Re: Declaring a family member incapacitated

[Guest guest]

Hello ,

OH dear, I am so sorry that your sister has not improved more and that you are faced with these decisions on her behalf! That is TOUGH!

I sure hope someone has the legal information that you need. SOON.

btw, how are YOU doing??

Jean

From: Wang

Sent: Wednesday, January 19, 2011 12:47 AM

To: beingsick

Subject: Declaring a family member incapacitated

Hello

You may not remember but my sister was in a car accident back in November. Both legs, both arms broken, neck fractured in three places, spinal column bruised, potential brain damage from swelling. This is after two years of rehab from her stroke which definitely caused some brain damage but she had been recovering well from it. Thanks to donations from the public, she's been transported to a leading rehab hospital in Denver. Expensive but an exclusive hospital. The insurance of the driver who crossed the center line and crashed head on into her has already been tapped out so it's just her own insurance now which was already quite drained by the stroke. They've managed to step down the trach tube and installed a valve so she can talk. She's very confused and thinks she's in Madison Wisconsin and thinks that it's 1989. I don't think she was even in Wisconsin back then so everything must be jumbled up.

Anyways, paperwork from the lawyers arrived today, her husband wants her declared incapacitated so that he can take over all her affairs. This is probably a good idea to keep the medical decisions out of her hands for a while. Obviously the papers are to see if any body in the family objects. I'm a bit surprised that she doesn't have a medical power of attorney prepared for this, she was adamant that I prepare one when I was bedridden with Congestive Heart Failure to the extent that I wound up going to a lawyer and getting a will and medical POA drafted even though I could barely stand at the time.

I always did think she's a bit nuts so declaring her incapacitated seems appropriate especially after all that she's done to ruin my life in the past year but I wonder, the proceedings probably started when things were truly dire and she was still in a coma. She's probably still in no condition to make decisions about her affairs and may never be, but she is better. Is there a criteria for someone once declared incapacitated to be declared competent again? How would being declared incapacitated affect her future, her career as a Doctor?

Declaring her incapacitated would probably mean giving her husband access to the remainder of her savings that she had been keeping from him. Their marriage started off with the unpleasant discovery of his debt hence the reserve. Of course, that money is probably dearly needed now.

Regards,

[Guest guest]

,Was it your sister who was in the collision with a celebrity--who got all the attention?  Maybe I'm thinking of someone else, but anyway, those are good questions, and I think your family should consult an attorney.  This sounds like a serious matter, and I would definitely want to know those answers before I signed off on any family member.  Best of luck with this! 

 

HelloYou may not remember but my sister was in a car accident back in November.  

[Guest guest]

Picking up the pieces. My sister, yes the one that's now to be declared incapacitated, had come down during the summer and started laying into me about how hopeless my situation is so I wound up back in Canada two thousand miles away from my house, cars, everything. Because of that I lost two jobs, one with friends and one job that I had managed to line up that was very lucrative and could've resolved a lot of issues within a few months. Now my house is up for short sale at a loss, I have no idea where the cars are and I don't know where most of my possessions are either. My sister had been on a rampage while visiting my parents and my younger sister and it was at the point where my younger sister's husband was going to call the police on her when she shifted her attention to destroying my life. She didn't stop either, she went

on an email campaign emailing my business colleagues asking them to not work with me, I only found out about this when they forwarded her emails to me. I nearly filed paperwork to strip her of her physician's license as she had no right to do something like that from a professional email account but my parents talked me out of it.She always had a destructive aspect to her, as she always stole from us. She always needed to exert some control and everything had to be from her. I once commented on how well the Brita Filter pitcher that I bought was working and how much I liked it so she gave me a Brita water filter pitcher as a present to be able to say that it was from her. When I was bedridden with congestive heart failure, she took the jar of collectible JFK quarters, coins with silver content and other unusual collectibles to the coinstar machine. She also would not stop about how I needed more

furniture so even though I could barely stand, was fainting if I stood too quickly and had a heart rate of 210, I wound up dragging flatpacks of furniture off the Ikea warehouse shelves while she had snacks at the Ikea cafeteria, she also insisted that I prepare a will and medical power of attorney so that she could terminate life support if it ever got to that point. It's ironic that clearly she never prepared one for herself and now is the one in the dire straits that she continuously attempt to tell us we're in.To be truthful, I'm of the opinion that the stroke from two years ago had already robbed her of what little reasonable judgement she had and that what judgement she had only masked a deep down issue with control and a need for validation and entitlement. The accident has just made it more evident that she should be legally declared incompetent.On the good side, Canada's medical

system kicked in as soon as I arrived so I don't have to worry about finding money for my meds, I do have to figure out how to get some insulin but I could probably control that with diet and exercise. In the States, even with really good insurance, the cost of the meds was getting prohibitive and especially with that girlfriend stealing money from my bank accounts. The Canadian government is also giving me a small living allowance and job search programs until I get back on my feet. Turns out they've been actively reducing taxes over the years too and they avoided the worst of the recession so it may be a good place to rebuild from losing everything.Regards,From:

gettingthere35@... Subject: Re: Declaring a family member incapacitatedTo: BeingSick Date: Wednesday, January 19, 2011, 8:09 AM

Hello ,

OH dear, I am so sorry that your sister has not improved more and that you are faced with these decisions on her behalf! That is TOUGH!

