(VENT..ADULT) Ever hear that song Lucky Man???? (ADULT)

[Guest guest]

I sure don't feel like one today! I had to drive (by myself of course,

even though I've been seeing double & shit the wifes' work is far too

important (in her ******* mind) for her to miss a day....I mean 3 hours..as

that IS her work day!.......Sorry..I'm a bit pissed off in a bad way....

I was on the road for about 45 minutes when it hit me. I knew I was

probably going to wind up in trouble as I've had a headache for about two

weeks straight and that's generally when this happens. I couldn't " judge "

where I was on the road! I first slowed down from 90 " ish " to 65...had to

keep changing my head position & covering up one eye or the other and I

still would up hitting the warning/rumble strips virtually every mile. When

I finally got to the DR. I thanked GOD and went in.

I told my RD what had happened after we went through all of the normal

stuff and he gave me a shot of Depo-Medrol....but it did me no good. It took

me over 4 ******* hours to get home as I'd be able to drive like hell for

10-15 minutes and than not be able to judge the road again...so I'd pull

over, put my head back and rest for 15 minutes...and repeated that process

more times than I could count.

I know this sounds demented but I almost wish I would have wrecked bad

enough to end this fucking misery! In reality I never could intentionally do

it but I was so damn pissed off I couldn't control the thoughts flying

through my brain. Now I am going to have to drive even further to see

another Neuro Opthomologist to check and see if the headaches/vision are

related. I've had this done before, but it all checked out then, and I'm

almost 100% certain that it still is.

The best way I can describe it is that I'll " see " an extra 4-5 feet to

the left & to the right that isn't there.....but that's what I see. It is

controllable when I'm close to another car (within 25 feet or so) but gets a

lot more noticeable the further behind I am. I will actually see two cars,

while only one is there when I'm back far enough away.

I had a ride lined up but my friend had a medical problem of his own come

up and at least I knew that well in advance. I didn't expect the wife would

drive but I also didn't expect her to be a total miserable F******* BITCH

about it either!

I don't honestly know why I keep trying to make this work as it obviously

never will. I can't " spoil " her the way she wants anymore, and I don't look

like I did back then. The fact that she is nowhere near close to what she

was when we met never bothered me, but she has no trouble using it against

me on the other side of that coin! I told her countless times we need to go

for counseling yet she refuses as she knows she will hear truths she refuses

to admit to!

I really wish I could see into the future to see what the right decision

is! Half of me wants to cut & run but won't/can't as our court system is so

damn slanted to preserving the Wifes' way of life, regardless of who is at

fault. I have a friend who built a 300k house with 3 decks on it...he never

slept in it or even had a hot dog on his deck as she filed for a divorce &

got HIS house, the kids, the car etc.... He now makes a shade over 1400.00

per week and gets to keep a hair under 200.00!!!!

I also could not live without being with my kids......God damn it I hate

my fucking life! It was bad enough to have life ripped right out from under

my feet 5 years ago (this is my anniversary of that) and now I can see the

other shoe about to fall as I " m not going to be able to keep my mouth shut

any longer. She tried to convince me that I had hit her once.....which is

100% untrue, but if she keeps asking for it I just might make that dream of

hers come true....too bad she has no idea how hard I actually hit!

Her total disregard for my health has reached a new high, and her

attitude towards me sucks. Sure, she is nice when I'm paying to go out to

eat & shit, but that's about it. I do really wish I would have been in an

accident today as I was driving " HER " car.........

Sorry...I can't keep on going at the moment. I need to calm down a bit

and try again tomorrow. I'm just sick of being treated like a sack of shit

and USED! I could go on forever & a day here, but it isn't going to help a

damn thing.

Later, Kirk.

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Everything in life sucks except things that should! ESPECIALLY MY LIFE!!!!!