Guest guest Posted March 22, 2007 Report Share Posted March 22, 2007 I know this is OT but I thought Vicky might like the last one xx Sally > > Disorder in the Court - These are from a book called Disorder in the > > >American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for > > >word taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment > > >of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. > > > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? > > >WITNESS: No, I just lie there. > > >__________________________ > > >ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? > > >WITNESS: July 18th. > > >ATTORNEY: What year? > > >WITNESS: Every year. > > >_____________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? > > >WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? > > >WITNESS: Yes. > > >ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? > > >WITNESS: I forget. > > >ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? > > >_____________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? > > >WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. > > >ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? > > >WITNESS: Forty-five years. > > >_____________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? > > >WITNESS: He said, " Where am I, ? " > > >ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? > > >WITNESS: My name is . > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? > > >WITNESS: We both do. > > >ATTORNEY: Voodoo? > > >WITNESS: We do. > > >ATTORNEY: You do? > > >WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his > > >sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? > > >! WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? > > >___________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? > > >WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. > > >________________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? > > >WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? > > >WITNESS: Yes. > > >ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? > > >WITNESS: Uh.... > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? > > >WITNESS: Yes. > > >ATTORNEY: How many were boys? > > >WITNESS: None. > > >ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? > > >WITNESS: By death. > > >ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? > > >WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. > > >ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition > > >notice which I sent to your attorney? > > >! WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead > > >people? > > >WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? > > >WITNESS: Oral. > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? > > >WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. > > >ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? > > >WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an > > >autopsy on him! > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > > >WITNESS: Huh? > > >______________________________________ > > > > > >ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a > > >pulse? > > >WITNESS: No. > > >ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? > > >WITNESS: No. > > >ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing? > > >WITNESS: No. > > >ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you > > >began the autopsy? > > >WITNESS: No. > > >ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > > >WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. > > >ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? > > >WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and > > >practicing law. > > > > > > > > ------------------------------------------------------------------------ > > No virus found in this incoming message. > Checked by AVG Free Edition. > Version: 7.5.446 / Virus Database: 268.18.16/729 - Release Date: 21/03/2007 07:52 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.