I sure hope someone has the legal information that you need. SOON.

btw, how are YOU doing??

Jean

....

[Guest guest]

Yes , I do remember that period when she moved in on you, just as you felt some hope that things would recover, though also in extremely tough times. But it is good to hear detail in retrospect, still so very damaging to you.

I hadn't recalled the house, and somehow misthought it was a rented apartment.

and yes, sometimes life can be VERY curious.

She acted as if believing that only she could save you from ruin, and now she is the one in dire straits.

....sounds like you may be right that the stroke might have triggered some parts of her that might have been NOT good for patients as well as family.

I am glad that at least you have your meds now! and GREAT that you have a small living allowance and some help in a job search.

I *am* so sorry that you've had such a tough time these many years. You sound like an extraordinary person that I wish had been able to 'carry on' as you were fighting so hard to be allowed to do.

and I think also that there are others here on the list also maltreated, fighting valiantly to return to a productive life

Meanwhile I continue to marvel at the spirit that continues nonetheless.

AND I look forward to hearing both about your sister, if you have any power there, and much more re the steps you are helped to take in our good neighbor to the north until you are back on your feet. (and I want to hear what happens then too!!!!!)

Jean

From: Wang

Sent: Wednesday, January 19, 2011 4:12 PM

To: BeingSick

Subject: Re: Declaring a family member incapacitated

Picking up the pieces. My sister, yes the one that's now to be declared incapacitated, had come down during the summer and started laying into me about how hopeless my situation is so I wound up back in Canada two thousand miles away from my house, cars, everything. Because of that I lost two jobs, one with friends and one job that I had managed to line up that was very lucrative and could've resolved a lot of issues within a few months. Now my house is up for short sale at a loss, I have no idea where the cars are and I don't know where most of my possessions are either. My sister had been on a rampage while visiting my parents and my younger sister and it was at the point where my younger sister's husband was going to call the police on her when she shifted her attention to destroying my life. She didn't stop either, she went on an email campaign emailing my business colleagues asking them to not work with me, I only found out about this when they forwarded her emails to me. I nearly filed paperwork to strip her of her physician's license as she had no right to do something like that from a professional email account but my parents talked me out of it.

She always had a destructive aspect to her, as she always stole from us. She always needed to exert some control and everything had to be from her. I once commented on how well the Brita Filter pitcher that I bought was working and how much I liked it so she gave me a Brita water filter pitcher as a present to be able to say that it was from her. When I was bedridden with congestive heart failure, she took the jar of collectible JFK quarters, coins with silver content and other unusual collectibles to the coinstar machine. She also would not stop about how I needed more furniture so even though I could barely stand, was fainting if I stood too quickly and had a heart rate of 210, I wound up dragging flatpacks of furniture off the Ikea warehouse shelves while she had snacks at the Ikea cafeteria, she also insisted that I prepare a will and medical power of attorney so that she could terminate life support if it ever got to that point. It's ironic that clearly she never prepared one for herself and now is the one in the dire straits that she continuously attempt to tell us we're in.

To be truthful, I'm of the opinion that the stroke from two years ago had already robbed her of what little reasonable judgement she had and that what judgement she had only masked a deep down issue with control and a need for validation and entitlement. The accident has just made it more evident that she should be legally declared incompetent.

On the good side, Canada's medical system kicked in as soon as I arrived so I don't have to worry about finding money for my meds, I do have to figure out how to get some insulin but I could probably control that with diet and exercise. In the States, even with really good insurance, the cost of the meds was getting prohibitive and especially with that girlfriend stealing money from my bank accounts. The Canadian government is also giving me a small living allowance and job search programs until I get back on my feet. Turns out they've been actively reducing taxes over the years too and they avoided the worst of the recession so it may be a good place to rebuild from losing everything.

Regards,

Subject: Re: Declaring a family member incapacitatedTo: BeingSick Date: Wednesday, January 19, 2011, 8:09 AM

Hello ,

OH dear, I am so sorry that your sister has not improved more and that you are faced with these decisions on her behalf! That is TOUGH!

I sure hope someone has the legal information that you need. SOON.

btw, how are YOU doing??

Jean

....

[Guest guest]

HelloYes, the celebrity was up and coming NFL quarterback Colt Brennan, his girlfriend, Shakti Stream, was driving and they crossed the center line hitting my sister's car head on. The initial media news was all about Colt and his injuries, there was little mentioned about my sister other than "the other driver was wearing a seat belt" despite the fact that her injuries were far more severe. The coverage certainly seemed callous by starting and ending with the celebrities, but they did do follow up pieces over the weeks afterwards that were more complete and at least the pledges for donations from those follow up human interest stories helps somewhat.Thanks for the suggestion to seek advice from an attorney, I don't know if this would fall into the first consultation free stuff. Perhaps we'll

talk to some family friends that have attorneys in their family first.Regards,

HelloYou may not remember but my sister was in a car accident back in November.

