Girls and Boys - question

[Guest guest]

Do any of your daughter's have an 'interest' in boys? If so, was there a time

when she seemed to really dislike boys?

My daughter, 7 yrs. old, spent this past school year as the only girl in her

classroom. She is also an only child. I sense that she wants nothing more to

do with boys. I haven't seen her being rude to boys, but I have noticed that

she gravitates towards girls, whenever there are some around. Whenever a song

comes on the radio with a male singer, she generally doesn't like it. But when

a song comes on with a female singer, she typically likes them all and will say

'Mommy, its a girl singing right?'. She will pick 'girl' movies (Barbie

presents and Disney princess and fairy, etc.) to purchase or rent from the

library, she will also say that some toys are only for 'boys' or only for

'girls', and have nothing to do with the 'boy' toys. I have been telling her

how wonderful it is to have friends that are boys and friends that are girls;

how we're all different and its okay to like something that boys like, etc.

etc.. I am wondering if this is a phase and shouldn't concern me too much, or if

I should continue to try to guide her into being more accepting of boys.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Karmen

[Guest guest]

I think she is displaying a VERY TYPICAL behavior. My oldest and youngest were

both similarly like this at that age. My youngest is almost 7 & she wants little

association with boys. At that age they've figured out they are different.

Typically the genders will separate themselves until around puberty.

Allie tends to gravitate toward boys, and boys tend to reject her because they

don't play with girls. Makes it hard on her, I think she prefers boys because

they are easier than all the social stuff with girls.

Debi

-

[Guest guest]

According to child development theory the middle age of childhood 6 thru

eleven it is natural for children to prefer same sex friendships. So don't

worry in the least. It is natural. This helps to establish her identity

as a female and to secure it for the future. It is thought to be a good

thing as far as sexual identity and emotional development. Sad that she is

the only little girl in her classroom. She needs girl friends. I also

think you are saying good things to her about gender, toys and friendships.

Rest assured she is fine for this age and stage.

-- Girls and Boys - question

Do any of your daughter's have an 'interest' in boys? If so, was there a

time when she seemed to really dislike boys?

My daughter, 7 yrs. old, spent this past school year as the only girl in her

classroom. She is also an only child. I sense that she wants nothing more to

do with boys. I haven't seen her being rude to boys, but I have noticed that

she gravitates towards girls, whenever there are some around. Whenever a

song comes on the radio with a male singer, she generally doesn't like it.

But when a song comes on with a female singer, she typically likes them all

and will say 'Mommy, its a girl singing right?'. She will pick 'girl' movies

(Barbie presents and Disney princess and fairy, etc.) to purchase or rent

from the library, she will also say that some toys are only for 'boys' or

only for 'girls', and have nothing to do with the 'boy' toys. I have been

telling her how wonderful it is to have friends that are boys and friends

that are girls; how we're all different and its okay to like something that

boys like, etc. etc.. I am wondering if this is a phase and shouldn't

concern me too much, or if I should continue to try to guide her into being

more accepting of boys.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Karmen

[Guest guest]

Thanks Debi,

I was hoping that it was a typical behavior, but with autistic children, ya

never know.

Karmen

Re: Girls and Boys - question

I think she is displaying a VERY TYPICAL behavior. My oldest and youngest were

both similarly like this at that age. My youngest is almost 7 & she wants little

association with boys. At that age they've figured out they are different.

Typically the genders will separate themselves until around puberty.

Allie tends to gravitate toward boys, and boys tend to reject her because they

don't play with girls. Makes it hard on her, I think she prefers boys because

they are easier than all the social stuff with girls.

Debi

-

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the encouraging words. Luckily, she will be going into district

in the fall (she's been at a private out-of-district special ed. school since

3), and my CST case manager told me that there are more girls enrolled than

boys, in that class. Here's hoping she will finally make some girl 'friends'.

Do you feel I should continue to discuss the positive things about both sexes to

her, or is it a moot point at this time?

Karmen

Girls and Boys - question

Do any of your daughter's have an 'interest' in boys? If so, was there a

time when she seemed to really dislike boys?

My daughter, 7 yrs. old, spent this past school year as the only girl in her

classroom. She is also an only child. I sense that she wants nothing more to

do with boys. I haven't seen her being rude to boys, but I have noticed that

she gravitates towards girls, whenever there are some around. Whenever a

song comes on the radio with a male singer, she generally doesn't like it.

But when a song comes on with a female singer, she typically likes them all

and will say 'Mommy, its a girl singing right?'. She will pick 'girl' movies

(Barbie presents and Disney princess and fairy, etc.) to purchase or rent

from the library, she will also say that some toys are only for 'boys' or

only for 'girls', and have nothing to do with the 'boy' toys. I have been

telling her how wonderful it is to have friends that are boys and friends

that are girls; how we're all different and its okay to like something that

boys like, etc. etc.. I am wondering if this is a phase and shouldn't

concern me too much, or if I should continue to try to guide her into being

more accepting of boys.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Karmen

[Guest guest]

I feel that anything we can do to help our girls imagine possibility for

themselves is good. Let her have her likes and dislikes and also try to

stretch her vision of what it is to be a man and a woman.

