Re: New to group

[Guest guest]

welcome to our family,

and feel free to express yourself openly here, we all understand whwat you

are goig thru, and can relate as well. as for the alcohol, it needs to be

locked up or tossed, most of the meds he is on say do not consume alcohol. i

would pouf it out myself, and i have, that is one of the first things i did

when we moved here, poured out, gave away most of the full bottles.

there is something that you can have done to the ignition like a switch that

you have to switch on in order to start car, you may need to ahgve that

installed in the cars to keep your dad safe, this is something that places like

cirucit city could do i think, or one of those car steroe places.

good luck and i hope things flow smoothily for you and your family, hugs,

sharon m

a smile a day keeps the meanies away!!!

laughter is a breath of fresh air!

[Guest guest]

JP, welcome to the group. lol, SC Pat

joanireese wrote:

After a year or so of mixed diagnoses, my 82 year old father was

diagnosed last week with LBD. I recently moved back to Texas

with my 2 teenaged sons to help my mother and sister who live

with him to care for him. My sister lives with her family in Mexico

during the summer, and comes to the states to teach school

during the year. The hardest part is slowly watching my father

come unraveled. He's just been told not to drive any more by his

new neurologist and it's been extremely difficult to convince him

he simply can't do it. My sister and mother have had a harder

time accepting his inability than I have. It's been a bone of

contention between us as they have consistently let him out of

their sight and onto the road. I am terrified he will sneak out and

get lost in his car or my mother's car, or, even worse, hurt

himself or someone else. He obsesses about his car and his

keys and claims not driving will simply kill him, that he has no

reason to live if we take the keys away. I can understand how he

must feel, but he isn't in a position to make his own rational

decisions any longer. I am going to take the car away from their

house today and park it at mine. I'm not looking forward to the

" scene " this will create.

He also drinks alcohol whenever he gets the chance. This is on

top of nemenda, paxil, sinemet, depakote, and a host of other

drugs he's taking daily. How does one convince a relative, in my

case, my mother, that she has to take precautions in their home

AND change her active lifestyle (which has rarely included him)

by staying at home more and not leaving him alone? She

seems to be in denial about the seriousness of his situation. I

try to get to their house to " babysit " whenever I can, but I can't do

this every day and he is often left alone to do God knows what

while my mother is out with friends. They're not poor now, but I

have no idea where to go to find some type of daily or every other

day caregiver who would come in to take the slack when we can't

(or don't choose to) be there with him. Does medicare or

medicade offer any type of assistance such as this? They do

live on a fixed income and I'm afraid they'll deplete what money

they have left if we don't find some kind of government

suppliment to help them. How to begin?

I suppose I'm rambling, so I'll sign off. Thank you for accepting

me into the group and for any advice you can give me in future.

--JP

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

At 09:45 AM 10/3/2004, you wrote:

> How does one convince a relative, in my

>case, my mother, that she has to take precautions in their home

>AND change her active lifestyle (which has rarely included him)

>by staying at home more and not leaving him alone? She

>seems to be in denial about the seriousness of his situation. I

>try to get to their house to " babysit " whenever I can, but I can't do

>this every day and he is often left alone to do God knows what

>while my mother is out with friends. They're not poor now, but I

>have no idea where to go to find some type of daily or every other

>day caregiver who would come in to take the slack when we can't

>(or don't choose to) be there with him. Does medicare or

>medicade offer any type of assistance such as this? They do

>live on a fixed income and I'm afraid they'll deplete what money

>they have left if we don't find some kind of government

>suppliment to help them. How to begin?

You really have my sympathy on this one. I live with my folks and

I cannot get my father to not do the things which are detrimental to Mom,

including piling her up with blankets and throws every time she says " I'm

cold. " It's her circulation which is bad and the blankets don't really

help, they just increase the chance that she'll get pressure sores, or

prevent the current ones from healing. I've explained about the potential

for gangrene, but it doesn't sink in.

Most of the time I just don't talk anymore, I " fix " things. I

lock the microwave and refrigerator when I go to bed, I sleep badly because

starting at about seven I have to listen for them getting up and trying to

sneak out to have breakfast two hours early (which means that I can't give

Mom her insulin, take her glucose reading, or fix a proper breakfast for

them) in spite of the fact that we've had dozens of talks about the

importance of a schedule.

If the LBD sufferer is fortunate, there is at least one person in

the family who knows that the easy route isn't always the best

one. However, I will tell you this: there also comes a point where you

balance out quality of life (your own included) with quantity, and let a

lot go. By all means, the car has to be a point on which you remain firm

because it's not just his life that's in danger. But as for the drinking,

there may be nothing much you can ever do about it.

As far as the money goes, find out what the criteria are for

Medicare or Medicaid bennies, and then work with an accountant to arrange

their finances. I think that you may be able to get them to put what

assets they have in trust, which will mean that it's technically not theirs

anymore, and Medicaid may kick in at that point. I can't swear to this,

it's something I'm trying to work through myself right now. But it would

pay to look into it. Some home health care agencies take Medicare, though

I don't think it'd pay for a lot of help. If your father is a veteran,

there are benefits due him from the government, and these do include

senior-type services.

The city of Chicago has a department on ageing, which has a very

handy benefit calculator for city, state and federal benefits. Obviously,

unless you're a Chicagoan or Illinoisian, the first two won't be very

handy, but it might still help for federal information:

http://egov.cityofchicago.org/city/webportal/portalContentItemAction.do?BV_Sessi\

onID=@@@@0603609158.1096819211@@@@ & BV_EngineID=cccdadcmjfighifcefecelldffhdfhg.0\

& contentOID=536898846 & contenTypeName=COC_EDITORIAL & topChannelName=Dept & blockName\

=Aging%2FBenefits+Eligibility+CheckUp%2FI+Want+To & context=dept & channelId=0 & progr\

amId=0 & entityName=Aging & deptMainCategoryOID=-536886375

Yes, I know it's long and probably got cut up. Here's a small URL to the

same site: <http://www.6URL.com/4EO>http://www.6URL.com/4EO .

