsubscribe@...! Groups Links

[Guest guest]

I can also relate. My daughter is 17 and when it comes time for showers or

getting ready to go somewhere it takes her forever. I have also wondered

what she could be doing in the bathroom that could take so long. She does

okay in the morning getting ready for school because it has become so

routine that she knows exactly what time she has to go do the next thing.

She gets up at 6 am (or that is when her alarm goes off). I get up 15

minutes later and she has been told that if she isn't up and getting ready

when I get up, she will have to go to bed an hour earlier that night. (She

hates the idea of going to bed early, so it would work IF my husband

wouldn't go in before 6:15 and yell at her to get up). She then spends 30

minutes putting on her jeans, shirt, shoes & socks.

Like someone else said, if we tell her that we are going somewhere that she

really wants to go and we have to leave immediately, it is amazing how fast

she can move. We don't have the OCD to deal with, but she is ADHD, along

with the autism.

We don't have any motivators either (other than the earlier bedtime). For

years, if she needed discipline, we would ground her from her phone or the

computer -- two of the things she spends her time with. I could tell her

she is grounded from them for 2 weeks. On the first day after the 2 weeks,

she will say, " OK. Two weeks is over. " and get back on like it was no big

deal. NOTHING gets to her if we take it away.

Like I said, I can SO relate. LOL

Anita

>

>

> Cheryl,

>

> I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

> things you wrote could be us!

>

> The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> reading

> materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

> The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if we

>

> can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

>

> Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

> at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> miss church.

>

> Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

> minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

> the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> suitable motivator that could be used daily.

>

> Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

> thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

> had

> my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> not my own!

>

> As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

> her

> with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

>

>

> In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> cmsommerfeld@... writes:

>

> Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

> floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

> head,

> now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

> minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

> this

> thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't

>

> have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> only

> walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

> ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

> little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> months it has justgon

> e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

> another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

> this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her, i

>

> most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

> she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

> forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

> and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to help

>

> herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

> my

> husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> career

> change............

> hmmm, might look into it.

>

> Cheryl S [chez]

>

> To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> From: D22@...

> Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> Subject: Re: Puberty

>

> Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

>

> spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> the

>

> water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> because a

>

> bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

>

> counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> enough??

>

> [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> know

>

> how it is ...]

>

> ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> you

>

> do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

>

> to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

>

> Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

>

> took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

>

> minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

>

> Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

>

> Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

>

> that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> might

>

> be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

>

> hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> of

>

> the family, and the family budget?????

>

> You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

>

> In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

>

> cmsommerfeld@... writes:

>

> She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

>

> because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

>

> afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

> the

>

> glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

> get

>

> out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

>

> which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

>

> switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> turning

>

> water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

>

>

[Guest guest]

HI Anita, we have tried the tv thing, and she gets very upset, and her computer.

Mark sits and tries to talkto her which ends up in her crying and screaming and

him yelling..... One day she was so slow at cominghome from school, i sent my

son home to get Mark to come on over....when he got there, she was just

beginning to walk acrossthe playground to our gate. He was so furious with her,

as she was taking these very small steps, he got her through the gate andpushed

her most of the way................we were at the end of our tether at this

stage, she dug her heels in. I really dont know whyshe doesn't hurry home now

like she once did, as i know she doesnt like school anymore. the co-ordinator

suggested she put heron detention when she was late for class, i laughed and

said you would playing right into her hands, as she loves her own company.So of

course, this didnt happen..haha. she really makes my life hard. I work

casually....but there are days i know in advance. like tomorrowand friday i know

i am working. i will have to get her up before 6am, and constantly be on her

back. i will make sure lunches are done,packed. help her with her hair. she is

good at the time usually and her younger brother is here to make sure she gets

out the door ifwe are not. Some mornings are ok, as mark is here, but others he

is not. she always gets there though. If it was up to me, i would begiving up

work now....but the extra money is handy to pay the mortgage. We were thinking

of reducing her days, maybe cutting thefriday, as she is on the disability

pension now, so i really don't think it matters. The school was against it, as

they say we need our sanitytoo, and they are paid to do as much as they can for

her, which i guess is true. If there was some programme i could get her into

now,i think i would pull her out at the end of the year, but until she is 18,

they tell me there is nothing........so i guess we persevere hey, but isn't our

lives all about persevering? autism just wraps itself in our lives like some

crawling vine and won't let go......................

