Cows freed by Animal Liberation Front

[Guest guest]

PRAIRIE DU CHIEN, WI.

Members of the radical group Animal Liberation Front swept through a

900-square-mile region of Western Wisconsin Monday, freeing an estimated

71,000 cows from their human captors.

" These cows are finally free to run wild through the wilderness, " said

ski-masked ALF member " Brent, " loosing a 200-head Guernsey herd from

Milk-Rite Dairy in sburg. " No creature should have to live in

servitude to humans. "

Within hours of the cows' release, police departments throughout the area

began receiving reports of bovine fatalities.

" We've been getting calls all night long, " Viroqua police chief Dale

Chambers said. " So far, 43 cows have been hit by cars, 11 have fallen off

bridges and drowned, and three have been electrocuted from chewing on

power lines. "

Among the 71,000 freed cows were 450 Jerseys from the Cumberland Dairy

Farm near Prairie du Chien, liberated by a team of activists in a midnight

raid. The cows were loaded onto trucks, then transported 100 miles north

and freed in a forest clearing, where, as of press time, all 450 were

standing around eating grass.

The long-distance transport of the Cumberland cows was deemed necessary in

light of an event last August, when 80 Milking Shorthorns were released

from the Miklewski farm in Beloit, only to wander back into their pens the

next day.

" It was the greatest thrill of my life to have personally broken the

padlock on the gate that cruelly held these cows, " Animal Liberation Front

member Ross Kreutzman said. " As long as I live, I'll never forget the

lazy, sluggish look in those cows' eyes as I shoved them through the gate

with all my might. "

Animal activists are hailing the raid as a major victory for cows' rights.

" Cows do not belong in dairy farmers' pens. They belong out in the

wilderness, where they may run free with the wolves and bears, " PETA

spokesperson McCune said. " This raid was an important first step

toward returning the proud, majestic cow to its natural environs. "

Monday's cow release is the highest-profile raid for the Animal Liberation

Front since October 1996, when the group released three million chickens

into Yosemite National Park.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3420/animal_rights.html

---

[Guest guest]

Maybe l'm mixing The Onion up with another site but aren't their articles

spoofs or meant to be absurd? Even if not l get the same impression here

l've gotten with most other think they're do gooder environmental groups.

More do before you think or know the workings. Why release a herd of 200?

That's a family farm in Wisconsin. Not the real abusers, factory farms of

thousands. Are the deaths by car, drowning and electrocution just an

unfortunate consequence or casualty of war? Then the wolves they'll

peacefully coexist with?...huh? Reminds me of a controlled deer hunt close

by where the deer were overpopulated and starving. Starving to death with

hopes of becoming coyote prey to end the life sooner was more humane than a

hunter's bullet. So thought the people slashing the hunter's tires. Spoof

or not, got my goat. :-)

Wanita

[Guest guest]

I hate to tell you folks.......

This did not happen................

Tim

Cows freed by Animal Liberation Front

PRAIRIE DU CHIEN, WI.

Members of the radical group Animal Liberation Front swept through a

900-square-mile region of Western Wisconsin Monday, freeing an estimated

71,000 cows from their human captors.

" These cows are finally free to run wild through the wilderness, " said

ski-masked ALF member " Brent, " loosing a 200-head Guernsey herd from

Milk-Rite Dairy in sburg. " No creature should have to live in

servitude to humans. "

Within hours of the cows' release, police departments throughout the area

began receiving reports of bovine fatalities.

" We've been getting calls all night long, " Viroqua police chief Dale

Chambers said. " So far, 43 cows have been hit by cars, 11 have fallen off

bridges and drowned, and three have been electrocuted from chewing on

power lines. "

Among the 71,000 freed cows were 450 Jerseys from the Cumberland Dairy

Farm near Prairie du Chien, liberated by a team of activists in a midnight

raid. The cows were loaded onto trucks, then transported 100 miles north

and freed in a forest clearing, where, as of press time, all 450 were

standing around eating grass.