(I highly recommend this service. You can find it at:

http://www.6url.com/Make_Small_Url.asp )

I'd also suggest that you look up your own local department of

ageing, and see if they offer any information. Next, if you can afford it,

get a geriatric social worker in to assess the situation and give you leads

on how to deal with these things. I can tell you it was one of the best

$200 I ever spent. It put me in touch with the home healthcare service we

now use, and they, in turn, connected me to the doctor who finally made the

LBD diagnosis for Mom. They've been fantastically helpful across the boards.

Mostly, good luck. Choose your battles.

dargie

[Guest guest]

At 03:17 PM 10/3/2004, you wrote:

>there is something that you can have done to the ignition like a switch that

>you have to switch on in order to start car. . .

>

>*********************

>

>OR you can just file down the key slightly so it does not work!

Carol, I am in awe of your nefarious ways! LOL. That's brilliant.

d.

[Guest guest]

Joan (JP) said:

He also drinks alcohol whenever he gets the chance.

********************

I would insist that your mom remove all alcohol from their house or, at the

very least, put it in a locked cabinet. . .

carol

[Guest guest]

Sharon noted:

there is something that you can have done to the ignition like a switch that

you have to switch on in order to start car. . .

*********************

OR you can just file down the key slightly so it does not work!

carol

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the information and support. I took the car away

today, now all I have to do is try to convince the other relatives

living with my dad to hide their other cars' keys and to explain the

reason for the " missing " car to my dad ten or twenty times. I

appreciate having this group to go to.

Thanks again,

JP

[Guest guest]

JP said:

I took the car away today, now all I have to do is try to convince the other

relatives living with my dad to hide their other cars' keys and to explain

the

reason for the " missing " car to my dad ten or twenty times.

***********************

This issue has come up eons of times on the Alzheimer's list, which is why I

am so knowledgeable about the nefarious tricks to which one must resort in

order to keep a LO from driving! If you file down all the keys to the car,

that would stop your dad from driving. Another suggestion is to tell him

the car is in the shop for repairs.

carol

[Guest guest]

Welcome JP,

I am glad to hear you are taking the car away. I do not think you will

ever get him to understand.

Every time he talks about it, you are better off saying something like

that is why you are there to drive for him. Or you can ask him if he

needs to go somewhere. It does not take long and he will forget he ever

drove.

There are 2 groups that are willing to help. Your Moms best bet is to

see an attorney and try too protect at least her half of the money if

not all of it.

The Alzheimers Association has work shops and lots of help. Some areas

have Vol who will come at least once a week to help.

The Area on Aging also has lots of info. There are getting to be more

and more help out there. If your Mom does not belong to the AARP you

might want to sign her up. It has lots of seminars and things to help

you and her understand. I get the monthly mag. and it has lots of

helpful info and some directions for all of us.

Membership to AARP use to be 8.00 a year and I think it might be up to

12.00. THey are beginning to put on seminars at Senior Centers at least

here in the bigger areas.

Hope this helps. Come back often.

Donna R

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the advice, Donna. My sister is flying in from Houston today for

a few days to help with the financial aspects of this disease. I'm going to

pass your advice on to her.

JP

[Guest guest]

How old are you? and do you still have to live with your mom and dad?

_Moon Beam_ (http://www.moonbeamcollies.org/)

" Collies N Maltese "

NW Louisiana

Great Trader on PlantSwap Group

In a message dated 12/20/2009 9:24:19 P.M. Central Standard Time,

hfa2@... writes:

moon beam welcome to the group my name is of sondra i to have of a dx of

autism too. I to live to the state of Ohio.

sondra

[Guest guest]

moon beam welcome to the group my name is of sondra i to have of a dx of autism

too. I to live to the state of Ohio.

sondra

[Guest guest]

well I never been married I have had boy friends,etc I do not have

no kids I live with my mom and step dad...

_Moon Beam_ (http://www.moonbeamcollies.org/)

" Collies N Maltese "

NW Louisiana

Great Trader on PlantSwap Group

In a message dated 12/22/2009 10:39:57 A.M. Central Standard Time,

hfa2@... writes:

moonbeam I to live of on my own now not with the parents. The birth

parents of me were of not able to take good care of me at all. I to found

marriage around the age of 24 and had of 4 kids and now the kids of me are of

older teens , young adults and some are of married too now. But just because

one finds marriage does not mean they are of in a good place in life, it just

simply is of a part of the my life I to feel much confused in.

sondra

[Guest guest]

moonbeam I to live of on my own now not with the parents. The birth parents of

me were of not able to take good care of me at all. I to found marriage around

the age of 24 and had of 4 kids and now the kids of me are of older teens ,

young adults and some are of married too now. But just because one finds

marriage does not mean they are of in a good place in life, it just simply is of

a part of the my life I to feel much confused in.

sondra

[Guest guest]

moonbeam it is of okay that you still live to you family many young adults do

because of fincances. my son soon to be of 21 still lives of to my home too. my

daughter of age of 22 still comes often to my home for short times she is of a

mom to 2 and she is of aspergers and gets of supports by our local state waiver

and the DD it use of to be of mrdd but it is of changed to to be of more

respectful and is of now called of DD. she also gets of much support and help

from me.

sondra