Re: homework?

October 9, 2008

When my daughter was in school, we started having the same problem. My daughter

wanted to do it - and wanted to do it right - and so would sit sometimes a

couple hours trying so hard and would cry if I tried to get her to stop. She

also did not like me to " correct " her - and had MANY " meltdowns " . It was

heartbreaking to watch. I too, was being blamed by teachers for not spending

enough time. I finally stood my ground, and said " She's doing 1/2 hour and

that is it. I am setting the timer. If it's not done after that - it's not

done - but SHE is done " . I had HAD it.

Have you read any of Alfie Kohn's books - a more recent one I think is titled

" The Case Against Homework " ? Lots of ideas, tips, and thoughts to mull over in

this book.

One thought .....perhaps the reason she is not having trouble finishing at

school is because she is using cues there to help her finish -or she's getting

more assistance from the teachers or parapros - so it seems like she's

understanding things when in fact she is not ? Does your daughter have

parapros in her room ? I've seen amazing parapros work with children - but I've

also watched those who help " too much " , by not giving the children a chance to

think , or by giving them the answers instead of letting them try on their own

first.

There are also all kinds of " cues " in most school rooms - and probably special

cues the teacher herself uses, and you would be at a disadvantage if you do not

have these at home.

My sister is having this same issue with her son. He is " okay " at school

because they have examples on the board to use -(talking math here) but he gets

home and doesn't have any notes to look at, and he forgets how he did the

problems. (They do a lot of " group work " instead of using books)

So sorry you are dealing with this. It can be SO frustrating !

cynthia

Lately we have been getting SO annoyed with our daughter's special ed

teacher. She keeps assigning her homework and writes a note to us to

complain if it is not completed on time. Her teacher makes a point of

saying " Stacey had no trouble with this in class " Of course,

it's a

highly structured setting!

October 9, 2008

My daughter used to have lots of homework. Let me tell you, it was usually

me going to another room and crying. I finally told the teacher that I had

already completed school and did not wish to go back to grade school, or

complete projects. She got the picture. She did send work home but knew

that we would do as much as we could handle. She was also assigned book

reports. This was just crazy. Kayla was reading at all and they were

letting her pick the book from the library. She was picking huge books. I

refused to do these, I said if you think she can do them then she can do

them with you. Well, they worked on them in speech and she had to write the

title and author that was her book report.

This year she has a new teacher and he doesn't believe in homework. He

feels his students are bombarded all day and need to have a break at home.

He also tries not to structure his day. He wants the kids to learn to

adjust. I have always believed in that and therefore we never had a set

schedule. Oh, don't get me wrong she would love it. But she needs to learn

that life really isn't like that. My life can't be like that and most

people's can't.

I suggest you tell the teacher she is placing undo stress into your family

life by requesting homework be done. Of course she does it at school that's

what school is and why they have teachers and aides there. Kids know school

is for working and home is supposed to be for family, etc. I personally did

not get a masters in education and therefore can't be a teacher. I do work

with her alot at home. For example she wants to learn math so we work on it

in a fun atmosphere and if either of us gets frustrated we stop.

> Lately we have been getting SO annoyed with our daughter's special ed

> teacher. She keeps assigning her homework and writes a note to us to

> complain if it is not completed on time. Her teacher makes a point of

> saying " Stacey had no trouble with this in class " Of course, it's a

> highly structured setting! In Stacey's situation, we have 2 other

> kids, pets, and a zillion other distractions at home......coupled with

> the fact that she is obsessive about watching certain shows at certain

> times, she was even upset last nite because she wanted to eat dessert

> at exactly 6:30 and wasn't able to since dinner was a little later

> than normal. Watching the clock and doing certain things at certain

> times has been a big thing lately. Sometimes we can get her to focus,

> and other times when she gets a problem wrong and we correct her she

> starts a meltdown on the spot and we have to re-direct her to ratchet

> her emotions back down, so to speak. Anybody else have this problem?

> She's in 3rd grade spec. ed, and I just don't see what she's

> supposed to get out of take home math assignments other than making us

> all miserable.

>

October 9, 2008

It took us years to get Allie adjusted to doing homework at home (also

third grade.) I've found that having a specific time and place to do

it helps. I finally got her going on it by giving a good reward after

it is finished. This year she has a big interest in pleasing her

teachers, so that helps. I want her to get caught up so she can be in

as much general ed for middle school as possible. I personally like

the homework because it's helping me see what level they are teaching

her at school.

All that said, you need to what is best for your kid & your situation.

Your situation may be completely different than mine, so I'm in no way

trying to tell you to do it/not to. Just sharing what happened with us.

Debi

October 9, 2008

Take the clocks away! If she is overly focused on the time challenge her to do

it at her own pace and to see how long it took when she finishes. The added

pressure of the clock could lead to more meltdowns.

Do you have an area for homework that is all her own? A place away from the

television set, siblings, and pets? I am a college student and I have a desk in

a quiet room where there are no distractions, adequate lighting, and I adhere to

a routine. I do all my school work online at home and have greater success in

this environment than I do in a classroom setting. Perhaps this is what the

teacher is envisioning for her at home.

Assuming that she has two parents and siblings that could potentially give her

one on one attention, where she has to share the teachers attention with the

other students in the class.

I too had plenty of problems with homework when I was at home. I had thre

sisters and my mother was working, so much of the time I struggled, especially

with math. Compunded by the fact that I have problems reading, it took me insane

amounts of time to complete my school work. Late hours at night, a very tired

single parent, and sisters too busy with their own things effected my schooling

to the point that I would not graduate until I was 21. Now 31 and in college I

have learned to do the things I need to keep focuses and pace myself. When

things get to be too much, I take a break. I do not have a clock in the room

where I do my school work, however for my timed tests I do have a timer. This

way I can pace myself.

http://speakup.today.com

Subject: homework?

To: Autism_in_Girls

Date: Thursday, October 9, 2008, 5:10 AM

Lately we have been getting SO annoyed with our daughter's special ed

teacher. She keeps assigning her homework and writes a note to us to

complain if it is not completed on time. Her teacher makes a point of

saying " Stacey had no trouble with this in class " Of course, it's a

highly structured setting! In Stacey's situation, we have 2 other

kids, pets, and a zillion other distractions at home......coupled with

the fact that she is obsessive about watching certain shows at certain

times, she was even upset last nite because she wanted to eat dessert

at exactly 6:30 and wasn't able to since dinner was a little later

than normal. Watching the clock and doing certain things at certain

times has been a big thing lately. Sometimes we can get her to focus,

and other times when she gets a problem wrong and we correct her she

starts a meltdown on the spot and we have to re-direct her to ratchet

her emotions back down, so to speak. Anybody else have this problem?

She's in 3rd grade spec. ed, and I just don't see what she's

supposed to get out of take home math assignments other than making us

all miserable.

October 9, 2008

I am so proud of you for sticking to your schooling and not giving up. Keep up

the hard work only positive things will come from it.

Becky

wrote:

Take the clocks away! If she is overly focused on the time challenge

her to do it at her own pace and to see how long it took when she finishes. The

added pressure of the clock could lead to more meltdowns.