The long-distance transport of the Cumberland cows was deemed necessary in

light of an event last August, when 80 Milking Shorthorns were released

from the Miklewski farm in Beloit, only to wander back into their pens the

next day.

" It was the greatest thrill of my life to have personally broken the

padlock on the gate that cruelly held these cows, " Animal Liberation Front

member Ross Kreutzman said. " As long as I live, I'll never forget the

lazy, sluggish look in those cows' eyes as I shoved them through the gate

with all my might. "

Animal activists are hailing the raid as a major victory for cows' rights.

" Cows do not belong in dairy farmers' pens. They belong out in the

wilderness, where they may run free with the wolves and bears, " PETA

spokesperson McCune said. " This raid was an important first step

toward returning the proud, majestic cow to its natural environs. "

Monday's cow release is the highest-profile raid for the Animal Liberation

Front since October 1996, when the group released three million chickens

into Yosemite National Park.

http://www.theonion.com/onion3420/animal_rights.html

---

[Guest guest]

Being from Madison, the birthplace of the Onion, I hereby apprise all

who are not " in the know " that all news articles in the Onion are

parodies. The only " real " parts of the paper are the movie reviews

(excellent) and feature stories on pop culture, as well as the

advertisements. So fake it makes you cry, with laughter.

Tom

> I hate to tell you folks.......

> This did not happen................

> Tim

>

> Cows freed by Animal Liberation Front

>

>

>

> PRAIRIE DU CHIEN, WI.

> Members of the radical group Animal Liberation Front swept through a

> 900-square-mile region of Western Wisconsin Monday, freeing an

estimated

> 71,000 cows from their human captors.

>

> " These cows are finally free to run wild through the wilderness, " said

> ski-masked ALF member " Brent, " loosing a 200-head Guernsey herd from

> Milk-Rite Dairy in sburg. " No creature should have to live in

> servitude to humans. "

>

> Within hours of the cows' release, police departments throughout

the area

> began receiving reports of bovine fatalities.

>

> " We've been getting calls all night long, " Viroqua police chief Dale

> Chambers said. " So far, 43 cows have been hit by cars, 11 have

fallen off

> bridges and drowned, and three have been electrocuted from chewing on

> power lines. "

>

> Among the 71,000 freed cows were 450 Jerseys from the Cumberland Dairy

> Farm near Prairie du Chien, liberated by a team of activists in a

midnight

> raid. The cows were loaded onto trucks, then transported 100 miles

north

> and freed in a forest clearing, where, as of press time, all 450 were

> standing around eating grass.

>

> The long-distance transport of the Cumberland cows was deemed

necessary in

> light of an event last August, when 80 Milking Shorthorns were

released

> from the Miklewski farm in Beloit, only to wander back into their

pens the

> next day.

>

> " It was the greatest thrill of my life to have personally broken the

> padlock on the gate that cruelly held these cows, " Animal

Liberation Front

> member Ross Kreutzman said. " As long as I live, I'll never forget the

> lazy, sluggish look in those cows' eyes as I shoved them through

the gate

> with all my might. "

>

> Animal activists are hailing the raid as a major victory for cows'

rights.

>

> " Cows do not belong in dairy farmers' pens. They belong out in the

> wilderness, where they may run free with the wolves and bears, " PETA

> spokesperson McCune said. " This raid was an important first step

> toward returning the proud, majestic cow to its natural environs. "

>

> Monday's cow release is the highest-profile raid for the Animal

Liberation

> Front since October 1996, when the group released three million

chickens

> into Yosemite National Park.

>

> http://www.theonion.com/onion3420/animal_rights.html

>

>

>

> ---

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/6/03 12:09:20 AM Eastern Standard Time,

clearvu@... writes:

>

>

>

> I hate to tell you folks.......

> This did not happen................

I didn't realize it was from The Onion when I first read it, and actually

believed it, because the ALF actually DID blow up a meat-packing plant in or

near

Seattle a few years ago, as reported in the Wall Street Journal.

Chris