self deprecation

[Guest guest]

One of my MySpace "friends" blogged this, and I thought it was so good that I wanted to share it with you. It indirectly relates to this group because we are often so hard on ourselves (I am very hard on myself) ********** I've been wanting to blog about this for a while now. I would like to talk about self-deprecators. Those are people who constantly put themselves down. There may be many reasons why people do this...1) to make others feel better about themselves, 2) because they really do hate themselves, 3) they were abused verbally by parents or others, 4) they were taught that this is the way to get along with others. There are a lot of insecure people in the world, in fact it seems that everyone seems to be insecure to some extent about something or another and that's perfectly normal. If one woman seems to excel at something or seem exceptionally pretty there

will undoubtedly be other women who are jealous of her or even hate her because of her abilities or her looks. To help assuage some of this jealousy this woman may put herself down to be less intimidating to others. In this way she will seem like a nice person and will be liked. Although she's not really being nice to herself. Personally, I would prefer a woman to be secure with the fact that 1) she is pretty, 2) other people will be jealous, but real friends will like her anyway despite any insecurities they may have. I'm sure that there are some who would prefer not to even be around her because her abilities or looks are too intimidating. There's one thing about the mind, it can be brainwashed or programmed to think a certain way if told something over and over. This is the way people learn anything, by repetition. It doesn't have to be true, it just has to be repeated over and over and eventually people will begin

to believe it as truth. People, I hate to tell you this but we live in a republic, not a democracy, there's a difference. But this is what people in power and politicians have told you over and over and over and this is what people believe now. When a person puts themselves down over and over and over they will eventually begin to believe themselves. It doesn't matter how thin or pretty or smart or talented they are, if they tell themselves they are fat, ugly, stupid, and talentless then they will eventually believe it. It may not matter the reason why they put themselves down, perhaps they are constantly trying to make others feel good about themselves, but the consequences may be that they in turn are modifying their own self image and in a negative way. Not only are they putting themselves down, they are in a way saying that it is ok to do this and may end up getting victimized by others because of it. They may get into

relationships with men or others who may sometimes have a low opinon of that person. I wonder why? Because that person has a low opinion of themself. Not only do they convince themself that they aren't worthy, they convince others of this and this is the kind of treatment they may get from others. Perhaps the self-deprecators had abusive parents who insulted them all the time or perhaps there was someone else who did this to them. I think that many people put others down because they are so insecure with themselves they have to constantly insult others to make themselves feel better. Although, ultimately at the end of the day this person is still the same person who is unhappy with themselves and they cannot change that fact by putting down others and doing nothing to make their own lives better. I think that societies in general have a low opinion of women. Look at the Middle East and how women are

regarded there. It is still similar to some extent every where else. Women are taught to not think of themselves and only others. They should be concerned with making everyone else happy and not themselves. Put your family and friends first and yourself last. That is the honorable thing to do. Whatever! I say that's a load of crap. I've been living this lie my whole life along with the self depricating and it's got to stop as it has not served me well at all and has brought me nothing but misery, self loathing, depression, bad relationships, and one crappy job after another. If I can't believe in myself no one else will and why would they hire me for a decent job? I've had relationship after relationship where I was used as a doormat and taken advantage of and why? Because I accepted it. Because it was ok to do that because I wasn't a worthy person and gave people the green light to walk all

over me. And then I wonder why I'm so unhappy and why I can't find a good man. This is victim behavior. I am a victim. Poor me. People take advantage of me. I can't find a good guy. Nobody loves me. Break out your violins, please. Can I wallow in my self misery and pity, because I like it. I like being miserable, sad, and depressed. It's so noble. It's so artistic. It's so honorable. I should be admired for all I've been through. I'm a martyr, really. I remember buying expensive gifts for others, but wouldn't dream of buying them for myself. I wasn't even worthy of my own money! A lot of those gifts weren't even appreciated, given to people who were unappreciative of others which is why I was around them, I guess. I used to apologize all the time and take the blame, even for mistakes other people made to make themselves feel

better. I probably did make these people feel better and at the same time made myself look like a dummy. If I ordered a sandwich at the deli and they got my order wrong I would apologize for confusing them, because it must be my fault that I don't make any sense to order anything right, otherwise they the supreme and intelligent sandwich maker would have gotten it right. Ha! Who am I fooling? They made a mistake and that's it, it wasn't my fault at all, why do I feel the need to make myself feel like the dummy so they don't get their feelings hurt? Maybe they should feel stupid. Then maybe they'll pay attention and make more sandwiches correctly. There are a million self-deprecating things I have done. It's going to be a real task to undo and try to correct all this negative programming in my head that I have done to myself. I guess I could go on and on about this, but I think you now have an idea of

what I think about self-deprecation and why it can be such a bad thing. I could maybe rewrite, rearrange, or add some things to this to make it read better, but I'm not doing this for college credit, I'm not trying to be a writer, I just have to get it off my chest. Feel free to make your comments and I may reply and come up with another annoying thing to complain about. I know we all do self-deprecating things, so the next time you find yourself putting yourself down for whatever reason, try to stop yourself. You are your own worst critic and others view you the way you view yourself. If you have low self esteem, stop and ask yourself why that is. If people are always taking advantage of you, taking you for granted, or insulting you, again, ask yourself why that may be. Say positive things to yourself and one day you may begin to believe it and one day you might just be happy with yourself. Talk to

yourself the way a good friend (a non deprecating one) would. Be pretty, be proud, be respected, be successful, and be happy.