Exercise Pills

[Guest guest]

Rob Hettinga sent us this article:

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http://www.jewishworldreview.com/0103/purcell.html

Jewish World Review Jan. 6, 2003

Exercise Pills

Tom Purcell

http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com

All right, tubby America, it's the New Year and time for us to start getting

the flab off. But let's do it in a uniquely American way.

It is true, my friends, that we are the fattest country on this planet. Our

culture is saturated in an abundance of high-calorie foods. We work long and

hard in sedentary office jobs, then eat our stress away two or three

fast-food treats at a time. We've become so fat, to quote Rodney Dangerfield,

our bathtubs have stretch marks.

But we should be sick and tired of feeling guilty about it.

Yeah, we know our increasing tubbiness isn't healthy. According to the Center

for Disease Control, obesity-associated diseases such as diabetes nearly

doubled since 1979. Gall bladder diseases have tripled. Sleep apnea increased

five-fold. And tubbiness is a leading contributor to high blood pressure and

heart disease, one of our biggest killers.

But the fact is that our excess weight is a reflection of the success of our

political system. The experiment called America worked better than anyone

could have imagined. Thus, even in these dour economic times, we still enjoy

an affluence that is the envy of the world. And we carry our affluence around

guts, thighs and chins for all the world to see.

Sure, we know we need to lose some weight. That's why many Americans have

made weight loss their number one resolution for the New Year. But as I said,

this uniquely American problem demands a uniquely American solution.

You see, there are some among us - non-patriots with communist leanings - who

think the only way to lose weight is to deny ourselves. Frequently animal

rights advocates, these people demand that we give up juicy steak, pork,

chicken and even fish. They demand we avoid any mass-produced tasty treat,

such as chips, nachos and the entire Dolly Madison line. To wit: they want

every lost ounce to come through great fits of pain and suffering.

But the freedom lovers among us - " fr-eat-om fighters? " - are fighting back.

We said nuts to low-fat, bland-tasting diets. We said nuts to the concept of

dieting altogether. Instead, we rallied around one of the most heroic figures

to emerge in the last 100 years: Dr. Atkins.

That is right, ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Atkins led us from the wilderness.

He said we no longer had to suffer to lose weight. He said we could eat

delicious steaks, pork, chicken and fish. He said we can eat as much eggs and

cheese and other tasty treats as we could stuff into our bellies.

This courageous man was attacked from every corner. He was accused of lying

to Americans, telling them what they want to hear. But three prominent

studies in the last year have concluded that old Doc Atkins might be onto

something. Low-carbohydrate diets may actually take off more weight than

low-fat diets and may be surprisingly better for cholesterol, too.

Well, America, the best is yet to come. You see, another key component of

weight loss and good health is exercise. Sure, the Atkins' diet might help

you shed some pounds, the " deny us everything crowd " might concede, but we

still have to go out into the cold and exercise.

Oh, really?

It would appear that another heroic figure has risen out of the ashes, a

fellow whose magnitude could outdo even that of Dr. Atkins. His name is Dr. R

, dean of the Duke University School of Medicine.

Last year, researchers working under this fine doctor located the chemical

pathways that muscle cells use to build strength and endurance. With this

basic knowledge in hand, it may soon be possible to develop a pill that pumps

up muscle cells WITHOUT the need for actual exercise.

That is right, my tubby American friends. The time is not far off when we

will all be sitting in front of the television eating huge helpings of steak,

beef jerky, eggs and cheese, and yet we'll still lose weight. And while we

are stuffing our guts, our muscles will be pumping up. Our biceps will get as

round as cantaloupes, our abs as rock-hard as stone. And we will coin a new

phrase for this pastime. We will call it " working out. "

And that is what I call a uniquely American solution to our weight and

exercise problems.

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Dr Mel C Siff

Denver, USA

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Supertraining/