Cheryl S [chez]

> To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> From: kaalee61@...

> Date: Tue, 5 Apr 2011 13:17:11 -0500

> Subject: Re: Puberty

>

> I can also relate. My daughter is 17 and when it comes time for showers or

> getting ready to go somewhere it takes her forever. I have also wondered

> what she could be doing in the bathroom that could take so long. She does

> okay in the morning getting ready for school because it has become so

> routine that she knows exactly what time she has to go do the next thing.

> She gets up at 6 am (or that is when her alarm goes off). I get up 15

> minutes later and she has been told that if she isn't up and getting ready

> when I get up, she will have to go to bed an hour earlier that night. (She

> hates the idea of going to bed early, so it would work IF my husband

> wouldn't go in before 6:15 and yell at her to get up). She then spends 30

> minutes putting on her jeans, shirt, shoes & socks.

>

> Like someone else said, if we tell her that we are going somewhere that she

> really wants to go and we have to leave immediately, it is amazing how fast

> she can move. We don't have the OCD to deal with, but she is ADHD, along

> with the autism.

>

> We don't have any motivators either (other than the earlier bedtime). For

> years, if she needed discipline, we would ground her from her phone or the

> computer -- two of the things she spends her time with. I could tell her

> she is grounded from them for 2 weeks. On the first day after the 2 weeks,

> she will say, " OK. Two weeks is over. " and get back on like it was no big

> deal. NOTHING gets to her if we take it away.

>

> Like I said, I can SO relate. LOL

>

> Anita

>

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > Cheryl,

> >

> > I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

> > things you wrote could be us!

> >

> > The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> > reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> > reading

> > materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

> > The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> > as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if we

> >

> > can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> > up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

> >

> > Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

> > at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> > miss church.

> >

> > Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> > had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

> > minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

> > the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> > suitable motivator that could be used daily.

> >

> > Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> > in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> > what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

> > thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

> > had

> > my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> > not my own!

> >

> > As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> > have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> > asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

> > her

> > with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

> >

> >

> > In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> >

> > Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> > we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> > ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

> > floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

> > head,

> > now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

> > minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> > will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

> > this

> > thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> > early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't

> >

> > have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> > only

> > walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

> > ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

> > little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> > months it has justgon

> > e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

> > another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> > her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

> > this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her, i

> >

> > most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

> > she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

> > forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

> > and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to help

> >

> > herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> > pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

> > my

> > husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> > actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> > hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> > career

> > change............

> > hmmm, might look into it.

> >

> > Cheryl S [chez]

> >

> > To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> > From: D22@...

> > Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> > Subject: Re: Puberty

> >

> > Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

> >

> > spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> > the

> >

> > water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> > because a

> >

> > bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

> >

> > counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> > enough??

> >

> > [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> > know

> >

> > how it is ...]

> >

> > ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> > you

> >

> > do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

> >

> > to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

> >

> > Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

> >

> > took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

> >

> > minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

> >

> > Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

> >

> > Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

> >

> > that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> > might

> >

> > be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

> >

> > hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> > of

> >

> > the family, and the family budget?????

> >

> > You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

> >

> > In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> >

> > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> >

> > She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

> >

> > because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

> >

> > afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

> > the

> >

> > glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

> > get

> >

> > out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

> >

> > which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

> >

> > switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> > turning

> >

> > water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, I've been watching this shower thread with both interest, and

amusement. My daughter Camille loves to shower, and will also do some of her

strange rituals in the bathroom, including taking pictures of the bath tub each

time before she gets in. I've weaned her down from 3 to 1 shower a day, at

night. Can't post more right now, gotta run. Take care everyone.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Cheryl,

> > >

> > > I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

> > > things you wrote could be us!

> > >

> > > The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> > > reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> > > reading

> > > materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

> > > The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> > > as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if

we

> > >

> > > can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> > > up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

> > >

> > > Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

> > > at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> > > miss church.

