Re: Re: Will I ever know the answer? to & Elly (From Jo)

[Guest guest]

, (and Elly of course!) and all my new friends,

I am reading all the posts back to Elly and I am just so GREATFUL I joined

the group! I'm new, but I'm already " feelin' the love! " . I have been

battling the dragon all by myself!!! I can't believe it took me so long to get

here

(OK, I was working full time, plus going to school towards my bachelor's

degree, plus 2 kids... etc.... you know.... life!) but now I find myself out

with a flare since April!!! And I can't shake the beast! I broke down and

filed the disability paperwork (feeling inside like they will probably deny me)

but I had to try! I have a federal job and I do not pay into state

disability (in NJ) and therefore do not have any money coming in on my end!

Imagine

going from full time to nothing!

But to respond to your post about how we " look fine " . I let myself look

like crap if I'm at home, but if I go out to a family party or whatever, I do

take the time (LOTS of time) to do my hair and makeup (then blotting the sweat,

blotting, blotting, blotting! sit in front of fan, blot some more!) But

yeah, I look " OK " when I get there! But I refuse to show up looking like I

feel! But even if I didn't take the time to primp, I'm pretty sure they'd say

the same thing! Are they trying to make me feel better? You know, like after

you have a baby, and you feel all fat and stretched out, but everyone tells

you how great you look? Are they being kind? Trying to lift our spirits?

Because I, like you, take this stuff personally! On the inside I'm going

" YEAH? WELL I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE CRAP, MATTER OF FACT I MIGHT JUST PASS OUT

STANDING HERE TALKING TO YOU! "

My husband actually encouraged me to take the free EAP (Employee Assistance

Program) therapy sessions from my job. It's free and I get 6 sessions. I

only went once so far, which was giving the history and all, but I'm going to

work on how I respond to others and how I can keep my stress level down by

learning not to take things personally, or maybe figure out how to respond in a

way that expresses what I'm feeling without judging the person..... who

knows, it might help.

thanks for listening, this has be SOOOOO good for me!!!

-Jo

In a message dated 8/26/2008 9:13:22 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

heckcat@... writes:

like 'you LOOK fine, are you

just that lazy??'. ARGH!! (I'm sure that the majority of the time I'm being

over-sensitive and it's just me worrying and fretting so much about what

people think.)

**************It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel

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