Re: Anyone else's girl hate Happy Birthday?

[Guest guest]

I think it is so interesting how our children have so many similarities and then

such stark differences! My daughter, Zoe, who is 3, loves music, all music, and

has always, since she was a little baby. Sometimes the only way to get her

attention would be to sing to her. She won't go to sleep at night without the

ipod playing music, and as soon as I turn it on, she calms down and goes right

to sleep. I wonder if this is because she knows it is time to sleep or because

she actually likes the music, I'm not sure. I have not changed the music on the

ipod for a long time. I'm worried she wouldn't like it anymore if it were

different, lol.

> >

> >

> >

> > theresa yes for self hate of that especially in a resturant place.... I to

> > hate the clappers and singers of that to an already sometimes loud eating

> > place. or if the place is of a calm and sort of quiet the sudden noise

> > caused me instant fight or flight/

> >

> > but if one tries to sing it to me it causes great anxiety and panic of not

> > knowing what to do and not like of it.

> >

> > but have found can sing of it to my grand baby without the anxiety of it

> > all.

> > sondra

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Theresa,

I have two children on the spectrum, a boy and a girl.  When my son was younger,

I would say 2 years old, he would covers his ears and lay on the floor

screaming.  It " hurt " his ears when the Happy Birthday song was sung no matter

how low we sang it.  I think it was just overstimulating for him.  He was

diagnosed by this time.  His reaction to this was outrageous and you would think

he was having needles stuck in his eyes.  It was heart wrenching.  He is now 8

yrs old and surprisingly enough, he sings it on top of his lungs like the rest

of us.  I hope it's a stage your Racheal is going through.  It lasted a while

for Jake, but he did grow out of it.

Good luck to you.

Sincerely,

Amy Basatemur

________________________________

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

Sent: Wednesday, April 22, 2009 10:21:28 PM

Subject: Anyone else's girl hate Happy Birthday?

My daughter is 5 (she'll be 6 in July) and she has always hated the

Happy Birthday song and birthday's in general.

It hasn't mattered if it was being sung for her or someone else. Her

reaction has varied from just getting really sad, to a full blown tantrum.

She has always enjoyed all the other aspects of the parties, but just when

it comes time to sing happy birthday.

The last b'day party she was invited to she wouldn't even go, although I

don't know that she really understood it was going to be a 'happy birthday'

party. I only told her we were going to go bounce and she just wouldn't go

and kept saying she was going to stay right here.

I let her stay home cause we were having real issues with the carseat and

her staying in the seat and I figured if she didn't want to go, I didn't

want to force her the whole way there even though I knew she would have had

a blast at the bounce place (she has always loved bounce houses) It just

wasn't worth the fight.

Her sister's birthday was last Thursday and we took a small cookie cake to

our Girl Scout meeting just to have a small observance of her actual

birthday (she's having a sleep over this weekend for her official party with

her friends) and again when it came time for everyone to sing happy

birthday, got real sad. I'm guessing that something about this is

just a bit too overwhelming for her, but don't really get why. Why that

specific aspect... Which I guess is what we all wonder about some of the

things that set our kids off huh? LOL

Anyway, I had meant to tell them that we didn't need to sing it just maybe

tell her instead, but it totally slipped my mind and next thing I know

someone had started up.

We have another birthday party to go to at the Bounce place this Sunday, and

currently has been doing much better at wanting to go places again

and behaving for the trips, so I am hopeful that she will go to this little

girl's b'day party. My mom is going to help me remember to take her to use

the bathroom just before they do the cake, so hopefully we can avoid the

Happy Birthday part of it.

Anyone else's daughter (or yourself) have this adversion to the Happy

Birthday song? or maybe another?

Theresa

[Guest guest]

Theresa

the difference I to think is that Birthdays have a high expectation of focus to

a person all the social and interactions is of directed at the one and the

anxiety of that is of so much that it feels as if all the directed emotional

states are of oveloading.

where the fourth of july is of not people focused but object focused and stimmy

and fun excpet for me cant stand the noise of it. there is of no direct expected

social interaction ,where the birthdays there is... and much of the focus is

directed to a " person " but some of us can build anxieity as if the focus is of

to us DIRECTLY.

I to not like of the birthday song because it brings unwanted attention.

It is of sudden change of the room and the environment. there is of at times too

much movement and then rapid shifts of expectations. such as everyone now needs

to stand and face the person and sing....and like the one shared the people

often all sing out of tune and not smooth flowing , but still I to feel it is of

too much focus and it builds anxiety.

sondra

[Guest guest]

I bet your right Sondra about the anxiety and it being too much focused

attention. Because she also doesn't like to be praised too much for doing a

good job. She likes to be recognized for doing something good, but you have

to be careful as to how excited you get about the good thing, because

getting too excited can cause her to shut down real quick. Such as potty

training and doing the 'happy dance/potty dance " when she actually goes in

the potty. That is a real no no... we learned that real quick.