> > >

> > > Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> > > had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

> > > minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

> > > the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> > > suitable motivator that could be used daily.

> > >

> > > Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> > > in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> > > what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

> > > thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

> > > had

> > > my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> > > not my own!

> > >

> > > As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> > > have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> > > asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

> > > her

> > > with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

> > >

> > >

> > > In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> > >

> > > Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> > > we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> > > ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

> > > floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

> > > head,

> > > now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

> > > minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> > > will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

> > > this

> > > thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> > > early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I

don't

> > >

> > > have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> > > only

> > > walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

> > > ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

> > > little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> > > months it has justgon

> > > e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

> > > another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> > > her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

> > > this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her,

i

> > >

> > > most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

> > > she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

> > > forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

> > > and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to

help

> > >

> > > herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> > > pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

> > > my

> > > husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> > > actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> > > hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> > > career

> > > change............

> > > hmmm, might look into it.

> > >

> > > Cheryl S [chez]

> > >

> > > To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> > > From: D22@...

> > > Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> > > Subject: Re: Puberty

> > >

> > > Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

> > >

> > > spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> > > the

> > >

> > > water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> > > because a

> > >

> > > bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

> > >

> > > counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> > > enough??

> > >

> > > [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> > > know

> > >

> > > how it is ...]

> > >

> > > ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> > > you

> > >

> > > do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

> > >

> > > to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

> > >

> > > Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

> > >

> > > took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

> > >

> > > minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

> > >

> > > Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

> > >

> > > Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

> > >

> > > that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> > > might

> > >

> > > be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

> > >

> > > hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> > > of

> > >

> > > the family, and the family budget?????

> > >

> > > You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

> > >

> > > In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > >

> > > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> > >

> > > She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

> > >

> > > because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

> > >

> > > afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

> > > the

> > >

> > > glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

> > > get

> > >

> > > out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

> > >

> > > which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

> > >

> > > switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> > > turning

> > >

> > > water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Reading these posts does make me feel less alone, thank you ladies for sharing,

i was beginning to think i was the only one who had one who just wanted to slow

up, especially the shower.....tomorrow will be a tough day, i have to work, and

hubby's dad is dying, so he has had to go to him.............we have warned

hannah she will be up early and no nonsense...lets see howfar we get...hahaha.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: skabala@...

Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2011 10:44:55 +0000

Subject: Re: Puberty

Hi everyone, I've been watching this shower thread with both interest, and

amusement. My daughter Camille loves to shower, and will also do some of her

strange rituals in the bathroom, including taking pictures of the bath tub each

time before she gets in. I've weaned her down from 3 to 1 shower a day, at

night. Can't post more right now, gotta run. Take care everyone.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Cheryl,

> > >

> > > I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

> > > things you wrote could be us!

> > >

> > > The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> > > reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> > > reading

> > > materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

> > > The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> > > as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if

we

> > >

> > > can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> > > up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

> > >

> > > Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

> > > at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> > > miss church.

> > >

> > > Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> > > had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

> > > minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

> > > the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> > > suitable motivator that could be used daily.

> > >

> > > Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> > > in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> > > what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

> > > thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

> > > had

> > > my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> > > not my own!

> > >

> > > As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> > > have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> > > asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

> > > her

> > > with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

> > >

> > >

> > > In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> > >

> > > Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> > > we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> > > ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

> > > floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

> > > head,

> > > now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

> > > minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> > > will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

> > > this

> > > thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> > > early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I

don't

> > >

> > > have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> > > only

> > > walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

> > > ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

> > > little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> > > months it has justgon

> > > e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

> > > another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> > > her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

> > > this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her,

i

> > >

> > > most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

> > > she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

> > > forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

> > > and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to

help

> > >

> > > herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> > > pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

> > > my

> > > husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> > > actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> > > hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> > > career

> > > change............

> > > hmmm, might look into it.

> > >

> > > Cheryl S [chez]

> > >

> > > To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> > > From: D22@...

> > > Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> > > Subject: Re: Puberty

> > >

> > > Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

> > >

> > > spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> > > the

> > >

> > > water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> > > because a

> > >

> > > bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

> > >

> > > counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> > > enough??

> > >

> > > [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> > > know

> > >

> > > how it is ...]

> > >

> > > ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> > > you

> > >

> > > do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

> > >

> > > to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

> > >

> > > Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

> > >

> > > took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

> > >

> > > minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

> > >

> > > Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

> > >

> > > Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

> > >

> > > that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> > > might

> > >

> > > be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

> > >

> > > hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> > > of

> > >

> > > the family, and the family budget?????

> > >

> > > You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

> > >

> > > In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > >

> > > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> > >

> > > She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

> > >

> > > because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

> > >

> > > afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

> > > the

> > >

> > > glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

> > > get

> > >

> > > out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

> > >

> > > which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

> > >

> > > switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> > > turning

> > >

> > > water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, me again. Hey, I meant to post this under the shower thread, not

the puberty, so sorry about that. Also, when I said I was watching this

partially with amusement, I hope this hasn't offended anyone. I don't mean it

in the " ha ha " sense, I meant it more in the sense that it always amazes me that

when I think I'm the only one struggling with certain issues, like the whole

shower thing, that I find on this board that other members struggle with

similar, if not exactly the same issue. It just sort of makes me shake my head

with a sense of " amusement " that others of you experience the same issues with

our special kids, that other parents of neurotypical kids really really can't

relate to. Take care everyone.

Sue

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Cheryl,

> > > >

> > > > I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so

many

> > > > things you wrote could be us!

> > > >

> > > > The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> > > > reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> > > > reading

> > > > materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own

imagination.

> > > > The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> > > > as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if

we

> > > >

> > > > can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> > > > up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

> > > >

> > > > Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get

up

> > > > at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> > > > miss church.

> > > >

> > > > Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> > > > had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in

25

> > > > minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of

course,

> > > > the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> > > > suitable motivator that could be used daily.

> > > >

> > > > Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> > > > in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> > > > what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the

very

> > > > thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year

I

> > > > had

> > > > my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> > > > not my own!

> > > >

> > > > As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> > > > have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> > > > asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

> > > > her

> > > > with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > > > cmsommerfeld@ writes:

> > > >

> > > > Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> > > > we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> > > > ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on

the

> > > > floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in

her

> > > > head,

> > > > now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another

few

> > > > minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> > > > will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

> > > > this

> > > > thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> > > > early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I

don't

> > > >

> > > > have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> > > > only

> > > > walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If

she

> > > > ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she

was

> > > > little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> > > > months it has justgon

> > > > e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to

me...saying,

> > > > another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> > > > her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches

18,

> > > > this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for

her, i

> > > >

> > > > most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how

much

> > > > she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets

not

> > > > forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her

room

> > > > and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to

help

> > > >

> > > > herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> > > > pony tails on side of head, clips or not

clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

> > > > my

> > > > husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> > > > actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> > > > hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> > > > career

> > > > change............

> > > > hmmm, might look into it.

> > > >

> > > > Cheryl S [chez]

> > > >

> > > > To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> > > > From: D22@

> > > > Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> > > > Subject: Re: Puberty

> > > >

> > > > Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

> > > >

> > > > spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> > > > the

> > > >

> > > > water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> > > > because a

> > > >

> > > > bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

> > > >

> > > > counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> > > > enough??

> > > >

> > > > [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> > > > know

> > > >

> > > > how it is ...]

> > > >

> > > > ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> > > > you

> > > >

> > > > do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

> > > >

> > > > to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

> > > >

> > > > Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time

it

> > > >

> > > > took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it

-

> > > >

> > > > minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

> > > >

> > > > Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

> > > >

> > > > Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

> > > >

> > > > that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> > > > might

> > > >

> > > > be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

> > > >

> > > > hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> > > > of

> > > >

> > > > the family, and the family budget?????