[Guest guest]

This is the first I have heard of this. I hope she will be alright.Sue http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/betterbodybuddies/?yguid=137091429 http://www.peternoone.com.

HelloYou may not remember but my sister was in a car accident back in November.

[Guest guest]

When I became my sons guardian (he's 23) I was told I would have to keep records of all monies spent and that the state has a right at anytime to call upon me to prove where his money is going. Just to keep his welfare safe. This has already happened once. I had to go to court and show receipts so that they knew I was not using his funds for my own personal use.

Kathy

Hello

You may not remember but my sister was in a car accident back in November. Both legs, both arms broken, neck fractured in three places, spinal column bruised, potential brain damage from swelling. This is after two years of rehab from her stroke which definitely caused some brain damage but she had been recovering well from it. Thanks to donations from the public, she's been transported to a leading rehab hospital in Denver. Expensive but an exclusive hospital. The insurance of the driver who crossed the center line and crashed head on into her has already been tapped out so it's just her own insurance now which was already quite drained by the stroke. They've managed to step down the trach tube and installed a valve so she can talk. She's very confused and thinks she's in Madison Wisconsin and thinks that it's 1989. I don't think she was even in Wisconsin back then so everything must be jumbled up.

Anyways, paperwork from the lawyers arrived today, her husband wants her declared incapacitated so that he can take over all her affairs. This is probably a good idea to keep the medical decisions out of her hands for a while. Obviously the papers are to see if any body in the family objects. I'm a bit surprised that she doesn't have a medical power of attorney prepared for this, she was adamant that I prepare one when I was bedridden with Congestive Heart Failure to the extent that I wound up going to a lawyer and getting a will and medical POA drafted even though I could barely stand at the time.

I always did think she's a bit nuts so declaring her incapacitated seems appropriate especially after all that she's done to ruin my life in the past year but I wonder, the proceedings probably started when things were truly dire and she was still in a coma. She's probably still in no condition to make decisions about her affairs and may never be, but she is better. Is there a criteria for someone once declared incapacitated to be declared competent again? How would being declared incapacitated affect her future, her career as a Doctor?

Declaring her incapacitated would probably mean giving her husband access to the remainder of her savings that she had been keeping from him. Their marriage started off with the unpleasant discovery of his debt hence the reserve. Of course, that money is probably dearly needed now.

Regards,

[Guest guest]

Hello KathyThanks, It's reassuring that they require such documentation when a legal guardian has been appointed. It's her husband who's requesting the courts to appoint him as guardian. I'm certain that he only has her best interests at heart but it's still good to know that the courts don't take marginalizing a person's rights lightly.Regards,Subject: Re: Declaring a family member incapacitatedTo: BeingSick Date: Thursday, January 20, 2011, 5:49 PM

When I became my sons guardian (he's 23) I was told I would have to keep records of all monies spent and that the state has a right at anytime to call upon me to prove where his money is going. Just to keep his welfare safe. This has already happened once. I had to go to court and show receipts so that they knew I was not using his funds for my own personal use.

Kathy

Hello

You may not remember but my sister was in a car accident back in November. Both legs, both arms broken, neck fractured in three places, spinal column bruised, potential brain damage from swelling. This is after two years of rehab from her stroke which definitely caused some brain damage but she had been recovering well from it. Thanks to donations from the public, she's been transported to a leading rehab hospital in Denver. Expensive but an exclusive hospital. The insurance of the driver who crossed the center line and crashed head on into her has already been tapped out so it's just her own insurance now which was already quite drained by the stroke. They've managed to step down the trach tube and installed a valve so she can talk. She's very confused and thinks she's in Madison Wisconsin and thinks that it's 1989. I don't think she was even in Wisconsin back then so everything must be jumbled up.

Anyways, paperwork from the lawyers arrived today, her husband wants her declared incapacitated so that he can take over all her affairs. This is probably a good idea to keep the medical decisions out of her hands for a while. Obviously the papers are to see if any body in the family objects. I'm a bit surprised that she doesn't have a medical power of attorney prepared for this, she was adamant that I prepare one when I was bedridden with Congestive Heart Failure to the extent that I wound up going to a lawyer and getting a will and medical POA drafted even though I could barely stand at the time.

I always did think she's a bit nuts so declaring her incapacitated seems appropriate especially after all that she's done to ruin my life in the past year but I wonder, the proceedings probably started when things were truly dire and she was still in a coma. She's probably still in no condition to make decisions about her affairs and may never be, but she is better. Is there a criteria for someone once declared incapacitated to be declared competent again? How would being declared incapacitated affect her future, her career as a Doctor?

Declaring her incapacitated would probably mean giving her husband access to the remainder of her savings that she had been keeping from him. Their marriage started off with the unpleasant discovery of his debt hence the reserve. Of course, that money is probably dearly needed now.

Regards,