And I'm guessing that even though the happy birthday is not always being

sung to her, she still feels the same as if it was.

We're just going to avoid being around at the time to sing happy birthday

Theresa

>

>

>

> Theresa

>

> the difference I to think is that Birthdays have a high expectation of

> focus to a person all the social and interactions is of directed at the one

> and the anxiety of that is of so much that it feels as if all the directed

> emotional states are of oveloading.

>

> where the fourth of july is of not people focused but object focused and

> stimmy and fun excpet for me cant stand the noise of it. there is of no

> direct expected social interaction ,where the birthdays there is... and much

> of the focus is directed to a " person " but some of us can build anxieity as

> if the focus is of to us DIRECTLY.

>

> I to not like of the birthday song because it brings unwanted attention.

>

> It is of sudden change of the room and the environment. there is of at

> times too much movement and then rapid shifts of expectations. such as

> everyone now needs to stand and face the person and sing....and like the one

> shared the people often all sing out of tune and not smooth flowing , but

> still I to feel it is of too much focus and it builds anxiety.

>

> sondra

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hannah hates any praise at all...she is never " good " you cannot use this word

around her, or she gets very upset!!!!!

Cheryl S [chez]

To: Autism_in_Girls_and_Women

From: temans@...

Date: Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:29:49 -0500

Subject: Re: Re: Anyone else's girl hate Happy

Birthday?

I bet your right Sondra about the anxiety and it being too much focused

attention. Because she also doesn't like to be praised too much for doing a

good job. She likes to be recognized for doing something good, but you have

to be careful as to how excited you get about the good thing, because

getting too excited can cause her to shut down real quick. Such as potty

training and doing the 'happy dance/potty dance " when she actually goes in

the potty. That is a real no no... we learned that real quick.

And I'm guessing that even though the happy birthday is not always being

sung to her, she still feels the same as if it was.

We're just going to avoid being around at the time to sing happy birthday

Theresa

>

>

>

> Theresa

>

> the difference I to think is that Birthdays have a high expectation of

> focus to a person all the social and interactions is of directed at the one

> and the anxiety of that is of so much that it feels as if all the directed

> emotional states are of oveloading.

>

> where the fourth of july is of not people focused but object focused and

> stimmy and fun excpet for me cant stand the noise of it. there is of no

> direct expected social interaction ,where the birthdays there is... and much

> of the focus is directed to a " person " but some of us can build anxieity as

> if the focus is of to us DIRECTLY.

>

> I to not like of the birthday song because it brings unwanted attention.

>

> It is of sudden change of the room and the environment. there is of at

> times too much movement and then rapid shifts of expectations. such as

> everyone now needs to stand and face the person and sing....and like the one

> shared the people often all sing out of tune and not smooth flowing , but

> still I to feel it is of too much focus and it builds anxiety.

>

> sondra

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

theresa she sounds much like me in that. some say well you speak in front of

hundreds and is that not making you center of attention and for me my brain does

not see that. because the speak is of based off much rehearsed scripts and is of

not interactive for the most part. I to stand and once get of started in my

scripts much would not know of me as having any issues to anxiety or autism. it

is as soon as the words go interactive that there is of no scripts and the

language goes back to the non scripted fashions and seem not correct.

but hate of focused to me sorts of things as that to me makes me feel as if have

to perform if you will in front of people like a game of charades>>>> in all

actuallity cant play that game in the real of life but not like to be on stage

if you will for social expectations that is of things like a birthday or getting

an award.

sondra

[Guest guest]

Exactly. Donna has book on Exposure anxiety that for me hit a

chord. I hate being the center of attention. Besides the song is such an

empty gesture for me. I get nothing positive out of it. It is a ritual we

have to go thru.

The Unity

Church in Santa had a different version of Happy B-day I didn't mind so

much. I can't remember how the word went but it felt like it did matter when

they sang it. It conveyed caring then.

Over all its just a yucky song. Besides you have to wait until it's over to

cut the cake. I LIKE the cake.

Nora

the difference I to think is that Birthdays have a high expectation of focus

to a person all the social and interactions is of directed at the one and

the anxiety of that is of so much that it feels as if all the directed

emotional states are of overloading.

where the fourth of July is of not people focused but object focused and

stimmy and fun except for me can't stand the noise of it. there is of no

direct expected social interaction ,where the birthdays there is... and much

of the focus is directed to a " person " but some of us can build anxiety as

if the focus is of to us DIRECTLY.

I to not like of the birthday song because it brings unwanted attention.

It is of sudden change of the room and the environment. there is of at times

too much movement and then rapid shifts of expectations. such as everyone

now needs to stand and face the person and sing....and like the one shared

the people often all sing out of tune and not smooth flowing , but still I

to feel it is of too much focus and it builds anxiety.

sondra