> > > >

> > > > You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

> > > >

> > > > In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > > >

> > > > cmsommerfeld@ writes:

> > > >

> > > > She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

> > > >

> > > > because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

> > > >

> > > > afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing

on

> > > > the

> > > >

> > > > glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time

to

> > > > get

> > > >

> > > > out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

> > > >

> > > > which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

> > > >

> > > > switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> > > > turning

> > > >

> > > > water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Do you guys give them allowances? Love and Logic says that kids should pay

you for the time they are wasting. So for every minute of time over charge

them 25 cents or whatever you feel is fair. I did that with our daughter

(she would leave me waiting forever after school to take her home) and it

worked! If they are wasting water, charge them for that too. Sounds harsh,

but sometimes you have to hit them where it hurts (for my 7 year old it

meant that she was out money to buy gum which she loves loves).

_____

From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

[mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of

D22@...

Sent: Tuesday, April 05, 2011 12:10 AM

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Subject: Re: Puberty

Cheryl,

I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

things you wrote could be us!

The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

reading

materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if we

can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

miss church.

Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

suitable motivator that could be used daily.

Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

had

my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

not my own!

As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see her

with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... <mailto:cmsommerfeld%40hotmail.com> writes:

Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

head,

now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work this

thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I don't

have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

only

walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

months it has justgon

e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her, i

most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to help

herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and my

husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

career

change............

hmmm, might look into it.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

<mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women%40yahoogroups.com>

From: D22@... <mailto:D22%40aol.com>

Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

Subject: Re: Puberty

Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

the

water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

because a

bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

enough??

[Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

know

how it is ...]

.... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

you

do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

might

be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

of

the family, and the family budget?????

You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

cmsommerfeld@... <mailto:cmsommerfeld%40hotmail.com> writes:

She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

the

glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

get

out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

turning

water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

[Guest guest]

The only way I get baths or showers done is to get into the bath or shower with

her.  The sensory issues are such a drag for her.   I'm in there in all my

glory, we sing the next step and when i am close to her I can control the water

flow on her skin, prepare her for the feel of what is to come.  Singing always

calms her and makes her happy.  She is 13 now but no change since she was

small.  It would be a hysterical scene to watch us two round bellied busty women

squished in together in that wee tub.  It was bad enough when she was small.  

We do what we do and learn to laugh about it.  It is actually a rather nice time

when we aren't hurried just to enjoy the silliness. 

  I know this would not work for most girls with autism but somehow it does with

my Kez girl. perhaps I'm fortunate.  Oh how I dream of a double tub!  Jay

________________________________

To: autism_in_girls_and_women

Sent: Wed, April 6, 2011 6:48:25 AM

Subject: RE: Re: Puberty

Reading these posts does make me feel less alone, thank you ladies for sharing,

i was beginning to think i was the only one who had one who just wanted to slow

up, especially the shower.....tomorrow will be a tough day, i have to work, and

hubby's dad is dying, so he has had to go to him.............we have warned

hannah she will be up early and no nonsense...lets see howfar we get...hahaha.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: skabala@...

Date: Wed, 6 Apr 2011 10:44:55 +0000

Subject: Re: Puberty

 

   

     

     

      Hi everyone, I've been watching this shower thread with both interest, and

amusement.  My daughter Camille loves to shower, and will also do some of her

strange rituals in the bathroom, including taking pictures of the bath tub each

time before she gets in.  I've weaned her down from 3 to 1 shower a day, at

night.  Can't post more right now, gotta run.  Take care everyone.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Cheryl,

> > >

> > > I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

> > > things you wrote could be us!

> > >

> > > The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> > > reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> > > reading

> > > materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

> > > The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> > > as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if

we

> > >

> > > can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> > > up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

> > >

> > > Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

> > > at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> > > miss church.

> > >

> > > Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> > > had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

> > > minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

> > > the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> > > suitable motivator that could be used daily.

> > >

> > > Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> > > in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> > > what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

> > > thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

> > > had

> > > my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> > > not my own!

> > >

> > > As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> > > have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> > > asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

> > > her

> > > with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

> > >

> > >

> > > In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> > >

> > > Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> > > we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> > > ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

> > > floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

> > > head,

> > > now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

> > > minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> > > will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

> > > this

> > > thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> > > early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I

don't

> > >

> > > have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> > > only

> > > walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

> > > ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

> > > little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> > > months it has justgon

> > > e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

> > > another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> > > her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

> > > this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her,

i

> > >

> > > most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

> > > she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

> > > forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

> > > and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to

help

> > >

> > > herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> > > pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

> > > my

> > > husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> > > actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> > > hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> > > career

> > > change............

