OT: A Laugh for the day

[Guest guest]

I don't usually send this sort of thing to to many people but I cracked up at

each of these short stories and just had to pass it on. Laughter makes you feel

so much better. Smiles, Caroline

 

TELL  ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!!

(Unfortunately it probably will)

LOST  IN THE DARNDEST PLACES

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has

been broken  into.  She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the

dispatcher:  'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and

even the accelerator!' she cried.

The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'

A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard,' he says.  

'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

________________________________________________________________  

FAMILY

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.  One night the

96-year old  

 draws a bath.  She puts her foot in and pauses.  She yells to the other

sisters,

 'Was I getting in or out of the bath?'

The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't know.  I'll come up and see.'  

 She starts up the stairs and pauses, 'Was I going up the stairs or down?'

The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her

sisters.  She shakes her head and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful,

knock on wood.'  She then yells, 'I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I

see who's at the  door.'

___________________________________________________________

'I  CAN HEAR JUST FINE!'  

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.

   

 One remarked to the other, 'Windy, isn't it?'

'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.'

And the third man chimed in, 'So am I.  Let's have a beer ....'

_________________________________________________________________    

LITTLE  LADY:

A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home.  As she

walked,  

 she would flip up the hem of her night-gown and say 'Supersex.'  She walked up

to an  

 elderly man in a wheelchair.  Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, 'I'll take the soup.'

 

_____________________________________________________________

OLD  FRIENDS:

Now  this one is just too Precious... !

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.  Over the years, they had

shared  

 all kinds of activities and adventures.  Lately, their activities had been

limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.  One day, they were playing

cards when one looked at the  

 other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me.  I know we've been friends for a long

time,  

 but I just can't think of your name!  I've thought and thought, but I can't

remember it.    

Please tell me what your name is '

 Her friend glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and

glared at her.    

 Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

_________________________________________________________________    ;

SENIOR  DRIVING

As a senior citizen  was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

 Answering, he  

 heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Ernie, I just heard on the news  

 that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.  Please be careful!'  

'Heck,' said  Ernie, 'It's not just one car.  It's hundreds of them!'  

________________________________________________________________  

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over

the  

 dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection.   The

stoplight  

 was red, but they just went on through.  The woman in the passenger seat

thought to  

  herself, 'I must be losing it.  I could have sworn we just went through a red

light.'    

 After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was

red again.  Again,  they went right through.  The woman in the passenger seat

was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she

was losing it.   She was getting nervous.   At the next intersection, sure

enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other

woman and said, 'Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights

in a row?  You could have killed us both!'

 

 Mildred turned to her and said, 'Oh, crap, am I driving?'  

 

TELL  ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US!!!

 

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[Guest guest]

Thanks for the laughs. Mind you the only problem is that why I found them

so funny was because there were shades of me there

All the best

Joan U.K.