I casually point out roles that people play in our community that break

sex strereotypes for both my son and my daughter. Point out, the men who

are great nurses, and daddies nurturing their babies and pushing them on

swings, telling good stories, being teachers, etc. The women bus drivers,

bankers, doctors, pilots scientists,and make things more gender neutral.

I think for girls, men and boys are sometimes scary so we need to

:humanize them " for our girls. Children get lots of tough guy images and

messages about men and boys in the media. Of course I think we need to do

this for our sons as well. Because they pick up very early that men need to

be strong and loud and powerful. And they seldom see other qualities valued

in being male. They seldom see themselves reflected and valued as artistic

sensitive, creative, giggling, outgoing, playful, loving kind folk. The

images little boys are given are very limited. And they impact both girls

and boys. Ask her questions like, do you think it is fair that some people

don't think boys should wear pretty bright colors? Things like that?

So yes talk to her. When you are watching TV and the character is male

(99 percent are ) ask her if (e.g.. Little) a girl mouse could do

the same thing. What would be different or the same?

.. Ultimately what we want is for our children to have good hearts and

choices that make them happy and proud of themselves. We can teach that

characteristics such as bravery,l truthfulness, creativity, friendliness,

helpfulness are not gender related. That will help her to accept boys as

possible friends because they too possess qualities we value.

I'm happy she will have some girls around in the fall. That is wonderful.

-- Re: Girls and Boys - question

Thank you for the encouraging words. Luckily, she will be going into

district in the fall (she's been at a private out-of-district special ed.

school since 3), and my CST case manager told me that there are more girls

enrolled than boys, in that class. Here's hoping she will finally make some

girl 'friends'. Do you feel I should continue to discuss the positive things

about both sexes to her, or is it a moot point at this time?

Karmen

Girls and Boys - question

Do any of your daughter's have an 'interest' in boys? If so, was there a

time when she seemed to really dislike boys?

My daughter, 7 yrs. old, spent this past school year as the only girl in her

classroom. She is also an only child. I sense that she wants nothing more to

do with boys. I haven't seen her being rude to boys, but I have noticed that

she gravitates towards girls, whenever there are some around. Whenever a

song comes on the radio with a male singer, she generally doesn't like it.

But when a song comes on with a female singer, she typically likes them all

and will say 'Mommy, its a girl singing right?'. She will pick 'girl' movies

(Barbie presents and Disney princess and fairy, etc.) to purchase or rent

from the library, she will also say that some toys are only for 'boys' or

only for 'girls', and have nothing to do with the 'boy' toys. I have been

telling her how wonderful it is to have friends that are boys and friends

that are girls; how we're all different and its okay to like something that

boys like, etc. etc.. I am wondering if this is a phase and shouldn't

concern me too much, or if I should continue to try to guide her into being

more accepting of boys.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Karmen

[Guest guest]

yes, i have seen hannah try to communicate more with boys. i think its because

girls now her age, are into waxing and makeup and dressing up, which hannah

simply isn't.

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: fightingautism@...

Date: Thu, 25 Jun 2009 01:09:56 +0000

Subject: Re: Girls and Boys - question

I think she is displaying a VERY TYPICAL behavior. My oldest and youngest were

both similarly like this at that age. My youngest is almost 7 & she wants little

association with boys. At that age they've figured out they are different.

Typically the genders will separate themselves until around puberty.

Allie tends to gravitate toward boys, and boys tend to reject her because they

don't play with girls. Makes it hard on her, I think she prefers boys because

they are easier than all the social stuff with girls.

Debi

-

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[Guest guest]

Thanks a bunch. This is very insightful and detailed.

Girls and Boys - question

Do any of your daughter's have an 'interest' in boys? If so, was there a

time when she seemed to really dislike boys?

My daughter, 7 yrs. old, spent this past school year as the only girl in her

classroom. She is also an only child. I sense that she wants nothing more to

do with boys. I haven't seen her being rude to boys, but I have noticed that

she gravitates towards girls, whenever there are some around. Whenever a

song comes on the radio with a male singer, she generally doesn't like it.

But when a song comes on with a female singer, she typically likes them all

and will say 'Mommy, its a girl singing right?'. She will pick 'girl' movies

(Barbie presents and Disney princess and fairy, etc.) to purchase or rent

from the library, she will also say that some toys are only for 'boys' or

only for 'girls', and have nothing to do with the 'boy' toys. I have been

telling her how wonderful it is to have friends that are boys and friends

that are girls; how we're all different and its okay to like something that

boys like, etc. etc.. I am wondering if this is a phase and shouldn't

concern me too much, or if I should continue to try to guide her into being

more accepting of boys.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Karmen

[Guest guest]

I understand very much with your daughter Allie I was that was a child as well

and it really hurt when all my guy friends stopped speaking to me at the age of

nine, it may have had something to do with my Autism that I only hung out with

boys. I'll be praying for you both during this time period.

Subject: Re: Girls and Boys - question

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Date: Wednesday, June 24, 2009, 6:09 PM

I think she is displaying a VERY TYPICAL behavior. My oldest and youngest

were both similarly like this at that age. My youngest is almost 7 & she wants

little association with boys. At that age they've figured out they are

different. Typically the genders will separate themselves until around puberty.

Allie tends to gravitate toward boys, and boys tend to reject her because they

don't play with girls. Makes it hard on her, I think she prefers boys because

they are easier than all the social stuff with girls.

Debi

-