> > > hmmm, might look into it.

> > >

> > > Cheryl S [chez]

> > >

> > > To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> > > From: D22@...

> > > Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> > > Subject: Re: Puberty

> > >

> > > Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

> > >

> > > spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> > > the

> > >

> > > water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> > > because a

> > >

> > > bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

> > >

> > > counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> > > enough??

> > >

> > > [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> > > know

> > >

> > > how it is ...]

> > >

> > > ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> > > you

> > >

> > > do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

> > >

> > > to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

> > >

> > > Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

> > >

> > > took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

> > >

> > > minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

> > >

> > > Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

> > >

> > > Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

> > >

> > > that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> > > might

> > >

> > > be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

> > >

> > > hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> > > of

> > >

> > > the family, and the family budget?????

> > >

> > > You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

> > >

> > > In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> > >

> > > cmsommerfeld@... writes:

> > >

> > > She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

> > >

> > > because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

> > >

> > > afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

> > > the

> > >

> > > glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

> > > get

> > >

> > > out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

> > >

> > > which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

> > >

> > > switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> > > turning

> > >

> > > water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Good point! We did that with the older ones and showers. I forgot about

that. I just charged my 6-year-old to replace a trash can she cut up(it's

wicker).

Corinne

> Do you guys give them allowances? Love and Logic says that kids should pay

> you for the time they are wasting. So for every minute of time over charge

> them 25 cents or whatever you feel is fair. I did that with our daughter

> (she would leave me waiting forever after school to take her home) and it

> worked! If they are wasting water, charge them for that too. Sounds harsh,

> but sometimes you have to hit them where it hurts (for my 7 year old it

> meant that she was out money to buy gum which she loves loves).

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> _____

>

> From: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> [mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women ] On Behalf Of

> D22@...

> Sent: Tuesday, April 05, 2011 12:10 AM

> To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> Subject: Re: Puberty

>

>

>

>

>

> Cheryl,

>

> I read your post to my dh, and he's laughing his head off, because so many

> things you wrote could be us!

>

> The yelling doesn't work, the clock on the wall doesn't work, gentle

> reminding doesn't work, yelling some more doesn't work, taking away her

> reading

> materials doesn't help - she just sits and goes into her own imagination.

> The timer, sadly, was a complete wash. Grounding hasn't helped much. And

> as for Morning Showers - Allie takes hers at night, soon after supper if

we

> can get her in there, because otherwise she's up half the night. We gave

> up mornings Years ago, I don't know how you do that!!! :-)

>

> Sometimes we give her Saturday night off, but when we do we have to get up

> at least an hour earlier Sunday morning - preferably two - so we won't

> miss church.

>

> Once, we were going somewhere she really wanted to go. We told her she

> had to be ready to go in 15 minutes. She was showered and downstairs in 25

> minutes and went on the trip with us. That's the maddening part of course,

> the idea that she darn well could do it if we could only figure out a

> suitable motivator that could be used daily.

>

> Maybe a $50 bribe would do it? :-D Just joking of course. [My hubby is

> in tears now he's laughing so hard, because it's true - every word]! And

> what you said about working in your daughter's class ... oh Lord the very

> thought ... I was a teacher before Allie's diagnosis, and my first year I

> had

> my own brother in class. You are so right, no, no, no, anyone else's but

> not my own!

>

> As for facebook, I am and it would be fun but Allie's there too! So I'll

> have to talk here where I don't embarrass her! I expect any day to be

> asked to drop her off up the street from the school, so others don't see

her

>

> with me! We've reached that stage of teen development. :-D

>

>

> In a message dated 4/4/2011 4:17:29 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

> cmsommerfeld@... <mailto:cmsommerfeld%40hotmail.com> writes:

>

> Oh yes, tank water can have its advantages. Are you on facebook? i think

> we need to have more contact as our daughters seems alot similar in some

> ways!Mark has just yelled at hannah who is in the shower, she sits on the

> floor for goodness knows how long doing what....talking to friends in her

> head,

> now i havejust heard the water go on....we will be yelling in another few

> minutes to try and speed her up, useless really. if i walk in soon, she

> will be standing there drawingpictures on the glass..... I have to work

this

>

> thurs/fri, and i am dreading it, as i am gonna have to get her up really

> early, just so i can have her ready by the time i walkout the door. I

don't

> have to worry about her getting to school, as we live next door, so they

> only

> walk down our 3 acres to the little gate we put in with permission.If she

> ever had to catch a bus, it would be a disaster. she was good when she was

> little, she would catch a bus with her big sister, but in the last 12

> months it has justgon

> e downhill. i had the co-ordinator talking again yesterday to me...saying,

> another year of this....i just ignored it, as the reason we are keeping

> her there, is because thereis nothing for her to do until she reaches 18,

> this lady still doesn't get it!!!!!! if they had a programme now for her,

i

> most probably would pull her out of school, as i reallydon't know how much

> she is learning, [this is another long story though.....]Oh, and lets not

> forget the hair once she is out of the shower, she will stroll to her room

> and get dressed, then slowly come out, brush her hair, then want me to

help

> herput her hair in some way she has thought up. ponytail, platts, little

> pony tails on side of head, clips or not clips....arrrrrrgh...........and

my

>

> husband wonders why i don't want towork anymore!!!!!!!! the co-ordinator

> actually said i would be good at being a teachers aide....whether for

> hannah.....no, no, no....other kids that aren't mine, i might be ok....a

> career

> change............

> hmmm, might look into it.

>

> Cheryl S [chez]

>

> To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

> <mailto:Autism_in_Girls_and_Women%40yahoogroups.com>

> From: D22@... <mailto:D22%40aol.com>

> Date: Mon, 4 Apr 2011 14:06:06 -0400

> Subject: Re: Puberty

>

> Ooooh the showers, that one makes me crazy! How on earth can someone

>

> spend 3 hours in the bathroom? And of course there's the counting after

> the

>

> water is turned on, but before she'll get in and start the shower,

> because a

>

> bug ran out of the drain in the tub one time and her Dad told her if she

>

> counted to 10 it would be safe - but when you have OCD is 10 EVER

> enough??

>

> [Trust me, this was a once ever experience, we don't have bugs, but you

> know

>

> how it is ...]

>

> ... and then there's the primping because she's almost 16 ... what can

> you

>

> do? NT teens are a problem with this, it's hard to tell what's a problem

>

> to crack down on and what's the OCD. Our water bill is a nightmare!

>

> Our latest attempt to deal with it is grounding time equal to the time it

>

> took her to get. into. the shower. from the time we told her to take it -

>

> minus half an hour because there's no way she'll go faster than that ...

>

> Sigh. Well, it's really nice to vent where others get what I'm saying.

>

> Someone who says " But my daughter won't come out of the bathroom either,

>

> that's just the way teen-agers are, " doesn't have a dd who has OCD and

> might

>

> be ritualizing, or motor skills issues that make it so hard to wash her

>

> hair. How can you know what's fair for her, vs what's fair for the rest

> of

>

> the family, and the family budget?????

>

> You say if you're on tank water you can flip a switch, hmmmmm ... LOL

>

> In a message dated 4/3/2011 9:07:17 P.M. Central Daylight Time,

>

> cmsommerfeld@... <mailto:cmsommerfeld%40hotmail.com> writes:

>

> She takes so long in the shower lately, its getting ridiculous. It's

>

> because she has so many " things " she does before the shower and it seems

>

> afterthe shower. one day i walked in on her, and there she was drawing on

> the

>

> glass of the shower.....i growled at her, said, if your finished, time to

> get

>

> out...her reply, in a minute, i have to do this....We are on tank water,

>

> which runs by electric pump, so my husband walked out and flicked the

>

> switch..no water.....that got her moving a little, but i don't feel like

> turning

>

> water off all of the time to make her move...haha.

>

>